Bullshit Bulletin #7 @MJKingOfErotica #LPRTG #EARTG @horbooks

There has been a significant rise in the number of LPRTG Newsletter followers. Thank you to all the new recruits.

For those of you considering joining, consider this:



This Site

The other awesome success has been the rise in people buying directly from this site via paypal. It’s a great way for the reader to pay less for our books while the author gets the entire profit. It’s win win for both author and reader. Do take advantage. Visit the Book Shop and find titles that interest you.


Choose Your Own Kink SEXcapade

What's with the feet?

What’s with the feet? Click the heels to buy the book!

Of course, the nude new news for MJ fans is that he’s crawled out from under a rock to pen the Choose Your Own Kink SEXcapade and is about to drop a How To book that will blow your fucking minds. It’s kind of my version of Callie Press’s How To Give Good Head. As you know, women kind of suck at giving head except for a few blesséd souls.

This one is about you. And, hot damn, are you sexy and up to your ears in pussy and problems. There’s chocolate sauce, there’s custard, there are bicycles handles in assholes, there are synapses soaked with dopamine, there is romance, a virgin touched by Allah, a hooker (well, they say she’s a hooker), and a cameraman in a Darth Vader mask telling you the intricacies of Gorilla Glue. What? Yep, there’s a hell of a lot of stuff, but YOU pick which option you want because this is a CHOOSE YOUR OWN KINK. That’s right! See the hot girls in pink over there? Click them to buy this amazing new pulpy erotic smutpunk.

Also, please leave a review. Even if you just write a word or “it was good!” I will be eternally grateful. Reviews rock! Reviewers rock! Rimmies rimmies!

Do you hear that? Right in the peripheral of your brain. Yes that. Like audio ghosts. What the…? What is that? Is that what I think it is, baby? Callie? Emme? Genevieve? Mama? Is that the funk? The Flashlight? the Mothership? How’s your Funk? la da da di da da da da da da da. Shit! Goddamn! Get off your ass and jam! 

How’s your Funk-Entelechy? Me? Well, I’m known as lollipop man, aka the long-haired sucker, so not to0 funkin’ bad. Why are there stars in your eyes? All the better to funk you with.

Bernie Worrell, Dr. Woo, RIP, my funk brotha!

I was lucky enough to see Dr. Woo play over thirty times at various locations from small supper clubs to big concert halls. I was also given the amazing moment of meeting the band and chatting with them for hours, which I’ll obviously never forget. This man truly changed my life. Y’all may not know, some of you do, that I moonlight as a funk brother playing drums, keyboard, guitar, and bass depending on the funk. In fact, I didn’t have eyes on writing at all when I was younger. I was music all the way. If you’d like to know the truth, ask away. Until then, i’ll leave it shrouded in mystery. Listen to one of the greatest keyboard players to ever touch the planet Earth.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_tL8shj6yx0 – Very cool jam with even the audience involved


Anything else to report these days? If so, let me know.

Ooh Ooh, nerdy girl editing by Jenn, the ex-Disney star. Try her out. She did the Choose Your Own Kink SEXcapades. She’s a genius. Any mistakes are mine, not hers. I’m the one who can’t edit worth shit. Click the link and see what she offers. Mention my name when you do.

And the last thing is there are a lot of new poems on this site by both me and my new super-crush Genevieve Greene.


A parting tweet to enjoy:

Choose your own SEXcapade Mash Up Piece: G-strung | Choose your own kink | #LPRTG

CHOOSE YOUR OWN SEXCAPADE™ is a pulpy erotic read about you and for you in which you can choose what happens next


You missed your chance to Pre-Order 100% FREE but stay tuned for a similar offer for the Sex Manual coming out this Summer. Also, even though you cannot pre-order I’ll be happy to send you one free in exchange for a blurb so click “pre-order” and give your mailing address so I know where to send one.

Instructions: Just go ahead and read G-strung’s Custard Parade as you would any other book but when the main character “you” is left with some choices click the link to the choice you would most likely choose and then follow to the next part. If a choice you would love to make is missing, let me know in the comments below and I’ll scribble it down. This is an extensive, labyrinthine preview. Click here to Pre-Order the Complete Choose Your Own Kink SEXcapade by Moctezuma Johnson completely FREE. Let’s begin, huh? 

G-strung’s Custard Parade

Your dick is out in your hand. It’s big but not fully hard. You know you have a big dick because when you’re not hard all the excess skin that will stretch out when the hormones fire and the blood flows is bunched up from under the mushroom head all the way back to the root, where the balls hang out like steroid-laced raisins. You pull the mushroom head and all that bunched up skin stretches. The blood is starting to flow. That’s because of who lies in front of you.

G-strung, as you all called her, was paid beforehand (they said) and lying face down on the white tile floor with her brown skin tight, taut, and hella fine. She was lying face down with her head in her hands. She was kicking her toes into the floor and laughing into her hands. She was cute a pink glittery button. No joke. She was. Her smile was the shit poets write about when sober. Her ass cheeks were two scoops of chocolate ice cream. If god gave out sample of her ass in little pink plastic spoons, damn, god would be popular. I don’t mean this American right wing popular I mean there would be lines trying to get in like heaven was a Haagen Dazs on a humid August day in Brooklyn. G-string was making a giggling and whining sound at the same time. The walls were white. She was feeling like she was in an insane asylum. She was kicking her toes into the ground like she couldn’t take it anymore. You thought she may have been cold, or too stoned. You looked down on her, not because she was brown and you were white. You were no racist and had dated Asians, Latinas, and other races, religions, and groupies for rival bands and sports teams before. You were open minded. They said you’d fuck anything with a pulse. You were that type, they said. They called you Sticky Rice, cause you liked Asian Chicks and admittedly jerked off rampantly. You were proud of it. Porn wasn’t something you hid. Anyway, although it wasn’t pejorative you did look down on G-strung. You looked down on her because she was lying on the floor with her beautiful ass smiling at you and you were standing over her. You had to look down at her. Now, you had to decide what to do next. You had choices. She was already paid, they assured you, and all yours. You had to take her. You could take her any which way you wanted. They say the world is your oyster, right? She was your clam. Here were your choices:


Choose your own SEXcapade © 2015 by Moctezuma Johnson 

*note – this is kind of a work in progress, any ‘sorry’ links will go live little by little (have patience with me, this was a huge undertaking! lol)

Choose Your Own SEXcapade Poem – “Don’t Wanna Be Those Other Sluts, Baby!” by Moctezuma Johnson

Don’t Wanna Be Those Other Sluts, Baby!

I was fucking her
ass up the couch
where we were leaning back
to watch some very boring movie
about Kansas in the 70s
until I got my hands on her big
Asian tits
and pulled her nipples hard
soon I had her back on the cushion
ass in the air
and was plowing her dark hole
having a grand time
until she started speaking.”I dont want you to make me like your other girls,”
she said after pulling her hips back
and making my cockhead
drop out of her very tight asshole.
“You’re very special baby, whatever
you want.”Then,  her head already hanging
leaning off the couch like coffee beans
from a branch
I took her throat
inserting my cock
into her sweet Asian mouth
making her taste her ass.She looked me in the eye hard, a scowl.
“The others don’t go ass to mouth, do they?”

You choose the sexcapade’s ending:

BDSM and love

#1 “No, baby. Only you!”


#2 “They’ll go A2M, pig!”


Ending #2 to I DON’T WANT TO BE LIKE THE OTHER SLUTS, BABY! || Choose your own sexcapade porn poem

(cont’d from I Don’t Wanna Be Those Other Sluts, Baby!)


She looked me in the eye hard, a scowl.
“The others don’t go ass to mouth, do they?”

I laughed, cock head bulging in my slut’s throat
her nipples were hard
little bumps were all over her areola
I held her head in my hands
and pushed every last inch of my big cock
until she was stuffed with dick.

“Whenever I cheat on you, I make the bitch go A2M, pig!”
I pulled my cock out of her to hear her reaction.
“What’s A2M?”
“Ass to mouth,” I said
I pounded my dick back into her throat.
She convulsed. She slapped at my leg.
She wanted my dick out of her.
I held her there, choking.
“Each and every one of them, from the prettiest supermodel
to the most bucktoothed slut took my cock from her ass
and then blew me,
just like you, you cunt.”

I could see she was broken, tears dripping from her eyes
and she was wet.
I slid my finger to her clit, it sloshed
as I pleasured her
I could hear it squishing
then I heard her moaning
on my dick in her throat
and she squirted pussy juice on the couch
while I pumped my load straight into her throat.

“I can’t believe they would do that, those sluts!”
“I know! What kind of slut would do that?”

She slapped at my leg as my cum dripped out her mouth and up her nose.


Ending #1 to I DON’T WANT TO BE LIKE THE OTHER SLUTS, BABY! || Choose your own sexcapade porn poem

BDSM and love

(cont’d from I Don’t Wanna Be Those Other Sluts, Baby!)


She looked me in the eye hard, a scowl.
“The others don’t go ass to mouth, do they?”

“No, they don’t baby.”
“So you love me more?”
“Of course I do baby. Nothing says love more than when you eat your shit off of a cock. Now say, ‘thank you.'”
“Thank you, Master.”

She was willing to go to any length for me. I was grateful. I would always protect her since she had protected me, too. This was true BDSM-love.