Bullshit Bullpen No. 12 – Big Heavy Balls Ready to Drop Bombs #LPRTG #SMUTPUNK

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Bullshit Bulletin Number 12

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Bullshit Bullpen

This holiday time of year is crazy at my work, so I often lose touch with writing life. I hope it hasn’t been way too long since I’ve written a bullshit bullpen bulletin. We believe this is #11, no #12, but I won’t bet my life on that. If the count is wrong, fuck it. It’s not like I’m dealing drugs. I don’t have to be any more accurate than an American Politician at the microphone. Some exciting things have come into focus since the last bullpen edition. We have a fully functioning SmutStreet Luvies Street Team, which is incredibly exciting (named by the genius genevieve green whose genius is only surpassed by her gorgeous body). We also have a Smutpunk Erotica Collab out and I’m part of Miss-Taken Identities, an anthology that has a little fun with the cracks in gender identity. Miss-Taken also features Reed (James), Sally (Bend), Kella (Driehl), Lyka (Bloom),  Kylie (Gable),‎ Claudia (Acosta),‎ and Mindi (Harris).cum-on-tits

Check out the Smutpunk Erotica Collab! It features stories from a variety of authors. See more below. Speaking of anthologies, check out the new one focused on gender-bending:

Miss-Taken Identities edited by the amazing transgender authority Sally Bend is out to great acclaim.

The anthology contains a star-studded lineup and then me.

I don’t know how I finagled my brown way into this book, but there I am am big Latino dick and construction crew going awry. 

It’s pretty damn hot and I’m glad I’m in. 

See for yourself as I take a step into the wonderful world of gender-bending (without the futanari aspects I usually throw in).

There are amazing stories from Reed James, Kella Z. Driehl, etc etc etc. 

Sex Tip – Pooning

Sex Tip – Cum Snorting

Plug for Emme’s Book:

“I’m going for a skate, honey. Yes, past my ex-boyfriend’s bank. Yep, in this short short skirt with no underwear on. Get ready to clean me up when I’m back.”

Smutpunk on Skates, an #AsianErotica #Cuckold Tale

BUZZ

This paragraph is designed for one purpose: TO DRUM UP BUZZ for MJ’s Chronicles 5 and Subscription (99¢ p/month sale)! I have to kill the 69¢ per month for a subscription. It’s too cheap! Readers, take advantage of the legendary laziness of MJ and subscribe for 69¢. The subscription is my version of Patreon. Imagine getting the unique, creative labyrinth that is the SMUTPUNK UNIVERSE FOR ONLY SIXTY-NINE. 

 

 

ADVERTS BUZZ

You’ll see that the moctezumajohnson.com slider has a new advertisement. The sidebars are for sale for adverts, too. Learn more about SERVICES FOR WRITERS.

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Get a SMUTPUNK subscription, if you’re brave enough

Images are one of the things that makes the moctezumajohnson.com site different than other erotica writer’s sites. The images span from psychedelic porn to hentai aliens to hot Asian chicks with long legs. You can enjoy the smutpunk gallery (uncensored VIP Smutpunk Gallery) at any time. Believe it or not, this is the number one most clicked image on this site All-Time.

This is a close second:

3rd

4th

 

So please enjoy the stream of images on this site

 

Click the Bottle that Looks Suspiciously Like a Dick if you’re behind her banging her Doggy Style if you want to Fall in Love with a Korean Chick (or any chick).

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Get Your Very Own Korean-style K-pop Star Diet

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What’s your SMUTPUNK name?

If you don’t know GET ONE ASAP.
After you get it, please let me know what it is in the comments. Thanks!

The following is a Pinterest Pin Promotion for Triangulum Stain 1 – Attack of the Replicating Alien Dildo

What is SMUTPUNK?

Answer: This is smutpunk.

No, No, this is smutpunk.

Are you crazy? THIS is smutpunk. 

FUCK THAT. Everybody knows this is smutpunk

True smutpunk4lyf motherfuckers know this is smutpunk. 

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I need your help

I need you to press this link (while signed in to your twitter) and invite your people to join the LPRTG mailing list! The list offers freebies, news about smutpunk and other erotica, links to giveaways, contest, quizzes, and more.

Press this link to invite your followers to learn more about how to pleasure herself and her partner. Yum!

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Got something important to add to the next bulletin?

Let me know. I’m looking for some guest posts, news, and contests to share with smutpunks.

I’m always around. Email, comment, tweet, or stop me on the street (grabbing me by the balls is the best way to get my wandering attention).

‘Nuff said, said San Esperma di Desgracia

Excelsior!

Bullshit Bullpen No. 12

I’d like to start things off with a silly little rhymed poem:

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Pirate’s Booty Verse

This Treasure Hunt unearthed a Chick Tied to the Booty

Buck naked, so I entered her Cunt

Clearly I wasn’t First to Grab this Cum-Drippy Cutey

Loose From the Action Up Front

this one got Bukkaked Good

a Cum Beret like a Goo Mop Trade Would

 

Still, the Skank had A Phat Asian Ass

As I fucked her she spoke real crass

She said the Blacks say Booty

Asian PAAGs say Whooty

I say they can all choke on Nerve Gas!

 

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chun-li-on-knees

According to sophisticated Internet Searches and Reddit Forums,
having Chun-Li on her knees or doused in baby gravy
will get your site to #1 on google rankings. Is it working?

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cum on titties for Dick N. (plz give me more cum on titties!)

 

Six Smutpunk Stories in one Awesome SMUTPUNK COLLABORATION (an anthology)!

by six bestselling authors. This 38,000-word anthology features Agent Joystick by Bella Shadows, Futanari Roomate Situation by Kella Z. Driel, Driving Stick by Roxy Katt, Dino-Sore by Moctezuma Johnson, and The Return of Roo by Lucian Carter.

Get punked!

The world’s first ever anthology of smutpunk erotica collects six sexy stories from half a dozen twisted authors and slaps them into your hot little hands, absolutely free!

What is smutpunk? Think cyberpunk, add a dollop of spunk, a bit of punk, and a squirt of love potion sixty-nine—and you get the idea! It’s filthy, no-holds barred, all-out erotic wrestling contest—and you’ve got front-row seats:

Feast on the following free sexy beasts:

Agent Joystick by Bella Shadows: An old man laments his initiation as a government assassin, a protein-stealing lady-mech does her nasty deeds, and History is to thank for it all. Agent Joystick details his sextale, from baited hook to sinker.

(Not Quite) Milked by the Yeti by Callie Press: Brendalee Elkins finds that some nekkid pictures of her hawt body have been leakin’ all over the internets. She come right to get them and restore her honor but a Yeti gets in her way.

Futanari Roommate Situation by Kella Z. Driel: Alistair is your typical, diffident British chap, studying at Neo-Tokyo University. Uh-oh! He’s been assigned a futanari roommate! She’s gorgeous, throbbing and keeps undressing in front of him! How long can he keep a stiff upper lip?

The Return of Roo by Lucian Carter: You don’t really belong here. This is a dangerous place. A scary place. Predators lurk here, eager for new prey. This… is #coverthypnotism! Witness the cyber trances of HypnoDom Lucian Carter, and feed your fetish, or find a new one.

Dino-sore by Moctezuma Johnson: Miss Park is a Korean scientist trapped as a housewife until she braves flying to a small island in Latin America where she unearths something big, warm, and throbbing. Magic on the island is making everything bigger. Will she be able to handle it?

Driving Stick by Roxy Katt: In a diesel punk world, one sedate housewife inexplicably grows male genitals. What does she do? Squeeze into a shiny, black rubber uniform and become a chauffeuse of course. But sometimes those without the gear shift do the driving.

What are you waiting for? IT’S FREE SMUT! cum-on-tits Everybody loves to get free smut.

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Look for Andrew Liebling in MJ’s next piece. Will he be a North Korean spy doctor checking new female recruits to see if they’re virgins. Will he be Dr. Engle’s assistant cooking up magic FUTA potions? Stay tuned and find out how he gets in the mix.

 

Specials and Flashing

So, there are some XXXmas Specials including 35% off with a valid coupon code.

Also look out for Flash Sales. When you see the naked tits on the homepage.

They’re on. 

In other words, clothes off means sale’s on.

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This Site and it’s “benefits”

Yes, I know you adore your friends with benefits. Think of this site as one of them. Since 2017 selling smutpunk directly to readers has been the rise. More and more people are buying directly from this site via paypal. It’s a great way for the reader to pay less for smutpunk books while the authors get the majority of profit. It’s win win for both author and reader. Do take advantage. Visit the Book Shop and find titles that interest you. There is also, of course, a subscription available.

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SERVICES FOR WRITERS

Be sure to see the new services for writers. You’ll notice the lovely Shelby Kent-Stewart was able to strike while the iron wasn’t yet unwrapped and procure herself a nice ad spot on the main slider of this website.

See the side bar for more information.

 

InstaFreebie Event 2018

Get Your Book on the Smutpunk InstaFreebie Giveaway. We were getting over 1000 hits per day last time. We should be able to blow that out of the water. Sign up here.

View Form in New Window

 

Dicksucking Skillz Assesment and Evaluation Form

I highly recommend getting your score. If you score high, kudos! But if you however are not in the top twenty percentile, then I suggest you get yourself a copy of the Sex Manual and start your studies.

 

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Shelby Kent-Stewart

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Click the Sign to Follow Shelby on Twitter

I have great respect for the women who continually fight for change. Please friend Shelby Kent-Stewart on twitter if you’d like to contribute to making a difference. Tell her “I am the dragon” and she’ll know MJ sent you. Also, look at her beautiful book covers. I highly suggest you read them. They don’t get sparkling 5-star reviews for nothing.

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Click any of the book covers to learn more about this political activist and contemporary erotica writer.

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Miscellaneous images
(some have links and some don’t. Click at your own risk)

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Hello, Dali by Dave

SMUTPUNK GALLERY

A new post of SMUTPUNK ART will be on display soon. Check back soon and inquire within if you’d like to submit something. 

Choose Your Own Kink SEXcapade

What's with the feet?

What’s with the feet? Click the heels to buy the book!

This one is about you. And, HOT DAMN, are you sexy and up to your ears in pussy and problems. There’s chocolate sauce, there’s custard, there are bicycles handles in assholes, there are synapses soaked with dopamine, there is romance, a virgin touched by Allah, a hooker (well, they say she’s a hooker), and a cameraman in a Darth Vader mask telling you the intricacies of Gorilla Glue. Yep, there’s a hell of a lot of stuff, but YOU pick which option you want because this is a CHOOSE YOUR OWN KINK. That’s right! See the hot girls in pink over there? Click them to buy this amazing new pulpy erotic smutpunk.

Also, please leave a review. Even if you just write a word or “it was good!” I will be eternally grateful. Reviews rock! Reviewers rock! Rimmies rimmies!

 

Polls

Polls are always fun, aren’t they? This site has some MUST ANSWER polls and I am doing monthly polls in conjunction with Linzi’s Angels (formerly known as Linzi’s Lair). This month’s poll is the Dicksucking Skillz Assessment Quiz.

This site has its own polls, which are added to regularly. Enjoy!

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chun-li

SMUTPUNK eats pussy all night. And sometimes in the morning.

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Review (aka Blurb) of Blessing by Shelby-Kent Stewart | #SmutpunkEloquence

First things first, I’m a big fan of Shelby Kent-Stewart (see interview to see our chemistry) so this review is part review part blurb. If you don’t like it, you can bug off and finger your own mangina. Now if you’re willing to listen, I have a great bit to tell you.

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Nothing but class – read full interview

I read Blessing by Shelby recently and finally I am getting a few words down about it. This book rocked my world. It’s about Abigail Blessing, a hot little intelligent submissive who hasn’t allowed herself to be in love. In short, it’s a sexual and emotional awakening at the hands of an ebony and ivory dom duo. Where’s the chilango, Shelby? That minor beef aside, the chemistry for the trio is well developed and ready to burn as whistling kettle being ignored while lovers play in the sack. Although the characters were great, the thing about the book that really blew my smutpunk’d mind was that the whole thing is told in a trio of perspectives. Shelby is very artful in her way of using these multiple perspectives. She made me realize that some of my own stories (which indulge in texts, videos, and voyeurism as methods to tell the “other” story more intimately) would have been well served to use a similar method but I wasn’t as imaginative as Miss Stewart. By using three perspectives, Shelby is able to get deep into the love story between the three characters. The reader fully explores Abigail’s thoughts, which you may expect, but readers also get deep into the minds of Luc and Julian, the two Doms that she finds herself falling in love with. Delving into three minds makes what could be a pretty entertaining one-dimensional story quite deep and emotional. It really stokes the fire.

In addition to the perspective trick, Shelby has a wonderful way with words putting one wonderful, detailed description after another. Shelby’s writing has “the light,” that element that makes you want to get to know her more. I will call “the light” charm. In my opinion, all good artwork has the light, whether it’s a book, a coronet riff, or a dog barking to psychedelic rock, the light is what makes us perk up our ears and listen. Shelby makes you listen. And you are rewarded for listening to what she has to say.

Oh yeah, it’s erotica, to boot. I forgot to mention, the book is hot as hell. If you’re a male, you’ll find your hard-on getting in the way of the kindle screen cause Abigail is just so damn spunky! If you’re female, you’ll find your kindle freezing because it doesn’t like to get that wet.

If you haven’t given Shelby Kent-Stewart a read, get yourself a copy of Blessing right this moment and see what I’m talking about for yourself.

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Author Interview: Moctezuma Johnson does Shelby Kent-Stewart #LPRTG

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Author Interview: Moctezuma Johnson Does Shelby Kent Stewart (that was fun to write!)

Whether I was lucky enough to meet Shelby Kent-Stewart in a smoky pool hall while on tour hustling folks across the globe or in the ill-fated and now defunct I Love Erotica group (the first group I would be kicked out of, incidentally) can be neither confirmed nor denied. Either way, we have remained in contact ever since and I’ve come to admire her as a person, an activist, a thinker, a pool hustler, and a writer. Her prose is the cogent writing of an avid reader, a clear thinker, and a person in full control of herself and her craft. Like a pianist playing long legato stretches, her words cascade down the page seemingly effortlessly (although I suspect a ton of blood, sweat, coffee, and tears goes into it) as she wraps you in her delicate erotic tales and hooks you with an elite depth of character that I’ve rarely come across in the erotic genre.

For some crazy reason, I never thought to interview Shelby before. Don’t worry I’ve already kicked myself in the balls about that and now finally have a long overdue conversation on the record for all of you to enjoy. Whether writer, reader, political analyst, or WIB agent, you need to read what Shelby says. She offers wisdom, humor, and sanity in a world that drastically lacks and needs those elements.

A quick note on the formatting, my questions are in black (technically, for those perfectionists out there, it’s very dark gray and Shelby’s eloquent answers are in Pinkish/Purple.

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Conversation with the Spectacular and Sane Shelby:

First, let’s get some basics on the table. I know you for a long time (maybe longer than anyone I have met on twitter, but let’s leave how we twitter-met where it belongs deep in the dungeons of Amazon and not here). Hopefully, all of my fans know you too but let’s assume a few of those lovely folks out there are busy having copious amounts of mind-bending sex so they haven’t had a fair chance to get to know who you are. Tell us your name and and a little bit about who you are.

Hey, MJ! Thanks for the lovely introduction. You’re a brave man for daring to plumb my psyche, but then I’ve always known that. Okay, here goes…

I’m Shelby Kent-Stewart, writer, fighter, asshole-smiter, surfer, dancer, necromancer, pool hustler, bullshit rustler. I’m the broad your mama warned you about, sweet as pie one day, the devil’s own handmaiden the next. As for the rumor I’m the love-child of William S. Burroughs and Sylvia Plath, I’ll neither confirm nor deny.

So, what are you working on and what genres do you think it fits into?

My current work-in-progress is For Love of Honor, the third and final book in the Wicked Tails Series. Like the first two in the series, Surviving Sydney and Blessing, it’s erotic romance with a bit more intrigue, danger and heat.

Now, the burning question my s.punky readers are begging me to ask: what’s your stance on cam2cam with your twitter followers? Yay, Nay, or May(be).

Ooh, naughty. I’m not averse to cam2cam interaction but it would depend on the follower. As my sainted grand-mum would say, “Skypin’ ain’t for pussies.” May she rest in peace.

Where do you publish your writing and why? Where have you had the most success?

Until someone comes up with a viable alternative, I publish on Amazon because that’s where the action is. My former publisher has four of my books on B&N, but I’ve never been to the site. Success, what’s that? The jury’s still out on that, but I’m in no hurry. My other writing gigs finance the necessities. I write Erotic Romance because it keeps me sane. The day I equate that to sales is the day I pull the plug.

Not that plug, silly. The other one!

Now, the hardest and most profound question of them all, why do you write?

It’s difficult to frame an answer that doesn’t fall on cliché, but it’s all I’ve ever wanted to do. From a very young age, I was fortunate to have teachers and mentors who recognized my need to write and nurtured me every step of the way. In high school, one teacher threatened to haunt me from the grave if I didn’t pursue a career in writing. Creepy? Definitely. But as an inducement, it was genius. I write for the same reason people take a breath. Without it, I’d disappear into the void. Poof.

How would you describe your writing style?

Typical of most novelists, my style is narrative, often first-person deep POV, and almost always from two perspectives; or in the case of Blessing, three. It was risky but readers seem to like it, so what the hell do I know?

Fun fact: In lieu of an outline, I write my books as screenplays first. I find it helps with character and scene development.
Unfortunately, when I read my own writing, I cringe at some of the things that I don’t like about my writing style and even myself as a person. I’m not saying that you scream out your own name in absolute horror like I do, but surely there are a few spots you wish you could strengthen. What are they? What would you say is the weakest part of your writing?

This is an easy one. I’m horrified by the culture of violence in which we find ourselves and obsess daily over where humanity is headed. In my first six books, I tackled incest, domestic violence, capitalism, guns, bad cops, bigotry, hate AND Somali piracy a year before Captain Phillips was released. Where I fall short is not hitting harder on issues I find abhorrent for fear of offending a reader. I need to work on that. If I have to look at my other literary shortcomings, I might stop writing altogether.

Yes, I worry regularly about offending people. I share your pain and support your quest to hit harder. The world is messed up and hitting harder seems to be a necessity falling on your shoulders. This election alone is proof that people are in need of more help than I ever thought possible. I know you are active in many communities such as animal rescue, politics, social equality, and domestic abuse. You’re truly one of the good gals. This leads me to my next question regarding how you interact with writers. Are you part of any crazy writing groups? If so, how’s that going for you?

Shit, meet fan. Since you asked…I tend to shy away from groups, especially large groups where support and trust are sacrificed for numbers. The only way a writing group is beneficial is with the following provisos: 1) Rules regarding reciprocity are clearly spelled out by the organizer(s); 2) Drama is kept to a minimum; 3) Egos are left at the door; and 4) Anyone who utters the words “me me me” in a group discussion or forum is escorted to the air-lock.

Provisos. This is why all of you have to read Shelby. She’s smart and sane; how often does that come along? You need to get your work out there. People need Shelby. Do you have a publicist?

To paraphrase Groucho Marx: Any publicist who would have me as a client is one I’d never hire.

Many writers might simply get some kind of bot, load it with links to their books, and set it on BLAST muhfucka BLAST. As I gain experience in this genre, I’m realizing there are better ways to get your voice heard than to cockslap people with “Look at me! Look at me! I’m a beautiful, filthy peacock! Clean the mud off me and enjoy!” What kind of publicity do you (or those around you) do for your books? How did you start out? What advice can you offer newbies?

Nope, no bots for me. While I know it’s important to have a presence, I take the ‘less is more approach’, rarely posting more than 3 book promos per week. I’m a human first, writer second, so limiting my posts to all things book-related doesn’t work for me. Within the the first few weeks of joining Twitter, I made the conscious decision to follow people unaffiliated with the literary world. The Twitterverse is vast, filled with fascinating people, and trapping myself inside a bubble with other writers didn’t make sense. Do they buy books? Sure, but so do stay-at-home moms and dads, doctors, nurses, artists, musicians, journalists and politicians. Many of my best reviews are from non-writers who found me on Twitter.

To newbie writers, I suggest they mix it up. Tweet out a joke, a quote, their favorite song on YouTube, a photo of their dog, something representative of who they are, not what they do.

I hear you on that. Plus, there are too many damn cats on Twitter! Where my dogs at?

Shelby, I’m always curious to know what other writers like and who they read. I think a writer’s tastes in books says something about herself and the artist she likes. What’s your favorite line of somebody else’s writing?

Several come to mind, but the opening line of the late Gabriel Garcia Marquez’ One Hundred Years of Solitude blows me away. Many years later, as he faced the firing squad, Colonel Aureliano Buendia was to remember that distant afternoon when his father took him to discover ice.

Yes! I love that book and was immediately caught by that line. I love how he makes ice magical. And see? This question worked because I noticed while reading Blessing – A Wicked Tales Story that you have a knack for pulling magic out of somewhat innocuous situations. I think this, like Marquez, stems from the fact that the emotional depth of your characters is vast. I think that’s your real strong suit. I find that you have an incredible way of revealing to readers that your characters are larger than life, intelligent, good-looking, and wrapped in intense dramas yet human. You just have a wonderful way with words that shows you are sane yet spectacular. Any tips for newbies and slow-learners like myself that can help us improve?

That’s a wonderful compliment, MJ, thank you. Trust me, you need no advice from me. There’s a reason I coined the title Smutpunk Scholar just for you.

For those starting out, I advise them to write as truthfully as they can and avoid the trap of writing what they think readers want. Savvy readers will sense when something is real and when it’s forced.

My last question and then I’ll open the floor to Q&A.

With which writer would you secretly trade places?

K. Rowling, but not for the fame or money. She created a brilliant and engaging world, and in so doing encouraged kids to put down their video games and read. I like to think one of those boys or girls will be tomorrow’s Steinbeck or Morrison. What a legacy!

Now, from the mailbag.

Little Jay Scott of Carson City wants to know, do you really write in lingerie on a chair with dildo strapped to it, or is that make believe invented by the Republicans?

Well, Little Jay, I hate to disappoint you but I tried the dildo thing and it interferes with my tutu. While we’re at it, let’s give Republicans their due. Conservative Evangelicals purchase more porn and erotica than any other group. Bless their hearts.

(Hearty laughter) Very true. I have it on good intel that you are absolutely correct.

The Real Donald Trump asks, are you writing speeches for that yuge fucktard Clinton? Weird this guy has sent a picture of himself, I suppose, with his red hair all over the place wearing pink nylons with a big lipsticky kiss mark where the balls and cock should be. That’s not right. Skip that one. Weirdos.

Now would be a perfect time to tell you how much I loved Dump the Futa President. It’s been on my reading list for months and I finally read it last night. How much did I love it? Read my review, the one I hope to write before the election is over and Trump is hiding in a dacha playing patty-cake with Putin.

Typical Societ Dacha. According to sources Trump has flip flopped his position on the matter of if he has played pattycake with Putin

Typical Soviet Dacha. According to sources Trump has flip flopped his position on the matter of if he has played pattycake with Putin

 

Punk E. Shmooster of Hallandale writes, if I read your books will my breasts grow like promised on the generic erotica I bought at the bus stop?

That would depend on what you’re doing while reading my books. I have it on good authority that manual stimulation of the naughty bits can cause swelling so…

Ursula Van Savage from a yurt in the Steppes of Kazakhstan wants to know which book of yours is your favorite and why?

I vacillate on this but currently Once Upon a Faerie is my favorite. Perhaps because it reflects the chaos in the world right now, it was emotionally draining but immensely satisfying to examine it in another context. At its heart, the book is about love and courage and sacrifice, three things we’re a bit short of at the moment. A sequel is planned for 2017.

You said it! And finally, Jaime Johnson from NYC wants to know do you consider your books to be smutpunk? Why or why not?
I’m not nearly talented enough to pull that off and am quite content to leave that to the masters like you, Callie Press and Kat Crimson. When I read something you’ve written, my inclination is to fall prostate and whimper, “I’m not worthy.”

Total bullshit but very diplomatic. Smutpunk would be extremely lucky to have you in the cadre!

Shelby, thank you for having the courage to come on the MJ blog and answer my inane questions. It’s been my total pleasure to ask!

Nah, the pleasure was all mine. Inane? Hardly. In fact, they were some of the best questions I’ve ever been asked. Thank you for that!

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Note:
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Thank you for reading this Author Interview