How to Convince Your Girlfriend/Wife/Other to take a Facial #SexTips #LPRTG

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 Another Installment from the Instructional Series

“The Facial” (aka How to Convince Your Girlfriend/Wife/Other to take a Facial)

The Wonderful Climax that lands on a Face

Stocks can be quite persuasive!

Stocks can be quite persuasive!

Giving your girlfriend/wife/one-night-stand-whore a facial is a very important and complex ritual that any true man must master. Every couple goes through this same routine: The guy isn’t happy until the girlfriend routinely takes his nut every morning, or evening, or whatever hour they agree upon, but many men let their girlfriends dictate. This is, of course, a big mistake. Some people go through all kinds of trouble to make their loved one, slave, or sex toy take nut-butter (see images). This is a waste of time and energy and it really shouldn’t be. Your efforts are needed elsewhere and a facial is your privileged that you should be tapping into. It really shouldn’t be too terribly long before your cum is hitting her nose and eyes if you follow some simple steps, such as coercing her with lore of moisturized skin, tempting her to conform with the regularity of which it’s done in all the popular porn movies, telling her she’ll be your princess, and if necessary (or if you just want) by telling her that you love her dearly.

The first thing is to remind her that choad is in fact very good for her skin and that she’s already putting it on her face after every shower when she uses all those haute couture products that she uses. Haute Couture cum is great! The next thing to remind her is that all the porn girls do it. You can easily show her a blowjob and cumshot compilation videos in abundance at slutload.com, or youjizz.com, or stupidwhoreseatmoctezumacum.com. She will probably enjoy watching the porn. If she doesn’t, you may have a lot of work to do convincing her and should probably consider buying some stocks (see images). If you do buy stocks, simply lock her in and go to work–end of story. After you come on her bound face, tell her what a dumb slut she is and photograph her and send to this blog. They love the humiliation; that will make her day. If none of these tips help, you’re going to have to ask her if she wants to be your princess. “Of course,” she’ll say and then you put a tiara on her head and jizz all over it and her hair and her face. Also, you probably need to tell her that you love her and be very gentle with her. She may not be ready for a facial for whatever reason. Don’t feel too shy to beg her to take your load. If begging gets her to kneel and be your cum target you should feel like a stud. Also, if she begrudgingly kneels and lets the semen splatter her then you must either photograph it for posterity–because it will be a long time till the next one, if there is ever a next one–or you should immediately call her a stupid cum dump just to see the horror on her face.

Part of the Instructional Series by Moctezuma Johnson

Remember that no slut, err girl, is born ready to take a facial but they are all willing to learn to love it. The onus is on you, dudes. You have to work her into becoming your personal cumpig little by little. That said, you can surely convince her and feel like a real man. Girls will do all kinds of kinky shit for the man they love. Don’t worry. Remember the death of the Alpha Man in modern society is leading to his resurgence.

Post your experiences below and ask me if there’s any other how-to that you need. Happy cum-shooting!

Epilogue:
Why is the facial so important?
Marking your lover with your seed is quite empowering for a number of reasons. Tantamount is that the visual side of sex is really important to men (as Callie Press says in Give Great Head). Seeing the cum on my girl’s face turns me on. Also, knowing that there’s no chance of pregnancy and the session is focused on pleasure and nothing more is hot. It gives a nasty feel to the encounter. And, as George Clinton says, “All that is good is nasty!”

Sex Tip #11 – The Proper Way for Ladies to Arch their backs during doggy style

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correct-position-for-doggy-styleCorrect Position for Doggy Style Sex

These are Moctezuma Johnson’s Weekly Sex Tips Cosmo Just Doesn’t Have the Balls to Give You

The Proper Way to Arch Your Back during Doggy Style Sex

Yep that’s the right way to do it (see photo to the right — or above or wherever it lands on your device). Of courseideally her head should be in the carpet with a foot on her head and her lips wrapped around a toe, unless there’s a second cock, in which case her lips should be tightly gripping the base of said second cock. She should have her ass high up in the air and her lower back in a concave shape. She should NOT have her lower back in a convex shape. Bad. In other words, if the man fucking her from behind were to drop a toy car down her ass crack it would ramp down her spinal canal to her lower back and then shoot up her shoulder blades and jump in the air. If she’s in the correct position when he pulls out and jizzes on her back, the cum will form a pool on her lower back. It will not drip off like vanilla sauce on a chocolate scoop sitting atop a cone.

That’s the correct position for doggy style sex, not this lame trembling cat stretching pose. It’s amazing how unsexy a little convex lift of the lower back is. An arched back is pure sex appeal. So, ladies, men, transgenders, get in the right position when taking a good fucking from behind.

This position is also the correct position to be in when sucking cock of someone seated on the couch. This position gives him a gorgeous view of your ass. Remember, the visual is half the fun of a good blowjob.

This position is also the correct position for looking for loose change under the couch when scrounging money for cigarettes.

Note: Any photos emailed to me of the correct position will receive a complimentary prize. If you don’t have my email address, please get it at my mailing list.

More Sex Tips

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12

Sex Tip #10: Talking Dirty in Bed

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Talking Dirty in Bed

Talking Dirty is Definitely an Art Form

Some people are quiet in bed, some people are talkative. Some people love dirty words! Some people are easily offended. Before you let the dirty talk rip, make sure you’re in bed with another smart, curse-loving degenerate like yourself! 

You’re a dirty cunt! And you love every minute of cock stretching you out.

There’s a good example of what I like to say to my wife in the sack. I wouldn’t say she’s quite a curse-loving degenerate but damn the bitch nasty once her titties out. So, once you get yourself in the company of a nasty fucker, be sure to find pet names for you and your partner(s). Some of the most common are Master, Daddy, Mistress, Goddess, Kitten, Horse Cock, Super Squirter, Cunt, Bitch, Slut, Cum Rag, Nut Drowner, Butt Raper, Bottom Pig, etc. There are also all kinds of pet names for your partners so I won’t go into a super long list here, but if you need more please ask in the comments below and add your favs.

I like to call my wife slut and have her do degrading things like lick my asshole, swallow my cum, and finger herself while I squirt her in the face with a water-gun filled with vanilla yogurt. Tonight I got up behind her on the parlor floor and she told me she felt useless until she had cock in her. That was fun for me. Everybody is a bit different and the only thing that’s really a must is that you really lay it on. You can’t kind of do. You need to ask him to break your uterus and drown you in seventy-three cumblasts, don’t say merely “make love to me.” Now, get up in that ass. Tell him you want to fill the bathtub with jizz and slide around. Hyperbole is sexy. Tell her you’re going to pound that ass until it bleeds and then feed your dick to her when it’s all nasty. 

Like Chris Rock says, “you can’t say, excuse me ma’am…I have a request, would you lick my balls.” No. Wrong. You have to grab her and with authority say, “lick my balls, bitch!”

My most successful come-on, no joke, is simply: Kneel down, whore! Sometimes I whisper this gold nugget to chicks that I hope to sleep with at really inopportune date moments, like waiting on line at the movies, or when she’s talking to a girlfriend of hers in a restaurant or at the bar. That sets the tone for my intentions and plants the seed. I also say it to women I’ve never spoken to. I’ll go around a club and say that to fifty women. Often fifty will look at me like I’m nuts (which I love!) and then I can either backtrack and start a normal conversation since the ice is broken or she says something to the effect of, “fuck off creep!” to which I go into my “Oh you’re to good for me to talk with speech” which is a real winner (email me if you’d like the script). You may be thinking, what the fuck? MJ’s crazy. But I’m not. The world is crazy. I’m sane for noticing. See, I’ll show you I’m sound as a pound. I used the number fifty for a reason. If I ask fifty women something I may get shot down by every single one of them, but if I ask one hundred women (especially in a place with alcohol) to do anything (and, yes i mean anything) I will get a yes. I’m not saying they will all say yes. Oh no. Not all, but one out of one hundred will be kneeling down in the bathroom after a drink. Go ahead try it.

 

Some Great Promotions that I Completely Stand Behind (and in front of):cinnamoan-moctezuma-johnson-adult-shop

Can’t get enough dirty talk from your partner? Then check out Bree Olsen Talking Dirty to You. Simply upload her sexy voice to your Smart Phone, MP3 player, Music Library, Tablet, CD player or anywhere you listen to music and enjoy the aural fantasy guaranteed to rock your world! Play it discreetly or as loud as you want.

 

More Sex Tips

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11

 

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Sex Tips – Essential advice for the bedroom!

Sex-Tips

The Sex Manual – Read this brand new book for sex tips that will give you a virtual flamethrower in the bedroom

 



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Read the Sex Manual right now


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The Sex Manual – Read this book of sex tips to get yourself a flamethrower in the bedroom

Why are you rubbing two sticks together in the bedroom? Get a flamethrower!

Ever wished your partner came with a small pamphlet on how to operate correctly? Well, now you have it. Moctezuma spent nearly a decade running a bar, writing erotica, and blogging. He gathered a lot of information. So you want to have mind-blowing sex but all you know is what your priest and Cosmo told you? You poor thing. Well, fret no more. Let Moctezuma Johnson share his research in this in-depth, self-help book. He has found out what’s plaguing most bedroom partners. It’s simply intimidation and insecurity. So many fans have asked him how to be better, sexier, and more experienced. Moctezuma speaks openly and honestly offering a series of very practical solutions for men and women. This non-fiction, how-to book is told with humor (a necessity for the bedroom) and compassion.

Whether male or female or transgender, The Sex Manual is the book you wish came with every person you’ve dated. Well, wish no more. It’s out, so add it to your kindle. Just the fact that you’re reading this description is proof that you’re ready to improve and you’re almost halfway there. This book will take you the rest of the way. It’s filled with ideas, game plans, tips, and list of clothing, toys, and poems to spice up your sex life.

Sex Tips: This Week’s Topic is Sexual Bagpiping | Sex Tip #7

sex-tips-bagpiping-armpit-sex

Sex Tips help you maintain a healthy and happy life

I give you the tips Cosmo and your Priest are too timid to reveal

This may be new to a lot of people, it once was to me, but then I watched a lot of Japanese goo porn which opened up some new avenues for me. The wonderful thing with lotion play, or goo, as I like to call it, is that it changes the friction levels of our bodies in such a way that just about every part of the body becomes penetrable. So you once laughed at nasal sex, aural sex, elbow crook sex, back of the knee sex, and armpit sex? Well laugh no more! Because bagpiping is here and it’s en vogue, perverts. Why is sticking cock into an armpit called bagpiping? Bagpiping is named after the fact you use one arm to squeeze the “bladder” of the bagpipes. When a cock is nestled between arm and tit, she will use the same squeezing action to pleasure the penis. In fact, this is more pleasurable than tit-fucking, especially if the chick has small tits that are more perky than porn-star sized. There are a few ways to increase the pleasure: oil and smushing cockhead against tits. The cock will come toward the meaty side boob and this is a nice feeling against the sensitive head of the cock, so make sure the cockhead gets acquainted with the side boob and spray on oil liberally. Don’t be shy, lube up the shoulder, armpit, side-boob, cockhead, and more. The more everybody is slipping and sliding the happier the cock will be.

FUN FACT – The inside part of the elbow is really called the “weinis.” Try not to chuckle.

Previous Sex Tips: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 |

See some examples of women bagpiping:

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SEX TIP #6 – Role Play

Sex-Tip

SEX TIP No. 6 – Role Play

I’m the King of Spain and you’re a captured Moor wife thrown into my harem!

elly-tran-ha-in-korean-sexy-bikiniDon’t just get on top of each other and pump. Give a little historical context to the thing. Maybe you’re the professor and she’s the slutty student. Maybe she’s the Queen of England and you’re an attendant. Maybe you’re a beast and she’s your weak, defenseless prey. Maybe you’re the priest giving her a naughty, nasty, masturbatory penance. Spice it up by playing some roles. It’s XXXmas time so a naughty girl and good santa or vice versa can work, as well as some elf-punks getting jiggy on the rooftops. You really can’t go wrong with a little roleplay. Something about leaving your own constrictions has enormous, exponential freedom attached to it. I highly recommend you pretend to be me and have the time of your life. Oh yeah. Have yourself a SMUTPUNK spree. Read the books and apply reenactments liberally.

Next Tip: I have no idea (see previous)

Previous Sex Tip: Homemade Porn – Sex Tip No. 5 – Camera Placement for Home Porn

 

Roleplay / Cosplay Image Gallery featuring smoking hot chicks:

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See More of the Cosplay Gallery

The Sex Manual – Read these sex tips for a flamethrower in the bedroom

Sex-Manual

The Sex Manual – Read these sex tips for a flamethrower in the bedroom

 

12-1 15 16

Read the Sex Manual right now22 23 2427

 

The Sex Manual – Read these sex tips for a flamethrower in the bedroom

Why are you rubbing two sticks together in the bedroom? Get a flamethrower!

Ever wished your partner came with a small pamphlet on how to operate correctly? Well, now you have it. Moctezuma spent nearly a decade running a bar, writing erotica, and blogging. He gathered a lot of information. So you want to have mind-blowing sex but all you know is what your priest and Cosmo told you? You poor thing. Well, fret no more. Let Moctezuma Johnson share his research in this in-depth, self-help book. He has found out what’s plaguing most bedroom partners. It’s simply intimidation and insecurity. So many fans have asked him how to be better, sexier, and more experienced. Moctezuma speaks openly and honestly offering a series of very practical solutions for men and women. This non-fiction, how-to book is told with humor (a necessity for the bedroom) and compassion.

Whether male or female or transgender, The Sex Manual is the book you wish came with every person you’ve dated. Well, wish no more. It’s out, so add it to your kindle. Just the fact that you’re reading this description is proof that you’re ready to improve and you’re almost halfway there. This book will take you the rest of the way. It’s filled with ideas, game plans, tips, and list of clothing, toys, and poems to spice up your sex life.

Sex Tips: Properly Warming Up an Ass | Sex Tip #3 | #SexManual #LPRTG #HowTo

Sex-Tip

Although each woman and man is different, these Sex Tips can save you valuable time and effort

The key thing with any ass from virgin to experienced is to get the ass to do the work.

What do I mean by that? Well, a dude can’t just jam his cock up a virgin asshole and expect it to go well. The ass has to take the cock. In other words, the ass is actually the leader although this may seem counter-intuitive to some of us. So the key here is to get the ass warmed up to a finger, or a butt plug, and let the ass kind of swallow the digit. The ass has to relax around it and let it come in.  It’s up to the ass to lay down a welcome mat. To do so, it has to relax and feel inviting. Then an ass will be much more welcoming to a big dick or any other things you crazy kids dream up. Eating ass (last week’s sex tip), is an excellent precursor to a little butt plug action. As always the key is lube, lube, lube. When you think there’s more than enough lube on the ass, put more on. After you put more than you think you need on, you may have nearly enough.

What kind of lubes work well?

One things to never use is olive oil. You do not want all that trans fat, lol. I’m only partly kidding, the friction makes it very hot and the sex becomes nearly unbearably hot. Then all you’re trying to do is cum before your genitals set on fire. A better product is Cleanstream Relax Desensitizing Anal Lube, 17oz which is made for anal and desensitizes the area. You may also go with Shibari Personal Lubricant – Water Based 8oz Bottle. Look at all the Shibari reviews. It’s a good brand and this is good stuff although it’s not specifically made for anal sex.

What else do you need?

The other item you really want to take care to buy is a good butt plug. There are lots out there that aren’t very good, and your ass is not a place where you want to sacrifice quality. “Doctor I have no idea how that got up there!” Sure. Just admit you bought a cheap butt plug and the base broke off or was so narrow your greedy ass just sucked it up. Seriously, the key to a good plug is a wide base. You want to make sure it stays where it should. A butt plug that gets really high reviews because it is attractive and well-made (in other words safe) is PURE Njoy Metal Butt Plug Large 4 Inch Polished Steel. Another option is the  Beginner Anal Plug Trainer Kit, which could be a great starting anal toy. Or, make shopping quick and easy by taking advantage of the lube and butt plug kit that makes shopping a breeze: Njoy Pure Plug Large with Sliquid Sassy Anal Lube. Finally, I’d be remiss not to include at least one Romi Jeweled Butt Plug for all the princesses out there (and who says your man can’t be your sweet anal princess, right!? So be creative and thoughtful, ladies).

Once you have the lube and the butt plug of your choice, insert it very slowly. Let the ass take the plug. Like parliament/funkadelic sing, “If it don’t fit, don’t force it.” Let the ass open up to the plug and then kind of eat it like it was slurping up pasta. Err, that’s a weird image, but I think you get the point that it has to slide (not JAM!) in. So take it easy, lube it up good, and slide it in. Then leave it there and let your ass get comfy around it.

Now that ass is sexy and warmed up for the next level.

 

 Want more sex tips?

Next Sex Tip: Angry Sex

Previous Sex Tip: Eating Ass

 

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