PROJECT HALCYON KERNEL
DISINFECTANT POOL #1Q CONSTRUCTION
CLASSIFIED CHEMICAL COMPOUNDS
DESIGNER: William Rock
TOXICITY LEVELS: Non-Deadly (UNVERIFIED)
VERIFICATION TO FOLLOW
COST: $1.2 Million
CODE NAME: Chicxulub’s breath
OBJECTIVE: Obliteration UFO landing site + perimeter
PURPOSE: Containment, Eradication
LOCATION: Top Secret (BL)
Officer Rick, Lefty, and Chloe all stare at this place. Nobody shows any fear, just a general ‘what the fuck is this’ lingers in the air. Doctor Rock is below, in a deeper level. Up here are only three military guys in uniform. One says, “Strip and get in!”
“Now?” says Officer Rick.
“Why?” says Officer Rick.
“Authorization to speak denied.” The soldier holds the policeman’s gaze a moment. Then the soldier adds, “For protection.”
“Yours. There is nothing harmful in the pool. When you are done, follow the sign for Disinfecting Pool #2. Leave your clothes in this room. Do not take them. We will be waiting there.” The three soldiers walk away.
“What the fuck?” says Lefty.
“What the fuck is right,” says Rick. “Well, I don’t think we have much of a choice, do we?”
Chloe takes her high heels off and dips a toe into the pool. “What the fuck happened to us back there? I feel like I’m dreaming.”
Lefty looks at her. “I’ve felt like I’ve been dreaming since the moment I saw you.”
“We are in some weird ass shit,” says Officer Rick.
“Yes, we are. That’s life, isn’t it? A series of weird ass shit all the time punching you in the gut.” Lefty squeezes Chloe’s waist then yanks his t-shirt off over his head. “Well, I’m going in. Join me, baby.” He slips off his jeans and boxers in one fluid motion and splashes into the bath.
Lefty sits down with a raging hard on sticking out of the water like a shark’s fin. “I guess it’s you, baby,” he says looking down at his erection. The water feels very smooth, even slick, on his skin. It smells strongly of bleach, but that smell masks something like rotten eggs. “Smells like bleach and eggs.”
Officer Rick scratches his head for a moment then says confidently, “That’s sulfur. It’s not harmful.”
Chloe peels off her blouse, revealing a massive rack held back from taking over the room by a simple-minded bra. She unclasps the bra hook and her breasts spring out: two sentinels of everything good in the world in this weird room with a smelly bath stinking of rotten eggs.
She takes her jeans off and splashes into the pool next to Lefty. Her smooth slit throbs. There is still some weird feeling inside of her, and the cum Lefty dumped on her face earlier was completely gone. Not even a slight remnant remained. Not so much as one crusty crystal.
Rick follows them in, leaving his police uniform hanging on a hook that is butterflied into the wall. Chloe looks at Rick. He, too, has a massive hard on. When he notices, Chloe sees his surprise. A confident smile comes over his face, “I haven’t been hard like since we had our second child. I was starting to think about going to the doctor.”
Lefty looks at the police officer’s hard rock. “No doctor needed, man.”
Rick puts out his hand to Lefty, “I’m Rick. Local police officer.”
“I’m Lefty. And this is Zamilda.”
“My name’s not Zamilda,” Chloe says as she steps into the pool and dips all but her head into it.
A buzzer sounds and the pool starts to drain very fast. The lights in the room go dim and the three get out and move through a well-lit hallway where there are three robes hanging. The put on the robes and then go into another room with a second pool. Men in suits emerge from behind them to grab the clothes they’d shed. The men in HAZMAT suits and gas masks hold flame-throwers and incinerate the discarded clothes. Lefty looks at Chloe out of the corner of his eye.
In the new room, there is no smell at all. It is like the three of them popped a vacuum seal to come in. They all climb into the new pool. Two hard cocks and a throbbing clit. They can no longer resist, and Lefty gives in. He puts his hand on his cock. It is hot and hard as ever in his hand. Rick glances at Lefty who gives him a look that makes Rick, thrilled with his new hard on, grab Chloe and push her over.
Rick caresses the smooth curves of Chloe’s princess-like ass. She’s the prettiest thing he’s seen in years and he feels lust coursing through him wildly. His belly is in knots, like he needs release. All the pent-up sexual frustration of not being able to get it up, of having kids and lacking time for lovemaking, and of having this gorgeous woman naked in front of him comes to a head and he pushes his hard-on into Chloe’s soft petals.
Rick’s body trembles as he can barely stand the excitement and sensation of hard cock in wet folds.
Lefty kisses Chloe deeply, just the sensation of her tongue against him almost makes him explode, but the sensation is gone as he finds her gorgeous head in his big, rough hands. An incredible feeling eclipses him as his cockhead is tickling the back of her throat for the second time in one day. He needs to know what her other holes are like. He is about to tell Rick to switch places with him and exchange this doll’s holes, but before he can, Rick pulls out of Chloe’s delicious flaps and shoots a load of jizz towards her ass. Before it lands on her, forming ropes of jizzy string, the cream stops in mid-air and becomes a kind of levitating jelly.
Doctor Rock watches all of this on the CCTV monitor from his secret room. His jaw almost hits the floor. He cannot believe his eyes, it is so absolutely incredible. His assistant, Maria Sower, also watches it in disbelief. She says, “It must be a gaseous compound, Doctor. It’s a deposition.”
Doctor Rock counters: “It’s liquid to solid. It’s like cum freezing into silicone. I don’t know what the fuck you call this.”
On the screen they watch Lefty still pumping his cock into Chloe’s mouth. Rick’s jizz has stopped in mid-air and jellied. Lefty notices the mid-air cum for the first time.
The room gets brighter, his heart starts racing, his eyes go wide, and he taps Chloe’s head. Lefty pulls his quivering cock out of her and the giant dick goes limp. She looks from his cock to his eyes and then turns around and sees the moving jelly. It metamorphoses in front of their eyes, taking shape: a lifelike dildo.
Chloe shrieks and her voice echoes out into a hallway. She jumps out of the pool and wraps her arms around herself. The dildo hovers above the pool. It doesn’t move.
Lefty and Rick get out of the pool, too, and lead her into the hallway where her scream still echoes about. Lefty keeps his eyes on the jelly, which is changing color and expanding. Then the door to the pool room closes. Lefty hears it hermetically seal off and they are locked out. This hallway leads to another elevator.
In the elevator, none of them says a word. Water drips off their bodies to the floor. The smell of rotten eggs stays with them. They just stare straight ahead. Lefty is trying to think of something, but he realizes he is trying to think. The memory of what he saw has his brain stuck in some kind of alien replay loop. Rick is visibly trembling. He clasps his hands but they still rattle. This is more than a God-fearing police officer can take in a day.
Lefty looks at Chloe, trying to understand. He has heard some strange stories about some weird women, but this is crazier. This is the craziest shit ever. Chloe’s upper lip trembles and she rubs her temple while biting her bottom lip with her two front teeth. “That’s not fucking normal! What the fuck?” She nearly yells, tears streaming down her eyes. “What the fuck was that?”
READ MORE of Attack of the Replicating Alien Dildos
Dildogeddon — What the heck is that?
Well, you’ve probably heard of the pornapocalypse, the desire of almost all medias to rid themselves of vile adult content. Even twitter is on the anti-porn train recently. Ugh. Why? What’s with puritan America trying to tell all of us what to do. I don’t like it at all. Not one little bit.
Now, dildogeddon is the attack of earth by alien forces. These aliens aren’t the regular aliens with big green heads who violate lonely humans on motherships, nope, these are sentient alien dildos that reproduce when united with Earthling cum. It’s a funny, schlocky B-movie, campy book by Moctezuma Johnson. It’s also a metaphor for how all this conservatism from American evangelicals to Islamic Fundamentalists is just totally bat-shit fucking crazy.
Read the Triangulum Stain Series for more.
This UFO Chronicler Excerpt is a clipping from the beginning of the book Triangulum Stain 2 – Alien Relish. It sets the stage for what the book is going to be. TriStain 1 had lots of print outs from an old diode computer set up in the bowels of the Secret Government Facility known as Cunter Labs. TriStain 2 has a few clippings because it has to cover billions of years. Let me include a clipping or two to make it happen. It’s the story of creation and extinction told from the sexual perspective. Enough blab, let’s get to the story…
Clipping from the UFO Chronicler (THE UFOCHRO – /yoo-FOW-krow/)
by Dean Dibblewitz (more about him later)
On the Alien Planet M69, circa 3,717,879,873 light years before (give our take a few million years)
The planet was like the surface of the moon, all craggly and nooks and crannies. They say the moon was once filled with a yogurt and Planet M69 in the Pinwheel Formation was definitely one of those types with some kind of viscous white and clear cream running through the tunnels, formations, and falls. Imagine a cum river, a cum waterfall, a cum lake. That’s what you have. There were no humans on M69, aka Alien Relish, all the life forms were in this liquid, oozing from craters, hissing down cumfalls, cascading down ravines. It was a bizarre site and one that Doc Rock and company had been studying. It was, of course, free of humans but certainly not free of life. It was life. It was life incarnate. The spring.
The cummy planet was a DNA garden. It was the source from which life spurted. Scientists and Philosophers on Earth complained that English had no good work for this concept, the idea of going from nothing to something. Creation. Spring. Spew. Spurt. Jizz. Splooge. Start. Call it what you may it was the essential element in the universe, the moment when nothing becomes something. Some think the world is death filled by life. Some think the world is life interrupted by death. Either which way, there were two states: alive and dead. The movement between them emerged from this Alien Relish. The relish was programmed to procreate. It flew through the universe, what the scientists call panspermia. The whole mantra is to procreate. It hopped rides on comets, stuck to rings of planets, kissed little particles of ice, got sucked into black holes, and in this case jumped inside the cockpit of the Martian Mindwalker, the latest capsule sent from Earth to discover if there was life on Mars. Somehow the Martian Mindwalker wandered way off course into the Pinwheel Formation and the spores of M69, the Alien Relish itself, had hijacked a ride to Earth. Nobody who knew knew.
This chemical agent from M69 hitching a ride to Earth led to a massive sentient Alien Dildo Invasion that was secretly thwarted by a secret group of women tasked with protecting life here on Earth. They are spooks. If you say their name you will disappear. If you look at them in the shadows they will vanish. If you see one on the television your memory will be erased. If you read about them in a book you will orgasm and forget they ever existed. BUT THEY ARE HERE, among us. THEY ARE THE FUCK FORCE FIVE.
And I will uncover them for you.
But what I have uncovered is terrible news. Our pleasure center is drying up. The pools of sexual desire are far from infinite. They are almost all gone.
One last thing, and perhaps the scariest. Until Replicating Dildo Day (RDD – See TriStain1 if you need more info), there was a word in our minds that we knew for the concept I mentioned above. The word was the verb that meant to become something from nothing. Something like to jizz, to spring, to become, but the exact right word. That word was removed from our minds at the same time that the cummy planet and all that lifeforce dried up.
The UFO Chronicler (aka U-Fo-Krow) was a little independent paper. They tracked Alien Life on Earth and abroad. They stumbled on quite a few facts and Dean Dibblewitz was their lead investigative journalist. He was wildly unknown but extremely famous. He monitored those who monitored others and was thus monitored himself. He was that little tingle in the back of your neck that lets you know something is out there. He was deja vu.
The Fuck Force Five was located in the Brooklyn Armory. They were underground in an office that was decorated with the old streamlined white furniture of the air terminal at JFK circa 1960.*
Dean Dibblewitz – Aka DD – Alien. Writer at UFO Chronicler. Photographic memory specialized in human history, immortal. If he doesn’t dibble himself, he forgets his entire memory. The moment he gets fucked and ejaculates the whole of human history rushes back to him. This can be very useful. This can also lead to a quick fuck necessary at the most inopportune moments. DD used a poster of Tabitha from Fuck Force Five (secret identity: Destiny Girl) hung on his ceiling to help him manage his memory. Why was Tabitha on a poster? Cause her secret identity was Destiny’s Girl from the mega-platinum super-band Destiny’s Pussydolls.
PRE-ORDER Triangulum Stain 2 for FREE – Only a few days left!
*one reader pointed out that JFK wasn’t called that until 1963, which is true. Before that we called it Idlewild but it was really called New York International Some Shit. It looked something like this: