SEX TIP No. 6 – Role Play
Don’t just get on top of each other and pump. Give a little historical context to the thing. Maybe you’re the professor and she’s the slutty student. Maybe she’s the Queen of England and you’re an attendant. Maybe you’re a beast and she’s your weak, defenseless prey. Maybe you’re the priest giving her a naughty, nasty, masturbatory penance. Spice it up by playing some roles. At XXXmas time make her a naughty girl and good santa or vice versa, as well as some elf-punks getting jiggy on the rooftops. Love trains, how about making her strip and lean against the column in the subway system and giving her backshots?
You really can’t go wrong with a little roleplay.
Something about leaving your own constrictions has enormous, exponential freedom attached to it. I highly recommend you pretend to be me and have the time of your life. Oh yeah. Have yourself a SMUTPUNK spree. Read the books and apply reenactments liberally.
Next Tip: Sex Tip #7 – Sexual Bagpiping
Previous Sex Tip: Homemade Porn – Sex Tip No. 5 – Camera Placement for Home Porn
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Getting along with your partner can be difficult
It’s been a long day. Things aren’t all fun and games anymore. There’s a child to raise, a cat to keep alive, an apartment to take care of, friends to entertain, parents to acquiesce. It’s not all erotica. But it’s Saturday night and she’s laying face down on the love seat with her little panties riding up the crack of her ass. I get on her and rub her back and neck, which she loves. This always results in a very romantic session with lots of kissing and pussy-eating. I move from her neck to her feet. I rub her feet. After I hear lots of moaning, I start to rub her ass cheeks. She suddenly gets up and announces, “I’m going to sleep!”
Personally, and maybe I’m biased, I think my life is just lame. Oops, Freudian slip. I meant to say that I think my wife is lame. I mean she’s pretty nice and easy going when things are going well, gives some of the best head out there (there’s a lot of awful head out there), but she’s a raging cunt when she’s angry and she makes the same mistakes over and over again. All I want is a slight learning curve. Oh, and a steady diet of sex.
Is that too much to ask?
I don’t say that with sarcasm or bitterness. I’m really asking. What’s a healthy amount of sex for a couple laced with a zillion other needling responsibilities?
There’s a great scene in Annie Hall by Woody Allen that has a man and a woman each talking privately to their psychologists. They are both complaining about the their marriage and the psychologists ask how often they have sex. One considers it “Hardly Ever” and the other “Constantly” and they both say “three times a week”.
So how does a couple reconcile these massively different perceptions?
Make Sure You Learn What Turns Your Woman On
Whether you need to write it on your hand, keep a notebook handy, or what, learn and use what gets your woman going. It may be as simple as prancing around with your big cock out or as subtle as rubbing the inside of her elbow, or it may require a complex algorithm of dinner, music, lighting, and writing poetry together. Each woman is different and you need to study yours and map out her pleasure centers emotionally, mentally, and physically. Remain open and flexible to changes in your relationship. The very worst thing couples can do, even couples with spectacular sex lives, is get in a rut. Boredom is the enemy. Keep it fresh and lively.
Use toys and sluttify her but also be romantic and charm her. You have to keep her guessing. Keep her excited. Keep unlocking aspects of her that are tightly locked away. Make her into everything that she’s dreamed but is too scared to be.
- rub her feet
- stroke her hair
- rub the back of her neck
Don’t (when being romantic — you’ll get your chance at another time)
- suddenly grab her tits
- shove her head to make her get on her knees
My wife was laying face down on the ottoman. I rubbed each foot for ten minutes, then I caressed her back. She moaned as I got to the back of her neck and I thought soon I’d be stretching that pussy. She got up suddenly and walked out of the room, murmuring, “I’m going to sleep.”
She definitely is lame. I feel like I’m getting out of the line of crazy fire most days. I mean, as soon as I walk outside I see hot women in sundresses with their big tits on display, and girls with long legs walking in their hot pants and short skirts. The more she doesn’t give up her ass nor kneel and suck the more I flirt, smile, and make jokes with all these springtime sexpots. I’m trying not to cheat but this girl of mine is a grumpy pain in the ass. I love to complain but this is just wrong. There’s nothing about this that is better than single life. Nothing.
The Consequence is Rough Fucking
This leads me to get angry so that when she finally acquiesces and fucks me I’ll be quite rough with her throat, gagging her brutally, and then write Dumb Asian Fuck Toy on her chest and Holes to Use on her belly and Ugly Bukkake Slut on her ass. Also I will write Fuck Pig #129 on her. Why #129? Because I’ve written on 128 fuckpigs before her. The funny thing between my wife and I is that compared to how many men she’s fucked in her lifetime, I’ve fucked more women up the ass.
Too bad, slut
She doesn’t like being called an Asian Fuck Pig for some reason. She covers her ears when I say it but still spreads her legs and tells me how big it is while she orgasms, grinding her pussy against me. All this pent up sexual frustration is hammering away at her cunt.
So this is the deal: a temperamental woman who is a prude and a slut and a brain that is getting overly-sexed up an unable to deal with rain checks. It certainly could be worse.
Plug for a Great Site: Is it hairy or shaved? Can you guess a muff before you see it?
there she is surprised
that i’ve entered
there she is, big tits
with hard nipples
in see-through shirt
there she is
dropped to her knees
smile gone, brow wrinkled
she turns around
offers her back as a canvas
I Jackson Pollock
her with poetry
Moctezuma Repents for his Porn Peddling Ways, but seriously can’t a Husband Suck His Wife’s Cock Anymore?
I probably have overdone it here and there with all these dildos in deserts and women with massive, animated cocks but the truth is the world is too censored. Maybe I’m all jacked up. I mean I did run a bar for the last 5 years. I’ve been basically the bailiff of a medieval dungeon. My brain cannot be normal, can it?
That said, I’m a good citizen. Very. I hold doors for women, compliment people when they’re polite, and porn peddle blowjob porn and steak and BJ gunge. Also, I’ve broken up fights repeatedly, stopped guys from murdering other guys, and I’m on the shy side, ultimately. Anyways.
This is the last piece to cause the ruckus:
If you think the answer should be, “Yes, he can” then, please, have a quick read of Jane’s Steak and BJ Night Surprise and let me know what you think with a short review. Thank you so much!
If you like Futanari, you should enjoy this video:
Read Futanari Erotica
Since you liked this Futanari Video, you may find yourself in the mood to read some futanari, gunge erotica by Moctezuma Johnson. Please check out Jane’s Steak & Blowjob Night Surprise. (Remember to Mouse-Over the link to pull up the link for different countries)
Ways to Be Slutty For Your Man
The Best Thing in the World is a Slutty Girlfriend or Wife. It is just so sexy!
“How can I be more slutty?” is the most common question/comment that I hear
I was struck by one of the running themes readers have said about the Chronicles of a Humiliation Backfired Series. They’ve pointed out that in some way it’s about how much a woman (or man) will take in order to be with the person s/he loves. This is an interesting theme and I realized I’ve really not made any effort to help women out with this. I have written How-To articles aimed at men (my version of Maxim, so on steroids and cialis) but nothing of the sort for women. Allow me to attempt to catch up. Here are some things you regular women can do to totally slut yourself up and makes your man weak in the knees for you. These ways to be slutty aren’t meant to be demeaning to you or your relationship. They are meant to be fun and done with trust and love (or at least deep like).
A lot of women need to be sluttier for their men. When the do that, they keep him forever. George Carlin had “the Shit List”. I present to you “the Slut List”.
The SLUT LIST
- Wait on for him in the house with fake cum poured on you and tell him you were just used by a horny guy who fucked your ass and raped your throat
- Lay on your back with your ass up in the air and proudly show off your cunt and ass
- Corollary, call your vagina your cunt & Call his penis a cock
- fill a water gun or enema bulb with fake cum and then give it to him to shoot all over you
- he’ll love admiring your hot body covered, I mean doused, in jizz.
- Set up the tripod and video him having his way with you, be sure to include a blowjob in your private porn opus. You will surely find him watching it and jerking himself off later and you will be proud.
- Walk around the house topless
- Don’t wear any underwear all day. Yes, even if you have to work
- Shave your cunt
- Wear lingerie
- Put a pillow over your own head, wear a mask (especially an animal mask, like a pig mask (try this one), or wear a brown paper bag over your head. Letting him enjoy nothing but your body will drive him wild. Sometimes he needs to objectify you to get a raging hard on and fuck you so good you can’t walk tomorrow.
- do your hair in pig tails and wear a catholic school girl skirt
- wear really cheap, plastic earrings
- wear “club” outfits while eating take out at home
- do your eye make-up really heavy and let him face fuck you until your mascara runs all over your face
- let him fuck you in the ass while he watches internet porn from a laptop placed on your back
- Get on your hands and knees and be his footrest
- Kneel before him and ask permission to leave the house before you go
- Give him a sponge bath with your soapy tits as the sponge
- Have him close his eyes and surprise him by putting different parts of you in his mouth: nipples, fatty part of tit, tongue, clit, ass, etc.
- Suck a huge dildo off in front of him
- Kiss one of your girlfriends in front of him
- Suck off one of his friends in front of him
- Fuck a dildo suctioned onto a glass surface so he can see from behind
- Put in a butt plug before a date with him, tell him it’s in over dinner, and show him later.
- Suck his dick while he’s titty fucking one of your friends (if you don’t get jealous)
- Stick your tongue up his ass while you jerk him off
- Wear a plastic pig nose and a plastic tiara while he fucks you
I think you’ve got the hand of this slut business now. Develop your own, and feel free to share awesome ideas!
Since publication of this “Ways to Be Slutty “article I have received overwhelming response and have compiled my advice into an eBook called The Sex Manual.