Review of Callie Press – How to Give Good Head & Butterface | She’s so nice I reviewed her twice @CalliePress #LPRTG

book-review

I am reviewing two Callie Press books in one post. Why? Cuz I wanna. It’s my blog site and I’ll do what I want. I’ve been messing around on Goodreads like a teenager feeling up his first set of tits while hiding in the back of the bus from the Godly Army. It’s awkward and weird and there’s sticky stuff all over the back of the seat, so I’d prefer to put my words down here free from the shackles of censorship and the Godly Prude Army. 

 

How to Give Great Head

I have always been a huge fan of Callie Press. Ever since I read The Chamber Pot Prince by Callie I’ve been her secret admirer. Well, I’ve told her so there’s nothing secret about my ogling, I’m just an admirer, but secret sounds so much more tawdry, like I’m a creeper breaking into her house, stealing her underwear, and sewing them into my new shower curtain.
This Give Great Head book was easy to like. I have stats about women giving head. They aren’t good. Most womeDeepThroatAngeln who get high scores are self-rate. Men score these same women significantly lower. Who will you trust, the one with the equipment being used or the one borrowing cock and balls every once in a while and mostly playing while drunk. We have a problem, and here cums (yes, i’m chuckling) Callie with her advice. It’s great. The book mostly explores the attitude needed to really suck a dick. Attitude is everything. Women are improving their cocksucking skills already. The numbers are going up whether self-rated or scored by a think tank (yes, my name for a blow bang). So what’s not to like about this book. Also it contains an awesome foreword by another titan of literary porn erotica: me. Keep in mind, ladies, I give 1-on-1 lessons called “Teaching Girls to Face Fuck.” Inquire within. In the meantime, read [amazon text=How to Give Great Head.&asin=B014RKVPO8]
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Butterface

This just may be the Erotica Book of the Year. Okay, okay, you know I’m a bit prejudiced when it comes to Callie. I mean, she’s a big-titted sexpot with red hair so how could I possible retits, err, resist? Really, to be honest, I can’t. I have no willpower. Tits turn me into putty. However, my lack of willpower doesn’t take away from the absolute masterpiece she’s written here. It’s a halloween tale, but it’s so much more than that.

Butterface is gonna git ya

The plot is basically this, boys that haven’t gotten their peckers wet yet are going to die. In fact, they are going to get fucked to death. There’s this boogiewoman, this succubus, that wants their teen jizz. She will fuck their brains out, literally, leaving drooling, non-coherent fucknuckles in their used up, once virile bodies. One weird, very deliberate choice by Callie to add to the inbred feel of the book is to give just about all the characters virtually the same name, like Jimmy Bob and Billy Jimmy and Billy Bob.  The names plus this homoerotic fishing hole with jizz floating in the water leads you into the tale told mostly from the heresy of Old Pap. Without jizz, the primordial protein, we wouldn’t be alive and this is the theme that makes Butterface so much more than a Halloween tale. It’s a history of the universe, it’s a creation story, it’s a Cthulhu myth, and it’s a hot, nasty panty-wetting, titty-rubbing, cock-hardening literary porn erotica opus.

No more plot spoiling, that’s close enough to the verge for me to elicit a little gooey pre-cum but not one glistening drip more.

The thing that’s remarkable in this book is the voice. The narrator’s voice is as polished as a million-dollar pearl while the characters sound like something out of a Faulkner masterpiece. In the first few pages you’ll hear that Callie has an incredible ear for dialogue, particularly the speech of these inbred country folk. It’s so intense I couldn’t help think, even though I know she’s a genius, that she couldn’t keep it up (yes, I’m giggling) for the whole book. But, holy hard-on, she keeps it up and rock hard the whole fucking book. It’s unlikely. It’s improbable. And she does it. Along the way, she tells quite a tale of star-crossed lovers sacrificing for each other, a horny old man making a deal with a she-devil, and a bunch of dumb innocent virgins making horrible decisions thanks to inbreeding, religion, and too much mercury in the water.

Don’t listen to a word I have put down here, everything I’m trying to say is too lubed up and skewed by my ejaculate and the sublimity in Callie’s erotic work of art. Just read it, get it straight from the source.

Quick before butterface come an’ git ya.

Buy [amazon text=Butterface&asin=B0151S70BW] (mouse-over for different amazon stores in different countries and languages)

 

Want to have more Callie Press fun? Find out how menstrual blood can build universes

 +++Quiz about Callie+++

Find out how menstrual blood builds universes
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#TittyTuesday | #HathaYoga | #DownwardDog

#TittyTblindfolded.asian.about.to.be.facefuckeduesday is for squeezing your big tits against your hatha yoga teacher during downward dog #yoga

 

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Get big Asian Tits and Big White Dicks in my new dirty Erotic Short Stories about Bored Asian Wives

One of the stories in this short story collection about Asian wives looking for big white and black dick focuses on a young, trendy little Asian nymph who lets her yoga teacher become her guru in more than just downward dog. Did you know doggy-style was a yoga position? She didn’t.

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Have you entered my giveaway sweepstakes?

Be sure to help me out by visiting my book shop where you can shop uncut, burning hot erotica on the cheap.
Don’t forget to Order Triangulum Stain 2 – It explains why the universe is here

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Get smutpunk so gooey that you need to be VIP just to look! This subscription is for real smutpunks only!

Get content so naughty that you need a private password to get in and enjoy! Yep, that naughty!

Get content so tight that you need a private password to squeeze in! This subscription is for real smutpunks only!

Squeeze Right In

Enter to Win a $150 Amazon Gift Card | #LPRTG #EARTG #ASMSG

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Enter to Win

Enter to Win a $150 Amazon Gift Card, a mug, or a shopping spree | #LPRTG #EARTG

First be sure to join the LPRTG mailing list. Second, enter the contest. Third, share with your friends.

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BOOK STORE: Visit my Book Shop | #EARTG #LPRTG #Erotica

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Click the Image of the Literary Porn Club to Visit the Erotic SMUTPUNK Book Shop

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Moctezuma Johnson hanging out in the Literary Porn club with his hat and sunglasses on. Click him to visit the Book Shop

Cover Reveal: Bored to Tears by my Asian Husband | by Moctezuma Johnson @MJKingOfErotica

Literary Porn Smutpunk

See the Bored to Tears post on literaryporn.net

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Order Bored to Tears by my Asian Husband

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Hell Hath No Fury like a Cum-Crazed Woman Scorned | #LPRTG #Erotica | Excerpt

movie-trailer-Bukkake-Hotel-Asian-Lesbian-Porn

Hell Hath No Fury like a Cum like a Cum-Crazed Woman Scorned is one of the lost famous quotes in history. Scholars aren’t sure who it is attributed to but that shouldn’t stop you from enjoying Jynx’s revenge.

Okay, I’m just fucking around about the quote. Here’s the real full thing:

Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned, Nor hell a fury like a cum-crazed woman scorned

Jynx has been mistreated by MJ for a long time. She loves him so much she’ll give him anything he wants in bed, but he keeps cheating with other women. It’s more than that, he strings her along. He booty calls her after dates with other girls and fucks her in the ass before sending her back out to work disheveled and cum-stained. He also has taken to dating the supermodel Jenny. Jynx could handle MJ’s occassional pickup but a steady second girlfriend was too much. Jynx is desperate to destroy Jenny the supermodel slut who has been letting MJ up her ass like she’s his main pussy.

Excerpt of Episode3 of geni.us/Humiliation

Excerpt of Episode3 of geni.us/Humiliation where Hell Hath No Fury…

Episode One of Chronicles of a Humiliation Backfired features Jynx’s main plan to humiliate and destroy Jenny. Jynx threatens to slice the bitch up and kneel on her corpse and suck MJ off. This plan backfires and she goes to plan B in Episode Two: Jynx drugged Jenny, tethered her to a parking meter and made her do incredibly nasty things.

Now, Jynx thinks she’s free of Jenny and is obsessed enough to mix MJ’s cum into her morning coffee. She’s obsessed, organized, and well-planned. However, she still hasn’t landed her man. She has employed the help of a gorgeous Russian-Korean nymphet with a tight body. Remember, Hell Hath No Fury, and all that. MJ wakes up in episode 3 in a bus station tied to a wall and in the care of this gorgeous young girl. This episode reveals Jynx’s master plan to exact revenge on Jenny, which leads to a psychotown revelation in Jynx’s freezer.

Check out the experpt on the right here and then download episode 3 for free today and tomorrow to find out just how bat shit crazy Jynx can be!

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Buy the Chronicles of a Humiliation Backfired Season One

Get all four episodes in one inexpensive, convenient, literary porn bundle. Ask me if you’re interested in a Free Bundle in exchange for an honest review. I’m always looking for reviews, of course. 

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MJ Reviews “The Chamber-Pot Prince” by Callie Press | #BookReview #LPRTG #Erotica

Callie Press pulls down her panties

The Chamber-Pot Prince

by Callie Press

Bring your “dirty” mind

A very naughty fairy tale for grown-ups

 

Callie made my acquaintance with something like this on twitter: I see you’re bogged down with the annoyance of bothering with plot in your writing. So naturally I was in love and had to read some of her work. Boy, am I glad, girl.

Callie has written a “dirty” story set in an ancient fairy tale land that is literally dirty thanks to some anachronistic burritos, an evil step mom, and a lewd chamber pot (click the link to learn about the wonderful world of arinolas, jordans, jerrys, or piss pots as they have been called).

Libby is the name of the princess with evil step mother. Callie says, “She’s basically me, but tall and blonde. I’m short and a redhead.” Yes, the author’s a redhead everywhere, perverts. I had to ask too. Everywhere. If you’re familiar with Walmart, you may have noticed Libby is named after some canned vegetables. I’ve miss out on Walmart, sadly, so I didn’t make that connection. No matter because Libby’s got big, beautiful tits, a perfect apple ass, and loves sucking dick. Yep, she’s the heroine of this erotic tale.

In the novelette, Libby’s been reprimanded by her step mom and has to clean the chamber pot which is overflowing with the nasties that a chamber pot gets filled with over the course of the days. When Libby starts to clean the pot, the story takes on its first of many twists. The chamber pot can talk and tells Libby that he’s really a rich, handsome man under an evil enchantment at the hands of an evil witch. A passionate kiss will release him, he says. Libby decides, disgusting or not, she should take the plunge and get the prince out of the chamber pot. What ensues is a lot of fun and more surprising than your average girl meets boy, girl fucks boy, girl is happy erotica.

I won’t provide any spoilers but I will tease you with this: the more she tries to suck the Prince out of the Chamber Pot the more she finds an ever-growing, meaty part of him. Libby also finds a way to unveil her firm yet huge maidenly tits.

If you like literary porn with a real dirty twist, this story by Callie Press should be on your kindle.

[amazon text=The Chamber-Pot Prince by Callie Press&asin=B013M5FX56]

 

More about Callie:

Find her @calliepress on Twitter

 

 

 

Next on my list by Callie Press is Dominating Donna

 

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Cover Reveal of FUTADELIC | the new one by Moctezuma Johnson 3====D

Futadelic - The Power of Potion

You’ve been waiting for the new one by Moctezuma Johnson. You have your reading device, you’ve poured yourself a whiskey, you’ve drawn the curtains, turned on your vibrating toy, and you’re ready to read some literary porn. You’ve been waiting for the prince of page porn, the self-proclaimed (yes, I know it’s ridiculous) King of Erotica to drop his new book down on your genitals (ouch!). Well, here it is: 9,000 words of pure #futadelic mayhem. So what does Futadelic look like?

 

Without further ado I give to you…

 

Futadelic

 

The Power of Potion

 

The story of Dr. Peter Engle in the seedy black markets of Bangkok. Think starfish, think crab, think amputee. Think wires crossed, think dick-girl. Think Futa Mayhem!

 

 

 

 

The Full Unadulterated Cover

Futadelic - The Power of Potion

Futadelic – The Power of Potion

 

The Censored (but still fucking awesome) Cover

The Power of Potion

The Power of Potion

MJ now reviewing on Naughty Book Snitch

rewview-red-sky-at-morning-by-Made-in-DNA

Don’t forget to see my Book Reviews on Naughty Book Snitch where I will be a part-time snitch.

Doesn’t that just sound great?

The first review is about a book by Made In DNA / Brent Millis. Red Sky at Morning, by Made in DNA, is an incredible story set in Post-Nuclear Meltdown Japan—what a lovely place!—that features a cyborg detective taking on a demon child killer. Come on, admit that’s fucking awesome! At 28-pages it’s an absolute must-read. So follow the link below (hover over to get multiple listings from multiple countries/languages) or read the review and then follow the link below.

[amazon text=Red Sky at Morning&asin=B007HZZ2D6] || Book Review at Naughty Book Snitch

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The Wizard's Daughters are pretty delectable.

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