(aka Sarchasmo, aka Moctezuma Johnson, aka King Smutpunk, aka Kid S.Punk)
Cockslappicus is a character in the Pantheon of Smutpunk Superheroes started by Callie Press and Moctezuma Johnson. This character was created by Moctezuma Johnson and is often chasing down criminals (aka criminally bad practices in the indie publishing world). He’s kind of a purveyor of justice. He supports the invisible, the outcasts, the different, those with no voice. He metes out justice on his foes by slapping the shit out of them with his massive weaponized cock. There are stories of him attacking copycatters (Sarchasmo v. Apographia) and serial users (the eEquivalent of a director telling a hot young piece of ass he wants to shag “i’m gonna make you a star, baby! right after you suck me off).
Books featuring Cockslappicus:
Futanari Harley Quinn Poem
for all the futa fans of batman
she has a two-toned gun
the slick-skinned slut criminal
she’ll use the fucking thing
she’s got the jester’s PVC cap
the bells ring
red and black
as her clit
her nipples bulge
on her big
her dick rings
as her bell
mushroom-like and juicy
its cum tube
the cat woman’s mask
and matching black lipstick
as her red hair billows in Gotham’s wind
Find more Posts about Superheroes
^8^ Share if you enjoyed ^8^
Dildogeddon — What the heck is that?
Well, you’ve probably heard of the pornapocalypse, the desire of almost all medias to rid themselves of vile adult content. Even twitter is on the anti-porn train recently. Ugh. Why? What’s with puritan America trying to tell all of us what to do. I don’t like it at all. Not one little bit.
Now, dildogeddon is the attack of earth by alien forces. These aliens aren’t the regular aliens with big green heads who violate lonely humans on motherships, nope, these are sentient alien dildos that reproduce when united with Earthling cum. It’s a funny, schlocky B-movie, campy book by Moctezuma Johnson. It’s also a metaphor for how all this conservatism from American evangelicals to Islamic Fundamentalists is just totally bat-shit fucking crazy.
Read the Triangulum Stain Series for more.
There has been a significant rise in the number of LPRTG Newsletter followers. Thank you to all the new recruits.
For those of you considering joining, consider this:
The other awesome success has been the rise in people buying directly from this site via paypal. It’s a great way for the reader to pay less for our books while the author gets the entire profit. It’s win win for both author and reader. Do take advantage. Visit the Book Shop and find titles that interest you.
Choose Your Own Kink SEXcapade
Of course, the nude new news for MJ fans is that he’s crawled out from under a rock to pen the Choose Your Own Kink SEXcapade and is about to drop a How To book that will blow your fucking minds. It’s kind of my version of Callie Press’s How To Give Good Head. As you know, women kind of suck at giving head except for a few blesséd souls.
This one is about you. And, hot damn, are you sexy and up to your ears in pussy and problems. There’s chocolate sauce, there’s custard, there are bicycles handles in assholes, there are synapses soaked with dopamine, there is romance, a virgin touched by Allah, a hooker (well, they say she’s a hooker), and a cameraman in a Darth Vader mask telling you the intricacies of Gorilla Glue. What? Yep, there’s a hell of a lot of stuff, but YOU pick which option you want because this is a CHOOSE YOUR OWN KINK. That’s right! See the hot girls in pink over there? Click them to buy this amazing new pulpy erotic smutpunk.
Also, please leave a review. Even if you just write a word or “it was good!” I will be eternally grateful. Reviews rock! Reviewers rock! Rimmies rimmies!
Do you hear that? Right in the peripheral of your brain. Yes that. Like audio ghosts. What the…? What is that? Is that what I think it is, baby? Callie? Emme? Genevieve? Mama? Is that the funk? The Flashlight? the Mothership? How’s your Funk? la da da di da da da da da da da. Shit! Goddamn! Get off your ass and jam!
How’s your Funk-Entelechy? Me? Well, I’m known as lollipop man, aka the long-haired sucker, so not to0 funkin’ bad. Why are there stars in your eyes? All the better to funk you with.
Bernie Worrell, Dr. Woo, RIP, my funk brotha!
I was lucky enough to see Dr. Woo play over thirty times at various locations from small supper clubs to big concert halls. I was also given the amazing moment of meeting the band and chatting with them for hours, which I’ll obviously never forget. This man truly changed my life. Y’all may not know, some of you do, that I moonlight as a funk brother playing drums, keyboard, guitar, and bass depending on the funk. In fact, I didn’t have eyes on writing at all when I was younger. I was music all the way. If you’d like to know the truth, ask away. Until then, i’ll leave it shrouded in mystery. Listen to one of the greatest keyboard players to ever touch the planet Earth.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_tL8shj6yx0 – Very cool jam with even the audience involved
Anything else to report these days? If so, let me know.
Ooh Ooh, nerdy girl editing by Jenn, the ex-Disney star. Try her out. She did the Choose Your Own Kink SEXcapades. She’s a genius. Any mistakes are mine, not hers. I’m the one who can’t edit worth shit. Click the link and see what she offers. Mention my name when you do.
And the last thing is there are a lot of new poems on this site by both me and my new super-crush Genevieve Greene.
A parting tweet to enjoy:
Princess Chuckhole v. Butterface | Clash of the #Cthulhu | #SSRTG #LPRTG #MRBRTG https://t.co/vKWicaAylU pic.twitter.com/R8GPTfcmfV
— Erotic Author RTG (@EroticAuthorRTG) January 16, 2016
Look at those Big Tits (big Asian tits) dipping in the water!
In the old days of porn, women positioned their heads together like this to eat jizz, but you rarely see that anymore. Even porn has trends.
At the back of Bored to Tears by My Asian Husband is a very fucked up story of a young wife and an alleyway. It’s a little smutpunk gem in an otherwise pretty straightforward little book.
Peel Another Banana, America
You love Aztec bitches
in their feathered headress
tattoed Teotitlan titties
hairless heiroglypic cunts
Today Tijuana has–
Meshica cunt shtuffed
full of obsidian cock–
Dress her up like an Aztec
in jaguar skin
to sacrifice at the altar
of thick Moctezuma cock
lay her on the stone
high atop pyramid
high on princess pussy
with King-sized cock
plunge that guatemalteca
like you were splitting her
in two, ripping her apart
to get her entrails out
splatter that tomato
chocolate- and coffee-inventing
face with dick drip
diciendo: “dame dame dame
todo el poder!”
Read the Rest of the Poem on the Full Poem Page, Sorry (I had some formatting issues and couldn’t get it all to paste here well)
Untitled Poem by Callie Press
I went to town to see a man
Who wasn’t even there
And when I left to buy an ounce
A sadness filled the air.
The twerp I bought from made a pass,
But he was just a pup.
I shoved my smutpunk up his ass
And that quite shut him up.
His older brother, he was cute
so then we messed around until their father got off work,
still dressed up as a clown.
A clown is creepy, I declared.
White grease paint
smeared my tits.
Both dad and son
made Callie cum
as twerp jerked off in fits.
No really, he was spastically
yanking at his stiffie.
In starts and stops
and ups and downs
it really was quite nifty,
But I grew bored of that odd place,
I blew that nutty scene
because that kind of stupid shit
should only be in dreams.
Life is rarely dumber
than the fucking shit I live.
I want it all to end sometimes
and this is where I change the rhymes
because that’s what I want.
I am the queen in this,
my dream, and you the debutante.
So suck it up, you little bitch
because I run this show,
and if there’s info that you need
I’ll tell you when I know.
Until then eat a bag of dicks
and buy my fucking books,
and live your life your own damn way
and something something -ooks.
I could have spent time on a rhyme
that made that line work out
But this is off the top my head
my brains’s a running spout
of useless facts and funny shit
it never must make sense,
And Iron Maiden taught me well
to rhyme the word ‘vengeance.’
So go away, fuck off, begone,
because I’m off to bed, with fuzzy head
and hair of red and aching legs of lead
from running all the LIVE LONG day
I’m tired, cold, and dead. Night.
Take me to read more incredible SMUTPUNK by Callie Press
Funny Video: Milked by the YETI
Visit the Literary Porn Smutpunk Tag to find all the installments of MILKED BY THE YETI by Moctezuma Johnson and Callie Press. It’s just so bad it’s good: wit-laced B-movie schlock dished out by two of smutpunk’s finest.