Quick-fire SMUTPUNK interview with HL37 & Patrick Khayler (questions by Moctezuma Johnson)


Interview with HL37 and Patrick Khayler

The Quick-fire SMUTPUNK interview with HL37 & Patrick Khayler (questions by Moctezuma Johnson) is my version of American Football’s “two-minute drill”. I asked and they answered in rapid-fire succession. I find this eliminates bullshit answers. Bullshit may be America’s new official language but SMUTPUNK still speaks the goddamn truth and nothing but that shit. Well, we think. Or we don’t. You be the judge. 


First, Mr. HL37, newest smutpunk

Have you ever broken someone’s bones or killed a person? 
I didn’t ride in the ambulance with them, so I can’t confirm or deny this.

Pink or purple? 
Honestly?! I have come to see the merits of pink over the years…

When was the last time you were in a group sex situation? 
Had to look at my diary for this one, it’s been around 14 years. That’s 2 in “itch” years. See what I did there?

Do you have a six pack? Have you ever in your life? 
I do have a six pack, I’m pretty vain.

Did you read FSOG? Did you read the Bible? Did you read your health insurance policy? Did you ever read SMUTPUNK? Spell “Smutpunk”! No cheating by looking on google. 
I own all three FSOG just in case the plane starts going down and I have to die laughing, but I have never actually wasted time reading them. Like most folks, have paged through the Bible. That said I have been a Buddhist for over 25 years. I have never read a health insurance policy because it doesn’t seem appropriate when I am rushing to the emergency room. Like last year when a rat bit my finger. True story…. I recently found out many things I enjoy are Smutpunk, like Kraft Macaroni & Cheese. SMURFPUNK, you satisfied?!

And finally…Blonde, Brunette, Straight Black, or Ginger? 
Being an equal opportunity employer I try to avoid labels. That said, I do have a soft spot for Gingers where my heart used to be…

What’s your name?
HL37writes.com has all the goods. One stop smut shopping.


Second, “Everybody LOVES Patrick Khayler!

What deodorant do you use? Why?
Whatever is on sale. Antiperspirant, I’m a sweating machine.

Do you wear cologne?
Nah. I already smell nice. The smell is from my bad attitude and lack of sleep not my body.

Have you ever broken a bone? Was it your penis?
No broken bones. A shitload of stitches. Cut my head when I was two. Ran through an arcadia door. Stepped on a rust cat food can. Opened my toe on bamboo. The only time I fractured my penis, the hospital said it had to heal on its own. They don’t make casts that big. We got a construction crew to build a scaffold.

Did you read FSOG?
No. Didn’t sound interesting.

Did you read the Bible?
When I was young. No elves or dwarves. A lack of wizards and fairly inconsistent. The only sex was Adam Cleaving into Eve. They could have expanded on that part. I thought JRR Tolkein had a more believable timeline.

Did you read your health insurance policy?
Of course. I had to make sure my wife didn’t have a reason to kill me.

Did you ever read SMUTPUNK?
On the kindle. I have been afraid it will pull me to the darkside.

Rum or Beer? 
Beer. Every time I drank rum as a young idiot I got arrested (lawyers fucked me). I love all beer and brewed my own for years.

Spliff or Other?
Retired and subject to drug tests. Alcohol and pussy are my drugs of choice.

Doggy or cowgirl?
Start out slow fucking doggy until the explosions start then watch the splashing finish cowgirl. Nothing better.

Erotica or Sci-Fi
Anything that lights my fire at the time. Sci Fi fucking, between werewolves and hot elves, written in middle English prose based on historical facts with a moral message at the end before everyone dies and the hero with the odd moral code takes brutal revenge on those who wronged him then fucks the hot heroine.

When was the last time you were in a group sex situation?
I’ll defer this one for now. We can discuss it at that little cantina in Merida you own when you buy me a round and Lupita serves it by sitting on my lap sans panties.

And finally…White, Black, Latina, or Asian?
Latina (Salma Hayek) but married Caucasian. All ethnicities have beauty for those of us who appreciate the form.

If you want to know more about Patrick, check out his site http://patrickkhayler.com/