Guest Post by Bella Shadows
I would like all you smutpunk muhfuckas to welcome the juicy and sexy Bella Shadows to the blog. She’s going to teach you how to go and fuck yourself. Smutpunk: Seriously? Yep. And you’d best listen and learn well because there’s going to be a test later. Your life just may depend on it, okay? She’s got the skills to teach and rumor has it that you ain’t doin’ it right, so you’d better put that thinking cap on your head. The other head, you naughty little pig. Rimmies, MJ
THEE GUEST POST OF HONOR
Go Fuck Yourself (Then Go Fuck Others, Too) by Bella Shadows
Okay. Let’s get a couple things straight.
1) Fucking yourself is not just about releasing pent-up stress and repressed sexual desires by jacking-off to one’s favorite porn clip.
2) Yelling, “Go Fuck Yourself!” at another person is actually a blessing, not a curse. It’s closer to “peace be with you” than any derogatory innuendo. (Think about it… Some fanatical Christian moron actually believed that masturbation was a sin and that if you fucked yourself you were a sinner, hence the beginning of that idiotic “curse” statement. Hey, a good Christian only forces their genitalia on their wife/husband, right? Yeah, right.)
Now that we got those two points out of the way, let’s get positive, my people!
Self-love is an art. It’s a chance to reconnect with oneself in a way that no other body can. It’s an opportunity to give back to oneself all the love-energy that one gave away over the course of the day.
Yes, the DAY.
You should fuck yourself daily. Not just once in a while, or when you go home lonely from the club so your hand is the only answer for relief. Not just because you have no partner at the moment. Not only when the job has become too much bullshit to handle so you take out your frustration on your tender bits.
C’mon. This is 2017. I know we can do better than that as a bunch of magically sexual human beings.
Do you know how amazing masturbating is? Really? Maybe you think you know, but do you really, really know? Well, lemme tell you…
FUCK YOU = TREAT YOU RIGHT
Playing with oneself is the only way to tap into pure, singular, creative energy. You can generate more energy from one self-love session than you ever could by just getting your rocks off, whether that be with your own hands or with a partner (or partners).
Lemme ‘xplain somethin’.
There are ancient methods of fucking oneself which can provide your body with more heat than you’ve ever experienced. Let’s discuss this, really, because in general, the sexually repressed and sexually misunderstood culture of the western world has been led to believe that sex is:
A-only for makin’ babies
B-the way one expresses love to a partner
C-taboo and forbidden
D-nasty and disgusting
E-dangerous and powerful
The only one of those options I agree with is the P word–powerful. Sex is power. It is one of the everyday magical talents that every human has the ability to do. Sex is powerful magic.
Close your eyes (after reading this, of course) and recall the last monumental orgasm you felt. Breathe deeply and rhythmically. See the fantasy that took you to the edge of explosion vividly replaying in your mind. Recall how you let yourself go over the edge and feel the deliciousness coursing through your cock and/or pussy. Can you feel that? Yep. You can produce orgasmic energy with your thoughts alone.
That’s fucking creation, my people.
When you choose to take time out of your day to love yourself–please yourself, take yourself to the edge and over, tease yourself, hold yourself back only to let yourself go–you bring honor to your beautiful body. You appreciate it more than any bubble bath ever could.
Calgon taking you away…HA! That shit’s nothing but mostly baking soda and stinky chemicals. But I can’t hate. What that manipulative marketing campaign did in the 1970s is promote the solitary act of honoring one’s body to the demographic of lonely and depressed housewives and mothers. Once in the bath (wickedly resembling a witch’s cauldron, I might add, all bubbling and conjuring magical powers), her sensual hands could take over. Witches are fucking sexy.
Okay, back to the point at hand…
Go Fuck Yourself!
FUCK YOU = HEAL YOU RIGHT
Kitty-cats, if you haven’t heard of Sexual Taoism or Mantak Chia, you need to read up and get yourself a yoni egg. Hot-cocks, if you haven’t mastered holding back your ejaculation and circulating your sexual energy through your body using Microcosmic breathing, you simply must start training. That shit is intense!
These are ancient Chinese methods for harnessing the power of ones orgasm, channeling it back into the body, and using it to heal physical ailments.
Seriously. It works. I practice, so I know first hand.
Our organs are not just there to produce piss and shit from our food and drink or make babies. We are so much more than that! Western medicine has purposefully reduced the self-healing powers of our bodies to keep us sick and unsatisfied so that we will pay the medical system our hard-earned cash in an attempt to “feel normal” again, when in fact, each of us is 100% health-unique and there is no such thing as “normal” especially when it comes to our sexual health.
Fuck the medical system!
No two pussies or cocks look alike, do they? No two bodies respond to sexual climax the same, do they? That’s right, they don’t.
Only you can know how to get you off in the most powerful manner possible. Only you can heal your own physical body. Stop depending on any medical practitioner to make you well! Spending more intimate time with you is the only way to make you feel better. Make YOU a priority over all else and over time you WILL see positive results.
The power is at your fingertips. When you rub yourself just right, you create healing energy. This isn’t some frilly New Age concept, folks. This is as old as time. Rubbing, aka massaging, is all we really do to jack-off anyhow. Why does a body massage feel so good? It circulates stuck energy within the body.
Rubbing your breasts in a certain way gets the juices flowing through many organs, not just our fuck-parts. That’s why we rub tits and suck nipples (and that goes for all sexes). Not just because it’s sexy as hell and delicious beyond belief, but because it warms us up, literally, and releases energy stored in those glands, readying our amazing bodies for the cultivation of energy.
The orgasm is like harvesting ripe crops as food from the fields. It is a gathering of the cultivated creation energy, and if we store this orgasmic energy within our bodies then we can use it when we need it most, just like preserving food to get through winter.
Why do you think we can actually make another human being with our sexual energy? Huh? You think that shit is just coincidental? Just an egg and some spermies colliding, like they told us in junior high science class? No. It is pure creation energy, like fire, that generates a new human body. A vessel for a soul. What-the-fuck-amazing, right!
FUCK ‘EM ALL = GIVE A LIL, TAKE A LIL
Once you master fucking yourself right, only then can you move on to fucking others right. Sure, we all fuck. We fuck the way we see it done in the pornos, right? Well, maybe–just maybe–there’s a better way to drum up the heat in a hot encounter. Hint: there is.
Ever heard of Sex Magick? Tantra? Again, ancient stuff here, but there are many methods which have been documented that manifest some seriously intense sexual energy, and really, that’s why we fuck. We want to feel that energy flowing faster than ever. That rush. That high. There are documented practices from solo to orgy which not only produce the maximum orgasmic effect, they heal your body, mind, and soul.
But first things first–if you don’t know how to fuck yourself right, then how can you expect another human being to fuck you better? It is you who controls your orgasm. It doesn’t come from the other person. You know how to get so excited from sucking cock that you cum in your panties, sans penetration. You know how to squeeze that dick tight and rub that one spot, ensuring a mind-blowing explosion.
Only you can fuck you right.
Now, you can train a partner (or partners) to hit those spots for you, but it takes time. You can luck upon the most amazing sexual partners who magically know how to please you like nobody else has, but that sentiment is always comparative–they are “better than” those partners who have come before.
Again, the power is in your hands. Don’t depend on any partner to get you off. You gotta get you off, even when you are with them–especially when you are with them.
Sexual energy can transfer between partners without even touching. Evidence of this is felt when you get a twinge ‘tween your legs when you first make eye contact, or when you are both thinking sexually about the other, even when miles apart. So, imagine what kind of sexual energy transfer happens when you actually physically connect! Fucking WOW! Talk about BIG BANG!
You have both male and female sexual energy within you, regardless of your external sexual preferences. You hold the key to your own lock.
You are your best sexual partner, no matter what, and there’s nothing conceited or self-centered about believing this notion. It’s called self-love, and if you haven’t focused on loving yourself lately, there’s no time like the present to get started. Everyone deserves more love, not less, and when you love yourself to the point of overflowing, you will naturally be able to love others effortlessly.
Go fuck yourself right tonight.
Then go fuck others right, too.