Well here’s your Erotic Smutpunk Bulletin, kiddies!
Well, you’ve Chosen Your Own Kink already with my last book. What about this time? Would you like some sexual instruction compiled over 29 years of fucking ravenously? Behold, the Sex Manual by MJ. A veritable how to fuck, con, convince, coerce, and cohabitate. All you need to know from “Getting Your Girl to Give you Deepthroat” to “Ways to Be Slutty for your Man” to “What’s the best chemical compound to make copious amounts of FAKE CUM” found in this tidy little bedroom companion book. It’s a must have if you have a penis, pussy, or both.
Smutpunk on Skates by Emme Hor – Print Book coming 2017.
The book will be a combination of all four short books that were penned by Emme and edited by me. I am working on the cover now and it’s pretty damn hot. Want a look? Of course you do because you know that there’s a mosque, yoga pants, a hot asian chick in pink glittery roller-skates, and a butt plug. I commissioned my Italian buddy to truly paint the fucker so it came great. Want a look? Of course you do so be sure you’re on the LPRTG mailing list to get notified when it leaves “My Documents” and enters the public space.
Instruction Manual for Sex tentatively titled THE SEX MANUAL
It’s not quite out, but you can see the SEX MANUAL home page (I’m banned from Pre-Order on the Zon. Why? Because I’m banned from nearly everything. Thus I have my own website and my own erotic smutpunk bulletin!) It will be out soon and be sure to be on the LPRTG mailing list so you get notified of the release. Or just comment below, saying, “I want to be part of your Review Team” and I’ll get a Free Copy into your hands. Oh yeah! SMUTPUNK4LYF, baby! This book is really a lot of fun but it also happens to contain some good ideas (says who? says me? oh, and my editor said so!). It guarantees safe, fun, useful sexual sessions for you and your partner(s). I so guarantee it that I stand by a 100% Money Back Guarantee if you don’t have at least one awesome session thanks to reading.
Quick Marketing Tip: Promo some other people. Feel free to promote MJ or Emme. Good Karma rewarded freely!
You have to be part of the SMUTPUNK MOVEMENT. I mean, you have #smutpunkforchange #smutpunkeloquence #smutpunkelegance #smutpunk4lyf all at your disposal (and of course the uber-popular LPRTG hashtag). When you hang with me and my SMUTPUNK CREW you get free books from me and Emme, you get the always informative and low-calorie Bullshit Bulletins, you get poems, artwork, and sex tips. What else do you need to be hot and bothered from meaty morning to nipple night?
Dr S. Punk asks
why am I such a sucker for watching young chicks in their twenties with shaved bush and perky ass tits get fucked in the ass? I don’t know, doctor, I just don’t know.
I thought I’d share the flyer from the Match of the Century, [[insert]] which will be an entry in the upcoming SMUTPUNK LEXICON. Be sure to get on the LPRTG mailing list to get your important information. There’s weekly sex tips (always useful), free books, special events, and now vocabulary building lexicon entries.
Mystk Knight’s website (Aka Mystk Ghoti)
#SexManual #MensHealth #Impotence #Men #Fitness #Diet #Health — these are some of the hashtags that I’ll be pitching my new book to. Wish me luck and help me out. All ideas welcome. Feel free to post on FB for me since I no longer use. #FA – FacebookersAnonymous – Oh, shit, wait! That’s not true. I am so all up in The Facebook again under my wife’s name and now even my fucking own.
Find me on FB at…
Smutpunk and Literary Erotica (which is essentially the erotic smutpunk bulletin on Facebook & quite useful)
Fuck it, just click them all and open up little windows and like the whole lot of them. Type “Stalked” into the comments and get yourself a free book filled with sex tips and humor.
Interview with Sexy and Spectacular Shelby Kent-Stewart
Shelby was nice enough to withstand my asinine questions and put her grace and class all over my smutpunk. She sometimes calls me the #SmutpunkScholar and I call her #SmutpunkElegance. Everything she touches exudes class and style. I think even if she was injecting me with an HIV-laced syringe, she would inject it gracefully, like a St. Petersburg ballerina.
New SMUTPUNK Poem: Ana
She calls herself Pussy
that’s her name
I call my baby, Pussy
I met her in go-go bar
on her knees
making great eye contact
like wormholes led to her irises
like butter could be freid on her butt crack
like shows were filmed in her cleavage
I met her in a go-go bar
where GIs once roamed
who had long retreated into the hillsides
with the terrorists
I met her in a go-go bar
had her lick my balls
right there from where I sat
on the bar stool
bottle of spiced rum in my hand
more in my gut
my hair afroing out like gluttony
she tongued my asshole
while i admired the tits on the go-go dancer
on the stage
while my buddy lit another Marlboro Red
while a second girl put her hand around my cock
You take it up the ass? I asked the ass-licker
Her eyes were wide open and pretty. She nodded
Great. Let’s go to my room. What’s your name?
Use the comments below for “Stalked” or “I want to be part of your REVIEW TEAM” (see above for more info). You can also use the comments section to berate me with all the curse words your vocabulary contains. Other uses are looked at with suspicion. Thanks for reading. ‘Nuff said.
–The Management of the Desgracia
When linking back to this page please put the word “smutpunk” in the link. For example, “MJ’s Smutpunk” or “Smutpunk Site“
Please note that BB-8 stands for Bullshit Bulletin, which I’d like to expand to the Bullshit Bullpen Erotic Smutpunk Bulletin
Moctezuma Johnson wants to get the word out: The Erotic Smutpunk Bulletin
Ever heard of Marvel’s Bulletin Board? [[insert image here]]
We should be doing that too. We have T. Queef and some other saps to take the piss out of a bit. There are the one wank wonders, the cunts and dicks who’ve never learnt no grammer, and the tweetathoners. Then there’s Mr. B’s crew. They are nice so I won’t fuck with them even though I wish I could tell you from cunt to black & white cocksucker where the line of “tasteful” gets drawn, in what color, and by whom, but that’s not the issue here. No, no, they don’t say tasteful, they say “classy.” I say assy but the fact that the Mr. B group has a pulse, a libido, and N angle makes me want to have a thousand arms to finger the nymphs and jerk the duke. The nymphettes are nice. They are awesome to me one-on-one and have retweeted the shit out of me. Oh, and my wife, the jynxy mynx named Emme “Cocksucking” Hor is one of them, for fucks sake. How can Moctezuma Johnson not join?
If you can’t beat ‘em, join em.
Me? No. Like Groucho Marx said, “I don’t want to be part of any group that would have me for a member.” Not that they would have me as a member. But I still consider them part of the bullpen, especially Jenny, Linzi, July, and Callie. There are a bunch of other fuckers and page eroti-suckers who I want to fold into the mix like blueberries into hot muff(in) batter. There’s Reed James and the Naught Book Snitch with her GIFtopia. One day at a time, like a good AA member.
A literary porn erotic smutpunk bulletin
A place to get important upcoming news in the literary erotica universe. We don’t have a bullpen where we all sit and one table and crank out mad creativity cause we all sit all by our lonesomes in our underwear with coffee, wine, joints, or all three, and do our bidding with our bots and one-handed typing. I guess twitter is our ‘pen but that’s pure chaos. Bulls are way more organized than we are on twitter. We are out of fucking control with all the tweets (thanks tweetathoners, I’m so sick of seeing repeat lines and repeat images), all the dick picks (it’s mostly dudes from the subcontinent – guys, I’m a dude. Do you want this Latino-Italian guy looking at your dick? You do? Then read my FUTA shit!), and all the book link BUY MY BOOK links, you can have a nervous breakdown in five minutes. Luckily I mostly ignore DMs so they can send cocks ’til the cows come home. My point is that authors could use a little bulletin that boils down the news so we can see what’s going on. We need an easy to manage quick news rather than scrolling through noise. In Seoul, busy streets have neon signs in every spot imaginable advertising stuff. The neon-barrage is so strong that I feel like I’m walking in the dark. I’ve unconsciously mentally turned off every buzzing colorful light. In real life these electric color-boards tell me to shop, eat, and drink at their establishments. In my mind I see a quiet black sky and hot Asian chicks in short skirts. These stores should start sending me dick pictures, they’d be better off. We could have a bulletin.
Why was Marvel’s Bulletin so Amazing?
Cause comics rule! I loved those Marvel chats with Stan the Man. Stan’s Soapbox. Sexy. I loved wrestling and metallica too, but I outgrew the latter two things. Comics still fucking rule!
I go to comic book stores regularly because flipping through a bunch of comic books jumpstarts my mind in a way that nothing else can. The creativity within these pages is off the charts. It was Callie Press who said some erotic smutpunk bulletin magic words to me the other night by DM that really knocked my socks deep up my anal cavity. She said, “Excelsior!” out of nowhere or some of the other weird ass words Stan “The Man” Lee would throw out there. It made me look up why the fuck he did that and I found out it was because he thought his competition (the fuckers that would copy everything) wouldn’t be able to copy it because they wouldn’t know how to spell it after he said it. Lol. That just cracks me up and I’m pretty sure some of my haters can’t spell abominable snowman nor the Philippines. I take pleasure in that. And in saying, Fuck you to the haters. I’ve watched most of them drop off like flies (see T. Queef) and disappear back into the narrow-minded fetters from whence they came. You know what I say, Can’t a Husband Suck His Wife’s Cock Anymore? Western culture has become too Politically Cum-rect(al). Asia is still a much rawer place.
Thankfully I can hide my head in the cum-stained sand and write about the destruction of the universe by the Sluts of the Oblong-Dong Table and the drying up of The Streams of Sementopia and the volcanic Mt. Ejaculi going dormant. I can write about Yeti’s taking big-titted Russian whores as slaves and then getting sick of them and kicking them down the side of a mountain. I can read about a Halloween Spook being all too real and using virgin sperm and menstrual blood to erase and create universes. This is the fun of what I’ve termed Literary Porn Erotica. Kat Crimson calls it smart smut or cerebral smut, which is another kick ass term. I’m stoked to be a part of this fucked up wave of eWriters who can self-publish their stuff and tweet with their readers and have a jolly old time. Just the way these Marvel Bulletins were a cool way to feel a part of the comic crowd, we get excited about new work thanks to blogs, tweets, posts, and other sharers. I’m going to boil it down every bulletin board. That’s my pledge. Feel free to send me shit that you know has to be out there. I feel free to ignore shit that has no place.
Hey, Queen Kegel, Excelsior! Let’s start putting EROTIC PULP of Heroes and Villians! into all our eBooks (natch!)
Literary Porn Club, baby! SAN ESPERMA cockslapping fools left and right for Candy Cane Kegel and the SUPERhung superHUNK SPaCe GlaDIatorS
Bullpen Bulletin #o (The Pilot Cerebral Erotic Smutpunk Bulletin):
The Milked by the Yeti Series has begun. Book 1 by Moctezuma is out on the literaryporn.net site and Callie Press is writing Book 2 as I write this. She’s released the first installment, introducing Vivek and bring the milking fucking Yeti back for more scary, sexy fun.