Sex Tip #672: Embrace the Golden Blowjob, by Lady Ristretto


Sex Tip #672:

“Need me to drown out the sour taste of my cum?”

We all know that there isn’t a universal standard taste of cum. A man’s diet has a huge impact. Some of it can be really fucking rancid and can cause an upset stomach. So here’s a revolutionary idea to aid in the digestion of cum or create a new way for a man to orgasm: urine.

Think of it as no different than when a woman cums so hard she gushes and sprays all over a man’s face. That is actually urine. Let men have the same experience.

Piss in a mouth instead of cumming and role play the experience, or do it immediately after cumming in order to drown the sour cum that the stomach is having trouble digesting.

I know, I know, but it’s piss and it stinks and it smells like a dirty alley where you get your asshole torn open by a huge red, enraged cock against a dumpster where a bum is sleeping and he wakes up to watch and moos like a cow as he jerks it and jams a discarded t-bone in his asshole.

Forget the smell for a moment. It’s the taste that matters: warm, soothing salt water that cleanses the palette and kills bacteria that causes a sore throat and gingivitis.

Let men piss in your mouth instead of or in addition to cumming for the very simple reason that it tastes better than cum.

You’re welcome.

Ready for a Piss Shot

Remember, the original Triangulum Stain is now on Audible:


Great massage oil for nookie:


Full List of Moctezuma’s Sex Tips:

Links to Each Week’s
Sexual Advice:

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6
7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12
a complete baker’s dozen
14 |
 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20
21 | 22 | …| 672


Some Tits Look Better In the Bra – A Poem

she pulled the bra down

and her tits were held
a brief moment
they fell from the unnatural
cleavage position
into real breasts that kind of settle
blend into chest
melt into rest of body
and the riddles of time
for one brief moment
before they moved
they held like victory itself
held by bra
fallen, vanquished

oh exquisite cellulite that creates bliss!
must you break loose of your perfect round smoothness
into your pixelated cottage cheese below each nipples
and deform from two perfect orbs into this?

Fuck it, I take her nipple into my mouth and suck


When is it too much cum? (cum-drenched advert for Humiliation Chronicles)

When is enough enough? Never. I want more than a Geico ad.

If you love copious amounts of cum and the women who crave more, you need to check out Chronicles of a Humiliation Backfired.