Review of Callie Press – How to Give Good Head & Butterface | She’s so nice I reviewed her twice @CalliePress #LPRTG

book-review

I am reviewing two Callie Press books in one post. Why? Cuz I wanna. It’s my blog site and I’ll do what I want. I’ve been messing around on Goodreads like a teenager feeling up his first set of tits while hiding in the back of the bus from the Godly Army. It’s awkward and weird and there’s sticky stuff all over the back of the seat, so I’d prefer to put my words down here free from the shackles of censorship and the Godly Prude Army. 

 

How to Give Great Head

I have always been a huge fan of Callie Press. Ever since I read The Chamber Pot Prince by Callie I’ve been her secret admirer. Well, I’ve told her so there’s nothing secret about my ogling, I’m just an admirer, but secret sounds so much more tawdry, like I’m a creeper breaking into her house, stealing her underwear, and sewing them into my new shower curtain.
This Give Great Head book was easy to like. I have stats about women giving head. They aren’t good. Most womeDeepThroatAngeln who get high scores are self-rate. Men score these same women significantly lower. Who will you trust, the one with the equipment being used or the one borrowing cock and balls every once in a while and mostly playing while drunk. We have a problem, and here cums (yes, i’m chuckling) Callie with her advice. It’s great. The book mostly explores the attitude needed to really suck a dick. Attitude is everything. Women are improving their cocksucking skills already. The numbers are going up whether self-rated or scored by a think tank (yes, my name for a blow bang). So what’s not to like about this book. Also it contains an awesome foreword by another titan of literary porn erotica: me. Keep in mind, ladies, I give 1-on-1 lessons called “Teaching Girls to Face Fuck.” Inquire within. In the meantime, read [amazon text=How to Give Great Head.&asin=B014RKVPO8]
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Butterface

This just may be the Erotica Book of the Year. Okay, okay, you know I’m a bit prejudiced when it comes to Callie. I mean, she’s a big-titted sexpot with red hair so how could I possible retits, err, resist? Really, to be honest, I can’t. I have no willpower. Tits turn me into putty. However, my lack of willpower doesn’t take away from the absolute masterpiece she’s written here. It’s a halloween tale, but it’s so much more than that.

Butterface is gonna git ya

The plot is basically this, boys that haven’t gotten their peckers wet yet are going to die. In fact, they are going to get fucked to death. There’s this boogiewoman, this succubus, that wants their teen jizz. She will fuck their brains out, literally, leaving drooling, non-coherent fucknuckles in their used up, once virile bodies. One weird, very deliberate choice by Callie to add to the inbred feel of the book is to give just about all the characters virtually the same name, like Jimmy Bob and Billy Jimmy and Billy Bob.  The names plus this homoerotic fishing hole with jizz floating in the water leads you into the tale told mostly from the heresy of Old Pap. Without jizz, the primordial protein, we wouldn’t be alive and this is the theme that makes Butterface so much more than a Halloween tale. It’s a history of the universe, it’s a creation story, it’s a Cthulhu myth, and it’s a hot, nasty panty-wetting, titty-rubbing, cock-hardening literary porn erotica opus.

No more plot spoiling, that’s close enough to the verge for me to elicit a little gooey pre-cum but not one glistening drip more.

The thing that’s remarkable in this book is the voice. The narrator’s voice is as polished as a million-dollar pearl while the characters sound like something out of a Faulkner masterpiece. In the first few pages you’ll hear that Callie has an incredible ear for dialogue, particularly the speech of these inbred country folk. It’s so intense I couldn’t help think, even though I know she’s a genius, that she couldn’t keep it up (yes, I’m giggling) for the whole book. But, holy hard-on, she keeps it up and rock hard the whole fucking book. It’s unlikely. It’s improbable. And she does it. Along the way, she tells quite a tale of star-crossed lovers sacrificing for each other, a horny old man making a deal with a she-devil, and a bunch of dumb innocent virgins making horrible decisions thanks to inbreeding, religion, and too much mercury in the water.

Don’t listen to a word I have put down here, everything I’m trying to say is too lubed up and skewed by my ejaculate and the sublimity in Callie’s erotic work of art. Just read it, get it straight from the source.

Quick before butterface come an’ git ya.

Buy [amazon text=Butterface&asin=B0151S70BW] (mouse-over for different amazon stores in different countries and languages)

 

Want to have more Callie Press fun? Find out how menstrual blood can build universes

 +++Quiz about Callie+++

Find out how menstrual blood builds universes
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MJ Reviews “The Chamber-Pot Prince” by Callie Press | #BookReview #LPRTG #Erotica

Callie Press pulls down her panties

The Chamber-Pot Prince

by Callie Press

Bring your “dirty” mind

A very naughty fairy tale for grown-ups

 

Callie made my acquaintance with something like this on twitter: I see you’re bogged down with the annoyance of bothering with plot in your writing. So naturally I was in love and had to read some of her work. Boy, am I glad, girl.

Callie has written a “dirty” story set in an ancient fairy tale land that is literally dirty thanks to some anachronistic burritos, an evil step mom, and a lewd chamber pot (click the link to learn about the wonderful world of arinolas, jordans, jerrys, or piss pots as they have been called).

Libby is the name of the princess with evil step mother. Callie says, “She’s basically me, but tall and blonde. I’m short and a redhead.” Yes, the author’s a redhead everywhere, perverts. I had to ask too. Everywhere. If you’re familiar with Walmart, you may have noticed Libby is named after some canned vegetables. I’ve miss out on Walmart, sadly, so I didn’t make that connection. No matter because Libby’s got big, beautiful tits, a perfect apple ass, and loves sucking dick. Yep, she’s the heroine of this erotic tale.

In the novelette, Libby’s been reprimanded by her step mom and has to clean the chamber pot which is overflowing with the nasties that a chamber pot gets filled with over the course of the days. When Libby starts to clean the pot, the story takes on its first of many twists. The chamber pot can talk and tells Libby that he’s really a rich, handsome man under an evil enchantment at the hands of an evil witch. A passionate kiss will release him, he says. Libby decides, disgusting or not, she should take the plunge and get the prince out of the chamber pot. What ensues is a lot of fun and more surprising than your average girl meets boy, girl fucks boy, girl is happy erotica.

I won’t provide any spoilers but I will tease you with this: the more she tries to suck the Prince out of the Chamber Pot the more she finds an ever-growing, meaty part of him. Libby also finds a way to unveil her firm yet huge maidenly tits.

If you like literary porn with a real dirty twist, this story by Callie Press should be on your kindle.

[amazon text=The Chamber-Pot Prince by Callie Press&asin=B013M5FX56]

 

More about Callie:

Find her @calliepress on Twitter

 

 

 

Next on my list by Callie Press is Dominating Donna

 

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Crawling the Cobwebs with Christina Harding | Rating: Two Dicks Up

Free Sex Literary Porn

This is a review/commentary with partial spoilers (but if you’re like me you don’t read Erotica only for the plot, so who cares?)

Wow! It’s like this story was lurking on the roof the whole time but I never noticed. I mean, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve looked up at gargoyles up there on a building and not paid them much mind. Well, turns out these gargoyles are attention whores and if a hot face fucking catholic schoolgirl fucks her boyfriend in front of them, they’ll be damned if they don’t get a piece of ass for themselves. This is the basic premise of Underneath the Gargoyles, the seminal work of the deep, wet mind of Christina Harding (find her on twitter @TinaErotica where she is an avid re-tweeter and follower-back).

Great book for fans of Catholic Girls, Priests, Gargoyles, and Supernatural Sex

If you like Catholic School Girls getting stuffed with big hard marble and want to know how to make a gargoyle purr then you need to read this exquisitely naughty and creative novelette. There is a bit of masturbation, some vanilla boyfriend/girlfriend sex, some young girl/older man sex, and then the fantastic supernatural creature sex. If you like any of these themes, then you’re in for a treat. Christina writes each scene well and the short novel builds toward its grand climax. Without ruining the ending for you, it seems that to make a gargoyle purr like a little kitty you need to lick balls, stretch around its marble cock, and take its cum-hosing.

The Plot

Moctezuma Johnson Reviews Christina Harding's Underneath the Gargoyles

Learn how to make a litter of gargoyles purr

A pretty choir girl named Trisha is out to find herself some sexual trouble from the get go. She’s rubbing herself in a church pew, then taking her boyfriend outside, then being baptized by the priest (but not with holy water), and then the piece de resistance: the gargoyles, I’m not going to spoil this part for you. I thought this was the climax. The novelette gets really hot, sticky, and sweaty while crawling around in the cobwebs of your mind. It’s got a sensual foundation that is really essential to make the gargoyle scene work. While reading I could feel the warmth of a gargoyle tongue and the hardness of its mammoth marble cock. Don’t let me tell you, have a look for yourself.

 

Learn More at Amazon

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Visit Christina at her very useful blog

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Moctezuma Johnson Reviews Christina Harding's Underneath the Gargoyles

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The Wizard's Daughters are pretty delectable.

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