Bullpen Bulletin #1 by Sarchasmo | Aka San Esperma ||

Bullpen Bulletin #1

Squirt-a-mouse Girl is awesome. She’s quite helpful and teaching me to un-dungeon some of my books that have been chained to the bench for a while.  You may know her as July Cumming during the day, but at night she squirts from Canada to Kazakhstan. When you use your mouse her liquid permeates your skin. Go ahead, click. See!? Here, have a wet tissue to clean off with. There.

Queen Kegel has released three installments of MILKED BY THE YETI. One more is on its way soon. Stay tuned. They are at literaryporn.net.

Poet for hire is always a good thing, right? I suggest you buy the ever-popular hate poem. The poem is emailed anonymously to anyone you choose and features nasty, MJ-style abuse . Great for ex-husbands, bosses, cunt family members, and nemeses. Buy today, will deliver by Christmas!

Sarchashmo is the poet for hire. He’ll cockslap any fools into submission. If he cannot, he’ll employ the help of his “friend”, Queen Kegel the Sextacular

Got something important to add?

Let me know.

I’m always around. Email, comment, tweet, or stop me on the street (grabbing me by the balls is the best way to get my wandering attention).FreeTesticleExam-MJ-cares

Holy Sperm that’s Great Copy, isn’t it?

 

Aside from Kegel/Sarcashmo:

You were Jackie Lee! Little Jackie Lee, the barnacle-boy from underground Asian porn movies!”

“No no,” he said nervously. “My name is not Jack Lee, it’s Jack Li. A common mistake.”*

“Ohhhhh,” Natasha said.

“Didn’t you just say the same name twice?” Vlad asked.

“Little Jackie Lee had a two-foot cock,” Natasha said. “I was always very, very curious about him.”

“I thought you were Brut Lee?”

“Like champagne? I not champagne.”

“No, Brunch Lee. A very tasty treat,” Vlad said.

“Yes, all two feet of him,” said Natasha. Mmmnn mmnnn. Like a subway two footer.”

“No, no. It’s Brooos Leee,” Vlad said. “That’s what I heard.”

 

*The name must be different in the intonation

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Moctezuma Johnson’s Erotic Smutpunk Bulletin #0 (The Pilot) | The Bullshit Bulletin

Erotic_smutpunk-bulletin

Moctezuma Johnson wants to get the word out: The Erotic Smutpunk Bulletin

Ever heard of Marvel’s Bulletin Board? [[insert image here]]

We should be doing that too. We have T. Queef and some other saps to take the piss out of a bit. There are the one wank wonders, the cunts and dicks who’ve never learnt no grammer, and the tweetathoners. Then there’s Mr. B’s crew. They are nice so I won’t fuck with them even though I wish I could tell you from cunt to black & white cocksucker where the line of “tasteful” gets drawn, in what color, and by whom, but that’s not the issue here. No, no, they don’t say tasteful, they say “classy.” I say assy but the fact that the Mr. B group has a pulse, a libido, and N angle makes me want to have a thousand arms to finger the nymphs and jerk the duke. The nymphettes are nice. They are awesome to me one-on-one and have retweeted the shit out of me. Oh, and my wife, the jynxy mynx named Emme “Cocksucking” Hor is one of them, for fucks sake. How can Moctezuma Johnson not join?

If you can’t beat ’em, join em.

Me? No. Like Groucho Marx said, “I don’t want to be part of any group that would have me for a member.” Not that they would have me as a member. But I still consider them part of the bullpen, especially Jenny, Linzi, July, and Callie. There are a bunch of other fuckers and page eroti-suckers who I want to fold into the mix like blueberries into hot muff(in) batter. There’s Reed James and the Naught Book Snitch with her GIFtopia. One day at a time, like a good AA member.

Get Your Spider-Man Shirt

Get Your Spider-Man Shirt

A literary porn erotic smutpunk bulletin

A place to get important upcoming news in the literary erotica universe. We don’t have a bullpen where we all sit and one table and crank out mad creativity cause we all sit all by our lonesomes in our underwear with coffee, wine, joints, or all three, and do our bidding with our bots and one-handed typing. I guess twitter is our ‘pen but that’s pure chaos. Bulls are way more organized than we are on twitter. We are out of fucking control with all the tweets (thanks tweetathoners, I’m so sick of seeing repeat lines and repeat images), all the dick picks (it’s mostly dudes from the subcontinent – guys, I’m a dude. Do you want this Latino-Italian guy looking at your dick? You do? Then read my FUTA shit!), and all the book link BUY MY BOOK links, you can have a nervous breakdown in five minutes. Luckily I mostly ignore DMs so they can send cocks ’til the cows come home. My point is that authors could use a little bulletin that boils down the news so we can see what’s going on. We need an easy to manage quick news rather than scrolling through noise. In Seoul, busy streets have neon signs in every spot imaginable advertising stuff. The neon-barrage is so strong that I feel like I’m walking in the dark. I’ve unconsciously mentally turned off every buzzing colorful light. In real life these electric color-boards tell me to shop, eat, and drink at their establishments. In my mind I see a quiet black sky and hot Asian chicks in short skirts. These stores should start sending me dick pictures, they’d be better off. We could have a bulletin.

Why was Marvel’s Bulletin so Amazing?

Cause comics rule! I loved those Marvel chats with Stan the Man. Stan’s Soapbox. Sexy. I loved wrestling and metallica too, but I outgrew the latter two things. Comics still fucking rule!

I go to comic book stores regularly because flipping through a bunch of comic books jumpstarts my mind in a way that nothing else can. The creativity within these pages is off the charts. It was Callie Press who said some erotic smutpunk bulletin magic words to me the other night by DM that really knocked my socks deep up my anal cavity. She said, “Excelsior!” out of nowhere or some of the other weird ass words Stan “The Man” Lee would throw out there. It made me look up why the fuck he did that and I found out it was because he thought his competition (the fuckers that would copy everything) wouldn’t be able to copy it because they wouldn’t know how to spell it after he said it. Lol. That just cracks me up and I’m pretty sure some of my haters can’t spell abominable snowman nor the Philippines. I take pleasure in that. And in saying, Fuck you to the haters. I’ve watched most of them drop off like flies (see T. Queef) and disappear back into the narrow-minded fetters from whence they came. You know what I say, Can’t a Husband Suck His Wife’s Cock Anymore? Western culture has become too Politically Cum-rect(al). Asia is still a much rawer place.

Thankfully I can hide my head in the cum-stained sand and write about the destruction of the universe by the Sluts of the Oblong-Dong Table and the drying up of The Streams of Sementopia and the ismywifeaFUTAvolcanic Mt. Ejaculi going dormant. I can write about Yeti’s taking big-titted Russian whores as slaves and then getting sick of them and kicking them down the side of a mountain. I can read about a Halloween Spook being all too real and using virgin sperm and menstrual blood to erase and create universes. This is the fun of what I’ve termed Literary Porn Erotica. Kat Crimson calls it smart smut or cerebral smut, which is another kick ass term. I’m stoked to be a part of this fucked up wave of eWriters who can self-publish their stuff and tweet with their readers and have a jolly old time. Just the way these Marvel Bulletins were a cool way to feel a part of the comic crowd, we get excited about new work thanks to blogs, tweets, posts, and other sharers. I’m going to boil it down every bulletin board. That’s my pledge. Feel free to send me shit that you know has to be out there. I feel free to ignore shit that has no place.

Hey, Queen Kegel, Excelsior! Let’s start putting EROTIC PULP of Heroes and Villians! into all our eBooks (natch!)

Literary Porn Club, baby! SAN ESPERMA cockslapping fools left and right for Candy Cane Kegel and the SUPERhung superHUNK SPaCe GlaDIatorS

Bullpen Bulletin #o (The Pilot Cerebral Erotic Smutpunk Bulletin):

The Milked by the Yeti Series has begun. Book 1 by Moctezuma is out on the literaryporn.net site and Callie Press is writing Book 2 as I write this. She’s released the first installment, introducing Vivek and bring the milking fucking Yeti back for more scary, sexy fun.

‘Nuff said!

Erotic-Smutpunk-Bulletin_Moctezuma-Johnson

GUYS! Follow Moctezuma’s Site and Get Your Free Testicle Exam from Kitchen COWgirl!

Enter to Win a $150 Amazon Gift Card | #LPRTG #EARTG #ASMSG

enter-to-win-smutpunk-promotion

Enter to Win

Enter to Win a $150 Amazon Gift Card, a mug, or a shopping spree | #LPRTG #EARTG

First be sure to join the LPRTG mailing list. Second, enter the contest. Third, share with your friends.

[contestfriend contest=”5213″]

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Please Share,

Thanks^^

The hashtag nazi is gone

Literary Porn Smutpunk

Ding Dong the Witch is Dead

You can now mix, merge, and mash the twitter hashtags #EARTG and #LPRTG as much as you wish. My feeling is use #EARTG for romance and softcore erotica. Use #LPRTG for hardcore cerebral smut. When in doubt, mix.

The Best Twitter Hashtag for Literary Erotica & Smutpunk | #LPRTG

twitter hashtag

Erotica writers! Hi, if you want your tweets shared and spread through the twitterverse, please add #LPRTG or @LiteraryPornRTG to get more followers and engagement. It’s really that simple. You retweet a bunch of erotica authors because you want them to retweet you. The more writers help each other, the more everyone succeeds. The Literary Porn ReTweet group (LPRTG) is certainly one of the best twitter hashtags out there for writers, bloggers, artists, cover designers, and comics.

Use wisely!

Literary Porn ReTweet Group

 

Please Share this Tweet on Twitter!

 

 

MJ Reviews “The Chamber-Pot Prince” by Callie Press | #BookReview #LPRTG #Erotica

Callie Press pulls down her panties

The Chamber-Pot Prince

by Callie Press

Bring your “dirty” mind

A very naughty fairy tale for grown-ups

 

Callie made my acquaintance with something like this on twitter: I see you’re bogged down with the annoyance of bothering with plot in your writing. So naturally I was in love and had to read some of her work. Boy, am I glad, girl.

Callie has written a “dirty” story set in an ancient fairy tale land that is literally dirty thanks to some anachronistic burritos, an evil step mom, and a lewd chamber pot (click the link to learn about the wonderful world of arinolas, jordans, jerrys, or piss pots as they have been called).

Libby is the name of the princess with evil step mother. Callie says, “She’s basically me, but tall and blonde. I’m short and a redhead.” Yes, the author’s a redhead everywhere, perverts. I had to ask too. Everywhere. If you’re familiar with Walmart, you may have noticed Libby is named after some canned vegetables. I’ve miss out on Walmart, sadly, so I didn’t make that connection. No matter because Libby’s got big, beautiful tits, a perfect apple ass, and loves sucking dick. Yep, she’s the heroine of this erotic tale.

In the novelette, Libby’s been reprimanded by her step mom and has to clean the chamber pot which is overflowing with the nasties that a chamber pot gets filled with over the course of the days. When Libby starts to clean the pot, the story takes on its first of many twists. The chamber pot can talk and tells Libby that he’s really a rich, handsome man under an evil enchantment at the hands of an evil witch. A passionate kiss will release him, he says. Libby decides, disgusting or not, she should take the plunge and get the prince out of the chamber pot. What ensues is a lot of fun and more surprising than your average girl meets boy, girl fucks boy, girl is happy erotica.

I won’t provide any spoilers but I will tease you with this: the more she tries to suck the Prince out of the Chamber Pot the more she finds an ever-growing, meaty part of him. Libby also finds a way to unveil her firm yet huge maidenly tits.

If you like literary porn with a real dirty twist, this story by Callie Press should be on your kindle.

[amazon text=The Chamber-Pot Prince by Callie Press&asin=B013M5FX56]

 

More about Callie:

Find her @calliepress on Twitter

 

 

 

Next on my list by Callie Press is Dominating Donna

 

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Smutpunk Erotica Giveaway | #LPRTG #SmutpunkGiveaway #Erotica

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Messing around with a Smutpunk Erotica Giveaway

I wanted to make one contest like this where you have to jack or jill off to enter. Now how can I make sure that you do so? How do I verify? Well, there’s no way to be absolutely sure and we are all adults here so I think we can go with the honor system. However, I would like to feel like you’re not cheating in this contest, so I think you should join the mailing list (a contest requirement) and read some hot smutpunk spunklit and that will surely lead you to jack/jill off and everyone wins.

[contestfriend contest=”5213″]

Trying to Help Other Writers Out There

Free-Erotica