Sex Tip No. 20 – The Art of Insertion (sticking things in your ass) #LPRTG #SexTip #SmutStreet
The Art of Anal Insertion
How do we insert something in an ass unaccustomed to such insertions. This is the question. Basically, it should be done slowly and all lubed up or it may be a bit of an unpleasant experience. Like anything, you have to enjoy it to enjoy it. One thing to keep in mind is that the one doing the taking is the one who is really in control although it may seem opposite.
If you’re inserting a butt plug for example, you have a lot of responsibility because if you go too fast or too hard you will turn off your partner and lost her trust. Try to be gentle. Whatever you think is gentle, be more gentle than that. Start with something soft, a feather or a tongue is a good way to warm up an ass.
Dont’s:
Don’t do what this Malay police officer did in Bukit Baru, Malacca when he stuck his fingers into his wife’s anus over cell phone row.
Lube Lube Lube, baby! In fact, more lube.
That’s the real key to anal insertion. Since the ass doesn’t lube itself, you need to. There are some pretty good lubes out there. There’s stuff like Astroglide to make things slippery. Never use Extra Virgin Olive Oil, trust me. Unless you want to feel as much friction as a virgin every time! There are butt desensitizers which will remove some of the pain with an analgesic numbing agent. There’s also lube that is designed to look like fake cum which can be a lot of fun for cuckold fantasy play or bukkake roleplays among other ideas. Remember to use some common sense. Don’t use a silicone lube as it will degrade silicone toys like the 17-inch butt plug. Also, remember warming up an ass takes time. Lots of time. It could take hours or even days or weeks to get an ass ready.
Why is Anal Insertion Necessary? How can it help you?
You know the saying, an apple a day keeps the doctor away. Well, that was in a different time, the time when America was great before it launched coups, Atomic weapons, and agent orange on the world. In those days, perhaps an apple could do it. But not anymore. What the fuck will an apple do? I don’t think eating ass was a first date staple like it is today. Now, the saying goes like this: some butt play a day keeps the doctor away.
Anal can help you! It can actually save your life!
Some butt play a day keeps the doctor away because the anal area is super sensitive and also can be super tight. By playing with ass you will release tension, relax, and stir up endorphins that all help in healing. It has been suggested that a little butt play can actually fend off such things as stress headaches, prostate cancer, and hemorrhoids. By using a butt plug and/or other anal play, you are massaging the prostate and strengthening the muscles around the ass. This can be handy later in life. I’m not talking about jamming a 17-inch Huge Butt Plug / Dildo up your ass twice a day, that can have some of the unwanted consequences of the extreme anal porn stars where they can no longer keep their shit inside their bodies and leak all over unless a big diaper is velcro’d to their leaky asses. However, moderate anal play will help you build all of your body, including the nether regions. It will help you have fun. It will help you relax.
Also, it will increase your ability to feel pleasure. By tapping into the extremely sensitive nerve receptors on your anus you will experience different sensations that will help you relax and keep stress to a minimum.
There’s nothing as exciting as hitting new nerve endings. I shave my head and the first time I shaved and showered it was like having a cranial orgasm. I had never had any sensation like water on a bare head before and it was marvelous. The sensations on your ass are even more sensitive! The first time I put my finger into my ass and found my prostate it was like finding god. It also gave me a raging hard on. I mean, I was so hard my dick kind of hurt. Fuck viagra, boys, just stick a finger up your ass!
But MJ, I’m scared!
If you’re scared of putting something inside you ass, start small. Use a hand held shower head to spray the asshole, then insert just the tip of your finger. Move to putting half of your finger inside and kind of leaving it there. Then insert the whole finger. After you’ve gotten comfortable with that, upgrade to a small butt plug, and so on until all 17 inches of big john slate are pumping you while you scream your own name!
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Note about Header Image:
I took that years ago with some Korean chick with a nice round ass.
I was enjoying writing “slut” and “whore” and “cumpig” all over her
thighs, calves, forehead and then wanted to facefuck her
and didn’t know where to stick
the whiteboard marker (I was teaching English at the time).
Click any image to see the Art of Insertion in smutpunk erotic fiction
New Tabbed Smutpunk Bookshelf
New Tabbed Smutpunk Bookshelf
All the madcap cyberpunk, splatterpunk, genre-blending, gender-bending S. Punk you’ve come to expect from MJ, aka King SMUTPUNK
Click the tabs to see what books lie in that category. Start with Futanari and work your way all the way to Sci-Fi.
- Futanari
- Sarchasmo (Erotic Pulp)
- Psycho-Thriller
- Alpha Male Spoof / Asian Erotica
- Steak and BJ
- Erotic Poems
- Espanol
- Non-Fiction (Sex Tips)
- Choose Your Own Kink SEXcapade
- T. Ronald Dump (Political Satire)
- Big Beautiful Woman by Red Pesca
- Smutpunk on Skates by Emme Hor
- Triangulum Stain / Sci-Fi
- Asian Erotica - Confessions of an Asian Whore
- Hypnosis with Lucian Carter
1948 (Amazon)
Other Versions:
1948 (Exclusive Smutpunk)
1948 (Blurb)
1948 (Freebie)
1948 (excerpt)
TheAdventuresOfSarchasmoVersusApographia69
Moctezuma Johnson’s Chronicles of Humiliation Backfired 
Promotional Poster for the Steak and BJ Bundle
Smutpunk Poetry (coming soon) Join the Mailing List to Get Notifications of Release Dates and Sales/Freebies!
The Black Book (coming soon) Join the Mailing List to Get Notifications of Release Dates and Sales/Freebies!
Click the Tongue for Fun
Choose Your Own Kink SEXcapade
A story all about YOU in which YOU make all the decisions!
Pop & Lollie (Teabagged by the Sentient Lollipop aka the Candy Cunt Saga) 
Am I missing something? Let me know. Please share this ever-updating bookshelf with your followers, too. Thank you.
Cover Reveal of FUTADELIC | the new one by Moctezuma Johnson 3====D
You’ve been waiting for the new one by Moctezuma Johnson. You have your reading device, you’ve poured yourself a whiskey, you’ve drawn the curtains, turned on your vibrating toy, and you’re ready to read some literary porn. You’ve been waiting for the prince of page porn, the self-proclaimed (yes, I know it’s ridiculous) King of Erotica to drop his new book down on your genitals (ouch!). Well, here it is: 9,000 words of pure #futadelic mayhem. So what does Futadelic look like?
Without further ado I give to you…
…Futadelic
The Power of Potion
The story of Dr. Peter Engle in the seedy black markets of Bangkok. Think starfish, think crab, think amputee. Think wires crossed, think dick-girl. Think Futa Mayhem!
The Full Unadulterated Cover
Futadelic – The Power of Potion
The Censored (but still fucking awesome) Cover
The Power of Potion
Cosmic Slop, Funkadelic, and Futadelic
The name’s Bootsy, baby!
Besides loving literary porn and erotica I am a huge funk fan. I love the Isley Brothers and Parliament/Funkadelic more than any other music. In anticip–ation of my next novelette, Futadelic, here is a little Cosmic Slop for ya.
Free Your Mind and Your Ass Will Follow, y’all
#futa #futadelic #funk #erotica
Show a little love to both the Funk and the SMUTPUNK by sharing this post on your social media of choice. Thanks from Dr. SMUTPUNKSTEIN.
Moctezuma Repents for his Porn Peddling Ways, but seriously can’t a Husband Suck His Wife’s Cock Anymore?
Jane’s Steak and Blowjob Night Surprise
If you didn’t already know that 3/14 was Steak & Blowjob Day that drop what you’re doing and start fingering your pussy because, well, shame on you!
I probably have overdone it here and there with all these dildos in deserts and women with massive, animated cocks but the truth is the world is too censored. Maybe I’m all jacked up. I mean I did run a bar for the last 5 years. I’ve been basically the bailiff of a medieval dungeon. My brain cannot be normal, can it?
That said, I’m a good citizen. Very. I hold doors for women, compliment people when they’re polite, and porn peddle blowjob porn and steak and BJ gunge. Also, I’ve broken up fights repeatedly, stopped guys from murdering other guys, and I’m on the shy side, ultimately. Anyways.
This is the last piece to cause the ruckus:
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Can’t a husband even suck his wife’s cock anymore?
If you think the answer should be, “Yes, he can” then, please, have a quick read of Jane’s Steak and BJ Night Surprise and let me know what you think with a short review. Thank you so much!
Futanari Video
If you like Futanari, you should enjoy this video:
Read Futanari Erotica
Since you liked this Futanari Video, you may find yourself in the mood to read some futanari, gunge erotica by Moctezuma Johnson. Please check out Jane’s Steak & Blowjob Night Surprise. (Remember to Mouse-Over the link to pull up the link for different countries)
Jane’s Steak & Blowjob Night Surprise
A Steak & Blowjob Tale by Moctezuma Johnson
I wanted to get this ready for Steak & Blowjob 2015 but like usual I am way too late. Better to be late as a writer than as a jazz musician, so I’ll take it. At least this short story about a married couple having some strap-on and gunge fun is ready. Does gunge and strap-on play match? I really don’t know. But that’s how it’s written.
Jane and David have been married for a while and have a yearly ritual in which Jane cooks the steak and gives the blowjob. This year, a role reversal is about to occur.
Excerpt:
The onions smelled delicious. She had one hand on the bulb and one on the big dildo, she aimed it at the frying pan and thought about shooting a vanilla cum load onto their steaks. Should she? It could taste good. Vanilla. She heard keys at the door. She shoved the big dildo into her jeans, just like she was a guy who was caught masturbating. The debate whether shooting cum on their steaks was a good idea would have to be postponed until later. David came in and walked right to her. He was a robot. A titty-stalking robot. When tits were out he went right to them like the Frankenstein’s monster and reached for them. He felt the hard nipples while he rubbed her big tits like he was trying to polish them with the balls of his hands. She moaned and they kissed each other deeply. He kissed down her neck and then started to kiss her tits until he pulled up and said, “It smells great. Nothing like steaks and blowjobs.”
“Blowjobs?” she questioned, emphasizing the plural.
“Who knows? Maybe you’ll be up for multiples.”
She went back to the frying pan and flipped the steaks onto dishes. She had also made custard which was simmering in a pot behind the steaks. Maybe that’s why it smelled so good: grease, onions, and custard. Or maybe it was the vanilla jizz she was wearing in a dildo hidden in her jeans. She wondered if David could see her bulge. She looked down. She could see it.
David, her loving husband, poured two glasses of wine. Two UFOs could have passed through the kitchen and flown into the bedroom making chromatic whining noises and he wouldn’t have noticed. That was David. So focused that it was scary. Fixated now on wine and her tits. Fixated on the day and its imminent oral pleasure.
She put the steaks on the table. She was nervous. Her hands were sweaty. How was she going to break the ice that she was wearing a big cock? This was a mistake. She wanted to take it off.
He stood there unbuckling his belt, lowering his slacks, and pulling out his big cock. It was big. It was beautiful. David was still a young man. Technically he was middle aged, but as she looked at his strong abs like the underside of a crab, his sculpted hips, his barrel chest she felt like he was still a gorgeous young man. He kept himself fit. He wore his black hair neat and parted down the side. He had a strong chin. His cock was out and he was expecting that Jane get right to it.
The nerves melted away as she realized the audacity he had to not worry about how to break the ice. She suddenly found herself very cocky. She picked up a slab of the meat she’d just cooked with her bare hands and ripped it apart. She was surprised at her strength. She crammed a massive piece, more than five neatly cut mouthfuls, into her mouth.
David watched her with wide eyes. He was smiling. He saw this enthusiasm as transferrable to his meat. But he was wrong.
Jane swallowed the entire piece and then reached down and…
…now now, we interrupt these proceedings for a little finances. Please click on over to Amazon and put your quarters in the slot to find out what Jane’s really up to in her naughty little world. Thanks^^
Jane’s Steak and Blowjob Night Surprise
Cook, Kneel, Eat, Suck, it’s Steak & BJ Day!
Is it Steak & Blowjob Day Again Already?
Jane gets ready for her annual Steak & Blowjob Day by cooking her husband a steak per their ritual. Normally she’d then be on her knees sucking her good man off showing her total wifey appreciation. But this year she’s got something up her, well, wet, well-lubed, sleeve. Okay, that’s not a sleeve.
If you didn’t already know that 3/14 was Steak & Blowjob Day that drop what you’re doing and start fingering your pussy because, well, shame on you!
Check out some hot futanari, pegging, strap on, role reversal fun. Who’s getting the steak and who is getting the blowjob. Oh, and why is there custard on the stove? Isn’t it Pi Day too? Can there be gunge too in this awesome, very adult-themed short short?
Who is sucking cock and who has a cock and who is getting her cock sucked?
Jane waits for David to get home just like every other Steak & Blowjob Day but this one will either be a total disaster or more fun than ever. See what happens!
Visit Jane’s Steak & Blowjob Surprise Night on Amazon
It’s live on Smashwords Now for $.99
Ways to Be Slutty for your Man | The Slut List |
Ways to Be Slutty For Your Man
The Best Thing in the World is a Slutty Girlfriend or Wife. It is just so sexy!
“How can I be more slutty?” is the most common question/comment that I hear
I was struck by one of the running themes readers have said about the Chronicles of a Humiliation Backfired Series. They’ve pointed out that in some way it’s about how much a woman (or man) will take in order to be with the person s/he loves. This is an interesting theme and I realized I’ve really not made any effort to help women out with this. I have written How-To articles aimed at men (my version of Maxim, so on steroids and cialis) but nothing of the sort for women. Allow me to attempt to catch up. Here are some things you regular women can do to totally slut yourself up and makes your man weak in the knees for you. These ways to be slutty aren’t meant to be demeaning to you or your relationship. They are meant to be fun and done with trust and love (or at least deep like).
A lot of women need to be sluttier for their men. When the do that, they keep him forever. George Carlin had “the Shit List”. I present to you “the Slut List”.
The SLUT LIST
- Wait on for him in the house with fake cum poured on you and tell him you were just used by a horny guy who fucked your ass and raped your throat
- Lay on your back with your ass up in the air and proudly show off your cunt and ass
- Corollary, call your vagina your cunt & Call his penis a cock
The Slut List No. 5 — Wait For Your Man Wearing Fake Cum And Rubbing Your Cunt
- Corollary, call your vagina your cunt & Call his penis a cock
- fill a water gun or enema bulb with fake cum and then give it to him to shoot all over you
- he’ll love admiring your hot body covered, I mean doused, in jizz.
- Set up the tripod and video him having his way with you, be sure to include a blowjob in your private porn opus. You will surely find him watching it and jerking himself off later and you will be proud.
- Walk around the house topless
- Don’t wear any underwear all day. Yes, even if you have to work
- Shave your cunt
- Wear lingerie
- Put a pillow over your own head, wear a mask (especially an animal mask, like a pig mask (try this one), or wear a brown paper bag over your head. Letting him enjoy nothing but your body will drive him wild. Sometimes he needs to objectify you to get a raging hard on and fuck you so good you can’t walk tomorrow.
- do your hair in pig tails and wear a catholic school girl skirt
- wear really cheap, plastic earrings
- wear “club” outfits while eating take out at home
- do your eye make-up really heavy and let him face fuck you until your mascara runs all over your face
- let him fuck you in the ass while he watches internet porn from a laptop placed on your back
- Get on your hands and knees and be his footrest
- Kneel before him and ask permission to leave the house before you go
- Give him a sponge bath with your soapy tits as the sponge
- Have him close his eyes and surprise him by putting different parts of you in his mouth: nipples, fatty part of tit, tongue, clit, ass, etc.
Write “whore” on yourself or let him write it
- Suck a huge dildo off in front of him
- Kiss one of your girlfriends in front of him
- Suck off one of his friends in front of him
- Fuck a dildo suctioned onto a glass surface so he can see from behind
- Put in a butt plug before a date with him, tell him it’s in over dinner, and show him later.
- Suck his dick while he’s titty fucking one of your friends (if you don’t get jealous)
- Stick your tongue up his ass while you jerk him off
- Wear a plastic pig nose and a plastic tiara while he fucks you
I think you’ve got the hand of this slut business now. Develop your own, and feel free to share awesome ideas!
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Note:
Since publication of this “Ways to Be Slutty “article I have received overwhelming response and have compiled my advice into an eBook called The Sex Manual.
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