Sex Tip No. 44 – How to properly hold her head for a kneeling facial

kneeling-korean-wife-slut-chick-smutpunk-whoreHow to properly hold her head when dispensing a facial

The correct position is with your non-jerking hand on head right above her temple. Use your fingers to apply pressure to the crown of her head. Imagine she’s a queen wearing a tiara. Apply your pressure wear the imaginary tiara is touching her head. Use your thumb to push on her temple. Don’t use too much pressure, but enough to let her know you’re in command. Use your non-jerking hand as to allow your more important cock-jerking hand the comfort and convenience of eliciting the cumshot. Without a copious, spewing cumshot, what is the point of partaking in facializing the chick anyway? Also, this position cocks the elbow in such a way as to leave your view of the receiver of cumshot unobstructed. Now you can clearly view the sight of her face so you can enjoy the face painting you will give her with your cum.

In today’s dating world, the average consumer is very well educated about types of people. It is quite likely that if a man engages in giving a cumshot in a sloppy and unstudied manner he will not win a second date with the receiver of cumshot. Therefore it is prudent and highly suggested you study this art and act properly when conducting facials.

Other Sex Tips to Keep You on Top of Your Game

Book: The Sex Manual (How Can you Score without a Game Plan?)

Perfect Outfit for The Receiver of Facial:

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Scarlett’s Sex Tips

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Post by Scarlett Knight

When you find yourself getting into a rut with mediocre sex, don’t feel bad. All is not lost. You see, good sex is in the mind as much as it is in the body. When asked about the best sex they’ve ever had, a lot of people automatically recall who it was, what position they were in, what toy they used, etc. And all that does play a part, but those traits are all physical. When you really start to think about it, however, that kind of memorable, mind-blowing sex often has a psychological side to it.

When I look back on the most sizzling erotic times of my life, almost always, the foreplay begins long before reaching the bedroom. It started as a furtive kiss in an elevator as the box went up two floors, the kiss deepening to a frantic level just before the ding signaled the opening of the doors and we broke apart. It started as a moment we took, dashing away from peering eyes at a party to have a quick lifting of the shirt and a “we shouldn’t be doing this but oh, it feels so good” suckle on a nipple underneath the low branches of a tree as the sun was going down. It started as parking at an empty church lot to unzip out pants and have a taste of things to come, all while carefully watching for any cars or pedestrians that might catch us.

The reason why starting your foreplay outside of the bedroom works is because it’s human nature: any time you do things you’re “not supposed to be doing” it adds an extra element of excitement to the mix. I don’t care how long you’ve known one another. Doing this will spice up any relationship and make the sex so much hotter when you get back home. Once you are back in the confines of a more private spot, be it home, hotel, or otherwise, the desire will be ratcheted up so high, you’ll barely be able to contain yourselves. And trust me: that climax will be good.

But let’s say you’re stuck at home for whatever reason and you still want to add a little excitement to the routine. My advice for that common scenario is to be a total tease.

I don’t mean to be a tease in the sense that you taunt your lover yet don’t deliver the goods. But instead of going through the rote motions of undressing, getting into bed, and assuming the position, make your lover wonder. And wait for it.

It’s our inclination to go straight for the erogenous zones, zoom in on the spots we want to stimulate, and work them to death. But if you tantalize the areas around them, it adds a level of mystery to the act and heightens your partner’s pleasure through the roof. Next time you lean in to suckle on a nipple, instead plant light kisses around it. On the flesh above it. Below it. Beside it. Lick the area. Stimulate anything except for the actual nipple itself, and make your lover beg for the contact. Adding the simple yet effective element “when?” can prevent having to break out the lube because if you do it long enough, your partner will get wet.

Finally, I feel like I have to put in a plug (no pun intended) for the hard-working erotica writers out there like the illustrious Smutpunk King himself, Moctezuma Johnson. Erotica writers’ sole goal is to turn readers on, so when you need an extra kick in the pants to get your sex life revved up, find a naughty story to your liking (trust me—no matter what your tastes, there is an author out there who has a story for you). Read it. Let it infiltrate your mind and supercharge your libido. And then go to town. And the best thing about it? No partner is required! Some of the best sex that I’ve ever had includes the solo sessions inspired by good quality erotica stories.

So in short, start your sexual escapades before the bedroom, tease once you get there, and invest in some quality smut. These three tips will breathe life back into your sex life. Don’t trust me? See for yourself!

 

XoXo

Scarlett

 

To learn more about Scarlett, please visit her official website:

www.scarlettknight.org

 

The Innie Pussy vs. the Outie Pussy: Lady Ristretto Investigates

Sex Tip #672: Embrace the Golden Blowjob, by Lady Ristretto

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Sex Tip #672:

“Need me to drown out the sour taste of my cum?”

We all know that there isn’t a universal standard taste of cum. A man’s diet has a huge impact. Some of it can be really fucking rancid and can cause an upset stomach. So here’s a revolutionary idea to aid in the digestion of cum or create a new way for a man to orgasm: urine.

Think of it as no different than when a woman cums so hard she gushes and sprays all over a man’s face. That is actually urine. Let men have the same experience.

Piss in a mouth instead of cumming and role play the experience, or do it immediately after cumming in order to drown the sour cum that the stomach is having trouble digesting.

I know, I know, but it’s piss and it stinks and it smells like a dirty alley where you get your asshole torn open by a huge red, enraged cock against a dumpster where a bum is sleeping and he wakes up to watch and moos like a cow as he jerks it and jams a discarded t-bone in his asshole.

Forget the smell for a moment. It’s the taste that matters: warm, soothing salt water that cleanses the palette and kills bacteria that causes a sore throat and gingivitis.

Let men piss in your mouth instead of or in addition to cumming for the very simple reason that it tastes better than cum.

You’re welcome.

Ready for a Piss Shot

Remember, the original Triangulum Stain is now on Audible:

 

Great massage oil for nookie:

 

Full List of Moctezuma’s Sex Tips:

Links to Each Week’s
Sexual Advice:

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a complete baker’s dozen
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 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20
21 | 22 | …| 672

 

Sex Tip No. 21 – Foot Jobs

Foot Jobs, this weeks sex tip. Since we’ve all got feet, let’s objectify some! 

Sometimes you’ll just want to eat your lover up. There are moments I get overwhelmed by desire. At these moments I can get the urge to show her feet all the love they can take. I have big, strong hands and can use them to stroke, knead, and love the feet attached to the woman I’m with. Now that’s a lot of fun but that’s just the tip of the foot-berg. The feet and their unique curves can be used to jerk off a cock. I mean, fuck, we had bagpiping as a sex tip. If we can use the underarm to achieve orgasm, we most certainly can use a couple of feet. Just place the cock in between and slide it up and down.

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There are a few key positions to give a foot job, the jerking of a cock with the feet. She can be on her back with her knees bent like a frog and then push both her feet against the shaft of the cock and start rubbing forward and backward (this can be a good abs workout, too). Another great position is her on her back and the guy staring at her ass as she gets the hole made by two arches against each other fucked. If either of you have a thing for high heels, include them in the fun. There’s nothing like Aztec red heels for pleasuring a cock and they also make a great cum-catching vessel. My personal favorite foot pleasure position is me standing with her jumping up on my back from behind and wrapping her legs around me so that her feet are around my cock (see image).

Story of massage

I attended a writer’s conference in Mexico many years ago and one of the professors got a massage while we were all lounging an drinking beer and smoking. He was an older Canadian gentleman. He had given a reading that was really good that night. There was young upcoming writer with freckles and short blonde hair. I remember it vividly because he was on a chaise lounge moaning and the young coed was going to work on his feet. There was something highly sexual in the air even though nobody spoke about it. It was as if one move and she’d be bent over getting his cock hard from behind, but there was nothing inappropriate—it was just a massage. One can only wonder if the professor later put his cock between her two arches while she lay on her belly and twerked her ass.

The Feet Hold a Lot of Stress

The feet and the top of the head are the edges of our bodies. A lot of chi, if you will, is released from the edges. To put your cock right on the soles of the feet is a wonderful feeling as the cock absorbs all that excess matter that would have otherwise have disappated into the ether. Now you’ve swirled your chi and her chi together. It’s fucking foot fugue now instead of a foot forfeiture.

I tend to think of stress as a bad thing, like it’s going to give me cancer or make me accidentally walk in front of a train. However, stress is a good thing. When managed right, stress can be a motivator, instigator, and lead to incredible releases. The body pre-orgasm is totally stressed out. Ever study someone’s facial features during a romp? That aint the face of someone chilling. Feet meanwhile take a beating all day and hold the stress. That’s why a foot massage feels so good. So using the cock to massage the feet accomplishes a dual release. I’m not saying that having my feet rubbed makes me orgasm, but I am saying that at times I’d prefer a good massage to a hand job. So the feet get relaxed and release the stress, the cock gets stimulated and releases the stress, and then you have a two chill people just hanging out.

It sounds win-win to me.

The difference between a foot job and a foot massage. 

There may be some confusion about this. A foot massage is hands on feet.

foot-MASSAGE-pamper-feet-cary-ncA foot job is cock on feet.

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Now you can be sure and speak authoritatively at cocktail parties.

 

Great massage oil for nookie:

 

Full List of Moctezuma’s Sex Tips:

Links to Each Week’s
Sexual Advice:

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7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12
a complete baker’s dozen
14 |
 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20

 

 

Sex Tip #19 – What to do on Valentine’s Day and other Holidays | by @MJKingOfErotica #LPRTG #SmutStreet #Erotica

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Some people love Valentine’s Day but for others it is an enormous pain in the ass. In other cultures, the rules are a bit different than in the West. In Korea, where I lived for a decade, there’s White Day as well as Valentine’s Day. White Day is for giving gifts to the woman, Valentine’s Day is for the man. This doubles the marketing for the candy companies and greatly increases their revenue. It also makes things very cut and dry as far as what are the day’s expectations. On Valentine’s Day I wasn’t expected to do shit (just the way I like it). In the US, the day’s giving is more mutual and can put a lot of pressure on a guy worried about the mortgage, work, kids, and how to sneak another drink in before bed.  Also, there’s essentially no equality in the US. THe man is prety much expected to shower the woman with gifts that make her feel special if you listen to mainstream mass marketing. Below you’ll find a few unique ideas of things you can do for the special day, and others like it.

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Some Dumb History

St. Valentine is that little chubby faced punk with the arrow. The arrow contains love. Shit, if somebody followed me around shooting me in the ass, I wouldn’t think that’s love unless they were squirting me with fake, LSD-laced jism or some kind of flying butt plug. I guess the story of San Valentino was written in another time (actually it was approximately year 269), when people took kinder sharp obsidian arrows in the ass. Smutpunk says that the 2018 St. Valentine carries a big FUTA dick that spews copious amounts of cum. Smutpunk San Valentino is a little different. His sexuality is a bit more on the cusp, if you will. If he hits you, WAM, you’re covered! Excuse the pun. I couldn’t resist. See image for image of what I mean by covered. According to history, nobody knows San Valentine’s full name, so let’s call this new St. Valentine 2.0 “Valentino San Esperma”. So I wish all of you—especially the freaks, transgenders, and weirdos among us—a Happy San Valentino Esperma Day! Be sure to act accordingly, smutpunks.

So how can Valentino Esperma Day help you?

It’s a nice time to express yourself to your lover. Write her a song or a poem. Cook her dinner. Show her you care about her. Fuck roses and chocolate and wine. That stuff is well and good, but what’s the point if you don’t back it up with something with substance? The trick is to combine. After wine, she’ll love your poem. If you want to cook her a dinner, be sure to get some custard and heat that and get some in the tank of your squirting dildo. Come dinnertime, cover her in your love and custard. Feed her the steak while you squirt her with custard. Nothing says I love you baby like a squirting dildo of hot freshly-made custard. Nothing.

A few more ideas…

  • Spank her. Make her butt red with a your hand print or a paddle.
  • Film her twerking / dancing sexy
  • Dress her in a collar and an imperial trooper mask and lead her around the room on all fours.
  • Give her a big heavy coat and sheer lingerie and go for a walk around the town. Corollary: find some garages to fuck her right there in public.
  • Give an oral sex coupon to her for 1 hour of free service at a convenient time of her discretion. These coupons go well inside boxes of chocolate or cards or attached to the neck of a wine bottle.

Experiment by mixing and matching and adding to this very rudimentary list. This isn’t supposed to be an exhaustive list of ideas, but rather a starting point to help you find the spirit (yes, the Old English OED meaning of spirit meaning “cum” not “ghost”) of the holiday known as San Valentino de Esperma.

 

**please note that although I say her, feel free to do ANY and ALL of this stuff to him, obviously.
I’m just using one pronoun to make the writing faster.

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Poet for Hire

If you don’t feel like penning your own poem, hire me to write one. Also, got an ex that you’d like to fuck with?**

Hire me to write a hate poem and send it anonymously. The ex will never know you put me up to it.

Links to Each Week’s
Sexual Advice:

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See the Slut List for Other Hot Ideas to Spice Up Your Love Life

 

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Ladies, this is how you properly rub balls and shaft while getting fucked from behind #LPRTG #SexTips | Sex Tip #18

Ladies, this is how you properly rub balls and shaft while getting fucked from behind

Sex Tip No. 18 – Proper Ball and Shaft Technique during a Menage

There’s always some new essential info out there. Last year, rimming became commonplace. I try to keep you up to date with the trends. Ladies, this is how you properly rub balls and shaft while getting fucked from behind. Menage is the new missionary for 2018. Be prepared!

Okay, the key thing when you’re bent over and getting fucked from behind is to spread the enjoyment you are receiving. You need to pay that pussy’s pleasure forward.

She isn’t letting her fingers fan out to the perineum enough, but her shaft squeeze to cock suck rhythm is stupendous. While not perfect, there’s a lot to learn from her.

So let your fingers spread out and fan them over the other guys balls. Lightly rasp them against his balls in an upward motion that moves toward the shaft. Be sure to keep the cock in your mouth during this procedure. This is no time to stop sucking dick. Sucking dick is the focus. I’m teaching you the proper background technique. Let your finger walk from his balls to the base of his shaft. Have your hand close around the shaft and squeeze. Then go right back to rasping your fingers against his balls. Start at the bottom of the balls, right near the peniranum or the anus. That’s how you max out his pleasure while his friend massages your g-spot with his cockhead.

 

 

 

Ladies, this is how you properly rub balls and shaft while getting fucked from behind

Ladies, this is how you properly rub balls and shaft while getting fucked from behind

Snorting Cum – Sex Tip No. 17 | #SexTip #LPRTG

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Snorting Cum (the fetish) – Deliberately inhaling jism to get a high

Disambiguation: A semen snort is a synonym for a cum snarf where a person laughs while someone is coming in her throat. In this case, the jizz shoots out the nose. I call this the “cum dragon” or the “cum snarf,” but this snorting splooge business, in my opinion, is something else. (cum snarf example)

Cum Snort is the instance where a person has a fetish of lining up their own or their partner’s cum into rails or bumps, much like cocaine, and inhaling the rails through their nostrils. This tends to coincide with an overall cum-craving like the one shown in Moctezuma Johnson’s character Jynx (alt link) from Chronicles of a Humiliation Backfired. Jynx, as you may already know, will go to just about any lengths to get her daily dose of dick drinking—thus the refrigerator full of ampoules filled with semen. Jynx is the kind of woman that will happily kneel down with a credit card in hand and chop up the dried cum into little crystals, roll up a dollar bill, and snort it into her brain. The sensation is quite an aphrodisiac rush, so be careful as it may be highly addictive.

Cum snort can also be done with a small straw, like a drink straw for a cocktail, dipped into a shot glass filled with cum. It’s helpful to have the man jerk off into the shot glass first. Cum snorting is best done warm, but refrigerated cum will suffice in a pinch. Try not to use fake cum as it doesn’t have the same medicinal effects of real cum. Also, when using refrigerated semen remember that it doesn’t keep well. It will spoil in approximately three days.

The medicinal effects of cum:

  • a rosy flush of the cheeks
  • higher protein
  • increased brain function
  • higher reported case of visits with aliens (especially the anal probing kind)
  • aphrodesiac
  • feeling “full” longer after eating
  • hydrated skin
  • Rich in Vitamin B and C
  • Rich in rare minerals like Selenium
  • Can be used via Neti Pot in a Semen Sinus Cleanse
  • great camaraderie building event

Links to Each Week’s Sexual Advice:

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Volume 2 – 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19
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See below for XXX examples of Snorting Cum: