Nothing some antibiotics can’t cure | a night gone awry (a smutpunk memoir)


Nothing some antibiotics can’t cure

By Moctezuma Johnson


Another true story of cops, sluts, and smutpunk disguised as fiction to protect the innocent (and not simply innocent). Consider it a smutpunk memoir!


The cop pushed me into the backseat of the little squad car. It was a Korean brand, a Tico or some other thing that could barely roll over a large piece of gum on the pavement. “When I get back there, there should be fifty pesos sitting on the seat of my police car,” said the cop slowly in pretty clear English, tinged with that cute Filipino effeminate accent. He was a big dude, kind of a teddy bear. He leaned in behind me. My heart went up a tick. He uncuffed me. Then closed the door to the car. I was alone in the cop car while he and his partner sauntered over to speak to the girls of the whorehouse. I was there a moment ago, choosing which girls I wanted to play with all night. They were young and fairly pretty. Some had great little bodies, others were thick, some looked Japanese, others more European. They each had something primal and bubbling with 3rd-world sensuality. 

The static-filled walkie-talkie mounted to the dashboard chirped something in Tagalog.

What the hell was this? Was I really being busted for soliciting two prostitutes, or was this just an old-fashioned shake down? Being drunk wasn’t helping me get to the bottom of this predicament. Damn that Mongolian girl! If she would have just fucked me like I was expecting then I would be fast asleep with my cock resting between her fine golden ass cheeks snug as Genghis Khan tucked under his shield. What would make matters worse is that she would end up knocking on my door early in the morning, but that wasn’t the point right now. We will get to that later. Right now, it was late at night, or actually early in the morning, and I was in a police car trying to avoid arrest. As I thought that, my brain didn’t cooperate and started playing an old Mexican Reggaeton called La Madrugada in my head. I looked out the window. The two cops were flirting with the twins I had hired for the night. The chicks were pretty fine. Both had incredibly large breasts for any skinny pinay chick. I could make good use of either of them. As a tag team they’d be perfect. Extortion or not, it was time to pay up and enjoy the prizes.

I fished through my pockets. Lucky I was carrying enough to pay the bar fine for two whores so I put fifty pesos down on the ripped pleather cushion and waited for the cops to stop flirting.

The one in the cap, looking a bit like a Pinoy doppelganger of Ponch from Chips, winked at me and meandered to the cop car. He opened the door and peeked in. “We all set?”

“Yes, sir,” I replied.

“Treat them right. They’re just girls,” he said and slapped me on my ass.

His partner got in the car and the cop car pulled away slowly, barely getting over the crackling detritus on the asphalt.

“You ready, Gwapo?” asked the older of the twins as she wrapped her arm loyally around mine. I felt her breast push against me and I started getting hard

I flagged a taxi. “Of course!”

The taxi ride was awkward. I wanted to have them both sucking me off, but I was a bit gun shy after the run-in with the cops. I had both of my arms around them. They were now dressed in jeans and t-shirts, the club had them in thigh high black boots, tiny short skirts, and tank tops. I liked them better the slutty way. One rubbed my thigh, the other rubbed my chest.

My phone buzzed. I checked the text. It was from the Mongolian girl from the plane who was staying in the same motel.

Sorry about before. I am just not ready. I do like you. Good night. 


Two girls at once was always a pleasure I couldn’t deny, but sisters, one licking the other’s pussy while I fucked her from behind was really a treat until the smell hit me. I don’t know where it came from. I don’t know how I didn’t smell it as soon as her drawers came off. Anyway, we all smelled it and it was rancid. I’ve smelled rotten eggs that smelled better. If a spoiled Durian fucked a month old sunbathing Mackerel, the offspring would smell better.  “Is that you, sis?” The one on her back getting her slit licked covered her nose and scrunched up her face. I stopped fucking her. Her shaking tits came to a stop. “What the fuck?” I knew that smell. That’s the smell of gonorrhea. The foul smelling chick ran into the bathroom. I looked down at my cock. It looked healthy and was hard as a rock. I should have showered that smell off of me right then and there, but there was a silky slippery cunt winking at me. I plunged my dick into the older sister. Her big tits shook up and down again. I fucked with fury. She moaned and pulled me toward her. I lost my balance and fell on top of her while fucking her. I was going to pull out of her until I fell right while I was beginning to climax. Instead, I shot my load inside her, pumping each cumshot deep into her raw pussy. 

“Really?” she asked. Realizing what I had done. 

“Come on, you owe me after that smell.”

She laughed. “You’re fucking terrible,” she said. She slapped my hard cock as she got up. “I’m going to check on my sister and shower.”

I grabbed the phone from the nightstand. The Mongolian chick had sent me a message:

I can’t sleep. I don’t like this motel. It’s dingy. I don’t feel safe. Can you come sleep next to me?

My fingers fumbled to text her back:

I’m already in bed. Tomorrow.

I was about to press send but started dozing off as the sun streaked into the room. I was too damn lazy to get up and close the hotel curtains. At least I had finally jizzed. The night was a little overstimulating. I had already spent a previous night in a foreign jail in my life and wasn’t planning on repeating that, even though I would in the future (but that’s another story). I dozed off, phone slipping from my hand.



I woke to a soft rapping on my door. It sounded like the unmistakable sound of long manicured fingernails. What the fuck? I heard the shower. At least one of the twins was in the shower. Maybe the smelly one went to the store for some antibiotics or something and was back. 

I got up and rubbed my eyes. Shit, I could already feel the fucking hangover. I stood and had to balance myself with my hand on the wall. I got to the door and opened slowly. I was always cautious a jealous boyfriend could be on the other side of the door. It was no jealous boyfriend. It was the gorgeous Mongolian girl from yesterday’s plane ride into the country.

“I’m sorry to wake you, but I am leaving and wanted to say goodbye before I left,” she said through glittery red lips. They looked so moist, like her lips were made of strawberry skin.

I shook my head to clear the cobwebs. Last I saw this crazy chick, she didn’t want to spend the night but here she was at my door at the crack of dawn.

“Come in,” I said.

She sat on the edge of the bed. I sat next to her. “You look tired.”

“I’m hungover. What time do you leave?” Last night we sat in the exact same position. When I grabbed her tits she suddenly got up and left. That fiasco led to me on the street searching for something to appease me, which led to me finding the twins, bumping into the cops, getting arrested, bribing them, and fucking a twin with an STD and cumming in the other. I shook my head. Shit, the twins! They were in the bathroom. I didn’t even hear the water anymore. Oh boy!

“Do you even remember my name?” the Mongolian chick asked.

“Naran,” I answered.

She smiled like a teacher surprised by an amazingly spot-on answer from a dunce student.

Naran lifted her shirt and her magnificently pert tits plopped out like gorgeous glimmering rays of sunlight. I took one in my hand and leaned over and kissed her softly. It was one of those special kisses, where you know you’re at the foot of a powerful waterfall of something powerful and mysterious. Her strawberry lips were delicious and my tongue explored her mouth. She moaned softly as I kissed her. I flicked her nipple and felt it come out hard and anxious.

“I’m ready.” She said, “Come in me.”

I turned and pulled her jeans off. She had a tattoo of an anchor with a rope twisting around it making it look kind of like a DNA double helix. The tattoo was right smack in the middle of her ass cheeks. Her ass cheeks were so round and pale that I kind of forgot she was an Asian chick. It was like those two ass cheeks told the mixed up history of conquest and domination of the Mongolian Khans, The Russian Tzars, and the Chinese Dynasties. It had the thick blend of the Russian, the firmness of the Chinese, and the smooth glow of the Mongolian.  I almost started to respect her for a minute and then I pulled her black thong to the side and sunk my cock into her sopping wet Mongolian cunt and remembered she was just another desperate slut. If our two planes hadn’t both landed for a layover in Hong Kong on our way to Manila we would never have met, but as it was, we were here in my hotel room and my cock, still never cleaned of whatever STDs that dirty chick was harboring was now in its third cunt of the calendar morning.

I looked the young lady in her dilating eyes, covered with light brown contact lenses, unless those were her real eyes, and said, “do you wanna get fucked like a slut?”

She gave me puppy eyes and nodded yes. I grabbed her and stood up and threw her onto my dick and fucked her hard while biting into her neck which smelled of the mexican detergent of my childhood. We used to wash the laundry with a big bar soap that smelled as confident and tranquil as it did fresh and clean. I kissed her ravenously, sucking in her tongue and her esophagus as my cock hit the jackpot in her cervix. Ding ding ding, her pussy shot out gold coins. It was pure magic. Then the bathroom door opened and the twins came out dressed for the day and families or jobs or whatever they did.

The twins could barely care that I was balls deep in this mongolian chick but Naran wasn’t as cool. She punched my chest and kind of fell off of me nearly breaking my hard dick in two. “What the fuck is wrong with you? You are fucking me while you had prostitutes in the bathroom?” She shrieked for punctuation.

“Naran, I’m sorry. I forgot they were there!” I said, holding my cock, checking to see if it was broken in two.

She pulled her thong back over her gushy cunt and pulled up her jeans. She wiped her neck where I had been biting her and grabbed her purse. “I knew you were trouble last night,” she screamed at me. “Why was I so stupid to come back up here this morning. You’re sick!”

The twins stared at me, one held her hand out. Money, she mouthed when I looked in her direction.

Naran walked to the door. “I’m glad I’m leaving.” She turned to face me.

I had my head down in my wallet and realized I was short the money for the girls. I forgot to account for the money lost from the cops extorting me. I looked into Naran’s angry face and held my hands up. “Don’t go?”

Naran looked at me open to the idea that I could possibly say something to change her mind and make her like me and even let me lay her down and finish fucking her. I said, “Well, actually, err, do you have any money on you for the twins before you go?”

She shook her head, growled in disgust loudly, and walked out.


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