Bullshit Bulletin for SMUTPUNKs – Bulletin No. 10
Callie Press is back with a vengeance! She’s written like 45 books in the last hour and started blogging and making movies and doing all kinds of awesome stuff. Awesome. She’s on youtube (links and embedded video below) doing incredible work when not writing amazing stuff at her Queen of Smutpunk blog. She’s been writing these very useful posts for self-published authors covering grammatical points, how to use editors and beta readers correctly, and more.
I’m also back but with less vengeance than Callie. My day job takes over my life every November and December, and now I’m kind of returning to normal. I have a few books in the pipeline, including Chronicles of a Humiliation Season Two (yippee ki yay ki yo), Dino-sore, and something about the Deji’i Order tentatively titled STAR WHORES (say that in your head in the voice of James Earl Jones, of course).
I need your help
I need you to press this link (while signed in to your twitter) and invite your people to join the LPRTG mailing list
Press this link to invite your followers to join the LPRTG fun! There are Freebies from SMUTPUNKs and shit, there are sex tips, there are poems, there are photos, and there may be some finance and hairstyling tips. So give us your email in exchange for Literary PULP Raw Talented Groupie fun! In case you didn’t catch it the LPRTG abbreviation is staying but the Literary Porn tag has been updated. Maybe it will mutate again one day. SMUTPUNK doesn’t rest on its laurels [[tkttkt fact check]]. It rather suck a futa dick.
MJ’s next book should be a good one
Chronicles 5! It’s being written right now, finally. I know. I rested on my laurels because I’m a dumb shit. I would apologize but it’s like telling you to be taller or something. Dumb shit is just my way. Resting is another thing I like to do, especially after head.
Smutpunk on Skates
Emme’s series has gotten a makeover and a bundle. The bundle is called SMUTPUNK on SKATES (you can see the cover in the header up top). Check out all the NEW PULPY COVERS right fucking here.
Also check out the NEW SMUTPUNK ON SKATES VIDEO PROMO. This is must-see BoobTube.Cum TV.
Quick-Fire Interviews with HL37 (a recent smutpunk addition) and Patrick Khayler.
Click their names with the superheroes to see what they said.
You need a Callie Press Joint, they knock the SMUTPUNK loose from your eyelashes.
Join her by subscribing and watching her playlist or watch one here:
A Moctezuma Johnson Movie:
Follow MJ’s movies by following Miss Punk E. Schmooster (as he was banned from youtube and uploading movies years ago). If you want to find his channels you’re going to have get him on xvideos. However, for now follow Punk E. instead. She’s the head PA (right, a PA who gives head to all of us — male and female and everything in between) promoting the S.PUNK.
Have you gotten your introduction letter from MJ?
What’s your SMUTPUNK name?
If you don’t know GET ONE ASAP.
What is SMUTPUNK?
If you’re an indie writer these are posts that you NEED to read. Callie’s releasing a new one every Sunday and the indie-writer community is incredibly grateful. She makes us all better.
Final thoughts and mailing list info
What you’re not on the most exciting mailing list of 2017! It’s got sex tips, games, freebies, giveaways, contests, and one-on-one banter with the King of SMUTPUNK. What more could you ask for from a mailing list? No really? You have more? Then let me know, but by all means, get your ass stuffed by my throbbing and vibrant outbox.
Got something important to add?
Let me know.
I’m always around. Email, comment, tweet, or stop me on the street (grabbing me by the balls is the best way to get my wandering attention).
‘Nuff said, said San Esperma di Desgracia
A Letter from Moctezuma Johnson
Ok, first my name: Moctezuma. Why LXIX? Well, the “famous” Moctezuma is actually Moctezuma II. He’s the one that let Hernan Cortez into the Nahuatl city of Tenochtitlan and inadvertently caused the fall of the Aztec Empire. I come way later and with erotic smutpunk in my splattering cum and blood. So I am installment number 69. I write erotica but not just erotica. If you want the dime store brand of erotica with poor comma usage, name brands and billionaires dropped like birdshit from pigeons, and the same old pre-made cover art then I’m not your man. My erotica comes laced with hallucinogens, truth, Cthulhu, color, and science fiction. It’s smut with smarts. If you have a low IQ save yourself the trouble and don’t even bother trying to read me. Now, those of you still with me are my main bad-ass motherfuckers. And I’m all yours. I’m loyal to a fault (wait until you hear some of the mistakes I’ve made thanks to that!) and I’m used to being on the outside looking in. I’m weird and smart and attract all kinds of people from any background as long as you fit one requirement: be your weird ass self. Once you’ve got that box ticked off I’ll bet you love my work and I will love you as a reader and we will both wonder why the fuck you we hadn’t found each other before.
Now, let me tell you, writing isn’t easy. It’s hard to find the time with a family, a remunerative job that takes me all over the world, and a penchant for getting distracted by just about any—. What was I saying? I love hearing from readers, so please drop me a line and say hi. I would love to know what else your reading and what’s your most favorite book of all time. Mine is If On a Winter Night a Traveler by Italo Calvino. Ask me tomorrow and you’ll probably get a different answer, but that book will always be in my top three. It’s immense.
The coolest moment of my writing life so far has been either selling thirty-seven books in one day (I’ve had 175 downloads in a day but that was on freebies so that doesn’t count) or being interviewed in Spanish by the now defunct Cumshot Village (who then translated the interview back into English for their readers). I have to get a link to that up on my site.
I have been helped along the way by a number of writers and artists, some of whom I won’t name out of consideration for their privacy, and others who would be happy to be named like Shelby Kent-Stewart, Christina Mandara, Brent Millis (aka Made in DNA), Zak Hardacre, Kat Crimson, Mystk Night, Mz Patchouli, Reed James, Jacintha Topaz, Bernard Foong, and Callie Press. These are incredible writers each is his or her own right. Also, each one of them knows way more about being a writer than I do, but I’m coming along—not bad at all for a Mexican-American who works 13-15 hours a week in a pretty high-octane day job while raising a son. Sleep? Nah, sleep is for other people. People who don’t have stories to tell to smart people who love cursing and hearing it straight, and gay, but never fibbed. Even my fiction is truthful. In fact, I considered releasing The Chronicles of a Humiliation Backfired Series as a memoir since just about everything in it has happened to me, but I wanted to protect some of the people involved, namely my wife who stabbed me, so I opted to call it fiction but it barely is. I joke that realism has no place in erotica because all the stories would be people alone with their toys pleasuring themselves, but that isn’t true. A lot of us have vibrant sex lives and that just fuels us to want more.
Thanks for taking a moment to join Moctezuma LXIX’s LPRTG and get to know a bit about me. I’ll be looking for your response with your favorite book!
ps: Join bit.ly/EmailLPRTG to get a Freebie and introduction to the wonderful world of smutpunk.
Thanks to Naya Free, I have given a lot of thought to brand imaging and I know what I would like my brand to look like: panties pulled down.
Below I will give you a couple of examples of what I mean. When you see such images, please think Moctezuma Johnson.
There is just something so sexy when a woman I am about to have sex with pulls her panties down and reveals her honey pot. I just love pulling them down, love watching her pull them down, love seeing someone else pull them off. It’s always a thrill every single time.
The Sex Manual – Read these sex tips for a flamethrower in the bedroom
Read the Sex Manual right now
The Sex Manual – Read these sex tips for a flamethrower in the bedroom
Why are you rubbing two sticks together in the bedroom? Get a flamethrower!
Ever wished your partner came with a small pamphlet on how to operate correctly? Well, now you have it. Moctezuma spent nearly a decade running a bar, writing erotica, and blogging. He gathered a lot of information. So you want to have mind-blowing sex but all you know is what your priest and Cosmo told you? You poor thing. Well, fret no more. Let Moctezuma Johnson share his research in this in-depth, self-help book. He has found out what’s plaguing most bedroom partners. It’s simply intimidation and insecurity. So many fans have asked him how to be better, sexier, and more experienced. Moctezuma speaks openly and honestly offering a series of very practical solutions for men and women. This non-fiction, how-to book is told with humor (a necessity for the bedroom) and compassion.
Whether male or female or transgender, The Sex Manual is the book you wish came with every person you’ve dated. Well, wish no more. It’s out, so add it to your kindle. Just the fact that you’re reading this description is proof that you’re ready to improve and you’re almost halfway there. This book will take you the rest of the way. It’s filled with ideas, game plans, tips, and list of clothing, toys, and poems to spice up your sex life.
Brand Spanking New: smutpunk.com
Hey, lovelies, have no fear
the smutpunk wiki has arrived here
So please, my dear, become a peer
as we all need S. punk in our ears
Please contribute. It’s fun and easy. If you’re SMUTPUNK 4Lyf you will want to show your love and get adulation from the Merry Band of SMUTPUNKists, MOJO and the FUNKY GET S.PUNK CREW (yes, say that to the tune of Sgt. Pepper’s, of course). Let me know via comment, email, carrier pigeon if there’s any trouble with crossed wiki wires.
Cause, as they say, smutpunk grabs erotica by the futa balls and feeds it to Nyarlathotep.
Now, I’m not one to tell you what to do but you MUST read the NAYA FREE interview of me on her site. That’s an order, soldier.
This interview is what she calls a “mini” interview, which means even she doesn’t have any idea what the hell is going on. It’s a good lot of fun with a little bit of insight sneaked in for good measure.
Click the Sexy Newsgirl for the interview and she may remove her clothes. Enjoy!
Review Request: Please leave a few words about any and all of my books
Thank you for supporting me and my brand of SMUTPUNK. You’ve probably heard that I have crawled
out from under a rock to pen a Choose Your Own Kink SEXcapade. I’m looking to gather reviews for this book since, it seems, that reviews really do help the Zon feature a book more prominently. If you’ve read it, please leave a review. Any short review will suffice; even “It wasn’t bad” or “I really liked it” will be enough. If you want to go into more depth, that’s awesome. I’m told that the more reviews the better, so please help. Thanks so much. Let me know if you would like a free review copy of the Choose Your Own Kink or any other book. If you have KU you can read Choose Your Own Kink free.
ps: I bare my soul to you, so I thought the GIF was appropriate!
Somehow Genevieve started writing poems to me so I’m collecting them here on this page!
Poems by Genevieve Greene
He saw her, walking
she was outside an office building
with the clothes she had on
she must work inside
he had seen her before
once, eating in a restaurant
alone, maybe it was an Ihop
he walked up behind her
pressed her into the rail
next to the boat dock
yanking her skirt over her hips
her ass, was porcelain in color
but, firm and rounded, with no panties
almost like she expected him
his hand smacked her ass cheek
hard, leaving a red handprint
undoing his pants
he freed his monster cock
pulling her ass to him
drove his cock deep inside
her tight asshole
she wasn’t resisting, but was struggling
her body betrayed her sluttiness
she loved feeling him
in her ass
reaching inside her shirt
he pinched her nipples, hard
she was moaning, chanting
“Fuck me harder!”
he did, her ass was squeezing his cock
moving a hand between her legs
flicked her clit, pinched it
made her cum
while she was cumming
her body shaking
he pulled a butt plug
from his pocket, shoved it in her ass
pushing her to her knees
he moved to her front
sunk his cock all the way
he felt the back of her throat
eyes still glazed from cumming
she swallowed, trying not to gag
he fucked her face
faster, rubbing her tonsils
he came then, in a flood
she couldn’t keep up
his hot cum dripped
from the corner of her mouth
zipping his pants back, caging the beast
he slapped her, in the face
“My, beautiful fuck slut, I’ll be back.”
walked away from her
while she was still on her knees
dripping cum, from her mouth and pussy
skirt up, ass out, plug still in
a display of slutty sex
for the boats docking to see
He called, “Let’s meet.”
he got to the hotel
not a cheap one
she picked with style
naked, she stood
her smooth white skin
chilled in the air
her body, was perfect
she was no model
her shape was curved
like a woman
who was built to fuck
hard and often
and kissed her
more of a consuming
inhaling her soul, through her mouth
she worked quickly
taking off his clothes
when she saw his cock
she was breathless
dropped to her knees
licking her huge cock-pop
taking it all the way
his hand, holding her head
he fucked her face
she swallowed, she didn’t want to gag
she liked him, his control
his balls, tight, cum filled, heavy
right to the back of her throat
his hot jizz, she took it all
wait, she wasn’t done, she swallowed
his cock, was interested, again
he picked her up and put her on the bed
her rounded ass, at the edge
her legs, he put them over his shoulders
driving deep, into her slick, wet pussy
she was begging, beneath him
“Fuck me harder.”
he did, driving deep and hard
her creamy tits
he slapped them, leaving a handprint
on each, she loved it
he pushed the limit, slapped
her, on the cheek, but told her
“You’re my delicious slut”
she moaned her pleasure,
started cumming, her pussy
milking his cock, finished him
pulling out, his cum, sprayed
on her belly, her tits, her mouth
her tongue, licking hot cum from her lips
she loved him, but wouldn’t say
he loved her, but couldn’t stay
They would meet
and fuck, because they were friends.
He walked in, she was there
naked, on her knees
her ass, proudly on display
her skin was alabaster
her shape spoke of something
the pink glistening pussy
or her tight, tight ass
his cock, was as beautiful
as it was immense
decided, he drove into
her tight ass, deep and hard
his hand, pulled her hair
watching her ecstasy
he was cumming
pulled out and his
hot, sticky, jizz landed
on her face, her neck, her back
greedily licking up the drops
she begged, “More.”
She looked up
his eyes were watching her
on her knees
her mouth full
of his delicious cock
his hand, fisted in her hair
deeper in her throat
his eyes rolled
around his magnificence
she worked oral magic
he couldn’t last
filling her mouth
she licked him clean
gazing at him
adoration in her eyes
“Thank you Sir.”
She looked at the floor
from her position
she felt the cool air
on her ass
the anticipation was building
then she felt the first smack
on and on it went
getting harder, getting faster
the spanks, they stopped then
she wondered what was next
his cock, against her asshole
as he slid inside
fucking hard, and oh so deep
she was breathless, on the edge
shaking while she was cumming
she felt him jizz inside her
well spanked and well fucked
she curled and fell asleep
*Note – This was a pretty cool experience for me since usually people ask me to write them poems but in this case I got the poems. Sexy! I can get all night long^^
She could have a been a proper model. I’m glad she chose porn.
A little bit about Tera:
She’s from Montana. She is worth $15 million.
She looks up in such a way while sucking cock that her pupils swim in the whites of her big eyes.