The Art of Anal Insertion
How do we insert something in an ass unaccustomed to such insertions. This is the question. Basically, it should be done slowly and all lubed up or it may be a bit of an unpleasant experience. Like anything, you have to enjoy it to enjoy it. One thing to keep in mind is that the one doing the taking is the one who is really in control although it may seem opposite.
If you’re inserting a butt plug for example, you have a lot of responsibility because if you go too fast or too hard you will turn off your partner and lost her trust. Try to be gentle. Whatever you think is gentle, be more gentle than that. Start with something soft, a feather or a tongue is a good way to warm up an ass.
Don’t do what this Malay police officer did in Bukit Baru, Malacca when he stuck his fingers into his wife’s anus over cell phone row.
Lube Lube Lube, baby! In fact, more lube.That’s the real key to anal insertion. Since the ass doesn’t lube itself, you need to. There are some pretty good lubes out there. There’s stuff like Astroglide to make things slippery. Never use Extra Virgin Olive Oil, trust me. Unless you want to feel as much friction as a virgin every time! There are butt desensitizers which will remove some of the pain with an analgesic numbing agent. There’s also lube that is designed to look like fake cum which can be a lot of fun for cuckold fantasy play or bukkake roleplays among other ideas. Remember to use some common sense. Don’t use a silicone lube as it will degrade silicone toys like the 17-inch butt plug. Also, remember warming up an ass takes time. Lots of time. It could take hours or even days or weeks to get an ass ready.
Why is Anal Insertion Necessary? How can it help you?
You know the saying, an apple a day keeps the doctor away. Well, that was in a different time, the time when America was great before it launched coups, Atomic weapons, and agent orange on the world. In those days, perhaps an apple could do it. But not anymore. What the fuck will an apple do? I don’t think eating ass was a first date staple like it is today. Now, the saying goes like this: some butt play a day keeps the doctor away.
Anal can help you! It can actually save your life!
Some butt play a day keeps the doctor away because the anal area is super sensitive and also can be super tight. By playing with ass you will release tension, relax, and stir up endorphins that all help in healing. It has been suggested that a little butt play can actually fend off such things as stress headaches, prostate cancer, and hemorrhoids. By using a butt plug and/or other anal play, you are massaging the prostate and strengthening the muscles around the ass. This can be handy later in life. I’m not talking about jamming a 17-inch Huge Butt Plug / Dildo up your ass twice a day, that can have some of the unwanted consequences of the extreme anal porn stars where they can no longer keep their shit inside their bodies and leak all over unless a big diaper is velcro’d to their leaky asses. However, moderate anal play will help you build all of your body, including the nether regions. It will help you have fun. It will help you relax.
Also, it will increase your ability to feel pleasure. By tapping into the extremely sensitive nerve receptors on your anus you will experience different sensations that will help you relax and keep stress to a minimum.
There’s nothing as exciting as hitting new nerve endings. I shave my head and the first time I shaved and showered it was like having a cranial orgasm. I had never had any sensation like water on a bare head before and it was marvelous. The sensations on your ass are even more sensitive! The first time I put my finger into my ass and found my prostate it was like finding god. It also gave me a raging hard on. I mean, I was so hard my dick kind of hurt. Fuck viagra, boys, just stick a finger up your ass!
But MJ, I’m scared!
If you’re scared of putting something inside you ass, start small. Use a hand held shower head to spray the asshole, then insert just the tip of your finger. Move to putting half of your finger inside and kind of leaving it there. Then insert the whole finger. After you’ve gotten comfortable with that, upgrade to a small butt plug, and so on until all 17 inches of big john slate are pumping you while you scream your own name!
Note about Header Image:
I took that years ago with some Korean chick with a nice round ass.
I was enjoying writing “slut” and “whore” and “cumpig” all over her
thighs, calves, forehead and then wanted to facefuck her
and didn’t know where to stick
the whiteboard marker (I was teaching English at the time).
Click any image to see the Art of Insertion in smutpunk erotic fiction
Wait, what’s in the bag? Is it makeup? Is it a book? Is it a butt plug? Read the Sex Manual by Moctezuma Johnson and find out. This non-fiction manual is loaded with useful advice, tons of metaphors, and a lot of over-the-top humor, the kind you’ve come to expect from Moctezuma Johnson. It is written in two sections, one for men and one for women, so it has everybody covered. Learn how to give better head, dress better, and how to convince your partner of a wide range of naughty, no, fuck that we aren’t on facecunt, downright motherfucking nasty shit like ass to mouth and facefucking in public.
Although each woman and man is different, these Sex Tips can save you valuable time and effort
The key thing with any ass from virgin to experienced is to get the ass to do the work.
What do I mean by that? Well, a dude can’t just jam his cock up a virgin asshole and expect it to go well. The ass has to take the cock. In other words, the ass is actually the leader although this may seem counter-intuitive to some of us. So the key here is to get the ass warmed up to a finger, or a butt plug, and let the ass kind of swallow the digit. The ass has to relax around it and let it come in. It’s up to the ass to lay down a welcome mat. To do so, it has to relax and feel inviting. Then an ass will be much more welcoming to a big dick or any other things you crazy kids dream up. Eating ass (last week’s sex tip), is an excellent precursor to a little butt plug action. As always the key is lube, lube, lube. When you think there’s more than enough lube on the ass, put more on. After you put more than you think you need on, you may have nearly enough.
What kind of lubes work well?
One things to never use is olive oil. You do not want all that trans fat, lol. I’m only partly kidding, the friction makes it very hot and the sex becomes nearly unbearably hot. Then all you’re trying to do is cum before your genitals set on fire. A better product is Cleanstream Relax Desensitizing Anal Lube, 17oz which is made for anal and desensitizes the area. You may also go with Shibari Personal Lubricant – Water Based 8oz Bottle. Look at all the Shibari reviews. It’s a good brand and this is good stuff although it’s not specifically made for anal sex.
What else do you need?
The other item you really want to take care to buy is a good butt plug. There are lots out there that aren’t very good, and your ass is not a place where you want to sacrifice quality. “Doctor I have no idea how that got up there!” Sure. Just admit you bought a cheap butt plug and the base broke off or was so narrow your greedy ass just sucked it up. Seriously, the key to a good plug is a wide base. You want to make sure it stays where it should. A butt plug that gets really high reviews because it is attractive and well-made (in other words safe) is PURE Njoy Metal Butt Plug Large 4 Inch Polished Steel. Another option is the Beginner Anal Plug Trainer Kit, which could be a great starting anal toy. Or, make shopping quick and easy by taking advantage of the lube and butt plug kit that makes shopping a breeze: Njoy Pure Plug Large with Sliquid Sassy Anal Lube. Finally, I’d be remiss not to include at least one Romi Jeweled Butt Plug for all the princesses out there (and who says your man can’t be your sweet anal princess, right!? So be creative and thoughtful, ladies).
Once you have the lube and the butt plug of your choice, insert it very slowly. Let the ass take the plug. Like parliament/funkadelic sing, “If it don’t fit, don’t force it.” Let the ass open up to the plug and then kind of eat it like it was slurping up pasta. Err, that’s a weird image, but I think you get the point that it has to slide (not JAM!) in. So take it easy, lube it up good, and slide it in. Then leave it there and let your ass get comfy around it.
Now that ass is sexy and warmed up for the next level.
Want more sex tips?
Next Sex Tip: Angry Sex
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Thank you, Sir. Please Cum Again
we’ve never met before
but choose a waffle house
as our rendezvous
cause coffee and hash browns
she waits standing with her ass
against a table
she works there
she’s the manager, closing
i came in the door she’s left unlocked
as soon as I see her
i throw her down
as soon as i see her
her panties are off
at her ankles
with her jean shorts
her shoulders are pinned
her legs are up
over my shoulders
both her hands are under her ass
offering her cunt to me
but i spit on it
instead spike cock up her ass
the lights are on and anyone driving by can see
the sexy glasses wearing manager
getting fucked with laminated menus
sticking to her sweaty naked back
with her tank top up and her titties shaking
nipples jiggling on top like a cherry on gelatin
she’s grunting and moaning
holding her ass up for my pleasures
I reach down and take her aface and say,
“You’re a delicious whore,”
and slap her hard across the face
her asshole clenches and coaxes out my cum
right up her asshole
her nipples bloom
a moan slips out from her gorgeous mouth
I pull my cock and before the cum leaks out
I tap her ass with a buttplug
“Hold my cum inside you,” I say.
Then I lower my face to her bald cunt
and lick her clit
Her knees close on me
her pussy is my late night waffle snack
I leave my tongue flat against it
I don’t move it
she kind of grinds her clit against my immobile tongue
while I reach up and grab her tits
I rub them then pull the nipples
then reach for the tabasco and steak sauce
I dump both on her clit and go back to licking
getting that sour steak sauce to tame her cunt
getting that spicy tabasco to enrage her cunt
she moans and her hips quake
she grabs my head and pushed me so hard
i swim in her cuntlips and my nose is against her clit
before i regain my bearings and let her rub her clit to orgasm
shaking, shrieking, waffle house orgasm
right there on the table
her body flails like a fish out of water
until her hands drop her own ass
down to the table with a thud
i crash into the booth
pants still down
she rolls over and lowers her mouth onto my cock.
with her ass cheeks spread open
head buried in the sheets
asshole stretched out and open
like a train tunnel to a foreign land
thighs thick and smooth
panties damp at ankles
she seems about right.
She wags her tongue
power my locomotive to China
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