Smutpunk is its own language | #SMUTPUNK #LPRTG #EROTICA

smutpunk-is-its-own-language

Smutpunk is its own language

smutpunk is its own language

Cafe con leche — porque gatos…

You may have seen that I’m publishing more books and sex tips in Spanish. I speak Spanish poorly, but I do speak, so that’s been an advantage as I can work with my translators to find phrasings and styles that I like. What other languages would you like to see smuptunk translated into?

Into which languages would you like to see smutpunk books translated? (Choose up to three)

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Sarchasmo (2) Book Club Questions

Please Take a Moment and Answer a few of these Book Club Questions regarding Sarchasmo V. Mr. Whiteprick:book discussion questions

  1. Is the bleak outlook on Indie Writers accurate?
  2. Is Sarchasmo too mean to Whiteprick?
  3. Not that there is anyone in real life as ridiculous as this “Whiteprick” character, but let’s suspend disbelief and assume he is real, do you know who Mr. Whiteprick is in real life?
  4. Does Whiteprick get what he deserves? Why or why not?
  5. Do you know who the Obsessive Cherry Blossom is?
  6. What’s your biggest pet peeve in indie publishing?
  7. Now that you know that Sarchasmo is for hire, would you like to employ him to take on your major issues?

(please answer below — discuss)

Which title do you like better for this book? | a poll

Questionnaire by MJ Smutpunk dude

skull-candy-roller-skates-smutpunk

Ladies, or men, tell me what you think please.

Which title do you like best for this book?

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JOIN THE AMAZING SMUTPUNK RAFFLE

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JOIN THE AMAZING SMUTPUNK RAFFLE

A Smutpunk Erotica Giveaway

You can win…

  1. A free Kindle stuffed with smutpunk

  2. Sex Toys for him and her

  3. Gift Cards

  4. A Site Shopping Spree

  5. Cock Flavored Cocktails

  6. I mean, Cocktail Flavored Dicksickles

  7. and More!

[contestfriend contest=”5213″]

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Be Useful and Nice by sharing this Staggering Smutpunk Raffle with your friends and followers.

While you’re here, check out Moctezuma’s New Releases

Book Review: R.B. O’Brien’s “Thorne: Rose’s Dark Contract” #NRRTG #LPRTG

book-review

Review of R.B. O’Brien’s [amazon text=Thorne: Rose’s Dark Contract&asin=B01BX7P9DQ]

Review by Moctezuma Johnson 

Where to start with this emo-tornado of a book. I felt like I was again dating a twenty-year old. In fact, it felt like dating a few at once. Thorne’s Dark Cuntract, as I have nicknamed R.B.’s book affectionately, is an absolute whirlwind of heavy and dark emotion penned by the slightly mad R.B. O’Brien (not to be confused with any B.R. Yo’Lyin or B.A. Ro’lyin from my books. Any similarities are purely coincidental). The plot is bizarre. On one hand it’s a dark romantic tale about a young women falling for an older man in a suit. She agrees to be enslaved by him as a secretary-whore, a great job title by the way (seeking applicants. Inquire within. Apply online.) Simultaneously, it’s a plot about a man with a past that threatens to reignite and burn him up in an inglorious blaze. These two disparate elements combine. They combust.

For me Rose is a pretty well thought out character. I’m on the fence with Thorne. At times, he seemed to wishy washy to bathe himself successfully let alone run a company threatening the livelihoods of the fat cats from the tobacco industry. Then I remembered that I’m a twelve year old at heart and I function (kind of), so I’m not sure what to make of the dude.

The book features a pretty close character study of young Victoria Rose. The emotions swing from west to north and then some directions that even Cthulhu himself probably couldn’t name. R.B. knows how to write. Her students are lucky to have her as a professor. R.B. also writes characters who are an emotional mess. Her students might be lucky to have her but her boyfriends are in for a heap of crazy. As James Brown says, “I don’t know karate but I do know crazy.” If I ever dated R.B. I think all the volcanoes on Planet Earth would erupt as the tumultuous crazy encircled and enlaced the planet. Thorne is filled with push, pull, deny, encourage, deny, push, pull, tease, withhold, give in, deny in an endless barrage of tantric sexual repression that made me crazy. I kept yelling at the book, “Alright, just assfuck the bitch already!” sincerely hoping Rose would grow a futanari pair, bend the dude in suit over his own desk, and drive into him with all her futanari cock mayhem, but that’s not the kind of book this is, sadly (for me). It’s more the ‘classic’ romance you’d find next to the fake flowers in a suburban ‘super’-market with some hunky, light-skinned Latino on the cover pretending to be a white man. R.B. has studied her audience well and gives romance readers what they want. Rose is very conscious of wearing nice clothes on the outside while wearing the sexy clothes that Mr. William Thorne has made her wear. She’s under his control. She’s painfully self-conscious of every move like an adolescent and this is precisely what’s so captivating about the prose. It’s a very complex push-pull of emotions. R.B. writes a character who sums up the adolescent female mind trapped in all of us adults.

If you’re a fan of romance or erotica this is a good book for you. Smutpunks may like it if they can stand the emotional turbulence without the madcap mayhem that they are used to. The story here is someone banal but the way in which it is told and the character study is extraordinary. Literally. One-and-a-half-smutpunk-Dicks-Up-Erotica-Rating-System-BY_MJ-2All in all, I give it a dick and a half up.

$.

Dick Rating: A Dick and a Half Up out of Two Dicks (a little too vanilla for me, babes)

Literary Value: William Skankespeare out of William Shakespeare

Overall Score: 4.5 out of 5 stars

 

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Upcumming Reviews (Check Back Soon!) penis

Thing of Beauty by Bianca Schwarz (cumming soon)

Rigger by Mystk Knight (cumming soon)

Kella Z Driel’s Bunker 69 (cumming soon)

Linzi Basset’s Book of Poems (cumming soon)

 

New Tabbed Smutpunk Bookshelf

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New Tabbed Smutpunk Bookshelf

All the madcap cyberpunk, splatterpunk, genre-blending, gender-bending S. Punk you’ve come to expect from MJ, aka King SMUTPUNK

Click the tabs to see what books lie in that category. Start with Futanari and work your way all the way to Sci-Fi. 

 Futadelic
(see review

The Power of Potion

The Power of Potion

Futadelic - The Power of Potion

Futadelic – The Power of Potion

Futadelic (excerpt)

 Futa Boxing Gym
Conquering Ines

futa-boxing-gym-conquering-bit-tits-asian-ines-keiko-jump-rope

 Futa Boxing Gym 2
1948 (Amazon)
1948-smutpunk-futa-boxing-gym-moctezuma-johnson-Cover3

Other Versions:

1948 (Exclusive Smutpunk)
1948 (Blurb)
1948 (Freebie)
1948
 (excerpt)

 

 

Sarchasmo V. Apographia – Copycats are on the loose stealing ideas left and right until Sarchasmo shows up to mete out justice. This makes fun of how many indie writers blatantly rip off other indie writers. Enjoy!

TheAdventuresOfSarchasmoVersusApographia69

TheAdventuresOfSarchasmoVersusApographia69

Sarchasmo V. Mr. Whiteprick – A horrible Indie writer whom they call Whiteprick has picked a fight with the wrong sweet Louisiana Cherry Blossom. Sarchasmo is on the case to mete out his cockslapping brand of social justice. This one pokes fun at the state of publishing in 2017. Enjoy!

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Chronicles of a Humiliation Backfired (Season One)

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Moctezuma Johnson’s Chronicles of Humiliation Backfired

 

 

Chronicles of a Humiliation Backfired (Season Two) — Cumming Soon — Join the Mailing List to Get Notifications of Release Dates and Sales/Freebies! pulp-covers-smutpunk-on-skates-reveal
Messy Blowjob Gunge Pie Steak Pi Day

Promotional Poster for the Steak and BJ Bundle

Jane’s Steak and BJ Night Surprise (see review

The Nose (see review

The Steak and BJ Bundle (see review

Real and Imaginary

Poisonous Apples

Smutpunk Poetry (coming soon) Join the Mailing List to Get Notifications of Release Dates and Sales/Freebies!

The Black Book (coming soon) Join the Mailing List to Get Notifications of Release Dates and Sales/Freebies!

Click the Tongue for Fun

Choose Your Own Kink SEXcapade

A story all about YOU in which YOU make all the decisions!

The TriStain Universe Episodes:

Pop & Lollie (Teabagged by the Sentient Lollipop aka the Candy Cunt Saga) Pop-n-Lollie--Pulp

Attack of the North Korean Giantesses

 FINAL-KDP-North-Korean-Giantesses 

emme hor

whore

 

 

 

Am I missing something? Let me know. Please share this ever-updating bookshelf with your followers, too. Thank you.

Guest Post by Bella Shadows, Smutpunk | #smutpunk #LPRTG

Guest Post by [amazon text=Bella Shadows&asin=B01N372G0U]

I would like all you smutpunk muhfuckas to welcome the juicy and sexy Bella Shadows to the blog. She’s going to teach you how to go and fuck yourself. Smutpunk: Seriously? Yep. And you’d best listen and learn well because there’s going to be a test later. Your life just may depend on it, okay? She’s got the skills to teach and rumor has it that you ain’t doin’ it right, so you’d better put that thinking cap on your head. The other head, you naughty little pig. Rimmies, MJ

Bella Shadow's Poll: Which of these answers most closely resembles your attitude? Sex is . . .

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Guest Post by Bella Shadows – Click the Cover to Learn More

 

 

THEE GUEST POST OF HONOR
Go Fuck Yourself (Then Go Fuck Others, Too) by Bella Shadows
Okay. Let’s get a couple things straight.
1) Fucking yourself is not just about releasing pent-up stress and repressed sexual desires by jacking-off to one’s favorite porn clip.
2) Yelling, “Go Fuck Yourself!” at another person is actually a blessing, not a curse. It’s closer to “peace be with you” than any derogatory innuendo. (Think about it… Some fanatical Christian moron actually believed that masturbation was a sin and that if you fucked yourself you were a sinner, hence the beginning of that idiotic “curse” statement. Hey, a good Christian only forces their genitalia on their wife/husband, right? Yeah, right.)
Now that we got those two points out of the way, let’s get positive, my people!
Self-love is an art. It’s a chance to reconnect with oneself in a way that no other body can. It’s an opportunity to give back to oneself all the love-energy that one gave away over the course of the day.
Yes, the DAY.
You should fuck yourself daily. Not just once in a while, or when you go home lonely from the club so your hand is the only answer for relief. Not just because you have no partner at the moment. Not only when the job has become too much bullshit to handle so you take out your frustration on your tender bits.
C’mon. This is 2017. I know we can do better than that as a bunch of magically sexual human beings.
Do you know how amazing masturbating is? Really? Maybe you think you know, but do you really, really know? Well, lemme tell you…
FUCK YOU = TREAT YOU RIGHT
Playing with oneself is the only way to tap into pure, singular, creative energy. You can generate more energy from one self-love session than you ever could by just getting your rocks off, whether that be with your own hands or with a partner (or partners).
Lemme ‘xplain somethin’.
There are ancient methods of fucking oneself which can provide your body with more heat than you’ve ever experienced. Let’s discuss this, really, because in general, the sexually repressed and sexually misunderstood culture of the western world has been led to believe that sex is:
A-only for makin’ babies
B-the way one expresses love to a partner
C-taboo and forbidden
D-nasty and disgusting
E-dangerous and powerful
The only one of those options I agree with is the P word–powerful. Sex is power. It is one of the everyday magical talents that every human has the ability to do. Sex is powerful magic.
Close your eyes (after reading this, of course) and recall the last monumental orgasm you felt. Breathe deeply and rhythmically. See the fantasy that took you to the edge of explosion vividly replaying in your mind. Recall how you let yourself go over the edge and feel the deliciousness coursing through your cock and/or pussy. Can you feel that? Yep. You can produce orgasmic energy with your thoughts alone.
That’s fucking creation, my people.
When you choose to take time out of your day to love yourself–please yourself, take yourself to the edge and over, tease yourself, hold yourself back only to let yourself go–you bring honor to your beautiful body. You appreciate it more than any bubble bath ever could.
Calgon taking you away…HA! That shit’s nothing but mostly baking soda and stinky chemicals. But I can’t hate. What that manipulative marketing campaign did in the 1970s is promote the solitary act of honoring one’s body to the demographic of lonely and depressed housewives and mothers. Once in the bath (wickedly resembling a witch’s cauldron, I might add, all bubbling and conjuring magical powers), her sensual hands could take over. Witches are fucking sexy.
Okay, back to the point at hand…
Go Fuck Yourself!
FUCK YOU = HEAL YOU RIGHT
Kitty-cats, if you haven’t heard of Sexual Taoism or Mantak Chia, you need to read up and get yourself a yoni egg. Hot-cocks, if you haven’t mastered holding back your ejaculation and circulating your sexual energy through your body using Microcosmic breathing, you simply must start training. That shit is intense!
These are ancient Chinese methods for harnessing the power of ones orgasm, channeling it back into the body, and using it to heal physical ailments.
Seriously. It works. I practice, so I know first hand.
Our organs are not just there to produce piss and shit from our food and drink or make babies. We are so much more than that! Western medicine has purposefully reduced the self-healing powers of our bodies to keep us sick and unsatisfied so that we will pay the medical system our hard-earned cash in an attempt to “feel normal” again, when in fact, each of us is 100% health-unique and there is no such thing as “normal” especially when it comes to our sexual health.
Fuck the medical system!
No two pussies or cocks look alike, do they? No two bodies respond to sexual climax the same, do they? That’s right, they don’t.
Only you can know how to get you off in the most powerful manner possible. Only you can heal your own physical body. Stop depending on any medical practitioner to make you well! Spending more intimate time with you is the only way to make you feel better. Make YOU a priority over all else and over time you WILL see positive results.
The power is at your fingertips. When you rub yourself just right, you create healing energy. This isn’t some frilly New Age concept, folks. This is as old as time. Rubbing, aka massaging, is all we really do to jack-off anyhow. Why does a body massage feel so good? It circulates stuck energy within the body.
Rubbing your breasts in a certain way gets the juices flowing through many organs, not just our fuck-parts. That’s why we rub tits and suck nipples (and that goes for all sexes). Not just because it’s sexy as hell and delicious beyond belief, but because it warms us up, literally, and releases energy stored in those glands, readying our amazing bodies for the cultivation of energy.
The orgasm is like harvesting ripe crops as food from the fields. It is a gathering of the cultivated creation energy, and if we store this orgasmic energy within our bodies then we can use it when we need it most, just like preserving food to get through winter.
Why do you think we can actually make another human being with our sexual energy? Huh? You think that shit is just coincidental? Just an egg and some spermies colliding, like they told us in junior high science class? No. It is pure creation energy, like fire, that generates a new human body. A vessel for a soul. What-the-fuck-amazing, right!
 
FUCK ‘EM ALL = GIVE A LIL, TAKE A LIL
Once you master fucking yourself right, only then can you move on to fucking others right. Sure, we all fuck. We fuck the way we see it done in the pornos, right? Well, maybe–just maybe–there’s a better way to drum up the heat in a hot encounter. Hint: there is.
Ever heard of Sex Magick? Tantra? Again, ancient stuff here, but there are many methods which have been documented that manifest some seriously intense sexual energy, and really, that’s why we fuck. We want to feel that energy flowing faster than ever. That rush. That high. There are documented practices from solo to orgy which not only produce the maximum orgasmic effect, they heal your body, mind, and soul.
But first things first–if you don’t know how to fuck yourself right, then how can you expect another human being to fuck you better? It is you who controls your orgasm. It doesn’t come from the other person. You know how to get so excited from sucking cock that you cum in your panties, sans penetration. You know how to squeeze that dick tight and rub that one spot, ensuring a mind-blowing explosion.
Only you can fuck you right.
Now, you can train a partner (or partners) to hit those spots for you, but it takes time. You can luck upon the most amazing sexual partners who magically know how to please you like nobody else has, but that sentiment is always comparative–they are “better than” those partners who have come before.
Again, the power is in your hands. Don’t depend on any partner to get you off. You gotta get you off, even when you are with them–especially when you are with them.
Sexual energy can transfer between partners without even touching. Evidence of this is felt when you get a twinge ‘tween your legs when you first make eye contact, or when you are both thinking sexually about the other, even when miles apart. So, imagine what kind of sexual energy transfer happens when you actually physically connect! Fucking WOW! Talk about BIG BANG!
You have both male and female sexual energy within you, regardless of your external sexual preferences. You hold the key to your own lock.
You are your best sexual partner, no matter what, and there’s nothing conceited or self-centered about believing this notion. It’s called self-love, and if you haven’t focused on loving yourself lately, there’s no time like the present to get started. Everyone deserves more love, not less, and when you love yourself to the point of overflowing, you will naturally be able to love others effortlessly.
Go fuck yourself right tonight.
Then go fuck others right, too.

Cockslappicus – Part of the Pantheon of Smutpunk Superheroes and/or Gods

Cockslappicus – Part of the Pantheon of Smutpunk Superheroes and/or Gods

(aka Sarchasmo, aka Moctezuma Johnson, aka King Smutpunk, aka Kid S.Punk)

Cockslappicus is a character in the Pantheon of Smutpunk Superheroes started by Callie Press and Moctezuma Johnson. This character was created by Moctezuma Johnson and is often chasing down criminals (aka criminally bad practices in the indie publishing world). He’s kind of a purveyor of justice. He supports the invisible, the outcasts, the different, those with no voice. He metes out justice on his foes by slapping the shit out of them with his massive weaponized cock. There are stories of him attacking copycatters (Sarchasmo v. Apographia) and serial users (the eEquivalent of a director telling a hot young piece of ass he wants to shag “i’m gonna make you a star, baby! right after you suck me off).

Books featuring Cockslappicus:

Sarchasmo v. Mr. Whiteprick

Sarchasmo v. Apographia

Sex Tip 14 – How to Eat Pussy – Cunnilingus #SexTip

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Sploosh — How to Eat Pussy – Sex Tip #14

Eating Pussy isn’t that hard if you follow these three steps: be gentle, take your time, and dive in.

First you need to be gentle with a pussy. You can’t just grab her by the pussy and expect her to sploosh all over. No no no. Sploosh takes touch. You need to feel where she is as far as sensitivity and where she is emotionally. Women can be incredibly complex, like I can’t cum unless the light is on and the music is loud, or incredibly simple such as I cum no matter what, no matter, no bullshit. First, you need to be gentle with her while doing a little reconasaince work to figure out where she is on the maintenance spectrum. Do you need to get every small detail right to please this pussy, or is just a matter of find the clit and put your tongue on it?

Take your time and work with the pussy. Don’t go right for the clit and suck on it vigorously. No. Start with foreplay. You need to provide her with kisses. Deep French kisses, of course, are the best and then work down to her chin, her neck, her chest, her belly, then go around the pussy (yes, even if it’s out and glistening with sploosh), and lick her ass cheeks, her outer thighs, the back of her knees and come back up her inner thighs. When you do finally make contact with her pussy, run your tongue over her petals from side to side without stopping to eat her out. Tease her. Make her wait for it. The more she wants it, needs it, the more she’ll enjoy it. So take your time and tease that pussy!

Now comes the part here you dive right in. I do say dive in because there are times that you could use a wet suit. Other times she will take forever, the sun and moon will switch places in the sky, and you will end up with lockjaw. However, the main point here is that you need to go for it. Don’t just give a half-assed taste and shake your head and stick your dick in her. No. You need to worship that pussy, get intimate with it, know its hopes and dreams. Is it a pussy that had its acting dreams crushed by an asshole father or is it a pussy that is in touch with itself like a yoga guru with each limb? You need to get to know the pussy. I suggest you kiss the pussy. Kiss on top of it, plant a smooch on the bush (if there is any), then French kiss the lips. Think of it this way, you’re woman has two sets of lips to kiss. Give both pairs equal amounts of attention. Whatever you think is the proper amount of attention, put that to the third power, and then (maybe then) will you have kissed those pussy lips enough. Here are some tricks. Find the very bottom of her pussy and place your tongue on it. Make your tongue as wide as possible and move up centimeter by centimeter. Count to a minimum of ten seconds before you move up. The idea is to take a small, delicious forever before reaching the next stop on her petals. You may want to hold her ass cheeks while making your way from the bottom to the top of her pussy. You may want to hold her tits. That’s up to you, but whatever it is — take your time. When you do get to the clit, it’s time to adore it. Play with the clit. Nibble on the clit (use your lips more than teeth if she’s sensitive, which you should assume she is until you find out she’s not). Suck on the clit. Then rub the clit. Use the pad of your fingertips (unless you have callouses — ouch!). Rub the pads of your fingertips on her clit in tight, soft circles. Use the saliva and her wetness to keep it lubed and flying along. Try to barely touch her. The more you touch her invisibly the more you will tease that pussy and remember that teasing is good. After rubbing her with your fingers go back to tonguing her clit. You can start to flick your tongue over the clit, but this may be too much until she’s well into it. Once you’ve got her good and wet and into it (you’ll know my moaning, squirming, and her hands in your hair and on your head), then start to finger insider her pussy while you lick her clit. Finger her deep to her g-spot by hooking your middle finger and using the pad of your fingertip to touch her softly from the inside and hold pressure are her while you stimulate her clit simultaneously. The spot is kind of under her pelvis, so you’re simultaneously putting your finger insider her and up her and back towards yourself. You’re softly hooking her. You’ll know when you’ve found the spot from her reaction and it will feel fucking good on your fingertip (yes, it will!).

At this point she’s kind of making herself cum on you. Your job is just to stay there applying pressure, not too hard, but firm and coax the climax, elicit the orgasm, stir the sex haze until she shouts  your name and falls back on the bed like a dead fish. If she’s hyped up, now is a good time to fuck her. She will give you the ride of a lifetime at this point — they always do. Otherwise, just pat yourself on the back (she should be way too spent to do so) and go about your business.

 

 More Sex Tips:

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 1112 | 13 | a complete baker’s dozen | 14

Conversation that started this cunnilingus article out . . .

MJ: well, why don’t you teach me before I teach the world. LOL. At least give the essentials I should include
Renata: How about you just watch a few dozen porns and use your own imagination
MJ: Porn is all tongue flick. that aint eating pussy. where’s the creativity?
Renata: I’m not getting into this conversation 😄
MJ: What? Why not? You started it. Come on, tell me about eating pussy?
Renata: Ask your wife lol
MJ: Fuck it. How do you like your pussy eaten? Do you like nibbling on the clit? sucking? Are you into tongue slow and long on the petals? LOL, my wife? That’s the last pussy I want to eat! And you know it!
Renata: 😱😂
Moctezuma: Actually my wife is pretty orgasmic. She’s not that hard to make cum. Some women leave you with lockjaw.
Renata: I’m not going to use another emoji..But I just think I might have peed in my pants laughing!! Lockjaw!!
Moctezuma: Yes, lockjaw! Fuck, just cum already! I had a friend in high school who used to complain that she took too long to cum so I ate her out as a dare, with a clock and all. LOL
Renata: This one time…I sound like an American pie movie. On of my exec got so carried away that I swear my clit was sprained. Hurt to a fortnight! And there go the typos!