A through Z as long as you avoid E (and A$$)

Is this too pornographic?

The Adult Filter – The Kiss of Death for Sales of Flagged Books

My books and writing career are both getting killed by amazon’s anti-appearance-of-pornography laws. I mean, I accept that my work is nasty, dirty, smut but my colleagues in the erotica arena are being labeled as “Not-Adult” according to Sales Rank Express while having bukkake gangbangs and werewolves fucking pigs against their will. Something’s up. All I wanted to do was put the hilarious cover of a women in a latex police suit rappelling down a dildo in the desert. It seems to me that humor is more banned than nasty, sex acts. The reason being, in my jackass, ADHD-infested opinion, is that humor calls attention to itself, where titles such as Transgender Anal Plumbers Storm Hucow University—as long as the cover is innocuous and there are no fucking F words embedded in the product descriptionseem to slip by un-noticed. I guess the days of having fun with my covers and copy are over. All the fun will be inside the book. The outsides will be pretty straightforward.

I’ll be changing the title of Jane’s Steak and Blowjob Night Surprise to, Jane’s Steak and Math Homework Completed on Time Surprise. Yep. It has a nice ring to it!

Hotel Bukkake Party could become Waigoren Hotel Party or Gulp Gulp Hotel Party. That would be Gulmok Gulmok in Korean. What’s it in Japanese? Gokkun Gokkun. (Japanese is often more well-known to Westerners than Korean, but that’s a topic for another day).

 

Subtitle: The Great PornApocalypse

That’s a great title for my next book of poems. Better than My Whore Bag or Real and Imaginary Girlfriends #2.

The artist in me that wants to be creative fights the self-respecting author in me that wants my books to come up in searches, and “Customer Also Bought” lists. It’s not only a case of sour grapes, although, damn, them grapes be sour! I’m, thankfully, aware that if you could remove the Adult Ban I’d be on those searches and listsand that’s something. I get to see my sales. I’m no bestseller but strangely or not, I get some really cool, very smart, very professional, very loyal fans from all walks of life. I interact with anybody who is brave enough to email me and therefore have a good sense of what’s being bought. The problem is I’m not getting the amazon marketing machinewhich is formidableto back me thanks to these adult tags. I guess, in some ways I’m ultra-cool because I just won’t be tamed!

I see some great writers dealing with similar issues. I’ve noticed that Bella Swann, has chosen to list her books on multiple platforms. This is a great way to combat some of these arbitrary filters and makes sure your readers to get to see all your books.

The Sales Kiss of Death -- Adult"

If you see this rating, your sales will suffer.

If you are not sure if your books have adult bans on them visit Sales Rank Express and type in the author’s name and see all their books. You will see a red, ADULT, label if a book has been flagged (see image to the right).

Other writers have told me that you can remove “bad” words in the product description, remove any “fleshy bits” on your covers, and then email Amazon and ask them to review your updated book and consider removing the adult ban. While that works for some people, I wouldn’t keep your fingers crossed for too long. I’ve had no luck with that system. I’ve also had no luck with the perma-free pricing either (but that’s another story for another day, too).

 

 

Notes: Click Here to Google Search Transgender Anal Plumbers Storm Hucow University

 

 

 

Moctezuma Repents for his Porn Peddling Ways, but seriously can’t a Husband Suck His Wife’s Cock Anymore?

Sexy cards 500

Steak & Blowjob Short Story

Jane’s Steak and Blowjob Night Surprise

If you didn't already know that 3/14 was Steak & Blowjob Day that drop what you're doing and start fingering your pussy because, well, shame on you!

If you didn’t already know that 3/14 was Steak & Blowjob Day that drop what you’re doing and start fingering your pussy because, well, shame on you!

futanari-sluts-free_1I probably have overdone it here and there with all these dildos in deserts and women with massive, animated cocks but the truth is the world is too censored. Maybe I’m all jacked up. I mean I did run a bar for the last 5 years. I’ve been basically the bailiff of a medieval dungeon. My brain cannot be normal, can it?

That said, I’m a good citizen. Very. I hold doors for women, compliment people when they’re polite, and porn peddle blowjob porn and steak and BJ gunge. Also, I’ve broken up fights repeatedly, stopped guys from murdering other guys, and I’m on the shy side, ultimately. Anyways.

This is the last piece to cause the ruckus:

Husband goes down on wife
Can’t a husband even suck his wife’s cock anymore?

If you think the answer should be, “Yes, he can” then, please, have a quick read of [amazon text=Jane’s Steak and BJ Night Surprise&asin=B00UP38NVU] and let me know what you think with a short review. Thank you so much!

Five Ways Sex is Therapeutic

Six Pack

More reasons to Stay in the Bedroom

Sex is fun and it has been researched and proven that it lowers stress which leads to more optimal health levels. So fuck yourself healthy by keeping these five useful therapies in mind. 

 

Sex cures allergies – I suffer from debilitating allergies. You know, the kind that make it unable to take a full breath and leave you oxygen depleted and so cranky you want to throw your phone across the room and stomp your feet. I’ve tried decongestants, neri pots, apple cider vinegar, tea, you name it, and nothing helps. Well not nothing. Sex helps. After having sex with my wife I find that my sinuses open up and I have a rare moment where I can take a full breath.

 

It’s natural exercise (keeps us limber) – If you’re like me you suffer from a variety of ailments. Stiff necks, back spasms, sore wrists and elbows, tightness in the legs, etc. Thanks to the joys of making love I find my body stretched out and far more flexible than before which drastically helps these nagging injuries improve. It’s like sex reduces the pain of arthritis.

 

It reduces stress – I mean sometimes you just need to let off a little steam. If you don’t have a drum set in the house, try a quickie. I quick, hard fuck can be exactly what the psychologist ordered. Day in and day out there are zillions of little needling annoyances and one orgasm can set the annoyance odometer back to zero. For 2-5 minutes you will be at peace.

 

It patches up arguments – Is there a more charming way to admit you are sorry? Definitely not. Make up sex is the only good thing about arguing. Don’t forget about it. You need it. It’s like the glue that sticks a relationship back together.

 

It helps creativity – Sex releases endorphins. Endorphins let the creative juices flood your brain. So if you’re feeling stuck with your writing, your job, whatever takes a boost of creativity, try sex to get going again.

 

These are five therapeutic uses sex provides, but surely there are many more. Experiment for yourself and leave me a comment if you find something you want to share.

 

 

XXX ADVERT BELOW – BEWARE —

Love Asian Therapy? If so, check below:

Don’t worry, it’s just art! | Where does Sexual Addiction begin and end? | an Eroticist’s constant tug of war | Into the Shadows (not Out of the Shadows)

Don’t worry, it’s just art?

Where does sexual addiction begin and end?

About a year ago my wife told me that I had to get help for sexual addiction

Was Salvador Dali ever considered a sex addict?

Was Salvador Dali ever considered a sex addict?

Three books on the subject of sexual addiction and one luscious month later, I was admitting that I most certainly was an addict. Unfortunately I was admitting this mostly to rooms full of drunk chicks who were hardly condemning me. They’d laugh. My pussy addiction was on the table. They thought it was charming. Like a weird quirk. What they seemed to hear was if you’re lonely, and you have a cunt, then I’m the chap for you tonight. I got a significant bump in one night stands. This made my goomad angry. To put you in my frame of mind in those days, consider this: I had no qualms about cheating on my wife, but somehow I felt guilty cheating on the broad I was banging on the side. I mean she was blowing me in my bar (I mean in front of people), taking it up the ass, cooking dinners for me, and buying me presents. She knew I had a wife, but still. Fucking other girls 20 years younger than me and announcing my sex addiction wasn’t all that thrilling for her. She temporarily broke up with me. The she came back. My wife was telling me that I needed to find a psychologist. She knew something was fishy. Perhaps she could smell it on my dick. My wife was a royal pain in the ass. I mean this literally. Although she didn’t come from wealth her cultural upbringing taught her to act like a princess. This is common in Korea, they call the syndrome gong-ju-pyeong (공주병), meaning she has the princess disease. I would call her a diva. But seriously, was any piece of ass so good it could act like a diva? Absolutely not. I had little room to criticize her though because I was acting like a dick with a slew of bar rats I could fuck when I pleased, a Chinese puttana on the side, and a few girls I was actively chasing. Plus I had just had a very public embarrassment thanks to my ex-girlfriend-on-the-side. I was definitely a habitual womanizer. That was clear. Addiction? I wasn’t convinced, but my wife was. That meant I was at least exploring what it meant to be an addict.

The Checklist (taken from AAMFT):

  • Compulsive masturbation
  • Simultaneous or repeated sequential affairs
  • Pornography
  • Cybersex, phone sex
  • Multiple anonymous partners
  • Unsafe sexual activity
  • Partner objectification/demand for sex
  • Strip clubs and adult bookstores
  • Use of prostitution/escorts
  • Sexual aversion/anorexia
  • Frequenting massage parlors
  • Sexual paraphilias (a need for unusual sexual stimulation) and/or any sexually offensive behavior

Yep, check. I masturbated almost every night before bed “just to help me sleep.” I’ve already stated I’ve had sequential affairs, multiple affairs, affairs sprouting off the affairs — following my affairs was harder than charting a Gabriel Garcia Marquez character tree. Pornography, oh yeah. I watched it, curated it, archived it, hell I even made it. Cybersex, awesome! Phone sex didn’t scratch the itch but that only made me believe more that it would. Multiple anonymous partners? This one is hard for me to quantify. What makes a person anonymous? I never had my dick sucked through a glory hole but I have fucked women whose names I will never know. I’m going to answer maybe yes to that one. Unsafe sexual activity is a definite yes. Where do I begin on that one? No condoms most of the time. Jizzing in girls, fucking asses, having MFFs with bar girls, fucking in public, fucking in public in foreign countries where the locals, and often the police, are pretty hostile to foreigners — especially to white guys who are perceived as rice dick superior and pussy robbers (yes, I know I’m technically not white, but I look white so for this case then I’m white or white enough to get my ass kicked by a night stick). I called my girls cumpigs, whores, pieces of shit, and shoved their heads in toilets, under sinks, and put them in pig masks. Yeah, I suppose you could say I objectified women. I demanded sex. I never forced a girl. Never. That’s not me at all (women are too easy to ever consider that). But I certainly coerced a girl or two into sex or anal or face fucking or sharing when that wasn’t really what she was into. I mean, hell, to be honest, when a 30-year-old is seducing a 20-year-old the power structure is already all fucked up. That’s already coercion. I’m not complaining. I’m just saying it like it is. Strip clubs, never. Not my thing. Why not? Don’t know but probably too much facade and not enough fucking. Prostitutes, not in the Western sense of the word but definitely in the Asian sense of the word. Is it my fault that while shopping in Manila’s Mega Mall all the girls I picked up (what I had thought honestly) where professionals on some level? It’s not my fault. They were all “professionals” to varying degrees–even the hotel managers, the clothing sales girls, and the nurses. The nurses where whores! How could I possibly win? What’s next? I don’t have any sexual aversion/anorexia. I love massage parlors. I mean I live in Thailand for months at a time. And I certainly love sexual paraphilias (see a long list pf paraphilias here — I enjoy 1/4 to 1/2 of these). My list of fetishes is getting longer by the day but here’s a short list: latex, exhibitionism, voyeurism, sadism, plus I love sexual paraphernalia like dildos, anal plugs, and mountains of fake jizz to spray all over my partners.

Okay, I admit it. I admit it even when sober.

I’m a sex addict.

This admission led to a massive resurgence in my literary artwork. It’s funny. You may think that I’d have to drop porn and erotica but it was the opposite. I was engaging in really dangerous behavior that was jeopardizing my marriage, my business, and pretty much everything in my life. By focusing my energies on erotica I was able to make my addiction conform to me and my wife’s needs instead of my addiction making me conform to it. It was kind of like writing hardcore porn was allowing me to take my inner thoughts that I’d go to great (and often destructive lengths) to act out on people, put them in a trash bag, and take them to the curb for the men in thick gloves to throw in the garbage truck.

The lingering question for me has been where does the addiction begin and end. This is no easy question to answer. It seems to me that the very nature of addiction is a certain incompleteness to any bbehaviorthat then leads to repetition to achieve an increasingly impossible to occur satisfaction. My addiction was rooted in both sex and sensualism. I was addicted to feeling loved and having a submissive sexual partner. My wife was a wonderful lover and my equal. That left a part of my desires unfulfilled. I filled the lack by finding co-eds who came to my bar and using them for sex. It was wonderful! I had gorgeous young things kneeling down and sucking dick, giving me deepthroat with heads hanging off the bed, trying anal sex for the first time, and having sex in public. I wanted to cultivate these relationships but I couldn’t. I had a wife and a child and cheating was a total mess. It was causing me to lose control of running my bar and business, the financial lifeline to my family. Also, I was emotionally destroying these young girls who were in a relationship with a completely uneven power structure and thus falling in love with me. I was hurting them. I hurt one so badly that she landed in the hospital to get her slashed wrist surgically repaired.

Thanks to my wife’s pleading I made a change. I ceased the actual behavior that was hurting my wife and me and moved on to creating a vibrant sex life in reality. I stopped cheating. Cheating was the root of the ongoing sexual addiction. That was what was breaking our trust and making me rush to fuck other girls which then left me unsatisfied which made me search out new conquests which furthered the alienation which meant I needed more, more, more. I had identified the root cause and snipped it off like a hanging dingleberry. Reconnecting with my wife was actually quite a bit of fun (and I give her a ton of credit for investing in me). However, cutting the root problem didn’t solve all the addictive, compulsive feelings I had been building for years. Those feeling and compulsions had to go somewhere. That’s where writing became essential.

Girls carry books in hand to leave space in book bags for their dildos

The Journal

It was okay to pour all these emotions into my writing. I started with a kind of “secret journal” which became the Book of Real & Imaginary Girlfriends and then went on to write a psycho-thriller that explores some of the fetishes, mind control, and emotional turmoil that I had been experiencing and causing.

By writing these experiences I was getting therapy. My life started to make more sense. The fighting and crying scenes with my wife melted away. I started to devote myself to her sexually and made more efforts to please her. I noticed that there was a lot of things that I thought I didn’t like about her that I could fix because actually the root cause was my sexual addiction. It was quite a revelation. Trust me, we still have all kinds of problems, but the game-changers have been corrected so now we can talk and work on our problems. Family is amazing. It has become very important to me. I may have missed that if I didn’t admit my problems.

The days of single debauchery have abated, but the thoughts make for titillating reading and writing. I find myself in a case of having my cake and eating it too. My writing is like an emotional archiving of abnormal psychology, fetishism, and sexual addiction. Some people consider this taboo, but I counter that this is healthy. This is purging. This is taking my trash to the corner and then noticing that some pawn stars like the things I consider trash and want to sell them.

So to all the prudes, frigid faces, and hardcore erotica condemners I say, “Don’t worry, it’s just art!”

sexual addiction
sexual addiction
Are you suffering from Sexual Addiction? Try this cure. 

Love Erotica? Then like the “I Love Literary Porn” Facebook Page and join the community

Love Erotica? Then like this page.

Like I Love Literary Porn on Facebook to become part of a community that will bring erotica writers together for News, Reviews, Advice, and more.

 

There's nothing hotter than an attractive reader

There’s nothing hotter than an attractive reader

Let the Cards Fall Where they May | Blindfolded and Titties Out

A Useful Way to Organize and Disorganize your Story

This technique, an off-shoot of the William Borroughs cut-and-paste technique, has more benefits than you might realize.

Is this the way the cards will fall? A blow job rescues him from a panic attack? Jynx gets MJ and they live happily ever after? Or...?

Is this the way the cards will fall? A blow job rescues him from a panic attack? Jynx gets MJ and they live happily ever after? Or…?

When I was a young journalist in Latin America I was blessed and cursed with writing front page news for the city’s local English-language newspaper. I was blessed because it meant lots of people were reading my work. I remember seeing a pretty girl reading one of my articles while eating lime and chilis in a cafe in the local zocalo and I was thrilled but also scared. This meant I was under the microscope and I knew my organization was suspect at best and a total fucking shambles at worst. Yeah, I had the power to describe and I got the who what where when how (and sometimes why) but a little voice in the back of my head told me that there was more to be done.

 

The Note Card System

To better organize my thoughts I started using the note card system. I wrote the basic points of my article down, usually 20-25 points on cards. Then I carried them around with me all day. Idieally you’d like to do this before writing the article but that’s not me. I’d first write a very unedited, messy draft and then write the cards. While carrying them arround all day, I’d shuffle them and re-read them and find mini-groups and natural orders. In the beginning the cards were very malleable. They could be re-arranged, added to, subtracted from, etc. After carrying them and digesting them better, the order and groupings became firmer. There were sub-groups now that didn’t want to be broken up. Before I knew it, the natural order of the article had taken shape. All I had to do from here was make the first draft conform to the cards.

Let the chips fall where they may technique

Cards from writing the 4th episode of Chronicles of a Humiliation Backfired

When I started writing erotic fiction I used outlines. I found I went from being a wild poet to being too formulaic. The cards came back, but this time it was not to organize but to add realism and drama. Sometimes I cannot decide what a character is going to do or how s/he will respond to a certain situation. I have many possible scenarios in my head. Now I write them down and try to write diametrically opposite situations on the back. So in my love triangle with Jynx and Jenny I simply wrote “Jynx gets MJ” on one side and “Jenny gets MJ” on the other side. Then I shuffle the cards and toss them into the air to let them fall as they may. I pick them up in order and write the result in the way they’ve fallen. This leads to some unexpected results, new connections I may have never seen, and some awesome drama.

My books and characters have definitely been rewarded by this ticker tape technique. I suggest trying it if you haven’t already used it.

How-to Write Erotica – The Light, a key element | Writing Tip |

how-to-write-classy-erotica

How to Write Erotica

Have you ever watched the Ken Burns jazz documentary? In it, Wynton Marsalis talks about how some musicians have “the light.” When they play you play. It’s like the art is ensconced in fun and joy. That, according to him, is the secret quality of success. I don’t want to write great literature with erotica. I just want to bump into the light every once in a while. When I read two books by Connie Cliff I felt like she had the light shining through the shades into a dark room. Maybe that’s why I like them so completely. See my two dicks up review here 

What can an erotica author learn from 1920s jazz?

Everything. This is one of the great American art forms. It captures the soul of America. Listen to the clip below and hear how Louis Armstrong just keeps riffing on the same themes but slightly changing them. He’s enjoying himself. Thus, I’m enjoying myself listening. The great stories that I’ve read this month all do that. Bella Swann, Michael Dalton, Christina Harding, Connie Cliff, Emme Hor all have a little fun with you while they are writing. That means you will have a little fun. I know there are way more authors that share this joy through their writing, but I’m just noting the few I read in the last couple of weeks.

Check out “the light” coming out of Louis’ trumpet.

 

When figuring out how to write, you need to find that part that really turns you on. If you’re writing erotica, it’s probably a fetish, or a kind of lover. Find that element and then play around with it until you express the thing that makes it so hot for you.