The SMUTPUNK MANIFESTO (cont’d) #LPRTG @MJKingOfErotica @CalliePress #EARTG

Smutpunk-Manifesto-Moctezuma-Johnson-Smut-Punk-Erotic-Erotica

THE SMUTPUNK MANIFESTO

by Moctezuma Johnson

 

Smutpunk is the gang

And cool

Smutpunk is Punk and S

but it’s not

it’s S and Punk

Smutpunk is knuptums

That is nut spunk

That is yum tums

That is smutpunk will settle your stomach, cure your plantar fasciitis, and get you cheap dental

that is tum yums

DNA serpents coalescing into an RNA feather

Smutpunk like an Aztec god

It’s romance but fucks sentimentality up the ass

Smutpunk is ass, hole, and liver

Smutpunk

Harmonic Smutpunk up the Ass, Laughing Smutpunk, House Smutpunk

Winking at you

Smutpunk is pate and leather with picked carrots and spicy chilies

Smutpunk is served on French bread

Europeans drizzle olive oil on smutpunk

Extra virgin, of course

Smutpunk says fuck yeah

I’ll break your pelvis

Smutpunk days aren’t sorry after you jerked it so hard you flipped off the bed

Smutpunk gets speeding tickets, gambles on pool, spends nights in jail, and smokes weed for breakfast while wearing robes and smelling of cheap lube

Smutpunk has been US president but was immediately impeached and gangraped by the opposition

Smutpunk panty-bombs kangaroo courts, wears masks, and converts bullets into jewelry

Smutpunk is right now in your underwear drawer stealing all your panties

singing, “Make my Punk the S-punk, I want my spunk untouched!”

Bulletin #2 – The Smutpunk Blues | #EARTG #LPRTG #SSRTG (Bullshit Bullpen)

The Smutpunk Blues –  Bullshit Bulletin #2

by San Esperma de Desgracia

Well, we had very few sales and then a ton and then very few again this period so I guess even Smutpunks get the Blues. Oh well.

Emme’s working on Part 2 of her Confessions of a Whore Series. Yay! Also, she has the beginning and ending written for Buttplug Blues. Lot’s of folks singin’ the blues these days. Times are hard. Hard as cock. Buttplug Blues is the sequel to That Fucker, who shows up to torture our heroine again. This time she’s ready and has a few surprises of her own.

Saharah Shae has a new blurb out about [amazon text=Fun with the First Sergeant&asin=B00VGBNGJ4]. Mouse over the link to the book to visit Amazon shops from all over the globe. Isn’t that handy, gals and pals?

Callie Press (aka Queen Kegel) is up at the plate to knock some Yeti’s out of the park. There’s this bit about Cunt Punting that some people may find offensive. (See deliciously offensive artwork)

Slut Punting

The Yeti isn’t only one interested in Slut Punting

I wrote Book 3. Looks like I forgot to write the sex, well except for some tit-fucking an unconscious ex-wife in her hospital bed while hijacking her milk. Callie says that’s dubcon. I think that’s a pretty fine line.

Don’t forget to stay up to date with Milked by the Yeti at literaryporn.net

You haven’t heard of MILKED BY THE YETI? Do you live under a rock? Well, get yourself a quick one-minute taste at xvideos.com’s trailer of Natasha and Lena in Milked by the Yeti. Please give it a thumbs up if you enjoyed it. Thank you. I made it, so I could really use the encouragement.

Is anybody doing a blog tour or anything because I’m up for hosting a stop. I don’t really even know what that means, but I’d like to try being a host and finding out.

In Twitter news, authors keep blastin out tweets lauding their own books. I do it too, but man I’m getting bored of it. Also, Sarcashmo was able to cockslap fools until he was able to catch Christiano Kale, the clone of the sexy, talented Christian Bale (with or without beard).

In other Twitter news, dudes keep sending me photos of their junk. I’m pretty much as obviously male as Big John Slade, so clearly half of India is gay although they will not admit they are (consider this when marketing toward the sub-continent). I’m going with something alone the lines of “My White Co-Worker Made me a Bollywood Cuckold” or something to that effect.

I had something else to say, but it’s gone.

My new TriStain is coming alone. Those of you who have pre-ordered, please hang loose a little longer. I was flying along but with the holidays and all, I am trudging through molasses now. However, the idea sounds good to me. See the clippings by Dean Diddlewitz (aka DD) if you’d like to see what’s up with “The Stain.”

Remember to take advantage of this great service:

Poet for hire is always a good thing, right? I suggest you buy the ever-popular hate poem. The poem is emailed anonymously to anyone you choose and features nasty, MJ-style abuse. Great for ex-husbands, bosses, cunt family members, and nemeses. Buy today, guaranteed delivery by Valentine’s Day (plan ahead)!

Sarchashmo is the poet for hire. He’ll cockslap any fools into submission. If he cannot, he’ll employ the help of his “friend”, Queen Kegel the Sextacular

Got something important to add?

Let me know.

I’m always around. Email, comment, tweet, or stop me on the street (grabbing me by the balls is the best way to get my wandering attention).

‘Nuff said, says San Esperma di Desgracia

 

Moctezuma Johnson’s Erotic Smutpunk Bulletin #0 (The Pilot) | The Bullshit Bulletin

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Moctezuma Johnson wants to get the word out: The Erotic Smutpunk Bulletin

Ever heard of Marvel’s Bulletin Board? [[insert image here]]

We should be doing that too. We have T. Queef and some other saps to take the piss out of a bit. There are the one wank wonders, the cunts and dicks who’ve never learnt no grammer, and the tweetathoners. Then there’s Mr. B’s crew. They are nice so I won’t fuck with them even though I wish I could tell you from cunt to black & white cocksucker where the line of “tasteful” gets drawn, in what color, and by whom, but that’s not the issue here. No, no, they don’t say tasteful, they say “classy.” I say assy but the fact that the Mr. B group has a pulse, a libido, and N angle makes me want to have a thousand arms to finger the nymphs and jerk the duke. The nymphettes are nice. They are awesome to me one-on-one and have retweeted the shit out of me. Oh, and my wife, the jynxy mynx named Emme “Cocksucking” Hor is one of them, for fucks sake. How can Moctezuma Johnson not join?

If you can’t beat ’em, join em.

Me? No. Like Groucho Marx said, “I don’t want to be part of any group that would have me for a member.” Not that they would have me as a member. But I still consider them part of the bullpen, especially Jenny, Linzi, July, and Callie. There are a bunch of other fuckers and page eroti-suckers who I want to fold into the mix like blueberries into hot muff(in) batter. There’s Reed James and the Naught Book Snitch with her GIFtopia. One day at a time, like a good AA member.

Get Your Spider-Man Shirt

Get Your Spider-Man Shirt

A literary porn erotic smutpunk bulletin

A place to get important upcoming news in the literary erotica universe. We don’t have a bullpen where we all sit and one table and crank out mad creativity cause we all sit all by our lonesomes in our underwear with coffee, wine, joints, or all three, and do our bidding with our bots and one-handed typing. I guess twitter is our ‘pen but that’s pure chaos. Bulls are way more organized than we are on twitter. We are out of fucking control with all the tweets (thanks tweetathoners, I’m so sick of seeing repeat lines and repeat images), all the dick picks (it’s mostly dudes from the subcontinent – guys, I’m a dude. Do you want this Latino-Italian guy looking at your dick? You do? Then read my FUTA shit!), and all the book link BUY MY BOOK links, you can have a nervous breakdown in five minutes. Luckily I mostly ignore DMs so they can send cocks ’til the cows come home. My point is that authors could use a little bulletin that boils down the news so we can see what’s going on. We need an easy to manage quick news rather than scrolling through noise. In Seoul, busy streets have neon signs in every spot imaginable advertising stuff. The neon-barrage is so strong that I feel like I’m walking in the dark. I’ve unconsciously mentally turned off every buzzing colorful light. In real life these electric color-boards tell me to shop, eat, and drink at their establishments. In my mind I see a quiet black sky and hot Asian chicks in short skirts. These stores should start sending me dick pictures, they’d be better off. We could have a bulletin.

Why was Marvel’s Bulletin so Amazing?

Cause comics rule! I loved those Marvel chats with Stan the Man. Stan’s Soapbox. Sexy. I loved wrestling and metallica too, but I outgrew the latter two things. Comics still fucking rule!

I go to comic book stores regularly because flipping through a bunch of comic books jumpstarts my mind in a way that nothing else can. The creativity within these pages is off the charts. It was Callie Press who said some erotic smutpunk bulletin magic words to me the other night by DM that really knocked my socks deep up my anal cavity. She said, “Excelsior!” out of nowhere or some of the other weird ass words Stan “The Man” Lee would throw out there. It made me look up why the fuck he did that and I found out it was because he thought his competition (the fuckers that would copy everything) wouldn’t be able to copy it because they wouldn’t know how to spell it after he said it. Lol. That just cracks me up and I’m pretty sure some of my haters can’t spell abominable snowman nor the Philippines. I take pleasure in that. And in saying, Fuck you to the haters. I’ve watched most of them drop off like flies (see T. Queef) and disappear back into the narrow-minded fetters from whence they came. You know what I say, Can’t a Husband Suck His Wife’s Cock Anymore? Western culture has become too Politically Cum-rect(al). Asia is still a much rawer place.

Thankfully I can hide my head in the cum-stained sand and write about the destruction of the universe by the Sluts of the Oblong-Dong Table and the drying up of The Streams of Sementopia and the ismywifeaFUTAvolcanic Mt. Ejaculi going dormant. I can write about Yeti’s taking big-titted Russian whores as slaves and then getting sick of them and kicking them down the side of a mountain. I can read about a Halloween Spook being all too real and using virgin sperm and menstrual blood to erase and create universes. This is the fun of what I’ve termed Literary Porn Erotica. Kat Crimson calls it smart smut or cerebral smut, which is another kick ass term. I’m stoked to be a part of this fucked up wave of eWriters who can self-publish their stuff and tweet with their readers and have a jolly old time. Just the way these Marvel Bulletins were a cool way to feel a part of the comic crowd, we get excited about new work thanks to blogs, tweets, posts, and other sharers. I’m going to boil it down every bulletin board. That’s my pledge. Feel free to send me shit that you know has to be out there. I feel free to ignore shit that has no place.

Hey, Queen Kegel, Excelsior! Let’s start putting EROTIC PULP of Heroes and Villians! into all our eBooks (natch!)

Literary Porn Club, baby! SAN ESPERMA cockslapping fools left and right for Candy Cane Kegel and the SUPERhung superHUNK SPaCe GlaDIatorS

Bullpen Bulletin #o (The Pilot Cerebral Erotic Smutpunk Bulletin):

The Milked by the Yeti Series has begun. Book 1 by Moctezuma is out on the literaryporn.net site and Callie Press is writing Book 2 as I write this. She’s released the first installment, introducing Vivek and bring the milking fucking Yeti back for more scary, sexy fun.

‘Nuff said!

Erotic-Smutpunk-Bulletin_Moctezuma-Johnson

GUYS! Follow Moctezuma’s Site and Get Your Free Testicle Exam from Kitchen COWgirl!

Book Reviews: Four of them because like orgasms they should be multiple

book-review

Book Reviews: Four Reviews of Four Awesome Contemporary Romance and Erotica Writers

$.

First I had this obsession with the writing of Connie Cliff. If you check my archives you will see that I reviewed many of her books. Then it was the Wizards Daughters that Michael Dalton penned. Now it’s Callie Press. She burst on my erotica radar this year as subtle as a Stealth Bomber over Syria (thoughts to all my French brothers and sisters) with The Chamber Pot Prince and Donna the Office Slutbag and other awesome titles, but nothing was written this year with as much skill, subtlety, humor, sense, sensitivity, and just plain fun as Callie’s Halloween Tale Butterface. In my opinion, this was the Erotica Book of the Year. No disrespect to anybody else’s books (including my own) but nothing stacks up against this masturba-piece. Nothing. Butterface has elements of Lovecraft, of Watson & Crick, of Stephen King, of me (yeah, I said it – Callie’s my girl, and this is my blog, so I can say anything I want), of Shakespeare (yes, her ear for dialogue is that good), and other shit that just isn’t coming to mind cause I’m a dunce and haven’t had coffee yet. Now, as awesome as Butterface is, some other books have also been absolutely fucking awesome. I cannot list them all but here are a few that I have just recently read, from authors who truly know how to turn a phrase.

Ashlee Shades (aka Ashlee S. Hades, the devilish one) [amazon text=Blind Sensations&asin=B014I57BUY]

This was a great book.

This is the second book of Ashlee Shades that I have read and I quite enjoyed the focus on the senses. There are a few bits of tense trouble but otherwise the prose is polished and the story is captivating. Samantha endures horrible blind dates and then starts on her blindfolded-with-a-total-stranger journey that is very hot and quite interesting. The character goes on a strange date that leads her to drive to his mansion (err, castle) to be led into an empty room by a butler and willingly put on a blindfold before she meets her “date.” I would have liked Samantha, the main character, to have asked the mystery man more questions. clare-bachelor-juan-pablo-blindfold-dateEven if they were just in her head I think that could have added to the strangeness and anxiety of wearing a blindfold for the first time, but maybe that’s just me. I’m weird. I’m sick. I’m wonderful. The way Ashlee wrote it, I enjoyed the sensory deprivation a lot, and thought this was the strongest part of the book. The sex (or sense) scenes were captivating. Ashlee really wrote some awesome sexy bits.

The ending was telegraphed early on in the book, but I still found reading to its conclusion to be a ton of hot, steamy fun. Shades has a way with words. By limiting the character’s sight she really enhanced the writing, the atmosphere, and the senses. The plot took a back seat to the fun.

The book left me quite satisfied. I highly recommend it. Surely there will be a part 2 soon and I’m looking forward to it. As I edit this post to publish it I realize that part 2 is already out. I’m too slow to keep up!

 

July Cumming [amazon text=Wet and Naughty First Times Bundle&asin=B015LYXVOG]

This book starts with a couple stories that are hot first timers. Please don’t take my speed of covering the first two stories to be a sign that they are weak, they most certainly are not, it’s just that story 3 in this collection may be the best short story written in 2015.

Let’s back up to story one for a moment. There’s a sexy little vixen in the first one that sent me right over the edge. I mean, it has all the taboos of underage and overstimulated. Without getting us on an FBI’s most wanted list lets just say there may be a bit of subtle coercion in this one.

I read the second one in the haze of a post-self-coital romp (thanks, July!). The title suits this book perfectly, there are different naughty first times but the last story really ramps the theme up into a frenzy that could be titled “So Very, Nearly Illegally, Past the Point of Naughty First Times.” The first two stories are quality: hot and naughty and quite satisfying reads. They show that Ms. Cumming has earned her name. Then there story 3: fucking genius! It  is a tale about a certain boss [I like to think of the name as a group of tall, smart, brave women (Hint: also a river and rainforest)] who manipulates an erotica writer into coming into his posh office. This short story will blow the buttons off your blouse. Holy shizzayt what a story! It’s funny and hot and insane and nasty and barely legal and brilliantly features a layered, larger than life robe-wearing CEO we all know too well and love to hate and hate to love. The play on our personal relationships with this diva CEO makes it all the more real, fun, and goddamn spectacular. This story is Stephen King meets Jade Marcela. It’s Steve Jobs dominates the world of Hip Hop Cinematography with all off Snoop Dogg’s hookers and hos. Explaining the power of this plot is like taking a drop of water and explaining hydroelectric power. Sorry, I would love to play spoilers but, oops, the drink in my hand just squirted all over me. Guess I was too excited so you’re just going to have to read this erotica tour-de-force for yourself. If you like hardcore smut you’re going to find nirvana. I did.

Excuse me while I clean up.

 

Linzi Basset [amazon text=His Cherished Sub&asin=B015VE6J5E]

Many of you may be familiar with Linzi’s world of BDSM clubs and a syndicate. I was not. I started with [amazon text=His FBI Sub&asin=B00S38JEXK] and then started on His Cherished Sub. My first impression is that Linzi knows two things really well. She knows how to write and how to get readers excited. Her writing ability is top-notch and the editing of the book is superb.

Linzi's Zander is as handsome as Zander, but not a cartoon.

Linzi’s Zander is as handsome as Xander, but not a cartoon.

It doesn’t read like most of the erotica out there. The prose is very polished which makes the sex scenes all the more powerful. Also, Linzi understands really sexy characters. If her main female Kendra were in my office, legs spread on my desk, while I typed this I’d definitely be knee-deep in her buttery pussy. She was irresistible. The men are pretty hot as well. For a male reader they are the kind of guys I’d like to have a few shots with and high five during a gangbang. Linzi writes men quite well. Very sexy. Very cool.

The plot is that Kendra doesn’t really want to be involved in this club but thanks to being cash-strapped finds herself as an assistant and a pole-dancer (hot, right?). From here she immediately falls for and catches the attention of Z, one of the studs of the club. Z, short for Zander (yes, I’m thinking Xander Crews, too! Where’s Killface?) can’t believe he’s falling for any piece of ass and makes it his first mission to break this jaded little hot bitch. The thing is the more he tortures her, and he does torture her (orgasm deprivation, bondage, obedience, ball gags, etc), the more he finds himself falling for her.

I don’t want to spoil the twists and turns any more than I already have. The plot is pretty intricate with characters having more than a Club Alpha Cove Persona. They have dynamic lives, backgrounds, and jobs. This is all a testament to the fact that Linzi can really write. She has a her ear to the pavement for realistic dialogue, and an amazing sense of character. As I read before cracking open the first book, her command of the English language is not what we’ve come to expect from the average erotica writer. Linzi could be writing in any genre, including fine literature.

Read Linzi for yourself. You will be blown away.

 

Callie Press [amazon text=Butterface&asin=B0151S70BW]

See my Book Review of Butterface Here

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You’ve seen Mr. B’s girls. Now check out one of MJ’s.

^.^

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Please, read more of my book blurbs and reviews.

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I have to stop putting the word “dildo” into my Literary Porn titles

Black Comedy by Moctezuma Johnson

 The Erotic Lineup will have to wait for Literary Porn Writer Moctezuma Johnson

Triangulum Stain was briefly included in Christina Harding’s Erotic Lineup on Random House’s Romance and Random but the gods of censorship weren’t having it. I’ve become accustomed to that dis-inclusion at the hands of my raging, uncut naughtiness. I would have enjoyed the exposure, but I am meant to be a well kept secret, a counter-culture karmic cunt, and that’s the way I plan to stay. Still, I want to thank Christina Harding for her awesomeness. She’s constantly promoting erotic writers from those who dabble in red-cheeked romance to XXX hardcore literary porn and I thank her for all the love she’s given to me and other writers. If she’s not already your friend, she should be, so read Underneath the Gargoyles and Underneath the Gargoyles Part II ASAP.

Moctezuma Johnson Reviews Christina Harding's Underneath the Gargoyles

Learn how to make a litter of horny gargoyles purr

 

The Gargoyles are Back

The Gargoyles are Back

 

Movie Trailer of Chronicles of a Humiliation Backfired

Movie TrailerChronicles of a Humiliation Backfired by Moctezuma Johnson

This is the book trailer from the four part Season One featuring Jynx, Jenny, and MJ. The book features a laundry list of taboos (in order of importance): cum fetish, lesbians, tentacles, billionaires, sex slaves, submission, humiliation, cum crazed Asians with Big Tits, hot Asians, Supermodels, voyeurism, and more. Check out the trailer and then read about these bat shit crazy characters and the steady diet of shit they must endure. You’ll never be the same after!

Headphones suggested

Moctezuma’s Patent Pending Erotica Rating System

moctezuma-johnson-smutpunk

I will be reviewing erotica periodically on this site with no timetable, schedule or organization of any sort that I’m aware of except the internal glue that is that I like to read and often have thoughts on what I read and have this site and may as well share my thoughts. Please contact me if you’d like me to review your work. I have reviewed books on my blog but my first book review on this website is for Christina Harding’s Underneath the Gargoyles, which I gave two dicks up.

 

MJ’s Patent Pending Rating System:One-and-a-half-smutpunk-Dicks-Up-Erotica-Rating-System-BY_MJ-2

  • Two Dicks Up
  • One Dick Up
  • No Dick Up No Flaccid Dick, either
  • One Flaccid Dick
  • Two Flaccid Dick
  • And shriveled balls, to boot

 

This is my sophomoric erotica rating system (which may be borrowed or stolen as you please — a backlink would be nice, though). I’ll be applying this when I remember, which probably won’t be too often. Hope you like.

Book Reviews: Want a blurb?

book-review

Book Reviews: Can I offer you a blurb?

First off, book reviews are absolutely essential if you want to be an author. The problem is that they are quite hard to get. Authors go through all kinds of trouble joining groups, doing review swaps, and forming street teams, just to name a few of the ways authors try to succeed. All of these idea come with their own pitfalls.

I understand the troubles of finding someone who will write you a review so I’ve decided to help out. If you’re interested in a reading of your book by MJ, then please send me a note. I can post a review on this blog and Amazon. Check out some of my other reviews.