New Tabbed Smutpunk Bookshelf

Book-Shop-Smutpunk3

New Tabbed Smutpunk Bookshelf

All the madcap cyberpunk, splatterpunk, genre-blending, gender-bending S. Punk you’ve come to expect from MJ, aka King SMUTPUNK

Click the tabs to see what books lie in that category. Start with Futanari and work your way all the way to Sci-Fi. 

Futadelic (see review

Romancing the Hot Stone (see review

Futa Dicksickle Stand (Cumming May 29th) — Join the Mailing List to Get Notifications of Release Dates and Sales/Freebies!

Chronicles of a Humiliation Backfired (Season One)

Chronicles of a Humiliation Backfired (Season Two) — Cumming Soon — Join the Mailing List to Get Notifications of Release Dates and Sales/Freebies!

Messy Blowjob Gunge Pie Steak Pi Day

Promotional Poster for the Steak and BJ Bundle

Jane’s Steak and BJ Night Surprise (see review

The Nose (see review

The Steak and BJ Bundle (see review

Real and Imaginary

Poisonous Apples

Smutpunk Poetry (coming soon) Join the Mailing List to Get Notifications of Release Dates and Sales/Freebies!

The Black Book (coming soon) Join the Mailing List to Get Notifications of Release Dates and Sales/Freebies!

Click the Tongue for Fun

Choose Your Own Kink SEXcapade

A story all about YOU in which YOU make all the decisions!

Pop-n-Lollie--Pulp

Triangulum Stain – Attack of the Replicating Alien Dildos

Triangulum Stain 2 – Battle for Alien Relish

The TriStain Universe Episodes:

Pop & Lollie (Teabagged by the Sentient Lollipop aka the Candy Cunt Saga)

 

 

 

Am I missing something? Let me know. Please share this ever-updating bookshelf with your followers, too. Thank you.

Book Giveaway: Haven’t you always wanted a Jaguar Prince?

book-giveaway

Book Giveaway: Haven’t you always wanted a Jaguar Prince?

Hosted by Moctezuma Johnson 

Yay, you’re getting a free book. Just click the link BBW v. The Jaguar Prince.

All I’d like you to do in exchange for a free book is send out one cute little tweet. Follow the link above and the simple instructions are on the Amazon giveaway page. Thank you for spreading the smutpunk.
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Book Synopsis: The Jaguar Prince is the latest BBW story featuring a Mexican nagua who changes from a handsome man into a jaguar. See if he’s friend or foe of the down-on-her-luck BBW main character. 

BBW-jaguar-prince

Bullsh*t Bulletin #6

Smutpunk’d by the Alpha FUTA –  Bullshit Bulletin #6

by San Esperma de Desgracia

 

Is it already the Bullshit Bulletin No. 6? That can’t be fucking right, can it? Six? It feels like yesterday that I decided to start writing these. Huh!

 

 

Emme’s singin’ the Buttplug Blues agian. <Robert Plant riffing while stoned out of his mind singing Blazed & Cum-fused by MoJo> Lot’s of asses plugged, but few of them know that the butt of a woman was created below.

Times are hard. Hard as cock. SMUTPUNKED ON SKATES is the sequel to sequel to That Fucker, who gets skated by again and again and is ready with a trophy mantel of   B _ T T   _ L _ G S (would you like to buy a vowel from Vanha? Yes, a “U”. There are two “U”s). Heather’s mother is here to help this time. And everyone knows there’s no lovin’ like the lovin’ of yo mama! There’s also nothing better to muck everything up way worse than it was mucked up in the first place. The Buttplug Blues becomes Mama’s Blues.

Have you met the women of Fuck Force Five, the Five Hive, yet? If you haven’t please introduce yourself here.

 

Subscribe to the SMUTPUNK Mailer, please — Free Sex and/or Lip Balm is promised†

Put your email address in the box to the right to subscribe to the SMUTPUNK mailer. Thank you.

Put your email address in the box to the right to subscribe to the SMUTPUNK mailer. Thank you.

LOOK TO YOUR RIGHT (if you’re on a computer, no idea where if you’re on another device, somewhere) and subscribe to this site to get notifications of new blog posts. If you’re a writer I’ll be sure to promote your shit, if you’re a reader it means you’ll get free promoted shit. Who wants a FREE SMUTPUNKED ON SKATES? Let me know by email, cute little puppies)

[[INSERT CUTE ARROWY IMAGE HERE >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>]]

It’s called iPick-Up. It’s where you SUBSCRIBE to this website to get your SMUTPUNK fix. Everybody needs her smutpunk or your cunt will go dry. Them’s the breaks. It cures bad breath, alien virus, and asthma. So type in your email thingy and let me stuff your box full of s.punk.

 

Some Friends Doing Great Things:

Callie Press (aka Queen Kegel) has gotten some really good reviews for her SMASH HIT  Erotic Pulp #1 – The SMUTPUNK Reader. See her interview with Brixton Atwood.

I want to introduce a new friend and awesome tweeter and writer. Find more about this genius brain at @MzPatchouli. She has one of the best websites I’ve seen from a writer. It’s elegant by design and thoughtful by, well, design. Just do yourself a favor and check it out.

 

MILKING TITTIES

MILKED BY THE YETI. Looks like Callie and I have forgotten to write a new piece, between Sarchasmo and FitMan and BurpeeGirl it’s hard to find time between sets of rough BJ Burpees to see what Milky Russian tits are up to. The old titties are still completely free. They won’t be free for long as Assazon wants to charge for all titties, whether Russian or Not. Milked by a Yeti or Not. I don’t set the rules. I just obediently play by them.

Anyway, don’t forget to stay up to date with Milked by the Yeti at literaryporn.net. Big hairy changes are around the Himalayan corner. 

You haven’t heard of MILKED BY THE YETI? Do you live under a rock? Well, get yourself a quick one-minute taste at xvideos.com’s trailer of Natasha and Lena in Milked by the Yeti. Please give it a thumbs up if you enjoyed it. Thank you. I made it, so I could really use the encouragement.

 

Blog Tours & Twitter

Is anybody doing a blog tour or anything because I’m up for hosting a stop. I don’t really even know what that means, but I’d like to try being a host and finding out.

In Twitter news, authors keep blastin out tweets lauding their own books. I do it too, but man I’m getting bored of it. It kind of feels like all of twitter has become bot-territory.

In other Twitter news, dudes keep sending photos of their dicks. I don’t really get that much, but hear from the WPW Nymphettes that it’s pretty rampant. They pretty much think that because you’re a writer of erotica you’re a whore. I’m pretty much as obviously male as Big John Slade, so the ones that send to me with love from India are clearly gay (Mental Note: consider this when marketing toward the sub-continent). I’m going with something alone the lines of “My White Co-Worker Made me a Bollywood Cuckold by Whoring Out My Wife” or something to that effect.

I had something else to say, but it’s gone. I think it was a rant. I have that feeling in my gut. The rant feeling. Ah yes, this business from FaceBook:

Moctezuma Johnson I got into a pretty pretty pretty interesting discussion with Ashlee Shades and others on Naya’s post.

There has been lots of criticism (from me) about the fact that a lot of indie writing is fully baked. Sometimes the editing is bad, the plots aren’t well-, well, plotted, and the covers are crappy and even contain errors. I’ve been pretty lenient on the review end of things but the truth is the Zon makes anybody who can type with their thumb on a phone feel like an epicurean capable of doling out Michelin stars to the world’s greatest bistros. They’re not. The first and most essential thing they miss is basic common courtesy. Professional reviewrs have etiquette, even when they loathe something. If they don’t, they don’t last in the industry. A lot of my fellow writers are asking Zon to stop allowing people to read a whole book and then return it. Personally, I don’t care about those clergy members who get riddled with guilt after my sentient dildos made them cum and have to wash away the guilt by returning the book before another clergy member sees it, reads it, and—GASP!—enjoys it.  If you want your $0.35 back, go for it you cheap guilty bastard.

The thing that absolutely bakes my noodle is how someone will read 3% of my book and then say they don’t like it. That’s like smelling a bowl of pasta and saying, “I hate Italian cooking.” That’s not a review. I don’t think that should be allowed. Reviews help/hurt sales. But let’s not get me into a rant. I know lots of us have this phenomenon. You work for weeks or months on your baby and then get a one word “awful” with one star from someone who didn’t even have the etiquette to read the thing they are trashing. WTF? How is that allowed? I’m pasting a strangely burnt version of said review. It appears this rocket scientist’s review has suffered in a raging attack of SMUTPUNK arson. No idea how that happened. Callie Press? any ideas? <whistles “Forgot About Dre” while strolling away peacefully> Basically my overall, main arc of a point is that I’m more saying STOP THE BULLSH*T, but I think it’s kind of case by case, so overall I say let these brain surgeons do what they like to do, whether it’s buy and return not read yet review, etc. All of their shenanigans lead to sales movement, publicity, and are ultimately good for the author. I’ve seen theft in my day job, I’m talking hundreds of thousands of dollars, so forgive me but $0.35 isn’t really on my radar as theft. It’s more bad etiquette. The cops callcar robbery “Grand Theft Auto” because the numbers (in most states) are higher than a grand, otherwise, the police say, “f*ck it!, go read the new one by 1- and 5-star king Moctezuma Johnson” 

 

Shitty Reviewer

Was this review burned? How did that happen? There’s been a lot of criticism about indie authors. Well, the indie reviewers ain’t so damn great either. Take the lovely “Miss Sha Sha” bet she’d do book reports without reading the book while flunking grade school. I’m glad this type of person doesn’t “get” my books. Good riddance!

See what’s new at Mr. Blackthorne’s Classy Castle

Some recent posts from mrblackthorne.com:

 

Poet for Hire

Moctezuma's SMUTPUNK'd abs is a poet for hire
Click the abs to hire today^^

Poet for hire is always a good thing, right? I suggest you click below and buy. You can request the ever-popular hate poem. The poem is emailed anonymously to anyone you choose and features nasty, MJ-style abuse. Great for ex-husbands, bosses, cunt family members, and nemeses. Great for holidays! Comes with or without images! Get your own personalized SMUTPUNK poem.

Sarchashmo is the poet for hire. He’ll cockslap any fools into submission. If he cannot, he’ll employ the help of his “friend”, Queen Kegel the Sextacular

 

Got something important to add?

Let me know.

I’m always around. Email, comment, tweet, or stop me on the street (grabbing me by the balls is the best way to get my wandering attention).

‘Nuff said, says San Esperma di Desgracia

 

 

 

Get a quick Poem:

“I’ve sprung

your frankfurter from

its bun”

Notes:
†To those over 357 years old

Bulletin #2 – The Smutpunk Blues | #EARTG #LPRTG #SSRTG #MrBrtg Any others?

The Smutpunk Blues –  Bullshit Bulletin #2

by San Esperma de Desgracia

Well, we had very few sales and then a ton and then very few again this period so I guess even Smutpunks get the Blues. Oh well.

Emme’s working on Part 2 of her Confessions of a Whore Series. Yay! Also, she has the beginning and ending written for Buttplug Blues. Lot’s of folks singin’ the blues these days. Times are hard. Hard as cock. Buttplug Blues is the sequel to That Fucker, who shows up to torture our heroine again. This time she’s ready and has a few surprises of her own.

Saharah Shae has a new blurb out about Fun with the First Sergeant. You can read an excerpt at Mr. Blackthorne. Mouse over the link to the book to visit Amazon shops from all over the globe. Isn’t that handy, gals and pals?

Callie Press (aka Queen Kegel) is up at the plate to knock some Yeti’s out of the park. There’s this bit about Cunt Punting that some people may find offensive. (See deliciously offensive artwork)

Slut Punting

The Yeti isn’t only one interested in Slut Punting

I wrote Book 3. Looks like I forgot to write the sex, well except for some tit-fucking an unconscious ex-wife in her hospital bed while hijacking her milk. Callie says that’s dubcon. I think that’s a pretty fine line.

Don’t forget to stay up to date with Milked by the Yeti at literaryporn.net

You haven’t heard of MILKED BY THE YETI? Do you live under a rock? Well, get yourself a quick one-minute taste at xvideos.com’s trailer of Natasha and Lena in Milked by the Yeti. Please give it a thumbs up if you enjoyed it. Thank you. I made it, so I could really use the encouragement.

Is anybody doing a blog tour or anything because I’m up for hosting a stop. I don’t really even know what that means, but I’d like to try being a host and finding out.

In Twitter news, authors keep blastin out tweets lauding their own books. I do it too, but man I’m getting bored of it. Also, Sarcashmo was able to cockslap fools until he was able to catch Christiano Kale, the clone of the sexy, talented Christian Bale (with or without beard).

In other Twitter news, dudes keep sending me photos of their junk. I’m pretty much as obviously male as Big John Slade, so clearly half of India is gay although they will not admit they are (consider this when marketing toward the sub-continent). I’m going with something alone the lines of “My White Co-Worker Made me a Bollywood Cuckold” or something to that effect.

I had something else to say, but it’s gone.

My new TriStain is coming alone. Those of you who have pre-ordered, please hang loose a little longer. I was flying along but with the holidays and all, I am trudging through molasses now. However, the idea sounds good to me. See the clippings by Dean Diddlewitz (aka DD) if you’d like to see what’s up with “The Stain.”

Remember to take advantage of this great service:

Poet for hire is always a good thing, right? I suggest you buy the ever-popular hate poem. The poem is emailed anonymously to anyone you choose and features nasty, MJ-style abuse. Great for ex-husbands, bosses, cunt family members, and nemeses. Buy today, guaranteed delivery by Valentine’s Day (plan ahead)!

Sarchashmo is the poet for hire. He’ll cockslap any fools into submission. If he cannot, he’ll employ the help of his “friend”, Queen Kegel the Sextacular

Got something important to add?

Let me know.

I’m always around. Email, comment, tweet, or stop me on the street (grabbing me by the balls is the best way to get my wandering attention).

‘Nuff said, says San Esperma di Desgracia

 

Funny video about the fucking yeti | #EARTG #LPRTG #SSRTG

funny-video-milked-yeti

Funny Video: Milked by the YETI

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Visit the Literary Porn Smutpunk Tag to find all the installments of MILKED BY THE YETI by Moctezuma Johnson and Callie Press. It’s just so bad it’s good: wit-laced B-movie schlock dished out by two of smutpunk’s finest.

Moctezuma Johnson’s Erotic Smutpunk Bulletin #0 (The Pilot) | The Bullshit Bulletin

Erotic_smutpunk-bulletin

Moctezuma Johnson wants to get the word out: The Erotic Smutpunk Bulletin

Ever heard of Marvel’s Bulletin Board? [[insert image here]]

We should be doing that too. We have T. Queef and some other saps to take the piss out of a bit. There are the one wank wonders, the cunts and dicks who’ve never learnt no grammer, and the tweetathoners. Then there’s Mr. B’s crew. They are nice so I won’t fuck with them even though I wish I could tell you from cunt to black & white cocksucker where the line of “tasteful” gets drawn, in what color, and by whom, but that’s not the issue here. No, no, they don’t say tasteful, they say “classy.” I say assy but the fact that the Mr. B group has a pulse, a libido, and N angle makes me want to have a thousand arms to finger the nymphs and jerk the duke. The nymphettes are nice. They are awesome to me one-on-one and have retweeted the shit out of me. Oh, and my wife, the jynxy mynx named Emme “Cocksucking” Hor is one of them, for fucks sake. How can Moctezuma Johnson not join?

If you can’t beat ’em, join em.

Me? No. Like Groucho Marx said, “I don’t want to be part of any group that would have me for a member.” Not that they would have me as a member. But I still consider them part of the bullpen, especially Jenny, Linzi, July, and Callie. There are a bunch of other fuckers and page eroti-suckers who I want to fold into the mix like blueberries into hot muff(in) batter. There’s Reed James and the Naught Book Snitch with her GIFtopia. One day at a time, like a good AA member.

Get Your Spider-Man Shirt

Get Your Spider-Man Shirt

A literary porn erotic smutpunk bulletin

A place to get important upcoming news in the literary erotica universe. We don’t have a bullpen where we all sit and one table and crank out mad creativity cause we all sit all by our lonesomes in our underwear with coffee, wine, joints, or all three, and do our bidding with our bots and one-handed typing. I guess twitter is our ‘pen but that’s pure chaos. Bulls are way more organized than we are on twitter. We are out of fucking control with all the tweets (thanks tweetathoners, I’m so sick of seeing repeat lines and repeat images), all the dick picks (it’s mostly dudes from the subcontinent – guys, I’m a dude. Do you want this Latino-Italian guy looking at your dick? You do? Then read my FUTA shit!), and all the book link BUY MY BOOK links, you can have a nervous breakdown in five minutes. Luckily I mostly ignore DMs so they can send cocks ’til the cows come home. My point is that authors could use a little bulletin that boils down the news so we can see what’s going on. We need an easy to manage quick news rather than scrolling through noise. In Seoul, busy streets have neon signs in every spot imaginable advertising stuff. The neon-barrage is so strong that I feel like I’m walking in the dark. I’ve unconsciously mentally turned off every buzzing colorful light. In real life these electric color-boards tell me to shop, eat, and drink at their establishments. In my mind I see a quiet black sky and hot Asian chicks in short skirts. These stores should start sending me dick pictures, they’d be better off. We could have a bulletin.

Why was Marvel’s Bulletin so Amazing?

Cause comics rule! I loved those Marvel chats with Stan the Man. Stan’s Soapbox. Sexy. I loved wrestling and metallica too, but I outgrew the latter two things. Comics still fucking rule!

I go to comic book stores regularly because flipping through a bunch of comic books jumpstarts my mind in a way that nothing else can. The creativity within these pages is off the charts. It was Callie Press who said some erotic smutpunk bulletin magic words to me the other night by DM that really knocked my socks deep up my anal cavity. She said, “Excelsior!” out of nowhere or some of the other weird ass words Stan “The Man” Lee would throw out there. It made me look up why the fuck he did that and I found out it was because he thought his competition (the fuckers that would copy everything) wouldn’t be able to copy it because they wouldn’t know how to spell it after he said it. Lol. That just cracks me up and I’m pretty sure some of my haters can’t spell abominable snowman nor the Philippines. I take pleasure in that. And in saying, Fuck you to the haters. I’ve watched most of them drop off like flies (see T. Queef) and disappear back into the narrow-minded fetters from whence they came. You know what I say, Can’t a Husband Suck His Wife’s Cock Anymore? Western culture has become too Politically Cum-rect(al). Asia is still a much rawer place.

Thankfully I can hide my head in the cum-stained sand and write about the destruction of the universe by the Sluts of the Oblong-Dong Table and the drying up of The Streams of Sementopia and the ismywifeaFUTAvolcanic Mt. Ejaculi going dormant. I can write about Yeti’s taking big-titted Russian whores as slaves and then getting sick of them and kicking them down the side of a mountain. I can read about a Halloween Spook being all too real and using virgin sperm and menstrual blood to erase and create universes. This is the fun of what I’ve termed Literary Porn Erotica. Kat Crimson calls it smart smut or cerebral smut, which is another kick ass term. I’m stoked to be a part of this fucked up wave of eWriters who can self-publish their stuff and tweet with their readers and have a jolly old time. Just the way these Marvel Bulletins were a cool way to feel a part of the comic crowd, we get excited about new work thanks to blogs, tweets, posts, and other sharers. I’m going to boil it down every bulletin board. That’s my pledge. Feel free to send me shit that you know has to be out there. I feel free to ignore shit that has no place.

Hey, Queen Kegel, Excelsior! Let’s start putting EROTIC PULP of Heroes and Villians! into all our eBooks (natch!)

Literary Porn Club, baby! SAN ESPERMA cockslapping fools left and right for Candy Cane Kegel and the SUPERhung superHUNK SPaCe GlaDIatorS

Bullpen Bulletin #o (The Pilot Cerebral Erotic Smutpunk Bulletin):

The Milked by the Yeti Series has begun. Book 1 by Moctezuma is out on the literaryporn.net site and Callie Press is writing Book 2 as I write this. She’s released the first installment, introducing Vivek and bring the milking fucking Yeti back for more scary, sexy fun.

‘Nuff said!

Erotic-Smutpunk-Bulletin_Moctezuma-Johnson

GUYS! Follow Moctezuma’s Site and Get Your Free Testicle Exam from Kitchen COWgirl!

Milked by the Yeti | Live on LiteraryPorn.net | #LPRTG #EARTG @calliepress lol

yeti rim job to russian

I am writing MILKED BY THE YETI in installments on literaryporn.net (the companion site to #LPRTG and moctezumajohnson.com)

I’ve released the first two installments and the OUTLINE. I think it will be fun to write this in a totally transparent manner. You can see me succeed or you can see me fail, or most likely land somewhere in the middle. I mean, how can a snowed in story with an abominable snowman and a Russian Slut with big tits not be a grand winner?

Go ahead and have a look.

OUTLINE of BOOK ONE:

INSTALLMENT ONE of MJ’s Milked by the Yeti ONE

INSTALLMENT TWO of MJ’s Milked by the Yeti TWO

INSTALLMENT THREE of MJ’s Milked by the Yeti THREE

INSTALLMENT FOUR of MJ’s Milked by the Yeti FOUR

 

 

EXTRA EXTRA READ ALL ABOUT IT:

An awesome writer, a writer of genius and sex appeal, has expressed interest in writing BOOK two of the fucking yeti series I’ve begun here.

 

 

Callie Press does not rest on her laurels. She writes. She said she’d get behind the wheel for a ride on MILKED BY THE YETI and sure ’nuff, here the thing is. Good news, indeed, little newspaper-selling sir!

Also, with Callie’s posts, she has really taken this “be transparent about how you write” stuff far. Her intros and asides are awesome. We are getting tons of positive feedback. Enjoy!

BOOK TWO:

INSTALLMENT ONE of Callie’s Milked by the Yeti ONE

INSTALLMENT TWO of Callie’s Milked by the Yeti TWO

INSTALLMENT THREE of Callie’s Milked by the Yeti THREE

INSTALLMENT FOUR of Callie’s Milked by the Yeti FOUR

yeti

Callie Press and Moctezuma Johnson each milked out a book of yeti

You know what, somebody has to make a trailer of these MILKED BY THE YETI books.

 

BOOK THREE by Moctezuma Johnson

Part One

Part Two

Part Three 

Part Four

 

And Finally, Book Four by Callie Press has begun!

Part One

 

(if any links are bad please let me know in the comments and try searching on literaryporn.net, thanks^^)

NotQuiteMilkedByTheYeti

 

rs_634x1024-151214132753-634.Heidi-Klum-Naked-FB-121415

Why a model modelling in a block of ice is appropriate makes more sense when you read part 1 of Book 4

 

^.*