National Pancake Day Poem – Pancake Tits
poem by Moctezuma Johnson
I pick her up from the bar
the bra comes off
she has empty
saggy pancake tits
i fry an egg the stove
dump it onto her
saggy little tits
let the yoke run
down her cleavage
to her belly button
then i straddle her
dip my balls in her mouth
i turn 180 degrees
so my cock is between her saggy tits
she licks my asshole
i pick up the pancake mix titties
and rub them around my cock
getting messy with egg yoke
and jizz into the concoction
and say “Happy Pancake Day, Self!”
Two Great Options if you Asian Big Tits
Like wives in compromising situations? Give me slutty wife erotica!
There’s nothing like having an Asian Wife on her knees licking your balls. There’s nothing like getting sex before the dinner date while walking down the stairway before getting to the restaurant. There’s nothing like regular meetings doing the wife with big tits on the hood of the car while the husband watches and jerks off in the driver’s seat. These are some of the situations in the slutty wife erotica of Bored To Tears with My Asian Husband by Moctezuma Johnson.
Give me Asian Wife erotica by Emme
There has been a significant rise in the number of LPRTG Newsletter followers. Thank you to all the new recruits.
For those of you considering joining, consider this:
The other awesome success has been the rise in people buying directly from this site via paypal. It’s a great way for the reader to pay less for our books while the author gets the entire profit. It’s win win for both author and reader. Do take advantage. Visit the Book Shop and find titles that interest you.
Choose Your Own Kink SEXcapade
Of course, the nude new news for MJ fans is that he’s crawled out from under a rock to pen the Choose Your Own Kink SEXcapade and is about to drop a How To book that will blow your fucking minds. It’s kind of my version of Callie Press’s How To Give Good Head. As you know, women kind of suck at giving head except for a few blesséd souls.
This one is about you. And, hot damn, are you sexy and up to your ears in pussy and problems. There’s chocolate sauce, there’s custard, there are bicycles handles in assholes, there are synapses soaked with dopamine, there is romance, a virgin touched by Allah, a hooker (well, they say she’s a hooker), and a cameraman in a Darth Vader mask telling you the intricacies of Gorilla Glue. What? Yep, there’s a hell of a lot of stuff, but YOU pick which option you want because this is a CHOOSE YOUR OWN KINK. That’s right! See the hot girls in pink over there? Click them to buy this amazing new pulpy erotic smutpunk.
Also, please leave a review. Even if you just write a word or “it was good!” I will be eternally grateful. Reviews rock! Reviewers rock! Rimmies rimmies!
Do you hear that? Right in the peripheral of your brain. Yes that. Like audio ghosts. What the…? What is that? Is that what I think it is, baby? Callie? Emme? Genevieve? Mama? Is that the funk? The Flashlight? the Mothership? How’s your Funk? la da da di da da da da da da da. Shit! Goddamn! Get off your ass and jam!
How’s your Funk-Entelechy? Me? Well, I’m known as lollipop man, aka the long-haired sucker, so not to0 funkin’ bad. Why are there stars in your eyes? All the better to funk you with.
Bernie Worrell, Dr. Woo, RIP, my funk brotha!
I was lucky enough to see Dr. Woo play over thirty times at various locations from small supper clubs to big concert halls. I was also given the amazing moment of meeting the band and chatting with them for hours, which I’ll obviously never forget. This man truly changed my life. Y’all may not know, some of you do, that I moonlight as a funk brother playing drums, keyboard, guitar, and bass depending on the funk. In fact, I didn’t have eyes on writing at all when I was younger. I was music all the way. If you’d like to know the truth, ask away. Until then, i’ll leave it shrouded in mystery. Listen to one of the greatest keyboard players to ever touch the planet Earth.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_tL8shj6yx0 – Very cool jam with even the audience involved
Anything else to report these days? If so, let me know.
Ooh Ooh, nerdy girl editing by Jenn, the ex-Disney star. Try her out. She did the Choose Your Own Kink SEXcapades. She’s a genius. Any mistakes are mine, not hers. I’m the one who can’t edit worth shit. Click the link and see what she offers. Mention my name when you do.
And the last thing is there are a lot of new poems on this site by both me and my new super-crush Genevieve Greene.
A parting tweet to enjoy:
Princess Chuckhole v. Butterface | Clash of the #Cthulhu | #SSRTG #LPRTG #MRBRTG https://t.co/vKWicaAylU pic.twitter.com/R8GPTfcmfV
— Erotic Author RTG (@EroticAuthorRTG) January 16, 2016
Bulletin #3 – EXCITING and COLLIDING Week in SMUTPUNK CAMP | #EARTG #LPRTG #SSRTG #MrBrtg Any more hashtags?
It’s been an exciting week in Smutpunk Camp. Callie released Lyssa #5 – Me Under Glass (Cthulhu Smutpunk Paranormal Erotica), which is a super-imaginative piece.
I was blown away by Me Under Glass, as I am by most of Callie’s work. You will find my review on the product page for her new smutpunk, cthulhu mythos, universe colliding part of her masterpiece. I know she wanted to write a one wank wonder story, but her imaginative brain just wouldn’t let it rest, thankfully.
Callie also has some Erotic Pulp on the way, which I’m not going to reveal what that means but I will tell you that I’ve seen glimpses of it, and even brainhurricaned a few ideas with her, and it’s ball-inflatingly, tit-flauntingly brilliant. If my ass could wink, it would do so here.
Linzi Basset was a guest on the Blog Tour Bus Stop and gave an incredible interview. A few other writers have touched me on the shoulder about doing something similar so a new one is brewing. Let me know if you’re interested. It’s going to be hard to top the Nabokov of Erotica’s debut interview. They say the first is special. I’m glad mine was with Linzi. I heard it was her first, too. See two virgins doing it for the first time.
Linzi also happens to be absolutely rocking the rankings. Man, I’m happy if one of my books takes a quick dip inside the top 100,000. She’s is something like #5 overall. Congratulations. She has a knack for language, and writes a shit ton of books. The combo of hard work and talent are starting to pay dividends for her. She is a shining example to all of us.
Reed James is working on a futanari cuckolding story, title still unknown to me.
The series is Cuckold by the Black Futa. Reed is such a prolific writer. He’s another shining example!
Mr. Blackthorne, as classy and mysterious as ever, has some great new excerpts up. The latest are from JULY CUMMING and JENNY FOSHIA and two writers you know from this site.
That leads me to the big news of the week for Camp Smutpunk, Sarchashmo himself (aka Moctezuma Johnson) is now a Naughty Nymphette, one of the Wicked Pens.
I never thought the day would come but, after befriending about half the group one by one and seeing my wife, Emme, welcomed by them, I thought oh what the hell and joined. They have accepted me better than I could have dreamed, although I am WAY TOO PORNO-LITERARY SMUTPUNK UP THE ASS for some of them. I’m quite honored to be surrounded by such a talented bunch. So check out all the Wicked Pen(i)s on mrblackthorne.com
Lastly, it’s on. The Five Hive (The Fuck Force Five Women In Black Special Unit) are about to throwdown with Butterface, that crawling chaos cunt. The Battle for Alien Relish is on. Get your tickets earlier! Get your tickets earlier! Steel Cage STRAP-on Dildo Match! Get your tickets earlier!
Recent Posts at Mr. Blackthorne’s Site
Triangulum Stain 2 – Alien Relish – January 9, 2016
What’s in a Name? – January 8, 2016
The Pawn of the Phoenix – Excerpt – January 7, 2016
I Am Not A Whore, Am I? – January 6, 2016
Dominating Donna – Excerpt – January 5, 2016
Got some important news to add?
Let me know.
I’m always around. Email, comment, tweet, or stop me on the street (grabbing me by the balls is the best way to get my wandering attention).
‘Nuff said, says San Esperma di Desgracia (in technicolor)
LINZI BASSET – Interview on The Bullshit Blog Tour Bus Stop Smutpunk Show | #SSRTG #LPRTG #EARTG | Real questions and answers, erotica’s version of 60 Minutes
Interview with Linzi Basset
Many people know Linzi. I verified this by checking how many people Amazon search her name each month and the number is staggering. After reading two of her books, I can see why readers are hooked on this writer who I’ve taken to calling the Vladimir Nabokov of erotica. Read the interview to see why! A quick note about the formatting, Linzi’s answers are in italics, my questions are in regular text. Enjoy!
First, let’s get some basics on the table. Tell us the name of your latest book and what genre it is considered.
This is the final book in the Club Alpha Cove BDSM club series but it’s written as a complete standalone. This one came about by demand from my readers and it’s the story about the children of the couple in, ‘His Defiant Sub’, book 8 in the series – seven years later.
Now, straight to the hardest and most profound question of them all, why do you write?
This is the question we always have to think about, isn’t it? For me, it boils down to what Vincent Van Gogh once expressed: “I would rather die of passion than of boredom.” That’s why I write. To express the deep well of passion that lives in my soul which is the part of me that I keep secreted away from my day to day existence. It’s a part of me that had been suppressed for a long time primarily due to a very conservative upbringing. It was part of my familial and cultural heritage and what was expected of me. Now, I’ve reached a point in my life where I’m able to liberate myself and share my passion with others. Blossoming out of what once was the genesis of my own confined existence! Passion is what drives my creativity. Passion is what allows me to ‘see’ and express my own sensuality through the medium of the written word; to be able to draw from that deep well to define the beauty of eroticism and all that it encompasses. I want to share what I feel with others.
Isn’t it a universal truth that it’s our singular experiences and passion, for whatever thing or things that it may be, that molds us all into the individuals that we become? Whether it’s hidden in the depths of our soul or exposed for all to see?
How would you describe your writing style?
Now that’s a question I’ve never considered and the honest answer is that I really don’t know. I guess you could say I shoot from the hip…lol!
If I had to define it, I’d have to say that it’s somewhat stream-of-consciousness, descriptive, emotional. It’s what makes me tick. Every book starts out with just an outline of sorts of who the main characters will be and how the ‘theme’ of the book might be woven into the fabric of their lives. Then I sit down in front of my laptop, I type Chapter One … and off I go. The plot and character development and slowly emerge. I come alive within every story. When I write, I become the character, I live each and every scene. A part of me is engrained in every story that I write…hahaha …no, MJ, I won’t tell you which part! Does it always work? I hope it does. I made some mistakes in the first few books of the Club Alpha Cove series, which is why I did some rewrites. I do a lot of research, factual research, logistical research etc., but ultimately, of course, the story and the characters have to “work” for me. If I don’t feel connected with either one, I’ll ditch it and begin anew because it won’t feel authentic. It’ll lack the depth and the passion I “live” into my writing.
Unfortunately, there are flaws and facets in and of ourselves that we don’t necessarily like. When I read my own writing, I cringe at some of the things that I don’t like about myself and my style. I’m not saying that you scream out your own name in absolute horror, but surely there are a few spots you wish you could strengthen. What are they? What would you say is the weakest part of your writing?
That’s a tough one, a difficult question to answer and one that I’ll come back to later …so off I go to the next question for now!
Okay, I’m back. Let me start by saying this, and it may come as a surprise to many people, but English is not my first language. When I started writing again a few years ago, I struggled with the enormous versatility of American English. All my stories are American-based, so I obviously needed to ensure that they would appeal to the American people. It was a massive struggle until I found an American editor that “Americanized” my writing!
The one thing that I battle with that needs constant work and attention is the passive voice…ahh!…and when I get a script back from my editor with notes indicating where I need to correct it. I do actually scream. And why…why does English have so many tenses? Good heavens! Why can’t everything just be in past, present and future? Why do we need past present, future present, past perfect…or is it perfect past…geez!!
What I’m saying is, don’t let anything stand in the way of your dream to be a writer. I’ve grown so much over the past year and have confidence in every story that I produce, but it’s hard work. Even though my thoughts, my words and my stories flow easily, I have to work on each and every sentence I write because no matter that I “think” in English, there is still a basic interpretation of my thoughts from my mother tongue to not just English, but American English in all of its formal and idiomatic shapes. It can be absolutely daunting at times, extremely so, but I refuse to let it faze me. I approach it with just as much passion as I do with the stories I write.
Many writers might simply get some kind of bot, load it with links to their books, and set it on BLAST. As I gain experience in this genre, I’m realizing there are better ways to get your voice heard.
You have quite a loyal following actively searching for your work to the tune of eight hundred plus people per month typing your name into Amazon. What kind of publicity do you (or those around you) do for your books? How did you start out? What advice can you offer newbies?
Oh dear…another question I’ll have to come back to…off to the next question!
I am sad to say that I haven’t done much as far as publicity is concerned. I have a very demanding full time job, therefore to find the time to properly market and promote my books is a challenge. I do make use of Twitter to promote my work and I’ve developed a more “social” profile on Facebook to connect with followers. Most of the promotional marketing aspects of my work is generated by its very own popularity and that’s the best kind there is. Word of mouth. You can’t buy that. I’m amazed at the number of readers that tell me that someone told them about me which got them interested in reading my books.
I’m starting to do book trailers and the odd teasers, but not enough. Most of my followers connect with me via my website. I do direct mail shots to them and the responses I receive are a clear indication of how much the personal connection I make means to them. I personally respond to every email I receive from fans. For 2016, I plan to start a blog page as soon as someone can tell me how to stretch time to slot it in with everything else!
This advice is not just for others, but for myself as well. You have to create a ‘presence’ in your work, of yourself as an author. Decide in advance what that presence and profile should be and make sure it’s the right one for you and for the type of books that you write. When you market and promote your work, mix it up, don’t get caught in a rut by doing the same thing over and over. It’s something we all tend to forget and I have to admit that I have, too, on occasion forgotten to take my own advice. Join other groups of authors who share the same interest and love of the genre that inspires you. Do guest blogs, interviews and be honest about mistakes you’ve made. Help others and mentor them by way of short articles that might address their concerns. Above all else, never harbor doubt in your ability to write and never give you power away to negativity.
I’m curious to know what other writers like in the same way maybe that musicians share among themselves what other songs they like to cover. It says something about both artists. What’s your favorite line of somebody else’s writing?
Considering the genre I write in, most of you will find this amusing, but this line has stuck with me throughout my life. It’s what has informed my life in a way. It’s what has driven many life changing decisions that I’ve made recently and something I believe that ultimately guides all of us…helping us to decide the path of our own destiny. My good friend RB O’Brien will love this.
It’s from William Shakespeare: “All the world’s a stage and all the men and women merely players: they have their exits and their entrances; and one man in his time plays many parts, his acts being seven stages.”
With which writer would you secretly trade places?
John Grisham. I just love his writing. I’ve read a variety of genres, but I have to say that I greatly favor legal suspense and thrillers.
Lastly, I really love your writing style. I find that you have an incredible way with words. How did you become such an incredible writer? Any tips for us newbies and lackeys that can help us improve?
Thank you, MJ. That’s high praise coming from someone who has the prodigious talent to be able to paint a canvas with words the way you do.
I believe that telling stories in my own voice, driven by my own passion is what motivates me and that is the very essence that gets insinuated into each and every one of my stories. It’s a distillation of who and what inhabits my being. I truly experience and live each and every scene. I feel every touch, every kiss, every harsh word uttered and that to me is the key. I write from the inside out. My stories are me. I live them. I couldn’t imagine writing a story looking in from the outside to try to describe something that I cannot see or feel. When I feel myself laboring unnecessarily to write a scene that I can’t connect to, I know it’s going to come out wrong. My editor always tells me to leave some things to the reader’s imagination, because I become so involved with describing what I see and feel.
It may be that my advice to the writer in you, whoever you are, might sound overly simplistic, but it’s essentially the discovery over time of listening to your own singular voice and the application of it, through hard work and passion to speak through the medium of the written word. Be comfortable within yourself. Write every story as if it’s your own, your dirty little secrets that you’re telling…and yes…maybe some of them are mine…lol! Find your voice with the words that truly express what you think and what you feel and it will flow into your story, make each one stand out, make each chapter shine and make each scene come alive in every reader’s mind. Let your passion come through and connect and your words will have the power to transport the reader into the story as a voyeur, or better yet, as a participant. You really want them to read your erotica books with just one hand….wink*wink!
Thank you, Linzi, for taking the time to answer these questions and the many that led to this interview taking place. It’s a pleasure to be in the company of someone who commands the English language in such a powerful way. You really are like Nabokov in that regard. English wasn’t his native language and he has penned one of the most powerful voices in the literary canon. You, my dear, are most definitely erotica’s Nabokov. Best of luck with For Amy – Their Beloved Sub. As of posting this, For Amy was #5 on Amazon’s bestseller’s list for Suspense.
Want to appear on my blog? Contact me
I’m happy to have people guest post and would like to do short interviews.
Let me know if you’re interested.
Some useful links for writers:
Bullpen Bulletin #1
Squirt-a-mouse Girl is awesome. She’s quite helpful and teaching me to un-dungeon some of my books that have been chained to the bench for a while. You may know her as July Cumming during the day, but at night she squirts from Canada to Kazakhstan. When you use your mouse her liquid permeates your skin. Go ahead, click. See!? Here, have a wet tissue to clean off with. There.
Queen Kegel has released three installments of MILKED BY THE YETI. One more is on its way soon. Stay tuned. They are at literaryporn.net.
— Moctezuma Johnson (@MJKingOfErotica) December 18, 2015
Poet for hire is always a good thing, right? I suggest you buy the ever-popular hate poem. The poem is emailed anonymously to anyone you choose and features nasty, MJ-style abuse . Great for ex-husbands, bosses, cunt family members, and nemeses. Buy today, will deliver by Christmas!
Sarchashmo is the poet for hire. He’ll cockslap any fools into submission. If he cannot, he’ll employ the help of his “friend”, Queen Kegel the Sextacular.
Got something important to add?
Let me know.
Holy Sperm that’s Great Copy, isn’t it?
Aside from Kegel/Sarcashmo:
You were Jackie Lee! Little Jackie Lee, the barnacle-boy from underground Asian porn movies!”
“No no,” he said nervously. “My name is not Jack Lee, it’s Jack Li. A common mistake.”*
“Ohhhhh,” Natasha said.
“Didn’t you just say the same name twice?” Vlad asked.
“Little Jackie Lee had a two-foot cock,” Natasha said. “I was always very, very curious about him.”
“I thought you were Brut Lee?”
“Like champagne? I not champagne.”
“No, Brunch Lee. A very tasty treat,” Vlad said.
“Yes, all two feet of him,” said Natasha. Mmmnn mmnnn. Like a subway two footer.”
“No, no. It’s Brooos Leee,” Vlad said. “That’s what I heard.”
*The name must be different in the intonation