So…you have the chops for some Erotic Spunklit, huh?
That’s great because this blog needs you!
Click the image to enlarge and find your SMUTPUNK name
One of the fun parts of writing SMUTPUNK is the names. Check out the smutpunk wiki for some of the great names that have already come out over the years. You’ve met Princess Chuckhole, Bob Von Bulge, and the rulers of Alien Relish called SLUTS of the OBLONG table. Now any self-respecting fan of depraved protein painting will have dreamed of having such a moniker herself. Well, here at SMUTPUNK unincorporated, dreams do come true one aka at a time.
By the way, according to this, I’m Motley Van Verga. Verga means dick in Spanish. What’s yours? Please leave yours in the comments section. Enjoy!
Pulp Covers: SMUTPUNK on Skates (aka The Butt Plug Blues, Romance on Roller-Skates) by Emme Hor
5. The Bundle of Books 1-4
These four books take readers to Malaysia and give you an exotic, sexy taste of Asian Smutpunk. Click to get all four of these books or one inexpensive bundle. Emme is known as the First Lady of Smutpunk, the Asian Smutpunk, and wife of Moctezuma Johnson. She spends her time mixing perfumes for a well-known designer and enjoys writing as her downtime. Whether or not she took a bukkake when younger can be neither confirmed nor denied.
Video Promo: Romance with Skull Candy and Roller Skates
Promo by Moctezuma Johnson and Book by Emme Hor
Heather is a sweet Asian office worker with an obsession brewing. She’s trying hard to please him and going further and further. He invites her into an abandoned movie theater and things quickly escalate until she gets a way more sensory filled experience than she could handle. Read this Asian SMUTPUNK from the First Lady of SMUTPUNK Emme Hor.
Links to Hot Contemporary Romance Erotica and SMUTPUNK found below. Scroll down, please, and enjoy the images along the way.
Links to Contemporary Romance and SMUTPUNK books by Title/Author
If you’d like to see your book listed with Moctezuma Johnson or smutpunk.me, please comment below or send me an email. Cheers!
Get the vocabulary you deserve with the SMUTPUNK Dictionary
Scribes! Where have my scribes gone? Are they having a futa orgy again. A hyperfuta orgy. I need the scribes to organize and alphabetize this, please. Tell him as soon as he finishes eating his “soup,” thanks.
Bagpiping – Using a chick’s armpit as a way to pleasure cock. She has to push down from the elbow in the same manner as pressing the bladder when playing the bagpipes. The more sweaty the sex the better, as the sweat is like lube. This is a great plan D if the a chick’s primary holes are in use. (learn more)
Black Swan – A term used to express an unlikely event that you may want to prepare for just in case it does occur. Example: Before the human race archived the black swan, people thought there was no such thing as a black swan. Most people incorrectly believed black swans were as real as unicorns. Now we know they do, in fact, exist. Stock market crashes, cataclysmic events, and things getting lodged up your ass and needing emergency room assistance may all classify as black swan events.
Bukkake - when a submissive woman is lucky enough to be worshiped by the splooge of many men. In ancient times she often committed suicide after all the men present jizzed on her to save her family shame. Now bukkakes are often accompanied by the transfer of large sums of money. Whether or not our very own Emme Hor has participated in one can be neither confirmed nor denied.
Bullshit Society – A society in which Bullshit is Truth, Truth Bullshit. Bullshit becomes the official language of this society. They will speak Bullshit (much as George Orwell predicted in 1984 with his concept of “doublespeak”). Turn on FOX news (and many other sources) for a taste. (See quote below right)
Dot-Connectors – People able to connect seemingly random, unconnectable ideas. Average Fuckers often mistake this awesome ability as random. Smutpunkists taste the awesome sauce in it.
The Five Hive – Also known as the Fuck Force Five, these ladies are highly trained Women in Black agents tasked with keeping the Earth safe from extraterrestrials. They are trained in advanced fucking, quantum physics, and rappelling down giant dildos.
Match of the Centuries – the epic battle between Butterface and Princess Chuckhole (See flyer)
Miss Lonely Hearts – This is the female straggler found in many bars and clubs who is pretty much good to go. Most guys can sit down with her, probably not even buy her a drink yet take her home and pound her until something gives, like a sink, a penis bone, or a pelvis. Often Miss Lonely Hearts makes a really top notch one night stand. She usually shows good manners, good hygiene, and good skills drinking, taking drugs, and in the sack.
Clear Heels – the required footwear of sluts all over the planet and universe. When men find a girl wearing these heels they can rest assured that they are in for a good time (similar items are hoop earrings, g-strings, and pink scrunchies).
Fictophilia – a condition involving an irrevocable and passionate love for a fictional character. In fact, 60% of singles surveyed said they prefer a fictional book boyfriend to a living breathing male.
Futa – A woman with a large cock. (See Reed James)
Splooge - the magical liquid that spews from cock jerked to satisfaction. The very life force of the universe. The stuff that flows through Planet Alien Relish. The material for which Butterface is in an obsessive and violent search.
Spunk – See splooge
Smutpunk – It’s erotica with plot that mixes forms from such varied sources as magic realism, science fiction, and Asian kung fu movies. In the same way most other punks use some common thing to glue them together, smutpunk uses the most basic protein of all to create its own panspermia universe, mixing pop-culture, erotica, the Cthulhu mythos, Far East legends, and Non-Western spirituality with Science Fiction, Pulp, and Silver-Age-Comic era elements into a head spinning, ball-busting good time.
The Buttplug Mantel – Where Liam, aka That Fucker, keeps his trophy case of used buttplugs with little exhibit label flags like a museum that explain the who, what, where, why, how of the butt plug displayed. Some executives have slayed animals, others have athletic trophies, That Fucker has the butt plug mantel. (Read about it)
The Smutpunk Lexicon – a dictionary of the tasty words peppered on your smutpunk.
Tudung – a headscarf worn by Malay women. (see more)
Average Fuckers – In an effort to keep my wife happy, I’m no longer calling 99% of the world morons and instead trying to be more accurate by calling them average. I say it with tons of hidden malice. Well, the malice ain’t hidden to the dot-connectors, bless their depraved coal-hearts.
Hyperfuta – a futa with a cock the size of a car.
PAAG – Phat Ass Asian Girl. An Asian chick with a big, juicy phat ass. (See PAAG tumblr site)
PAWG – Phat Ass White Girl. A white chick with a big, juicy phat ass! (See PAWG tumblr site)
Phallogyne – waiting for Roxy Katt’s definition. It seems to me to be a broader grouping of Futa, Traps, Transgenders, and other peoples with penises.
SMUTPUNK Freedom Flag – The movement’s flag of freedom to spunk! (See Image)
Trump Butt Plug – Words cannot describe this Commander-in-Cheeks. (See Trump Butt Plug)
Yoga Pants – Really tight pants hot chicks wear to attract alpha males like bees to the honey pot. (see example)
If you’d like a word added, just leave it in the comments below and I’ll see what I can do.
Please Share This Post and Educate the World
I don’t like telling you what to do, but you really should add this to the SMUTPUNK WIKI. I’m just saying.
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Sex Tip #5
Homemade Porn Secrets Revealed
CAMERA PLACEMENT: HOW TO MAKE A PORN VIDEO
Skullfucking | Jizzing on tits/face | Slapping Sluts with Cock | Gaping
- first get yourself a slut, pig, or slave
- then you must think about camera placement
- film her from many angles for short periods of time
- use short clips about 20 to 30 seconds at a time (no more than a minute)
- Use the iPhone’s iMovie trailer to organize your homemade porn into an awesome personal porn opus (no, seriously, this is a fucking great idea!)
- Before starting your own home porn movie, have her model a bit
- her with clothes answering questions
- first time on video?
- like cum?
- like blowing dudes?
- like big cock?
- are you going to suck my big cock?
- will you give me your ass today?
- are you a slut? pig? slave? ugly whore?
- do you have a boyfriend?
- her with clothes answering questions
- For shooting a homemade porn blowjob there are a few positions.
- the knees (guy standing):
- You can shoot up to down on the tripod.
- Or you can go down to up.
- You can shoot from the side, most common,
- or through the guy’s legs—which features the girl’s tits.
- shoot for the side but down to up
- and shoot from far away
- she can hold it up to down, side to side, down to up
- the knees (guy standing):
- the knees (guy sitting)
- straddling her
- remember to…
- gag her
- make her bob up and down fast
- skullfuck her
- put cock into her cheek
- slap her face
- jizz on her face
- For shots of straight sex in your homemade porn, there are also a few ideas.
- first person view
- from the side
- from behind her, she must hold the camera
- her doggy style
- shoot down to up from behind
- shoot from in front while fish-hooking her
- shoot from far away, side or ¾
- first person, yank her hair
- remember to…
- fishhook her
- yank her hair
- step on her head
- pour lube on her ass while doing her and then
- switch to from cunt to ass
- slap her ass cheeks
- first person, tits and face
- facing the couch to shoot your ass
- spread it open with hands
- fuck her ass
- her on her side
- camera over her
- camera facing her head and tits
- camera facing her ass
- her pretzeled
- placed over her shooting down from somewhat of a distance
- her facing cock and camera
- camera high and side,
- film all the cum on her after you finish
- make her suck more after
- have her hold the camera facing the cock and face
- get up close to see the cumshot
check to make sure you complete these:
- Make her blow you for a while.
- Slap her with your cock
- make her smile while you slap her with cock even though she won’t really like it
- Make her bend over so you can shoot that asshole
- Have her say she’s
- a slut
- a slave
- a whore
- a pig
- if she complains, gag her with a bandana
- Fuck her fat ass with the camera low and behind
- Pour yogurt on her and make her blow you
- piss on her
- bind her hands
- cut her clothes
This is just an intro
There are tons of other ideas. These are just the basics, but they are a good start for porn amateurs. The key is to shoot lots of short scenes. Then get on iMovie (I recommend as a trailer) and paste these scenes in and you’ll get quite a high-octane little highlight show to give you hours of jerking and jilling pleasure. Enjoy! Remember to send me your creations. Don’t worry, it’s just art. So I won’t tell anybody.
Previous Tip: Angry Sex
Next Tip: Roleplay
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