Five Ways Sex is Therapeutic

Six Pack

More reasons to Stay in the Bedroom

Sex is fun and it has been researched and proven that it lowers stress which leads to more optimal health levels. So fuck yourself healthy by keeping these five useful therapies in mind. 

 

Sex cures allergies – I suffer from debilitating allergies. You know, the kind that make it unable to take a full breath and leave you oxygen depleted and so cranky you want to throw your phone across the room and stomp your feet. I’ve tried decongestants, neri pots, apple cider vinegar, tea, you name it, and nothing helps. Well not nothing. Sex helps. After having sex with my wife I find that my sinuses open up and I have a rare moment where I can take a full breath.

 

It’s natural exercise (keeps us limber) – If you’re like me you suffer from a variety of ailments. Stiff necks, back spasms, sore wrists and elbows, tightness in the legs, etc. Thanks to the joys of making love I find my body stretched out and far more flexible than before which drastically helps these nagging injuries improve. It’s like sex reduces the pain of arthritis.

 

It reduces stress – I mean sometimes you just need to let off a little steam. If you don’t have a drum set in the house, try a quickie. I quick, hard fuck can be exactly what the psychologist ordered. Day in and day out there are zillions of little needling annoyances and one orgasm can set the annoyance odometer back to zero. For 2-5 minutes you will be at peace.

 

It patches up arguments – Is there a more charming way to admit you are sorry? Definitely not. Make up sex is the only good thing about arguing. Don’t forget about it. You need it. It’s like the glue that sticks a relationship back together.

 

It helps creativity – Sex releases endorphins. Endorphins let the creative juices flood your brain. So if you’re feeling stuck with your writing, your job, whatever takes a boost of creativity, try sex to get going again.

 

These are five therapeutic uses sex provides, but surely there are many more. Experiment for yourself and leave me a comment if you find something you want to share.

 

 

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Ways to Be Slutty for your Man | The Slut List |

ways-to-be-slutty

Ways to Be Slutty For Your Man

The Best Thing in the World is a Slutty Girlfriend or Wife. It is just so sexy!

“How can I be more slutty?” is the most common question/comment that I hear

 

I was struck by one of the running themes readers have said about the Chronicles of a Humiliation Backfired Series. They’ve pointed out that in some way it’s about how much a woman (or man) will take in order to be with the person s/he loves. This is an interesting theme and I realized I’ve really not made any effort to help women out with this. I have written How-To articles aimed at men (my version of Maxim, so on steroids and cialis) but nothing of the sort for women. Allow me to attempt to catch up. Here are some things you regular women can do to totally slut yourself up and makes your man weak in the knees for you. These ways to be slutty aren’t meant to be demeaning to you or your relationship. They are meant to be fun and done with trust and love (or at least deep like).

A lot of women need to be sluttier for their men. When the do that, they keep him forever. George Carlin had “the Shit List”. I present to you “the Slut List”.

The SLUT LIST

 

  • Wait on for him in the house with fake cum poured on you and tell him you were just used by a horny guy who fucked your ass and raped your throat
  • Lay on your back with your ass up in the air and proudly show off your cunt and ass
    • Corollary, call your vagina your cunt & Call his penis a cock
      TheSlutList No 5 -- Wait For Your Man Wearing Fake Cum And Rubbing Your Cunt

      The Slut List No. 5 — Wait For Your Man Wearing Fake Cum And Rubbing Your Cunt

  • fill a water gun or enema bulb with fake cum and then give it to him to shoot all over you
    • he’ll love admiring your hot body covered, I mean doused, in jizz.
  • Set up the tripod and video him having his way with you, be sure to include a blowjob in your private porn opus. You will surely find him watching it and jerking himself off later and you will be proud.
  • Walk around the house topless
  • Don’t wear any underwear all day. Yes, even if you have to work
  • Shave your cunt
  • Wear lingerie
  • Put a pillow over your own head, wear a mask (especially an animal mask, like a pig mask (try this one), or wear a brown paper bag over your head. Letting him enjoy nothing but your body will drive him wild. Sometimes he needs to objectify you to get a raging hard on and fuck you so good you can’t walk tomorrow.
  • do your hair in pig tails and wear a catholic school girl skirt
  • wear really cheap, plastic earrings
  • wear “club” outfits while eating take out at home
  • do your eye make-up really heavy and let him face fuck you until your mascara runs all over your face
  • let him fuck you in the ass while he watches internet porn from a laptop placed on your back
  • Get on your hands and knees and be his footrest
  • Kneel before him and ask permission to leave the house before you go
  • Give him a sponge bath with your soapy tits as the sponge
  • Have him close his eyes and surprise him by putting different parts of you in his mouth: nipples, fatty part of tit, tongue, clit, ass, etc.
    Write "whore" on yourself or let him write it

    Write “whore” on yourself or let him write it

  • Suck a huge dildo off in front of him
  • Kiss one of your girlfriends in front of him
  • Suck off one of his friends in front of him
  • Fuck a dildo suctioned onto a glass surface so he can see from behind
  • Put in a butt plug before a date with him, tell him it’s in over dinner, and show him later.
  • Suck his dick while he’s titty fucking one of your friends (if you don’t get jealous)
  • Stick your tongue up his ass while you jerk him off
  • Wear a plastic pig nose and a plastic tiara while he fucks you

 

I think you’ve got the hand of this slut business now. Develop your own, and feel free to share awesome ideas!

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Note:

Since publication of this “Ways to Be Slutty “article I have received overwhelming response and have compiled my advice into an eBook called The Sex Manual.

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On a Porno-Literary Tip | Probably not the most popular fiction category — well, not yet!

Porno-Literary-Tip-Moctezuma-Johnson-Logo-Erotica-Humor

On a Porno-Literary Tip

I used to love that expression, but as I move forward—and mature—I like it less. I’m not even sure I understand what it means. I get the impulse behind it. If you’ve read my books they aren’t your typical smut. The Book of Real and Imaginary Girlfriends has moments of real feeling and depth that more akin to literature than smut. However, there’s no lack of straight porn. Thus I merged the two but it still doesn’t really explain much and it’s a completely useless expression to the Amazon algorithm. If I could get the bots to bite on the expression then we’d have something. I’d be #1 up and down amazon, from A to motherfucking Z. As it is, I’m nowhere but confused by my own oxymoron.

The desire to try and categorize our work is good. I mean how do readers know what the hell they will get from a guy called Moctezuma Johnson. “Johnson? Give me a break, what a fake name!” But it’s real. Well, real in the sense of used for many years. Why? Because my original last name, which happens to be dirtier—it means “Holy Water” in Italian (I’m Mexican-Italian-American for those paisanos who care) which has a secondary meaning of jizz–is very hard to pronounce for some Americans and my dad got sick of repeating the gorgeous name to these lazy-tongued euphony-butchers and would just say, “it’s johnson, damnit, johnson” and it stuck. I’d imagine there are a cumload of Americans with fake last names due to similar tales of ineptitude and frustration. I like it because my father went on to legally change his name and got a powerful government job. I wonder how much of his success was sparked by the name change. Anyway, Johnson or not people hardly know what they’re getting when they see an author’s name so a category can be quite helpful. I remember the jacket of a Tom Robbins book saying, “trying to describe a Robbins book is like looking at a snowflake and trying to explain Olympic slalom skiing.” I think that holds true for all fiction. Now with Amazon trying to treat the book world like the non-greasy pain relieving gel world, authors seem to have no choice but pledge allegiance to a category or two and hope for the best. My advice is choose a category that exists. Don’t go my route and dominate a category that doesn’t really exist.

Don’t worry, it’s just art! | Where does Sexual Addiction begin and end? | an Eroticist’s constant tug of war | Into the Shadows (not Out of the Shadows)

Don’t worry, it’s just art?

Where does sexual addiction begin and end?

About a year ago my wife told me that I had to get help for sexual addiction

Was Salvador Dali ever considered a sex addict?

Was Salvador Dali ever considered a sex addict?

Three books on the subject of sexual addiction and one luscious month later, I was admitting that I most certainly was an addict. Unfortunately I was admitting this mostly to rooms full of drunk chicks who were hardly condemning me. They’d laugh. My pussy addiction was on the table. They thought it was charming. Like a weird quirk. What they seemed to hear was if you’re lonely, and you have a cunt, then I’m the chap for you tonight. I got a significant bump in one night stands. This made my goomad angry. To put you in my frame of mind in those days, consider this: I had no qualms about cheating on my wife, but somehow I felt guilty cheating on the broad I was banging on the side. I mean she was blowing me in my bar (I mean in front of people), taking it up the ass, cooking dinners for me, and buying me presents. She knew I had a wife, but still. Fucking other girls 20 years younger than me and announcing my sex addiction wasn’t all that thrilling for her. She temporarily broke up with me. The she came back. My wife was telling me that I needed to find a psychologist. She knew something was fishy. Perhaps she could smell it on my dick. My wife was a royal pain in the ass. I mean this literally. Although she didn’t come from wealth her cultural upbringing taught her to act like a princess. This is common in Korea, they call the syndrome gong-ju-pyeong (공주병), meaning she has the princess disease. I would call her a diva. But seriously, was any piece of ass so good it could act like a diva? Absolutely not. I had little room to criticize her though because I was acting like a dick with a slew of bar rats I could fuck when I pleased, a Chinese puttana on the side, and a few girls I was actively chasing. Plus I had just had a very public embarrassment thanks to my ex-girlfriend-on-the-side. I was definitely a habitual womanizer. That was clear. Addiction? I wasn’t convinced, but my wife was. That meant I was at least exploring what it meant to be an addict.

The Checklist (taken from AAMFT):

  • Compulsive masturbation
  • Simultaneous or repeated sequential affairs
  • Pornography
  • Cybersex, phone sex
  • Multiple anonymous partners
  • Unsafe sexual activity
  • Partner objectification/demand for sex
  • Strip clubs and adult bookstores
  • Use of prostitution/escorts
  • Sexual aversion/anorexia
  • Frequenting massage parlors
  • Sexual paraphilias (a need for unusual sexual stimulation) and/or any sexually offensive behavior

Yep, check. I masturbated almost every night before bed “just to help me sleep.” I’ve already stated I’ve had sequential affairs, multiple affairs, affairs sprouting off the affairs — following my affairs was harder than charting a Gabriel Garcia Marquez character tree. Pornography, oh yeah. I watched it, curated it, archived it, hell I even made it. Cybersex, awesome! Phone sex didn’t scratch the itch but that only made me believe more that it would. Multiple anonymous partners? This one is hard for me to quantify. What makes a person anonymous? I never had my dick sucked through a glory hole but I have fucked women whose names I will never know. I’m going to answer maybe yes to that one. Unsafe sexual activity is a definite yes. Where do I begin on that one? No condoms most of the time. Jizzing in girls, fucking asses, having MFFs with bar girls, fucking in public, fucking in public in foreign countries where the locals, and often the police, are pretty hostile to foreigners — especially to white guys who are perceived as rice dick superior and pussy robbers (yes, I know I’m technically not white, but I look white so for this case then I’m white or white enough to get my ass kicked by a night stick). I called my girls cumpigs, whores, pieces of shit, and shoved their heads in toilets, under sinks, and put them in pig masks. Yeah, I suppose you could say I objectified women. I demanded sex. I never forced a girl. Never. That’s not me at all (women are too easy to ever consider that). But I certainly coerced a girl or two into sex or anal or face fucking or sharing when that wasn’t really what she was into. I mean, hell, to be honest, when a 30-year-old is seducing a 20-year-old the power structure is already all fucked up. That’s already coercion. I’m not complaining. I’m just saying it like it is. Strip clubs, never. Not my thing. Why not? Don’t know but probably too much facade and not enough fucking. Prostitutes, not in the Western sense of the word but definitely in the Asian sense of the word. Is it my fault that while shopping in Manila’s Mega Mall all the girls I picked up (what I had thought honestly) where professionals on some level? It’s not my fault. They were all “professionals” to varying degrees–even the hotel managers, the clothing sales girls, and the nurses. The nurses where whores! How could I possibly win? What’s next? I don’t have any sexual aversion/anorexia. I love massage parlors. I mean I live in Thailand for months at a time. And I certainly love sexual paraphilias (see a long list pf paraphilias here — I enjoy 1/4 to 1/2 of these). My list of fetishes is getting longer by the day but here’s a short list: latex, exhibitionism, voyeurism, sadism, plus I love sexual paraphernalia like dildos, anal plugs, and mountains of fake jizz to spray all over my partners.

Okay, I admit it. I admit it even when sober.

I’m a sex addict.

This admission led to a massive resurgence in my literary artwork. It’s funny. You may think that I’d have to drop porn and erotica but it was the opposite. I was engaging in really dangerous behavior that was jeopardizing my marriage, my business, and pretty much everything in my life. By focusing my energies on erotica I was able to make my addiction conform to me and my wife’s needs instead of my addiction making me conform to it. It was kind of like writing hardcore porn was allowing me to take my inner thoughts that I’d go to great (and often destructive lengths) to act out on people, put them in a trash bag, and take them to the curb for the men in thick gloves to throw in the garbage truck.

The lingering question for me has been where does the addiction begin and end. This is no easy question to answer. It seems to me that the very nature of addiction is a certain incompleteness to any bbehaviorthat then leads to repetition to achieve an increasingly impossible to occur satisfaction. My addiction was rooted in both sex and sensualism. I was addicted to feeling loved and having a submissive sexual partner. My wife was a wonderful lover and my equal. That left a part of my desires unfulfilled. I filled the lack by finding co-eds who came to my bar and using them for sex. It was wonderful! I had gorgeous young things kneeling down and sucking dick, giving me deepthroat with heads hanging off the bed, trying anal sex for the first time, and having sex in public. I wanted to cultivate these relationships but I couldn’t. I had a wife and a child and cheating was a total mess. It was causing me to lose control of running my bar and business, the financial lifeline to my family. Also, I was emotionally destroying these young girls who were in a relationship with a completely uneven power structure and thus falling in love with me. I was hurting them. I hurt one so badly that she landed in the hospital to get her slashed wrist surgically repaired.

Thanks to my wife’s pleading I made a change. I ceased the actual behavior that was hurting my wife and me and moved on to creating a vibrant sex life in reality. I stopped cheating. Cheating was the root of the ongoing sexual addiction. That was what was breaking our trust and making me rush to fuck other girls which then left me unsatisfied which made me search out new conquests which furthered the alienation which meant I needed more, more, more. I had identified the root cause and snipped it off like a hanging dingleberry. Reconnecting with my wife was actually quite a bit of fun (and I give her a ton of credit for investing in me). However, cutting the root problem didn’t solve all the addictive, compulsive feelings I had been building for years. Those feeling and compulsions had to go somewhere. That’s where writing became essential.

Girls carry books in hand to leave space in book bags for their dildos

The Journal

It was okay to pour all these emotions into my writing. I started with a kind of “secret journal” which became the Book of Real & Imaginary Girlfriends and then went on to write a psycho-thriller that explores some of the fetishes, mind control, and emotional turmoil that I had been experiencing and causing.

By writing these experiences I was getting therapy. My life started to make more sense. The fighting and crying scenes with my wife melted away. I started to devote myself to her sexually and made more efforts to please her. I noticed that there was a lot of things that I thought I didn’t like about her that I could fix because actually the root cause was my sexual addiction. It was quite a revelation. Trust me, we still have all kinds of problems, but the game-changers have been corrected so now we can talk and work on our problems. Family is amazing. It has become very important to me. I may have missed that if I didn’t admit my problems.

The days of single debauchery have abated, but the thoughts make for titillating reading and writing. I find myself in a case of having my cake and eating it too. My writing is like an emotional archiving of abnormal psychology, fetishism, and sexual addiction. Some people consider this taboo, but I counter that this is healthy. This is purging. This is taking my trash to the corner and then noticing that some pawn stars like the things I consider trash and want to sell them.

So to all the prudes, frigid faces, and hardcore erotica condemners I say, “Don’t worry, it’s just art!”

sexual addiction
sexual addiction
Are you suffering from Sexual Addiction? Try this cure. 

Poem by Moctezuma Johnson | Ode to Censorship | For Iam Andre & Kat Crimson | featuring Magic & War on Censorship

to all the writers everywhere who have ever been censored

1.

a beautiful lesbian milf is bathing
outdoors in a hot tub
on a non-snowy part
of a snow-capped mountain
the ends of her blonde locks
are darker and wet
dipping into the bubbling water
as she leans back comfortably

2.

perhaps Moctezuma is in love
he’s bought a bundle of roses
written a card rhymed you with
true. And ever blue. Nevermind that

3.

my roses bleed all over the floor
my bubble gum is magic
it turns water into cum
i drop it into the bath

4.

now this lesbian whore is in
197.3 feet of cubic cum
slipping and sliding
as I pump into her tight
luscious glove

5.

I pull out and my cock
in no ordinary cock
I’m holding a cum-canon
a cum-basting bazooka
a semen S.A.M.
and my gaydar has put this lesbian
in the cross hairs
as she’s rubbing
globules of magic cum
made in Japan
all over her succulent nipples

6.

in Tarantino movies
they say there’s too much blood
in Moctezuma pages
they say there’s too much cum

7.

in Writing Workshops
they say if there’s blood and cum
(this part was censored for years)
you have yourself a winner.

 

 

Please Share on Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest, etc

Please share if you enjoyed this poem. Let others know that there is a guy out there writing things like this because otherwise how would anybody possibly know that something like this is out there? Thanks!

Let the Cards Fall Where they May | Blindfolded and Titties Out

A Useful Way to Organize and Disorganize your Story

This technique, an off-shoot of the William Borroughs cut-and-paste technique, has more benefits than you might realize.

Is this the way the cards will fall? A blow job rescues him from a panic attack? Jynx gets MJ and they live happily ever after? Or...?

Is this the way the cards will fall? A blow job rescues him from a panic attack? Jynx gets MJ and they live happily ever after? Or…?

When I was a young journalist in Latin America I was blessed and cursed with writing front page news for the city’s local English-language newspaper. I was blessed because it meant lots of people were reading my work. I remember seeing a pretty girl reading one of my articles while eating lime and chilis in a cafe in the local zocalo and I was thrilled but also scared. This meant I was under the microscope and I knew my organization was suspect at best and a total fucking shambles at worst. Yeah, I had the power to describe and I got the who what where when how (and sometimes why) but a little voice in the back of my head told me that there was more to be done.

 

The Note Card System

To better organize my thoughts I started using the note card system. I wrote the basic points of my article down, usually 20-25 points on cards. Then I carried them around with me all day. Idieally you’d like to do this before writing the article but that’s not me. I’d first write a very unedited, messy draft and then write the cards. While carrying them arround all day, I’d shuffle them and re-read them and find mini-groups and natural orders. In the beginning the cards were very malleable. They could be re-arranged, added to, subtracted from, etc. After carrying them and digesting them better, the order and groupings became firmer. There were sub-groups now that didn’t want to be broken up. Before I knew it, the natural order of the article had taken shape. All I had to do from here was make the first draft conform to the cards.

Let the chips fall where they may technique

Cards from writing the 4th episode of Chronicles of a Humiliation Backfired

When I started writing erotic fiction I used outlines. I found I went from being a wild poet to being too formulaic. The cards came back, but this time it was not to organize but to add realism and drama. Sometimes I cannot decide what a character is going to do or how s/he will respond to a certain situation. I have many possible scenarios in my head. Now I write them down and try to write diametrically opposite situations on the back. So in my love triangle with Jynx and Jenny I simply wrote “Jynx gets MJ” on one side and “Jenny gets MJ” on the other side. Then I shuffle the cards and toss them into the air to let them fall as they may. I pick them up in order and write the result in the way they’ve fallen. This leads to some unexpected results, new connections I may have never seen, and some awesome drama.

My books and characters have definitely been rewarded by this ticker tape technique. I suggest trying it if you haven’t already used it.

How-to Write Erotica – The Light, a key element | Writing Tip |

how-to-write-classy-erotica

How to Write Erotica

Have you ever watched the Ken Burns jazz documentary? In it, Wynton Marsalis talks about how some musicians have “the light.” When they play you play. It’s like the art is ensconced in fun and joy. That, according to him, is the secret quality of success. I don’t want to write great literature with erotica. I just want to bump into the light every once in a while. When I read two books by Connie Cliff I felt like she had the light shining through the shades into a dark room. Maybe that’s why I like them so completely. See my two dicks up review here 

What can an erotica author learn from 1920s jazz?

Everything. This is one of the great American art forms. It captures the soul of America. Listen to the clip below and hear how Louis Armstrong just keeps riffing on the same themes but slightly changing them. He’s enjoying himself. Thus, I’m enjoying myself listening. The great stories that I’ve read this month all do that. Bella Swann, Michael Dalton, Christina Harding, Connie Cliff, Emme Hor all have a little fun with you while they are writing. That means you will have a little fun. I know there are way more authors that share this joy through their writing, but I’m just noting the few I read in the last couple of weeks.

Check out “the light” coming out of Louis’ trumpet.

 

When figuring out how to write, you need to find that part that really turns you on. If you’re writing erotica, it’s probably a fetish, or a kind of lover. Find that element and then play around with it until you express the thing that makes it so hot for you.