Sex Tip #672: Embrace the Golden Blowjob, by Lady Ristretto


Sex Tip #672:

“Need me to drown out the sour taste of my cum?”

We all know that there isn’t a universal standard taste of cum. A man’s diet has a huge impact. Some of it can be really fucking rancid and can cause an upset stomach. So here’s a revolutionary idea to aid in the digestion of cum or create a new way for a man to orgasm: urine.

Think of it as no different than when a woman cums so hard she gushes and sprays all over a man’s face. That is actually urine. Let men have the same experience.

Piss in a mouth instead of cumming and role play the experience, or do it immediately after cumming in order to drown the sour cum that the stomach is having trouble digesting.

I know, I know, but it’s piss and it stinks and it smells like a dirty alley where you get your asshole torn open by a huge red, enraged cock against a dumpster where a bum is sleeping and he wakes up to watch and moos like a cow as he jerks it and jams a discarded t-bone in his asshole.

Forget the smell for a moment. It’s the taste that matters: warm, soothing salt water that cleanses the palette and kills bacteria that causes a sore throat and gingivitis.

Let men piss in your mouth instead of or in addition to cumming for the very simple reason that it tastes better than cum.

You’re welcome.

Ready for a Piss Shot

Remember, the original Triangulum Stain is now on Audible:


Great massage oil for nookie:


Full List of Moctezuma’s Sex Tips:

Links to Each Week’s
Sexual Advice:

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6
7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12
a complete baker’s dozen
14 |
 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20
21 | 22 | …| 672


Some Tits Look Better In the Bra – A Poem

she pulled the bra down

and her tits were held
a brief moment
they fell from the unnatural
cleavage position
into real breasts that kind of settle
blend into chest
melt into rest of body
and the riddles of time
for one brief moment
before they moved
they held like victory itself
held by bra
fallen, vanquished

oh exquisite cellulite that creates bliss!
must you break loose of your perfect round smoothness
into your pixelated cottage cheese below each nipples
and deform from two perfect orbs into this?

Fuck it, I take her nipple into my mouth and suck


When is it too much cum? (cum-drenched advert for Humiliation Chronicles)

When is enough enough? Never. I want more than a Geico ad.

If you love copious amounts of cum and the women who crave more, you need to check out Chronicles of a Humiliation Backfired.

S U C K, P I G, S U C K! | #LPRTG | Can’t a Jizz on Social Media’s Whore Face?

My Addiction to Social Media by Moctezuma Johnson

S U C K, P I G, S U C K! | #LPRTG |

When I found my first autotweeter program this was the first thing I had it tweet out randomly from my laptop: S U C K, P I G, S U C K! | #LPRTG |. Since then I’ve come to completely loathe social media, yet it’s a necessary evil to get the word out. I mean Facebook sucks! They are not at all logical in what swaths of flesh they allow and what they send to the jailhouse, yet they always want my ad revenue (they even pitch me while I’m unable to post! How’s that for the tail wagging the dog?). Also, I can’t forgive twitter or facebook for giving us Trump by brainwashing the moron masses. I don’t care about the result as much as the way it was done. I knew people were stupid, but I didn’t know how stupid. It makes me sad. So this post is an honor to my first auto-tweet. Please imagine the throat is social media and the cock in my attitude towards it. I know I should stop, but it just feels so damn good.

Smutpunk Tweets

Meet the King and Queen of Smutpunk Once you see them, you’ll want to be in the Smutpunk Crew #LPRTG #EROTICA #SMUTPUNK Full Story:

Have you been SMUTPUNK’d yet today? … … #LPRTG#EARTG #Blowjob

XXXmas Time is Near Come on, Luvies! Get your XXXmas Special Deal from @smutpunk_author #ChristmasDiscount #LPRTG #CyberMonday DO NOT MISS OUT! Subscribe today. It’s a LIMITED TIME OFFER


Do you love being SMUTPUNKed
#cum #cumfetish #bukakke

What is SMUTPUNK? Find that answer here:


Have you been smutpunk’d tonight? Let MJ and Jynx show you the way. #BDSM #menage #thrillers

We don’t condone naked Asian ass. No we don’t. Fuck that. #Smutpunk #LPRTG #CyberMonday DO NOT MISS OUT! Subscribe today. It’s a LIMITED TIME OFFER. Only 69c for erotic fiction, poems, photos, rants, sex tips, and more more more


Have you been smutpunk’d tonight? You are the star of this Choose Your Own Kink Story! #BDSM #mistress #teen

Have you been SMUTPUNK’d yet today? … … #LPRTG#EARTG #smutpunk

Check out the Chronicles of a Humiliation Backfired by Moctezuma Johnson | #LPRTG #AsianErotica #AWWM | Asian Smutpunk at it’s most fucked up! via @MJKingOfErotica

Home page changed 6/24/18 (Old Home Page)



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You’ve arrived at MJ’s EROTIC SMUTPUNK safe-haven. Good on you!

You’ve found the home of the infamous Smutpunk Erotica, which is to say deliciously offensive, funnysci-fi, cthulhu, silver age comic, fantasyliterary erotica by Moctezuma Johnson and the S. PUNK Crew.

Sing: Make my Spunk the S-Punk. I want my punk uncut!

Please click around on the images to find interesting blog posts and join the events. Currently we have two very exciting events, the Smutpunk InstaFreebie Event and the Smutpunk Raffle 2018. Join me in taking over the world one smutpunk at a time.

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Red Pesca's Cuckolding Erotica


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Book Description

Heather is a lovely young lady.

No, not really.

Heather is a hot Asian chick who has a thing for roller-skates and yoga pants. She’s also obsessed with white, err, sticks and dominant men. All she wants is the ‘one that got away, but not everything is as it seems. Some kinky smutpunkery is underfoot. Games are being played. Heather will have to wage a new kink-warfare to empower her inner Queen Bitch.

Who’s the player? And who’s being played? That remains to be seen.

Get a ring-side view of Heather’s heart panties and her spinning glittery roller-skates.

Let the games begin.

NOTE: This book has all the taboo fun you’ve come to expect from smutpunk erotica. It features humiliation, cuckolding, roller-skates, exercise, diet and fitness, menage, raceplay, MILFs, and roleplay.


Click the Gorgeous Yellow Ass for Roller-Skate Nirvana


Poetry Description

Get a list of Moctezuma Johnson’s erotic smutpunk poems covering many different people and topics


Become a God / Goddess

A steady stream of new sex tips come out to help you wield a sexual flamethrower in the bedroom


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