Manscaping for Rimming – Sex Tip No. 15 | #SexTips #LPRTG #Manscaping

topiary-bent-over-manscaping-rimming-cock
This week’s sex tip is one of the great taboos. Getting tongue on your ass is a spectacular thing, but I suggest that a little maintenance and cleanliness can help get things rolling in the ass eating department. Hey, fellas, here are some manscaping tips.

“If you manscape, they will rim.” –Moctezuma Johnson 

Manscaping for Rimming – Sex Tip No. 15

So, guys, you really need to take care of your junk. Smooth testicles, no hair on the cock itself, and clean up the forest under the balls and in the ass crack. This will give clean, smooth access to your asshole. It’s funny. I cleaned up the area yesterday and got a rimjob that very afternoon. Is it coincidence? I think not. 

There’s a knack to manscaping. Get yourself a good razor. If the bush is out of fucking control like a Mayan rainforest during the Spanish conquest then you may want to opt for an electric razor. I suggest using Wahl Color Pro Complete Hair Cutting Kit 79300-400T with the No. 1 setting attached (that way you don’t cut yourself). Once it’s trimmed, you can either leave it as is, or go the full monty and get out Gillette Fusion5 ProGlide Men’s Razor with 2 Razor Blade Refills and Taylor of Old Bond Street’s Sandalwood Shaving Cream Bowl, 5.3-Ounce. Lather up good with hot water and plenty of cream. Then jerk off. Not ’til completion. Just jerk it until there’s some life in the cock. If you’ve got a chubby it’s way easier to shave as your balls tighten and the razor will shave your hair off much more effectively. This is a key tip to shaving your junk.

penis-cock-hedge-bush

The sculpted hedges in the garden of a house on Old Coach Road in Cross, Somerset which are raising eyebrows in the village. A home in Frankie Howerd’s former village is causing a titter with these hedges – that look like giant PENISES. The large phallus-shaped plants have been created using very ‘hard’ topiary skills. They were spotted in a front garden by walker Nigel Vile – looming over the Mendip Hills south of Bristol and Bath in Somerset. He shared them on Facebook with this caption: “Some fallacious topiary?”

Also, nobody says you can’t shave your partner. That can be very sexy in itself and quite a powerful power trip. Holding a sharp razor to somebody’s genitals it quite the rush. They say you know a wolf loves you when she offers up her jugular to you for nuzzling. Offering up your genitals to a human holding a razor is our species’ way to show you love and trust your partner.

Now to shave the ass, shave the taint and under your balls (I suggest you use John Oliver’s $1 Million tactical wipes, for pre-taint shaving). Then shave the round ass cheeks right under the balls. Then you have to get up in their and shave right up against the anus. Clean that place out. You want it smooth as silk around your anus. Like the old Korean saying, “Smooth and clean attracts the tongue.” If you can’t see what you’re doing, squat over a hand held mirror to make sure you’ve gotten one hundred percent of the ass hair near the anus. Once that anus is clean, sit back and await the best pleasure a man (or woman) can get. Now you know why I sign my emails ‘Rimmies!” Enjoy.  

Ladies, share this with your dudes to get them to presentable down there. Remind them that women love men in suits and this is like putting an expensive Italian suit on your ass.

 

Note: Feel Free to Use Other Shaving Products. Those are merely the things that I use!

 

Links to Each Week’s Sexual Advice:

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 1112 | 13 | a complete baker’s dozen | 14 | 15

See updated blog of all my sex tips.

$.

 

Sex Tip 14 – How to Eat Pussy – Cunnilingus #SexTip

cunnilingus-eating-pussy-going-down-smutpunk

Sploosh — How to Eat Pussy – Sex Tip #14

Eating Pussy isn’t that hard if you follow these three steps: be gentle, take your time, and dive in.

First you need to be gentle with a pussy. You can’t just grab her by the pussy and expect her to sploosh all over. No no no. Sploosh takes touch. You need to feel where she is as far as sensitivity and where she is emotionally. Women can be incredibly complex, like I can’t cum unless the light is on and the music is loud, or incredibly simple such as I cum no matter what, no matter, no bullshit. First, you need to be gentle with her while doing a little reconasaince work to figure out where she is on the maintenance spectrum. Do you need to get every small detail right to please this pussy, or is just a matter of find the clit and put your tongue on it?

Take your time and work with the pussy. Don’t go right for the clit and suck on it vigorously. No. Start with foreplay. You need to provide her with kisses. Deep French kisses, of course, are the best and then work down to her chin, her neck, her chest, her belly, then go around the pussy (yes, even if it’s out and glistening with sploosh), and lick her ass cheeks, her outer thighs, the back of her knees and come back up her inner thighs. When you do finally make contact with her pussy, run your tongue over her petals from side to side without stopping to eat her out. Tease her. Make her wait for it. The more she wants it, needs it, the more she’ll enjoy it. So take your time and tease that pussy!

Now comes the part here you dive right in. I do say dive in because there are times that you could use a wet suit. Other times she will take forever, the sun and moon will switch places in the sky, and you will end up with lockjaw. However, the main point here is that you need to go for it. Don’t just give a half-assed taste and shake your head and stick your dick in her. No. You need to worship that pussy, get intimate with it, know its hopes and dreams. Is it a pussy that had its acting dreams crushed by an asshole father or is it a pussy that is in touch with itself like a yoga guru with each limb? You need to get to know the pussy. I suggest you kiss the pussy. Kiss on top of it, plant a smooch on the bush (if there is any), then French kiss the lips. Think of it this way, you’re woman has two sets of lips to kiss. Give both pairs equal amounts of attention. Whatever you think is the proper amount of attention, put that to the third power, and then (maybe then) will you have kissed those pussy lips enough. Here are some tricks. Find the very bottom of her pussy and place your tongue on it. Make your tongue as wide as possible and move up centimeter by centimeter. Count to a minimum of ten seconds before you move up. The idea is to take a small, delicious forever before reaching the next stop on her petals. You may want to hold her ass cheeks while making your way from the bottom to the top of her pussy. You may want to hold her tits. That’s up to you, but whatever it is — take your time. When you do get to the clit, it’s time to adore it. Play with the clit. Nibble on the clit (use your lips more than teeth if she’s sensitive, which you should assume she is until you find out she’s not). Suck on the clit. Then rub the clit. Use the pad of your fingertips (unless you have callouses — ouch!). Rub the pads of your fingertips on her clit in tight, soft circles. Use the saliva and her wetness to keep it lubed and flying along. Try to barely touch her. The more you touch her invisibly the more you will tease that pussy and remember that teasing is good. After rubbing her with your fingers go back to tonguing her clit. You can start to flick your tongue over the clit, but this may be too much until she’s well into it. Once you’ve got her good and wet and into it (you’ll know my moaning, squirming, and her hands in your hair and on your head), then start to finger insider her pussy while you lick her clit. Finger her deep to her g-spot by hooking your middle finger and using the pad of your fingertip to touch her softly from the inside and hold pressure are her while you stimulate her clit simultaneously. The spot is kind of under her pelvis, so you’re simultaneously putting your finger insider her and up her and back towards yourself. You’re softly hooking her. You’ll know when you’ve found the spot from her reaction and it will feel fucking good on your fingertip (yes, it will!).

At this point she’s kind of making herself cum on you. Your job is just to stay there applying pressure, not too hard, but firm and coax the climax, elicit the orgasm, stir the sex haze until she shouts  your name and falls back on the bed like a dead fish. If she’s hyped up, now is a good time to fuck her. She will give you the ride of a lifetime at this point — they always do. Otherwise, just pat yourself on the back (she should be way too spent to do so) and go about your business.

 

 More Sex Tips:

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 1112 | 13 | a complete baker’s dozen | 14

Conversation that started this cunnilingus article out . . .

MJ: well, why don’t you teach me before I teach the world. LOL. At least give the essentials I should include
Renata: How about you just watch a few dozen porns and use your own imagination
MJ: Porn is all tongue flick. that aint eating pussy. where’s the creativity?
Renata: I’m not getting into this conversation 😄
MJ: What? Why not? You started it. Come on, tell me about eating pussy?
Renata: Ask your wife lol
MJ: Fuck it. How do you like your pussy eaten? Do you like nibbling on the clit? sucking? Are you into tongue slow and long on the petals? LOL, my wife? That’s the last pussy I want to eat! And you know it!
Renata: 😱😂
Moctezuma: Actually my wife is pretty orgasmic. She’s not that hard to make cum. Some women leave you with lockjaw.
Renata: I’m not going to use another emoji..But I just think I might have peed in my pants laughing!! Lockjaw!!
Moctezuma: Yes, lockjaw! Fuck, just cum already! I had a friend in high school who used to complain that she took too long to cum so I ate her out as a dare, with a clock and all. LOL
Renata: This one time…I sound like an American pie movie. On of my exec got so carried away that I swear my clit was sprained. Hurt to a fortnight! And there go the typos!

A little Morning Glory #HotWife #EARTG #LPRTG

the curves of her ass

were smooth and bulbous

like looking at a peach

in basket

all the way on the East End

 

the peach was removed

wrapped in bed-sheets

pale and supple

my tongue traced her curves

from the nape of her neck

down the scalloped canals of her spine

down to the wet slit

 

she turned over, half-asleep

she presented the pussy to me

I teased it with my nose

placed my tongue on her clit

she used her hips to push

her clit over my tongue

I held her gorgeous ass cheeks

and she grinded into the bed

I licked, sucked,

and brushed her swollen clit with my big bottom lip

she held me head

and, even though she was trying to be quiet, moaned