Bullshit Bulletin #7 @MJKingOfErotica #LPRTG #EARTG @horbooks

There has been a significant rise in the number of LPRTG Newsletter followers. Thank you to all the new recruits.

For those of you considering joining, consider this:

WE WANT YOU! WE WANT YOU! WE WANT YOU AS A NEW RECRUIT

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This Site

The other awesome success has been the rise in people buying directly from this site via paypal. It’s a great way for the reader to pay less for our books while the author gets the entire profit. It’s win win for both author and reader. Do take advantage. Visit the Book Shop and find titles that interest you.

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Choose Your Own Kink SEXcapade

What's with the feet?

What’s with the feet? Click the heels to buy the book!

Of course, the nude new news for MJ fans is that he’s crawled out from under a rock to pen the Choose Your Own Kink SEXcapade and is about to drop a How To book that will blow your fucking minds. It’s kind of my version of Callie Press’s How To Give Good Head. As you know, women kind of suck at giving head except for a few blesséd souls.

This one is about you. And, hot damn, are you sexy and up to your ears in pussy and problems. There’s chocolate sauce, there’s custard, there are bicycles handles in assholes, there are synapses soaked with dopamine, there is romance, a virgin touched by Allah, a hooker (well, they say she’s a hooker), and a cameraman in a Darth Vader mask telling you the intricacies of Gorilla Glue. What? Yep, there’s a hell of a lot of stuff, but YOU pick which option you want because this is a CHOOSE YOUR OWN KINK. That’s right! See the hot girls in pink over there? Click them to buy this amazing new pulpy erotic smutpunk.

Also, please leave a review. Even if you just write a word or “it was good!” I will be eternally grateful. Reviews rock! Reviewers rock! Rimmies rimmies!

Do you hear that? Right in the peripheral of your brain. Yes that. Like audio ghosts. What the…? What is that? Is that what I think it is, baby? Callie? Emme? Genevieve? Mama? Is that the funk? The Flashlight? the Mothership? How’s your Funk? la da da di da da da da da da da. Shit! Goddamn! Get off your ass and jam! 

How’s your Funk-Entelechy? Me? Well, I’m known as lollipop man, aka the long-haired sucker, so not to0 funkin’ bad. Why are there stars in your eyes? All the better to funk you with.

Bernie Worrell, Dr. Woo, RIP, my funk brotha!

I was lucky enough to see Dr. Woo play over thirty times at various locations from small supper clubs to big concert halls. I was also given the amazing moment of meeting the band and chatting with them for hours, which I’ll obviously never forget. This man truly changed my life. Y’all may not know, some of you do, that I moonlight as a funk brother playing drums, keyboard, guitar, and bass depending on the funk. In fact, I didn’t have eyes on writing at all when I was younger. I was music all the way. If you’d like to know the truth, ask away. Until then, i’ll leave it shrouded in mystery. Listen to one of the greatest keyboard players to ever touch the planet Earth.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_tL8shj6yx0 – Very cool jam with even the audience involved

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Anything else to report these days? If so, let me know.

Ooh Ooh, nerdy girl editing by Jenn, the ex-Disney star. Try her out. She did the Choose Your Own Kink SEXcapades. She’s a genius. Any mistakes are mine, not hers. I’m the one who can’t edit worth shit. Click the link and see what she offers. Mention my name when you do.

And the last thing is there are a lot of new poems on this site by both me and my new super-crush Genevieve Greene.

 

A parting tweet to enjoy:

Hentai Foundry is an Awesome Site! (suggested to me by a cool dude)

Someone once said that if I were to combine the keywords Literary Porn with Chun Li I’d be an instant Erotica Success

Well, that never happened.

It did lead me into a renewed interest in hentai. Here are some incredible drawings by amazing artists found on Hentai Foundry. As a writer, I’m so totally indebted to and in awe of the genius of these talented artists from all over the world. Wow. Check out their pages and commission them for some drawings ASAP. I know I will!

 

 

 

 

Other great creative futa bukkake links:

http://www.hentai-foundry.com/pictures/user/Spidu/230179/A-Day-Off
http://www.hentai-foundry.com/pictures/user/ashraam/239090/Royal-Glutton
http://www.hentai-foundry.com/pictures/user/CosmicPirate/413549/Alley-Snack-part-2
http://www.hentai-foundry.com/pictures/user/iri-neko/430719/Tiones-Bukkake
I love the cross: http://www.hentai-foundry.com/pictures/user/ScarlettAnn/414936/Natasha-commissipn
http://www.hentai-foundry.com/pictures/user/dmitrys/30214/Roller-Futa
Seems like a Five Hive kind of situation: http://www.hentai-foundry.com/pictures/user/anotherartistmore/431252/HEAVY-2
http://www.hentai-foundry.com/pictures/user/xxoom/404600/Reina-surrounded-by-monster

The Romance on Skates Series | Gallery | #LPRTG @horbooks #EARTG #MrBrtg

Enjoy the Cover Gallery.

Let me know if you think I should change anything.

Click here to follow the link to Emme’s American SMUTPUNK on Skates Kindle Store

Poem by Moctezuma Johnson

Peel Another Banana, America

You love Aztec bitches

in their feathered headress

tattoed Teotitlan titties

hairless heiroglypic cunts

Today Tijuana has–

Meshica cunt shtuffed

full of obsidian cock–

Dress her up like an Aztec

in jaguar skin

to sacrifice at the altar

of thick Moctezuma cock

lay her on the stone

high atop pyramid

high on princess pussy

with King-sized cock

plunge that guatemalteca

like you were splitting her

in two, ripping her apart

to get her entrails out

conquest style, imperialistic you

splatter that tomato-

chocolate- and coffee-inventing

face with dick drip

diciendo: “dame dame dame

todo el poder!”

cut out that heartbreak after

you make the jade wearing jade–

that slattern bitch

who brags that nowadays

she’s pure Spanish blood

dark corn tits

two hard niblets

silver plated teeth–

absorb moctezuma’s semen storm

the discharge deluge.

strip the strumpet

slap choad chili

on her Pharoah-like ajpuob forehead.

you own the was-going-to-be royalty now

gaping her ass this time

as you jam it all the way in to her whine

then let it all the way out to her sigh

on the fiend’s own fertile floor

home of her blood-thirsty gods

where birds chirp hysterically

whine sigh whine sigh

like they are getting ass-fucked

like strumpets, jungle-wide

the whole forest thirsts

what you give hard and domineering

the whole forest aims for what you take

yet she cries

as face gets blow-gunned with semen,

sprayed, like her idols are splatterpunked with blood.

smutpunk her with imperial cum

she is kneeling — tell her “suck,

to save yourself,”

she only sobs and murmurs it isn’t fair

you cock-slap her face

then jam it down past her tonsils

while salty rivers stream

down into the corners of her mouth

again, you stretch out the corners of her bowels

cum up her asshole

then throw her down

pyramid steps

nothing could have saved her

 

note:

some reviewer said i wrote about rape so i’ve decided to write about rape. thanks. if you can’t expect logic from a review why shouldn’t i indulge in it? what’s it called? double jeopardy? since I’ve already been found guilty of the crime via 1-star review it’s carte blanche on committing said crime. i’ve already paid the fine, so why not commit the crime with panache? So i’ve revisited this poem of the brutal imperialism of white people v. indians in the conquest of (latin) america. it’s a deep poem. i expect many won’t understand the point. if you do, please SHARE or leave a comment. Thanks, lovelies!

Review of Erotic Pulp #1 Sci-Fi Mystery SMUTPUNK, baby! #EARTG #LPRTG

book-review

Now, True Believers, coming to the Amazon shelfies is a Pulpadelic Comic Book without the drawings by the illustrious Callie Press. I was lucky enough to see this work form and have just had the enormous pleasure (and I mean enormous! Wink wink) of reading Erotic Pulp #1 and wanted to leave a review on the ZON but it’s not possible on Pre-Order so I’ll put it here. Be Forewarned: SPOILERS GALORE!

These stories share that Stan Lee quality of focusing on really wholesome ordinary characters who are then plagued, blessed, beaten by exceptional circumcisions, err, circumstances. I mean, you have Fit Man and Burpee Girl succumbing to Street Thug and you have Barnacle Man cocksplitting a captain. As Sea Captain of Facebook Brazil I really vibed off that one. I mean, peoples, when’s the last time you saw a cockslap lead to entrails all over sails? Am I right? Read that one outloud: entrails all over sails. Oh yeah! Then you have the sweet, sumptuous Candy, and the running maniac Danny running, pounding, hurdling, bumping cockhead to cervix in a very Bizarre Olympic Tune-up. This is one of the best climactic sex scenes I’ve ever read. From COCKSLAP to ROMANTIC HURDLE, this is Callie Press in a delicately painted nutshell. Her work is brash and subtle at the same time. She has an outstanding gift for dialogue. Have you ever seen those amazing Chinese painted bottles? They are these tiny bottles that the artist paints carefully from the inside. They have highly acute detail. That’s Callie. From word choice to sentence structure to characterization to dialogue to plot arc you are ensconced in the soft velvet of Callie’s genius.

Snuff Bottle from www.cultureincart.com

Chinese Painted Snuff Bottle from www.cultureincart.com

Pre-Order it! And on release day, read it first thing. Then share your reviews. I can’t wait to hear what others think of this piece. It’s getting my early vote for Moctezuma’s Golden Cunt Award (best book of the year).

From the Callie Press:

In the inaugural edition you will find:

  • Fit Man and Burpee Girl in … Street Justice!
  • Barnacle Man stars in … (censored) Your Boat! (See? Continuity already!)
  • Candy and Danny in … A Romantic Hurdle!
  • Untitled Smutpoem by your own sweet Callie!
  • An introduction to the Intraworld in … Last Day On Earth!
  • And the main event this ish is San Esperma in … Queen Kegel’s CASTLE!
SMUTPUNK

Click the Shadowy Chick for Access to Erotic Pulp #1

Peel Another Banana America | An anti-imperialism poem | #erotic #political #poetry #LPRTG

Read Moctezuma Smutpunk

Peel Another Banana, America

Aztec King / El Rey Azteca

Image by Davichi via Flickr

You love Aztec bitches
in their feathered headress
tattoed Teotitlan titties
hairless heiroglypic cunts
Today Tijuana has–
Meshica cunt shtuffed
full of obsidian cock–
Dress her up like an Aztec
in jaguar skin
to sacrifice at the altar
of thick Moctezuma cock
lay her on the stone
high atop pyramid
high on princess pussy
with King-sized cock
plunge that guatemalteca
like you were splitting her
in two, ripping her apart
to get her entrails out

splatter that tomato
chocolate- and coffee-inventing
face with dick drip
diciendo: “dame dame dame
todo el poder!”

 

Read the Rest of the Poem on the Full Poem Page, Sorry (I had some formatting issues and couldn’t get it all to paste here well)

Princess Chuckhole v. Butterface | Clash of the Cthulhu | #SSRTG #LPRTG #EARTG #CTHULHU

invisiblesmutpunkheader

 

Alien Wrestling Night
Alien Wrestling Night

FIND OUT WHICH SUPERBEING WINS THE MATCH

Read a Free Sample

Buy your own copy of the Battle for Alien Relish

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Read Sample online right now:

Excerpt from Triangulum Stain 2 by Moctezuma Johnson

Excerpt from THE BATTLE FOR ALIEN RELISH – Triangulum Stain 2 by Moctezuma Johnson

Chloe was on the couch with her curly hair exploding on the back cushions. Her back was flat against the seat cushion, sticking to the leather, and her neck craned forward. Her mouth was stuffed with a ball gag and her wrists were cuffed with police cuffs.

Her mouth was stuffed with a big red ball gag with breathing holes pierced into it. Her legs were cuffed to her hands so her pussy’s thick meaty lips were on display. She was clean shaven. She was gorgeous. Her eyes were dark and wide open. She blinked. She wanted so badly to be aroused.

Man after man had left her. She knew this was the reason. They got bored or scared of her. They felt like they couldn’t own her like they wanted. Sure they could stuff her mouth, stretch her cunt, blast her ass with their dicks. They could get her to say she loved it, or even loved them, but deep down there was a gaping hole and it wasn’t just her anus. It was deeper than that!

Deeper than anus, Chloe thought. That was a funny thought. What was deeper than anus? Was there some micro-infinity? Worlds and worlds of imperceptible infinity up her ass. Was she the goddess of ass?

Lefty knew that she just wasn’t excited enough about him. Some infinity up her ass was reckless and needed to be sated. It was like there was a bad teenager up her ass. She needed to tame it. She tried it all. She tried rough sex, group sex, filmed sex, paid sex, charity sex, bdsm sex, lesbian sex, and none of it scratched her itch. Lefty knew and left her. The rest had left her.

Now she just picked up the same old losers at the High Dive Bar on High Street in Beaver Lick, Arizona. She picked them up and had them carry out their fetishes on her. Since the first attack of the Triangulum Stain she had been peed on, shit on, slapped, caged, written on, and spit on. Of course she’d been cum on copious amounts. Today she was tied up, her legs tied to her arms which were cuffed above her head. She was waiting, hoping, dying to get gushingly wet, but instead it was nothing but red rock pussy, as dry as the desert rock.

Officer Rick, the latest dreg that she had peeled off a bar stool and brought to her house, was pounding her ass. Ever since she saw sentient dildos she knew that the great Arizona expanse was but a comma in a book, one book of many crammed onto the bookshelf of life, one infinitesimal small pin prick of the entire dusty library of the universe. Ever since she knew that, she lost all feeling. The connection from cerebral cortex to cunt had been cut. Cleaved straight off. As Officer Rick unleashed his semen onto her cold, flapping pussy lips, he grunted and she sighed. It was as if the streams of sexuality were all dried up. The pleasures that Chloe had experienced as Princess Chuckhole had been too much. No earthling should ever touch, taste, and feel such ecstasy. It was too much for the mind. It was sanity-bending. Now as she found herself bound and being used hard, she was devoid of any feeling. Her body heaved and tears rolled down her cheeks and landed in the bruised nape of her neck.PrettyMoctezumaQuote

“What? Why are you crying?” Officer Rick said. The tears had sobered him up a bit and he quit drooling on her breast and picked himself up. He stroked a strand of curly hair out of the salty river of her tears. “Don’t cry, baby. I’ll take care of you.”

The last sentence sent her crying into hyperventilation. All hope was lost. Chloe wanted to be Princess Chuckhole again but all the sentient alien dildos were long dead, and long gone. She turned and looked out the skylight. She could see the stars up above. She sniffed, and she wished to the stars that she would be reconnected to herself.

She could have sworn she saw the cosmos momentarily churn.

On Planet M69, Alien Relish, in the years after the sentient dildos were destroyed the speakers were off, the cum-waters were still, and the scene was silence. It was like someone had turned off the faucet. All that wonderful protein was immobile.

Since the planet had stopped moving. The lusty feelings of humankind had likewise been cut off. All over Earth, people were losing their sex lives, overrun by apathy and insensitivity.

 

 Continue Reading The Battle For Alien Relish (Futa, Transgender, Sci-Fi, Humor) 

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Triangulum Stain 2 by Moctezuma Johnson

Two Poems by Emme Hor | #EARTG #MrBrtg #LPRTG |

A Literary Porn Poem

Two Poems about Rothko and Rosenvasser

by Emme Hor

I was the meat
Rothko and Rosenvasser were the bread
I sauced, creamy dressing
mustard-honey vinaigrette on lunch-meatsexy (6)
they were lightly toasted
and soggy in the middle

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Rothko and Rosenvasser
hate each other
each spits when he
hears the name of the other

 

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Author bio:

Emme Hor was born in Malaysia. She has a degree in Law and in Ass-kicking. She looks like a smoking hot supermodel, standing over six feet tall. She was once offered 10,000 dollars to take a Bukkake. Whether or not she accepted can be neither confirmed nor denied. If you compliment her on her poetry she may sign a picture of her ass for you as a souvenir. Get yourself ready for the Confessions of a Whore Series.

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