There are Christmas Deals and then there are XXXmASS deals!
This one is the latter. See what Smutpunk means when it bellows Ho Ho Ho amidst the sweet winter wonderland sounds of Jingle Balls and It’s Going to Be a White ChristmASS. I better run, uh oh, Here Cums Santa Claus!
Now’s the Time to Get this Incredible Flash Sale.
So tune in this Friday from 12-2 pm and get 35% off everything!
**Sorry, batteries not included.
***Hot Asian chick sold separately
Two new exciting things are going on this month:
one, there are new additions to the Smutpunk Subscription
get involved for only 69¢!
two, Attack of the North Korean Giantesses is on its way
Have you heard of the USS Enterthighs?
It’s the craft flown by the Five Hive when taking on extraterrestrial villains. This is a vague idea of what it may look like inside the instersellar vessel. There’s a hot, weightlessness sex scene in Attack of the North Korea Giantesses (read sample).
More Christmas Specials – Use ‘Jynx50’ for 50% off Chronicles of a Humiliation Backfired
Don’t forget there’s some awesome smutpunk swag available
(Get a lifetime membership and choose one of these smutpunk gifts to get 1000% for Free or buy with Christmas discount)
Excerpt – Smutpunk on Skates (Four Book Asian Erotica Bundle)
by Emme Hor
That fucker held her hips and pumped away, while the big, black butt plug gripped her tight anal walls and massaged the underbelly of his thick, white shaft until he was on the brink of cumming. He pulled his massive mushroom-headed club out of her cute quivering cunt, brought her leg toward him, kissed her juicy calf in cruel juxtaposition of abuse and love that sent her heart fluttering. He pushed her roller-skated-foot to his dick. He rubbed his cock on the wheels and moaned.
“You’re sick,” Heather said as he let her skates jerk him off. Her plump pussy lips were gaping, begging for his cock to come back.
“I know,” he said. “And you fucking love every minute of it. Look at your fat cunt lips flapping in the wind desperately, whore!”
He pulled on her cunt lips roughly and let them smack back into her pubic bone with a pop. Heather felt like she’d been smacked with a glove.
When that delicious fucker pushed his victorious dick back into her throbbing pussy, it was utter nirvana for her. Heather saw the Sun dim. She saw stars shoot. She felt like the sexiest roller-skater in the universe. There was that nasty feeling of being an utter slut mixed with the guilty pleasure of fucking an ex. A fantastic orgasm shuttered down her spine and through her lips. Her voice came back and she screamed her own name, “Heather!” as if she was reprimanding herself for being such a dirty little butt-plugged tramp. She pulled his dick deeper with her Kegel muscles and by lifting her hips.
That fucker couldn’t take anymore. It was like fucking quicksand. Her muscles held him so tight, he felt like his dick would rip off from the root. He stepped back and his cock popped out of her cunt. He stood over her and hosed down her face with his cum. She lapped up some of it, savoring the taste of his superior cum on her tongue as he collapsed onto the log on his back. Most of his cum dripped from her flushed cheeks, sexy chin, and full lips.
“You know, I thought you owned me, but look at you,” Heather said and then flipped herself up onto her skates adroitly, leaned down and kissed him victoriously on the lips. Now she was looking down at him, her long hair cascading down onto his chest, with sunrays exploding geometrically like a kaleidoscopic halo around her head. She was gorgeous and she knew it. She kissed him, the cum transferred from her cum stained lips to his. She wiggled her head and smeared his cum all over his face triumphantly.
Read the whole thing at geni.us/SmutpunkSkates
Some slang from the book:
Lah – see image
Wahlao – Video Definition
What is Smutpunk
As you can see, smutpunks are regularly asked this question. The answers keep getting better and better.
— Emme Hor (@horbooks) April 16, 2017
Moctezuma Johnson and Emme How are the King and First Lady of SMUTPUNK (find the Queen of SMUTPUNK in her own friendly, s. punk-covered dominion). We just wanted to give you a quick taste of smutpunk fun.
Jynx vs. Heather
The Devil’s Breath vs. Romantic Sluts on Roller-Skates
The Devil’s Breath
Romantic Sluts on Roller-Skates
Video Trailer: SMUTPUNK on SKATES
Buy Emme Hor’s Books right here on the MJ and Emme Smutpunk Site.
You can check out SMUTPUNK on SKATES which is always free on this site, or go over to Amazon where I Am Not a Whore, At Least Not Yet is permafree.
Besides the free books, Emme has many affordable books for you to enjoy. She’s finishing up the Smutpunk on Skates Bundle (four books) that you will be able to enjoy in one inexpensive book, rather than buying four separate titles.
Learn more about Emme Hor and, of course, buy her work.
Poem by Moctezuma Johnson for Emme
(cue Phish’s “My Friend, My Friend” in your mind’s ear)
My friend, my friend she’s got some skates
A statement from her former date
When she was easy but alone
Without her trusted chaperon
But what of pink glittered wheels
Affix the plug and seal the deal
Grasps the handle, sticks the butt plug
Up ass so tight with smut love
my friend my friend, she celebrates
my friend SMUTPUNKs and masturbates
That’s right, baby, SMUTPUNK riffs as much as Phish, Parliament/Hunkadelic, and the Duke all rolled up on one stage. Now check out my wife’s Book Series called Romance on Skates because it’s glittery awesomeness. And remember, folks, you can’t fax glitter no matter how scantily clad you are.
Love Office Chicks in Compromising Positions? Of course you do! Try more with Emme Hor’s Romance on Rollerskates Series
KUALA LUMPUR, MALAYSIA — 19 MAY 2016 — Insiders are calling this series the Butt Plug Blues (title totally leaked by Moctezuma Johnson, retired smutpunk author) and singing it’s silly, sexy, smutpunkie praises. In each episode an Alpha Male leads Heather to end up with a butt plug up her ass. Somehow she’s always in micro-mini skirts or tight yoga pants and roller-skates. Can this Asian chick be any sexier? Well, the Alpha Male known as ‘That Fucker’ seems to think she can because he’s got a bevy of other girls’ anus’ butt plugs on display in his office on THE BUTT PLUG MANTLE. This cruel alpha, Heather’s boyfriend when the story starts, is out of control. HE’s so bad that Heather’s MILF mother Lana has to step in and help.
It all leads to a massive CLIMAX featuring BUTT PLUGS, ROLLER-SKATES, SKULL CANDY and much much much much smutpunkedly much MORE.
Smutpunk’d by the Alpha FUTA – Bullshit Bulletin #6
by San Esperma de Desgracia
Is it already the Bullshit Bulletin No. 6? That can’t be fucking right, can it? Six? It feels like yesterday that I decided to start writing these. Huh!
Emme’s singin’ the Buttplug Blues agian. <Robert Plant riffing while stoned out of his mind singing Blazed & Cum-fused by MoJo> Lot’s of asses plugged, but few of them know that the butt of a woman was created below.
Times are hard. Hard as cock. SMUTPUNKED ON SKATES is the sequel to sequel to That Fucker, who gets skated by again and again and is ready with a trophy mantel of B _ T T _ L _ G S (would you like to buy a vowel from Vanha? Yes, a “U”. There are two “U”s). Heather’s mother is here to help this time. And everyone knows there’s no lovin’ like the lovin’ of yo mama! There’s also nothing better to muck everything up way worse than it was mucked up in the first place. The Buttplug Blues becomes Mama’s Blues.
Have you met the women of Fuck Force Five, the Five Hive, yet? If you haven’t please introduce yourself here.
Subscribe to the SMUTPUNK Mailer, please — Free Sex and/or Lip Balm is promised†
LOOK TO YOUR RIGHT (if you’re on a computer, no idea where if you’re on another device, somewhere) and subscribe to this site to get notifications of new blog posts. If you’re a writer I’ll be sure to promote your shit, if you’re a reader it means you’ll get free promoted shit. Who wants a FREE SMUTPUNKED ON SKATES? Let me know by email, cute little puppies)
[[INSERT CUTE ARROWY IMAGE HERE >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>]]
It’s called iPick-Up. It’s where you SUBSCRIBE to this website to get your SMUTPUNK fix. Everybody needs her smutpunk or your cunt will go dry. Them’s the breaks. It cures bad breath, alien virus, and asthma. So type in your email thingy and let me stuff your box full of s.punk.
Some Friends Doing Great Things:
Callie Press (aka Queen Kegel) has gotten some really good reviews for her SMASH HIT Erotic Pulp #1 – The SMUTPUNK Reader. See her interview with Brixton Atwood.
I want to introduce a new friend and awesome tweeter and writer. Find more about this genius brain at @MzPatchouli. She has one of the best websites I’ve seen from a writer. It’s elegant by design and thoughtful by, well, design. Just do yourself a favor and check it out.
MILKED BY THE YETI. Looks like Callie and I have forgotten to write a new piece, between Sarchasmo and FitMan and BurpeeGirl it’s hard to find time between sets of rough BJ Burpees to see what Milky Russian tits are up to. The old titties are still completely free. They won’t be free for long as Assazon wants to charge for all titties, whether Russian or Not. Milked by a Yeti or Not. I don’t set the rules. I just obediently play by them.
Anyway, don’t forget to stay up to date with Milked by the Yeti at literaryporn.net. Big hairy changes are around the Himalayan corner.
You haven’t heard of MILKED BY THE YETI? Do you live under a rock? Well, get yourself a quick one-minute taste at xvideos.com’s trailer of Natasha and Lena in Milked by the Yeti. Please give it a thumbs up if you enjoyed it. Thank you. I made it, so I could really use the encouragement.
Blog Tours & Twitter
Is anybody doing a blog tour or anything because I’m up for hosting a stop. I don’t really even know what that means, but I’d like to try being a host and finding out.
In Twitter news, authors keep blastin out tweets lauding their own books. I do it too, but man I’m getting bored of it. It kind of feels like all of twitter has become bot-territory.
In other Twitter news, dudes keep sending photos of their dicks. I don’t really get that much, but hear from the WPW Nymphettes that it’s pretty rampant. They pretty much think that because you’re a writer of erotica you’re a whore. I’m pretty much as obviously male as Big John Slade, so the ones that send to me with love from India are clearly gay (Mental Note: consider this when marketing toward the sub-continent). I’m going with something alone the lines of “My White Co-Worker Made me a Bollywood Cuckold by Whoring Out My Wife” or something to that effect.
I had something else to say, but it’s gone. I think it was a rant. I have that feeling in my gut. The rant feeling. Ah yes, this business from FaceBook:
I got into a pretty pretty pretty interesting discussion with Ashlee Shades and others on Naya’s post.
There has been lots of criticism (from me) about the fact that a lot of indie writing is fully baked. Sometimes the editing is bad, the plots aren’t well-, well, plotted, and the covers are crappy and even contain errors. I’ve been pretty lenient on the review end of things but the truth is the Zon makes anybody who can type with their thumb on a phone feel like an epicurean capable of doling out Michelin stars to the world’s greatest bistros. They’re not. The first and most essential thing they miss is basic common courtesy. Professional reviewrs have etiquette, even when they loathe something. If they don’t, they don’t last in the industry. A lot of my fellow writers are asking Zon to stop allowing people to read a whole book and then return it. Personally, I don’t care about those clergy members who get riddled with guilt after my sentient dildos made them cum and have to wash away the guilt by returning the book before another clergy member sees it, reads it, and—GASP!—enjoys it. If you want your $0.35 back, go for it you cheap guilty bastard.
The thing that absolutely bakes my noodle is how someone will read 3% of my book and then say they don’t like it. That’s like smelling a bowl of pasta and saying, “I hate Italian cooking.” That’s not a review. I don’t think that should be allowed. Reviews help/hurt sales. But let’s not get me into a rant. I know lots of us have this phenomenon. You work for weeks or months on your baby and then get a one word “awful” with one star from someone who didn’t even have the etiquette to read the thing they are trashing. WTF? How is that allowed? I’m pasting a strangely burnt version of said review. It appears this rocket scientist’s review has suffered in a raging attack of SMUTPUNK arson. No idea how that happened. Callie Press? any ideas? <whistles “Forgot About Dre” while strolling away peacefully> Basically my overall, main arc of a point is that I’m more saying STOP THE BULLSH*T, but I think it’s kind of case by case, so overall I say let these brain surgeons do what they like to do, whether it’s buy and return not read yet review, etc. All of their shenanigans lead to sales movement, publicity, and are ultimately good for the author. I’ve seen theft in my day job, I’m talking hundreds of thousands of dollars, so forgive me but $0.35 isn’t really on my radar as theft. It’s more bad etiquette. The cops callcar robbery “Grand Theft Auto” because the numbers (in most states) are higher than a grand, otherwise, the police say, “f*ck it!, go read the new one by 1- and 5-star king Moctezuma Johnson”
See what’s new at Mr. Blackthorne’s Classy Castle
Some recent posts from mrblackthorne.com:
Poet for Hire
Poet for hire is always a good thing, right? I suggest you click below and buy. You can request the ever-popular hate poem. The poem is emailed anonymously to anyone you choose and features nasty, MJ-style abuse. Great for ex-husbands, bosses, cunt family members, and nemeses. Great for holidays! Comes with or without images! Get your own personalized SMUTPUNK poem.
Sarchashmo is the poet for hire. He’ll cockslap any fools into submission. If he cannot, he’ll employ the help of his “friend”, Queen Kegel the Sextacular.
Got something important to add?
Let me know.
I’m always around. Email, comment, tweet, or stop me on the street (grabbing me by the balls is the best way to get my wandering attention).
‘Nuff said, says San Esperma di Desgracia