So you’ve decided you’d like a Free Book by Moctezuma Johnson. Wonderful news! A free book will be snug in your kindle in a moment, but first let me introduce myself and my fully-functioning website to you.
I wish it was 1970 and I was an awesome artist who could make my own pulp covers in pencil art and then whip up awesome, imaginative stories and have them placed alongside stories by writers of equally talented minds in a gorgeous little pulpy journal that people actually looked forward to, read, and shared. But it’s 2016 and what today’s small-time writers have inherited is email lists, Facebook, and Twitter. Many readers are writers themselves and everyone is shooting for your attention like a Korean hooker on an old Itaewon alleyway where all the bars compete in 500 kilowatts of neon power, buzzing. So what do I do to get your attention? to make you like me? to convince you that you can trust me and buy my books from me (or on Amazon and the others) and not disappoint you. Well, first I write books with plot. My books aren’t great or anything. You’re not going to get The Sun Also Rises or Haroun and the Sea of Stories from smutpunk, but you will get an imaginative tale with a few surprises, gooey love like a splatterspunk writer obsessed with his trope, and maybe even a few commas jammed in the right place. I hope that’s enough to keep you coming back for more. If it isn’t, thanks for making it this far. Take this “I’ve been SMUTPUNK’d” pin on your way out. My Personal Assistant Punk E. Schmooster will put in on your lapel, if you wish.
Anyways, those old Sci-fi pulp journals like Amazing Stories had these perforated order slips in them. You could subscribe to those awesome mags or order a few books easily. The audience kept the writers coming up with more and more awesome work. The authors didn’t have to encode a Super Url keyword train to get a few reads. In the old days, you just checked the box of what you wanted to read and then pulled it out and sent it in. Nowadays you can’t do that. You can’t pull out, well, you can but it involves lots of willpower, some squirming, and doesn’t get you some books in a few weeks. So how can I get you to subscribe so we can get in a dialogue? This is my version of that perforated pull-out order card insert.
You will get your Free Book just below, but first tick the box of what you’d most like to read so I can update this page with the book you want most.
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Thanks for taking a moment to get to know me, now click for your Free Futadelic Download. Let me know by comment or email if you’d like a different file format (the download is a mobi file for the Kindle Reading App). Also, tell me if you prefer something different. I can send another book to you privately.
Finally, if you want even more of me, please mess around this site, say hi in the comments, and be sure to check out all my books for sale.
I love when “Amazon Customer” drops a surprise 5-star review on me. I’m glad somebody caught the humor and the sex appeal of this weird political satire smutpunk, Dump the Futa President.
In other news about myself, Triangulum Stain 2 – The Battle for Alien Relish came out of the gate with a bang and then settled back down to Earth (a long fall from the Triangulum Galaxy). I just wanted to pop back in with my fans with this sudden spike to 22nd in LGBT Science Fiction. Thank you whoever is suddenly buying it! Perhaps it’s in part due to the inquisitive and well-written Smutpunk Article by fantasy writer Jamie McLachlan.
Musical inspiration of this poll, featuring Christopher Wallace (aka Biggie Smalls), check 1:20-1:35 for a good laugh. I love B.I.G, if you don’t know now you now!