Tastefully Airbrushed for your Pleasure || What the fuck? Playboy, too? || A Guest Post by Callie Press | #LPRTG #EARTG #Playboy


I want to thank Callie for agreeing to post on my dirty little site. She’s got more balls than most men I know and also has big tits. In other words, she’s a hot, mental Futa! Let me introduce her and then make way for the juggernaut of smart that is Ms. Press. 

While Callie could barely type a word thanks to being as high as the Fuck Force Five flying to Planet Alien Relish I asked her to guest post because she was blowing my mind with these ideas that all the alpha males have gone with Joe DiMaggio and (Paul Simon is a prick by the way, unrelated) and that even Playboy — what? — has given up on nudity and fallen into the horrifying, sanitized, apathetic throes of censorship and handbag carrying pussy-men. 

GUEST POST: CALLIE PRESS (tastefully airbrushed for your pleasure) 

So I’m recovering from surgery and full of hydrocodone, which means I am tweeting endless insane DMs to MJ. As a result, when I ranted at least somewhat coherently on a subject, I got this DM in return:

Guest post for me please! Pretty please. Pretty no nudity in playboy and I carry a handbag please.

How can I refuse? That’s 3 pleases from MJ without even one mention of a gagging blowjob or a gaping ass fuck, so I know he really, really meant it. Besides, I’d do it for him if he asked me in any case, if I wasn’t totally absent-minded about things.

So this topic is Playboy removing nudity from the magazine. I know print is dying (I know it first hand, I used to make a living in the newspaper industry) and I guess they want to be more PC since Hef is finally aware he’s mortal. And I’m as feminist as anybody. All my life I’ve done what I wanted because that’s what men do and I didn’t care if someone said I couldn’t do something ‘because I’m a girl.’ I was never ashamed of enjoying sex even though it didn’t go over too well in my religious household or in the small towns we landed in once we left Detroit.

But won’t someone think of the CHILDREN? What kind of men are we making?

Hear me out. Yeah, porn is everywhere on the internet. And it’s trivial to hide looking at it, even if you have a prudish wife like in that atrocious and hysterically funny made-by-a-local-church movie “Fight” (trust me it’s HIGH LARIOUS). Or even if you just have a jealous wife like I can be sometimes. (I want all the attention by those who have a cock, it’s just how I’m made). And little girls and little boys both need some evidence that their dads have a pair, no matter what kind of a shrieking harpy their mother may be.

I found my dad’s playboys when I was probably 12, under the seat of his car. They were there, instead of in the house, because my mom has always been a…difficult person. And I looked at them and it didn’t traumatize me. I have older sisters; the anatomy wasn’t new, but the beauty of the anatomy was. And it made me think, wow, Dad likes women, and Mom can’t control him so much that he stops liking women.

It was a good thing to know. For a lot of men, sadly, it seems this is the closest they ever come to having a spine. For some men, as lame as it is, it’s the only sort of ‘rebellion’ or ‘alpha behavior’ they can ever manage to get away with. And did my Mom know he had Playboys? Of course she knew. Every woman knows. It’s like the only ‘boys will be boys’ thing that is really acceptable out of a man, at least after a few kids, for most women in this day and age. It’s that little spark of ‘bad boy’ that we can just knowingly smile about, even if we pretend to be offended. (Even if you are truly offended, actually.)

What's missing? Oh, my balls. Shit.

What’s missing? Oh, my balls. Shit.

Not any more though. Now if you want to see a tasteful naked woman, you have to do it on the internet. Yeah, that happens, right? Kids can’t learn about males’ natural drives in such an innocent and healthy way. Hell, the first time my husband ever saw a naked woman was when he found his dad’s cache of playboys…how many grown men can say the same thing? A lot of you. Someday that will be none. They’ll only get what they see on the internet, which is of course in a frantic race to reach the bottom. Tomorrow’s men won’t learn by seeing lovingly shot, carefully airbrushed, tasteful nudity. Their first glimpse of a naked woman will probably be stumbling on gangbang sites or something that really can dehumanize women who like sex. There’s no personal context unless it’s like fifteen seconds of the hot wife and hubby on the couch saying the same things as the last fifty couples who sat on the couch.

What it’s going to do is just neuter most men even more than they already have been neutered. I’m not saying I want a world full of alpha males, but this is the kind of thing that puts the boot on the alphas’ necks and makes betas out of them. The good men who happen to be alphas are stuck pretending not to be. The actual alphas that are left ‘in the wild’ are going to be the sociopaths, and it’s going to make women even more susceptible to them than we already are.

I want men to have the chance to buy their ‘dirty magazines’ or whatever and let their wives and girlfriends know, maybe you can TAME me, but you can’t CASTRATE me. I’m glad my hubby still has his god damn Carmen Electra issue, even if it makes me so jealous I want to slap her. If he isn’t enjoying how women look, he sure as hell isn’t enjoying how I look.

Let the boys look, for fuck’s sake. It’s good for everybody.


$. Callie $

Callie Press is the genius who created Butterface, as if you didn’t know that. Also, she be hot and gives great head.


Guest Post: Kat Crimson | Plug for JizzieBelle

Jizziebelle | Belle-of-the-Burlesque-by-Kat-Crimson-small

The Best thing about Twitter is Meeting Awesome Writers

Thanks to twitter, I’ve become friends with quite a few authors over the last year: one of whom is Kat Crimson. I was immediately drawn to her erotica because it plays heavily on the mental aspects of a relationship and the cerebral side of sex. After reading her book, Bait, I was hooked — seemingly all according to her plan. Kat has a new book out called Jizziebelle and I asked her to say a few words herself as a way to get people who like my work to check out hers. So, I will shut my mouth and let you hear it straight from the Queen of Cerebral Smut Kat Crimson:


Thanks MJ – I appreciate you letting me spread my awesomesauce all over your blog, for my personal gain. That’s very swimming of you, mate. If you’re reading this, you’re on the King’s blog — that’s Moctezuma Johnson, aka the (self-proclaimed) King of Literary Porn — and presumably a fan of his, so I know I can let my hair down (all 2 inches of it, that is) and be my unadulterated, unfiltered and unvarnished self. Because, if there’s one thing I know about MJ, and about his fans, it’s that they are not shy about sex!

Kat Crimson Jizziebelle

Kat Crimson, author of Jizziebelle

For those of you who haven’t heard of me — and I assume that’s pretty much everyone — my name is Kat Crimson, and I am a writer of cerebral erotic romance — geez, I hope that didn’t just come off sounding like an AA confession. I am not ashamed, in the least, to be a writer of smut!

In fact, it’s kind of my mission to prove that intelligent smut exists. My personal goal is to provide readers with graphic smut that makes their naughty bits tingle, while also engaging their brains and tugging on their heart strings. My hope is to encourage people to explore more, to embrace their sexuality, and to not be so afraid to express their sexual desires to each other, so that they might find more honest, open, fulfilling and rewarding relationships together. I want to take things that are currently seen as ‘taboo’, and paint them in a new light for people, making them more accessible and acceptable to ‘normal’ vanilla society.

I make it another part of my mission to support other talented smut writers, who are looking to elevate the caliber of the genre, to a status that exists above the gutter, while still remaining deliciously filthy (like MJ, who has been very kind in returning the favor, on several occasions). But, enough about me, and my nefarious plans to dominate the smut industry with my wits and my…. (insert rhyming word here *coughs* – LOL… I said ‘insert’ tee hee hee!)

Muahahahahahaaaaa! (Yes… I am crazy :P)

My debut erotic novel, Jizziebelle: The Belle of the Burlesque (Book 1 of the, brand new, Hardwood’s Harlots Series), just hit Amazon on May 8th, and will soon be available in print, as well. Originally written as a short story, for an erotic contest, Jizziebelle was later expanded to full length, after I won the contest and signed on with Black Widow Publications. Let me tell you what Jizzie’s all about!

Jocelyn Belle is a shy and reclusive — yet very kinky — introvert whose only outlets for exploring her wild taboos are through her successful writing career, and the online kink community, where her anonymity gives her the confidence to be her kinky self.

She suffers from severe social anxiety and depression, but finally gets fed up with her situation and makes a life altering decision. She courageously hops way outside of her comfort zone, and the sheltering confines of her self-imposed prison – her home – to take a part time job, dancing on stage, at Hardwood’s Burlesque. There she meets Ryan Mastersen. Ryan is the financial backer for the burlesque, a fan of her writing, and – bar none – the most magically delicious man she’s ever set eyes upon. Their chemistry is instantaneous and undeniable. And this is Jizzie’s chance to finally explore the kinky things that have been plaguing her dreams, and causing her many sweaty, sleepless, and sexually frustrated nights. She finally gets her chance to indulge in such naughty things as anal sex, rimming, and sensual pegging.

Cat Jones (Top 500 Amazon Reviewer) calls Jizziebelle, “smoking f-ing hot, sex on a stick, it’s electric. Reading their first encounter required one hand free, and it just gets hotter from there. The writing is fantastic, really talented, and the sex scenes are drool worthy. This is the kind of erotica I live for; witty, sensual, uninhibited, positive, and hotter than Georgia asphalt.”

At the risk of spoiling all of the fun, I’ll stop here. I hope I’ve left you with enough intrigue for you to want to pick up a copy of your own, and to leave a review for me on Amazon, or Goodreads. It’ll cost you less than that greasy fast food you were thinking about choking down for lunch, it’ll last a lot longer, and it’ll make your insides feel a fuck of a lot better — especially your middle bits!

~ Kat ^,,^


Learn More about Kat by Clicking the Links on the Left

Learn More about Kat Crimson and Jizziebelle

Website www.katcrimson.com

Amazon Author Page 

Jizziebelle: Amazon 

Jizziebelle: Print Presale 

Reviews (at Amazon)