America doesn’t deserve a Birthday Party this Year…

happy-4th-smutpunk

…but we can still enjoy some sexy photos instead of celebrating a functioning democracy.

 

The red, white, and blue have, instead of democracy, a nasty imperial force that causes proxy wars all over the globe with an umprecedictable nut figurehead at the helm. Yep, no birthday party this year.

How to Make an Interactive, Designed Tweet

Learn how to make tweets work for you more!

Okay, Press Me to See what the fuck MJ is talking about, first.

Okay, so this mess (https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=Shit%20@MJKingOfErotica%20can%20teach%20you%20an%20incredible%20trick%20http://wp.me/p6B82a-1lb%20%23LPRTG%20%23DesignedTweet%20%23Tips) can become a pretty, neat, pre-written tweet containing twitter handle and hashtags.

How, MJ, How? Well it’s simple if you know a little unicode. Now, I’m not going to explain the whole alphabet to you but you will notice a lot of %20s and %23s. Well, those are the basic pieces you need to code your own interactive designed tweet buttons.

  1. First, you start with this code: https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=
  2. Next write your first word of the tweet flush against the “=” sign. (See my test tweet above)
  3. Then use “%20” for a a space.
  4. Now write a word and then %20 until you have the text of your tweet.
  5. Include an @twitter-handle (write your twitter handle here) so that you are notified each time somebody tweets
  6. I suggest you try to sneak this into the main sentence of your tweet, but that’s just so it looks neat
  7. Be sure to add a link to whatever it is that you want people tweeting about
    • book links, websites, moctezumajohnson.com
  8. Add hashtags by inserting the code %23 before the tag you want.
    • Note: still use %20 to make sure you have a space or the hashtag won’t read and will be impotent.
  9. There are more codes but these are the basics to make an interactive tweet.
  10. When you’ve finished your code, insert it as the link url to any link. I usually use “Press This” but you can add it to any text.
    • Tag me in your first designed tweet so I can see my star pupil in action and start retweeting your success.

 

If you enjoyed this little tech tip, please tweet this with the “PRESS ME” button and let others know that MJ is awesome. Only his helpfulness exceeds his awesomeness.

 

 

https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=Get%20the%20increible%20Sex%20Manual%20by%20@MJKingOfErotica
%20by%20joining%20the%20smutpunk%20party%20bit.ly/EmailLPRTG%20
%23LPRTG%20%23Freebie%20%23SexTips
 

Sex Manual – Tweet out a Promo

Sex Manual – Tweet out a Promo

Press to Tweet Out a Promo about The Sex Manual. Thank you for helping me out.

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Leave a comment below if you’d like me to teach you how to make this kind of link for your blog? Cheers, MJ

National Pancake Day – Pancake Tits

national-pancake-day-tits1header2

National Pancake Day Poem – Pancake Tits

poem by Moctezuma Johnson

I pick her up from the barpuffy_nipples-2146

the bra comes off

she has empty

saggy pancake tits

 

i fry an egg on the stovenyla-thai-pornstar

dump it onto her

saggy little tits

let the yoke run

 

down her cleavagetumblr_modzxsEG0K1som2kro1_1280

to her belly button

then i straddle her

dip my balls in her mouth

 

i turn 180 degreesnational-pancake-day-tits3

so my cock is between her saggy tits

she licks my asshole

i pick up the pancake mix titties

 

and rub them around my cocktumblr_nd9osok45l1s0c71jo1_1280

getting messy with egg yoke

and jizz into the concoction

and say “Happy Pancake Day, Self!”

 

Wedgie Wednesday | #WedgieWednesday #LPRTG

wedgie-wednesday

I like digging up hot photos of funny porn. Sex and humor are a match made in heaven for me. I know a lot of you witty degenerates agree with me. Alas, we have…

Wedgie Wednesday

(applause applause!)

Kick back and enjoy a few of these photos with me.

WedgieWednesday

WedgieWednesday2

WedgieWednesday3

wedgie-wednesday

Asian Big Tits and Slutty Wives in this SMUTPUNK

Two Great Options if you Asian Big Tits

1.

Like wives in compromising situations? Give me slutty wife erotica!

There’s nothing like having an Asian Wife on her knees licking your balls. There’s nothing like getting sex before the dinner date while walking down the stairway before getting to the restaurant. There’s nothing like regular meetings doing the wife with big tits on the hood of the car while the husband watches and jerks off in the driver’s seat. These are some of the situations in the slutty wife erotica of Bored To Tears with My Asian Husband by Moctezuma Johnson.

2.

Give me Asian Wife erotica by Emme

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asian-big-tits

Bullshit Bulletin #7 @MJKingOfErotica #LPRTG #EARTG @horbooks

There has been a significant rise in the number of LPRTG Newsletter followers. Thank you to all the new recruits.

For those of you considering joining, consider this:

WE WANT YOU! WE WANT YOU! WE WANT YOU AS A NEW RECRUIT

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This Site

The other awesome success has been the rise in people buying directly from this site via paypal. It’s a great way for the reader to pay less for our books while the author gets the entire profit. It’s win win for both author and reader. Do take advantage. Visit the Book Shop and find titles that interest you.

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Choose Your Own Kink SEXcapade

What's with the feet?

What’s with the feet? Click the heels to buy the book!

Of course, the nude new news for MJ fans is that he’s crawled out from under a rock to pen the Choose Your Own Kink SEXcapade and is about to drop a How To book that will blow your fucking minds. It’s kind of my version of Callie Press’s How To Give Good Head. As you know, women kind of suck at giving head except for a few blesséd souls.

This one is about you. And, hot damn, are you sexy and up to your ears in pussy and problems. There’s chocolate sauce, there’s custard, there are bicycles handles in assholes, there are synapses soaked with dopamine, there is romance, a virgin touched by Allah, a hooker (well, they say she’s a hooker), and a cameraman in a Darth Vader mask telling you the intricacies of Gorilla Glue. What? Yep, there’s a hell of a lot of stuff, but YOU pick which option you want because this is a CHOOSE YOUR OWN KINK. That’s right! See the hot girls in pink over there? Click them to buy this amazing new pulpy erotic smutpunk.

Also, please leave a review. Even if you just write a word or “it was good!” I will be eternally grateful. Reviews rock! Reviewers rock! Rimmies rimmies!

Do you hear that? Right in the peripheral of your brain. Yes that. Like audio ghosts. What the…? What is that? Is that what I think it is, baby? Callie? Emme? Genevieve? Mama? Is that the funk? The Flashlight? the Mothership? How’s your Funk? la da da di da da da da da da da. Shit! Goddamn! Get off your ass and jam! 

How’s your Funk-Entelechy? Me? Well, I’m known as lollipop man, aka the long-haired sucker, so not to0 funkin’ bad. Why are there stars in your eyes? All the better to funk you with.

Bernie Worrell, Dr. Woo, RIP, my funk brotha!

I was lucky enough to see Dr. Woo play over thirty times at various locations from small supper clubs to big concert halls. I was also given the amazing moment of meeting the band and chatting with them for hours, which I’ll obviously never forget. This man truly changed my life. Y’all may not know, some of you do, that I moonlight as a funk brother playing drums, keyboard, guitar, and bass depending on the funk. In fact, I didn’t have eyes on writing at all when I was younger. I was music all the way. If you’d like to know the truth, ask away. Until then, i’ll leave it shrouded in mystery. Listen to one of the greatest keyboard players to ever touch the planet Earth.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_tL8shj6yx0 – Very cool jam with even the audience involved

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Anything else to report these days? If so, let me know.

Ooh Ooh, nerdy girl editing by Jenn, the ex-Disney star. Try her out. She did the Choose Your Own Kink SEXcapades. She’s a genius. Any mistakes are mine, not hers. I’m the one who can’t edit worth shit. Click the link and see what she offers. Mention my name when you do.

And the last thing is there are a lot of new poems on this site by both me and my new super-crush Genevieve Greene.

 

A parting tweet to enjoy:

#PancakeTitties for Mexican National Pancake Day | #PancakeTits #LPRTG

 

do1

rachel-aldana-on-her-back

breakfast-in-bed

pancaketits-eggs

pancakes

pancaketits-white

Pancake Titties

How can you not want to eat up delicious Pancake Titties?

pancaketits-asian

 

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Bulletin #3 – EXCITING and COLLIDING Week in SMUTPUNK CAMP | #EARTG #LPRTG #SSRTG #MrBrtg Any more hashtags?

It’s been an exciting week in Smutpunk Camp. Callie released Lyssa #5 – Me Under Glass (Cthulhu Smutpunk Paranormal Erotica), which is a super-imaginative piece.

I was blown away by Me Under Glass, as I am by most of Callie’s work. You will find my review on the product page for her new smutpunk, cthulhu mythos, universe colliding part of her masterpiece. I know she wanted to write a one wank wonder story, but her imaginative brain just wouldn’t let it rest, thankfully.

Callie also has some Erotic Pulp on the way, which I’m not going to reveal what that means but I will tell you that I’ve seen glimpses of it, and even brainhurricaned a few ideas with her, and it’s ball-inflatingly, tit-flauntingly brilliant. If my ass could wink, it would do so here.

Callie wrote a SMUTPUNK MANIFESTO (I’ve funked out my remix

Linzi Basset was a guest on the Blog Tour Bus Stop and gave an incredible interview. A few other writers have touched me on the shoulder about doing something similar so a new one is brewing. Let me know if you’re interested. It’s going to be hard to top the Nabokov of Erotica’s debut interview. They say the first is special. I’m glad mine was with Linzi. I heard it was her first, too. See two virgins doing it for the first time.

Linzi also happens to be absolutely rocking the rankings. Man, I’m happy if one of my books takes a quick dip inside the top 100,000. She’s is something like #5 overall. Congratulations. She has a knack for language, and writes a shit ton of books. The combo of hard work and talent are starting to pay dividends for her. She is a shining example to all of us.

Reed James is working on a futanari cuckolding story, title still unknown to me.

The series is Cuckold by the Black Futa. Reed is such a prolific writer. He’s another shining example!

Mr. Blackthorne, as classy and mysterious as ever, has some great new excerpts up. The latest are from JULY CUMMING and JENNY FOSHIA and two writers you know from this site.

That leads me to the big news of the week for Camp Smutpunk, Sarchashmo himself (aka Moctezuma Johnson) is now a Naughty Nymphette, one of the Wicked Pens.

I never thought the day would come but, after befriending about half the group one by one and seeing my wife, Emme, welcomed by them, I thought oh what the hell and joined. They have accepted me better than I could have dreamed, although I am WAY TOO PORNO-LITERARY SMUTPUNK UP THE ASS for some of them. I’m quite honored to be surrounded by such a talented bunch. So check out all the Wicked Pen(i)s on mrblackthorne.com

Lastly, it’s on. The Five Hive (The Fuck Force Five Women In Black Special Unit) are about to throwdown with Butterface, that crawling chaos cunt. The Battle for Alien Relish is on. Get your tickets earlier! Get your tickets earlier! Steel Cage STRAP-on Dildo Match! Get your tickets earlier!

 

Recent Posts at Mr. Blackthorne’s Site

 

Got some important news to add?

Let me know.

I’m always around. Email, comment, tweet, or stop me on the street (grabbing me by the balls is the best way to get my wandering attention).

‘Nuff said, says San Esperma di Desgracia (in technicolor)