“It’s winking at you, cutely, Frank,” says Queen Kegel
Don’t fool yourself girl, it’s winking at you.
Ram it Ram it Ram it Ram it up your Poopshoot (Cornhole!)
Bullpen Bulletin #1
Squirt-a-mouse Girl is awesome. She’s quite helpful and teaching me to un-dungeon some of my books that have been chained to the bench for a while. You may know her as July Cumming during the day, but at night she squirts from Canada to Kazakhstan. When you use your mouse her liquid permeates your skin. Go ahead, click. See!? Here, have a wet tissue to clean off with. There.
Queen Kegel has released three installments of MILKED BY THE YETI. One more is on its way soon. Stay tuned. They are at literaryporn.net.
— Moctezuma Johnson (@MJKingOfErotica) December 18, 2015
Poet for hire is always a good thing, right? I suggest you buy the ever-popular hate poem. The poem is emailed anonymously to anyone you choose and features nasty, MJ-style abuse . Great for ex-husbands, bosses, cunt family members, and nemeses. Buy today, will deliver by Christmas!
Sarchashmo is the poet for hire. He’ll cockslap any fools into submission. If he cannot, he’ll employ the help of his “friend”, Queen Kegel the Sextacular.
Got something important to add?
Let me know.
Holy Sperm that’s Great Copy, isn’t it?
Aside from Kegel/Sarcashmo:
You were Jackie Lee! Little Jackie Lee, the barnacle-boy from underground Asian porn movies!”
“No no,” he said nervously. “My name is not Jack Lee, it’s Jack Li. A common mistake.”*
“Ohhhhh,” Natasha said.
“Didn’t you just say the same name twice?” Vlad asked.
“Little Jackie Lee had a two-foot cock,” Natasha said. “I was always very, very curious about him.”
“I thought you were Brut Lee?”
“Like champagne? I not champagne.”
“No, Brunch Lee. A very tasty treat,” Vlad said.
“Yes, all two feet of him,” said Natasha. Mmmnn mmnnn. Like a subway two footer.”
“No, no. It’s Brooos Leee,” Vlad said. “That’s what I heard.”
*The name must be different in the intonation
Moctezuma Johnson wants to get the word out: The Erotic Smutpunk Bulletin
Ever heard of Marvel’s Bulletin Board? [[insert image here]]
We should be doing that too. We have T. Queef and some other saps to take the piss out of a bit. There are the one wank wonders, the cunts and dicks who’ve never learnt no grammer, and the tweetathoners. Then there’s Mr. B’s crew. They are nice so I won’t fuck with them even though I wish I could tell you from cunt to black & white cocksucker where the line of “tasteful” gets drawn, in what color, and by whom, but that’s not the issue here. No, no, they don’t say tasteful, they say “classy.” I say assy but the fact that the Mr. B group has a pulse, a libido, and N angle makes me want to have a thousand arms to finger the nymphs and jerk the duke. The nymphettes are nice. They are awesome to me one-on-one and have retweeted the shit out of me. Oh, and my wife, the jynxy mynx named Emme “Cocksucking” Hor is one of them, for fucks sake. How can Moctezuma Johnson not join?
If you can’t beat ’em, join em.
Me? No. Like Groucho Marx said, “I don’t want to be part of any group that would have me for a member.” Not that they would have me as a member. But I still consider them part of the bullpen, especially Jenny, Linzi, July, and Callie. There are a bunch of other fuckers and page eroti-suckers who I want to fold into the mix like blueberries into hot muff(in) batter. There’s Reed James and the Naught Book Snitch with her GIFtopia. One day at a time, like a good AA member.
A literary porn erotic smutpunk bulletin
A place to get important upcoming news in the literary erotica universe. We don’t have a bullpen where we all sit and one table and crank out mad creativity cause we all sit all by our lonesomes in our underwear with coffee, wine, joints, or all three, and do our bidding with our bots and one-handed typing. I guess twitter is our ‘pen but that’s pure chaos. Bulls are way more organized than we are on twitter. We are out of fucking control with all the tweets (thanks tweetathoners, I’m so sick of seeing repeat lines and repeat images), all the dick picks (it’s mostly dudes from the subcontinent – guys, I’m a dude. Do you want this Latino-Italian guy looking at your dick? You do? Then read my FUTA shit!), and all the book link BUY MY BOOK links, you can have a nervous breakdown in five minutes. Luckily I mostly ignore DMs so they can send cocks ’til the cows come home. My point is that authors could use a little bulletin that boils down the news so we can see what’s going on. We need an easy to manage quick news rather than scrolling through noise. In Seoul, busy streets have neon signs in every spot imaginable advertising stuff. The neon-barrage is so strong that I feel like I’m walking in the dark. I’ve unconsciously mentally turned off every buzzing colorful light. In real life these electric color-boards tell me to shop, eat, and drink at their establishments. In my mind I see a quiet black sky and hot Asian chicks in short skirts. These stores should start sending me dick pictures, they’d be better off. We could have a bulletin.
Why was Marvel’s Bulletin so Amazing?
Cause comics rule! I loved those Marvel chats with Stan the Man. Stan’s Soapbox. Sexy. I loved wrestling and metallica too, but I outgrew the latter two things. Comics still fucking rule!
I go to comic book stores regularly because flipping through a bunch of comic books jumpstarts my mind in a way that nothing else can. The creativity within these pages is off the charts. It was Callie Press who said some erotic smutpunk bulletin magic words to me the other night by DM that really knocked my socks deep up my anal cavity. She said, “Excelsior!” out of nowhere or some of the other weird ass words Stan “The Man” Lee would throw out there. It made me look up why the fuck he did that and I found out it was because he thought his competition (the fuckers that would copy everything) wouldn’t be able to copy it because they wouldn’t know how to spell it after he said it. Lol. That just cracks me up and I’m pretty sure some of my haters can’t spell abominable snowman nor the Philippines. I take pleasure in that. And in saying, Fuck you to the haters. I’ve watched most of them drop off like flies (see T. Queef) and disappear back into the narrow-minded fetters from whence they came. You know what I say, Can’t a Husband Suck His Wife’s Cock Anymore? Western culture has become too Politically Cum-rect(al). Asia is still a much rawer place.
Thankfully I can hide my head in the cum-stained sand and write about the destruction of the universe by the Sluts of the Oblong-Dong Table and the drying up of The Streams of Sementopia and the volcanic Mt. Ejaculi going dormant. I can write about Yeti’s taking big-titted Russian whores as slaves and then getting sick of them and kicking them down the side of a mountain. I can read about a Halloween Spook being all too real and using virgin sperm and menstrual blood to erase and create universes. This is the fun of what I’ve termed Literary Porn Erotica. Kat Crimson calls it smart smut or cerebral smut, which is another kick ass term. I’m stoked to be a part of this fucked up wave of eWriters who can self-publish their stuff and tweet with their readers and have a jolly old time. Just the way these Marvel Bulletins were a cool way to feel a part of the comic crowd, we get excited about new work thanks to blogs, tweets, posts, and other sharers. I’m going to boil it down every bulletin board. That’s my pledge. Feel free to send me shit that you know has to be out there. I feel free to ignore shit that has no place.
Hey, Queen Kegel, Excelsior! Let’s start putting EROTIC PULP of Heroes and Villians! into all our eBooks (natch!)
Literary Porn Club, baby! SAN ESPERMA cockslapping fools left and right for Candy Cane Kegel and the SUPERhung superHUNK SPaCe GlaDIatorS
Bullpen Bulletin #o (The Pilot Cerebral Erotic Smutpunk Bulletin):
The Milked by the Yeti Series has begun. Book 1 by Moctezuma is out on the literaryporn.net site and Callie Press is writing Book 2 as I write this. She’s released the first installment, introducing Vivek and bring the milking fucking Yeti back for more scary, sexy fun.