Dildogeddon – Learn how to protect yourself


Dildogeddon — What the heck is that?

Well, you’ve probably heard of the pornapocalypse, the desire of almost all medias to rid themselves of vile adult content. Even twitter is on the anti-porn train recently. Ugh. Why? What’s with puritan America trying to tell all of us what to do. I don’t like it at all. Not one little bit.

Now, dildogeddon is the attack of earth by alien forces. These aliens aren’t the regular aliens with big green heads who violate lonely humans on motherships, nope, these are sentient alien dildos that reproduce when united with Earthling cum. It’s a funny, schlocky B-movie, campy book by Moctezuma Johnson. It’s also a metaphor for how all this conservatism from American evangelicals to Islamic Fundamentalists is just totally bat-shit fucking crazy.

Read the Triangulum Stain Series for more.

Dildogeddon – Attack of the Replicating Alien Dildos

The Five HiveThe Battle for Alien Relish


she’s kneelingeud-292759-present_a_facefuck-eachasscheeklookslikeasperm

her necklace is beautiful

the sun is catching the silver

flashing it into my eyes

morse code of cumshot

it’s saying to get her tonsils


she’s kneeling

beside the convention hall

where we had queued up before

now cars amble by

people on bikes are across the highway

by the Hudson river

a helicopter takes off nearby


she’s kneeling

her fit ass looks hot

and round sitting on her heels

“that’s it, babe. Deep.”

Her necklace is beautiful


Her throat muscles

milk out the cumshot

I shoot some into her mouth

pull out and shoot more

right onto the smutpunk necklace

we both smile


she’s kneeling with my cum

on her necklace

gooily hanging

and we are happy


Poem: Thinking of Paige while facefucking Liz || #LPRTG #EARTG

Thinking of Paige while facefucking Liz

i pulled her hair
her whore mouth
while half-asleep

i thought of my new
bartender, her sultry
hot ass, big tits
big lips

while Liz got face fucked

Liz stopped

lifted up off her knees
pulled her shorts and underwear down
i shoved her back down
to her knees
to my cock
“suck it, Paige!”
“Paige?” she asked
before mphhhhhhhhhhhing
over big cock
“she’s my new, hot bartender.”
“my sister!?”
i unloaded a big creamy load
that she snarfed
shooting jizz out her mouth
around my cock
with some even dripping out her nose
“yes, her.”

Peel Another Banana America | An anti-imperialism poem | #erotic #political #poetry #LPRTG

Read Moctezuma Smutpunk

Peel Another Banana, America

Aztec King / El Rey Azteca

Image by Davichi via Flickr

You love Aztec bitches
in their feathered headress
tattoed Teotitlan titties
hairless heiroglypic cunts
Today Tijuana has–
Meshica cunt shtuffed
full of obsidian cock–
Dress her up like an Aztec
in jaguar skin
to sacrifice at the altar
of thick Moctezuma cock
lay her on the stone
high atop pyramid
high on princess pussy
with King-sized cock
plunge that guatemalteca
like you were splitting her
in two, ripping her apart
to get her entrails out

splatter that tomato
chocolate- and coffee-inventing
face with dick drip
diciendo: “dame dame dame
todo el poder!”


Read the Rest of the Poem on the Full Poem Page, Sorry (I had some formatting issues and couldn’t get it all to paste here well)

Poem by Mistress of SMUTpunk, the illustrious QUEEN Kegel | #MrBrtg #LPRTG #SSRTG

Do we really need another literary category subcategory? Why not, smutpunkists? by Emme Hor There are so many literary ‘punks’ these days that it just seems like a buzzword to use in the new age of selling books via keywords. Imagine the Classics: Lolita (Old Man Young Vixen Daddy Age Play Series) or Hamlet (DubCon Paranormal 15th Century Murder/Suicide Crime Thriller Mystery Royalty & Aristocrats), or even Star Wars (Metaphysical and Visionary Galactic Empire Space Marine Clones Incenstuous Paranormal Space Soap Opera Dystopian Sci-Fi Series). So everybody is trying to get on the algorithm’s good sides with creative keyword use, and you now have categories upon categories with subcategories inside categories. Frankly, it has become a mess. If you like muck, then you’re in heaven searching for a book on amazon. If you don’t, you type in your favorite keywords and you’re on with it. So now you have steampunk, cyberpunk, splatterpunk, and a bunch of punks to help you sort through the mess and find something cool and unique that you like. Well, add smutpunk to the list. Smutpunk, really? That sounds awful. Strangely, though, the new term applies to work that isn't bad. It’s erotica with plot that mixes forms from such varied sources as magic realism, science fiction, and Asian kung fu movies. In the same way most other punks use some common thing to glue them together, smutpunk uses the most basic protein of all to create its own panspermia universe, mixing pop-culture, erotica, the Cthulhu mythos, Far East legends, and Non-Western spirituality with Science Fiction, Pulp, and Silver-Age-Comic era elements into a head spinning, ball-busting good time. The idea behind it, formulated originally by Moctezuma Johnson and Callie Press, is to make erotica stand up on its own even if you remove the sex (which these writers admit they sometimes forget to provide) because the plots have other equally important elements. In Halloween 2015 Callie Press’s Butterface was highly-lauded, and Moctezuma Johnson’s Battle for Alien Relish has recently been featured as a kind of B-movie classic on WTF Friday. Smutpunk is just beginning and has only scratched the surface of the its full potential like a Sith lord just beginning to use the dark side for tripping her friends and giggling. Get on the slippery bandwagon and have a taste. Type Smutpunk into Amazon and see what new worlds you get.

Untitled Poem by Callie Press

I went to town to see a man

Who wasn’t even there

And when I left to buy an ounce

A sadness filled the air.

The twerp I bought from made a pass,

But he was just a pup.

I shoved my smutpunk up his ass

And that quite shut him up.

His older brother, he was cute

so then we messed around until their father got off work,

still dressed up as a clown.

A clown is creepy, I declared.

White grease paint

smeared my tits.

Both dad and son

made Callie cum

as twerp jerked off in fits.

No really, he was spastically

yanking at his stiffie.

In starts and stops

and ups and downs

it really was quite nifty,

But I grew bored of that odd place,

I blew that nutty scene

because that kind of stupid shit

should only be in dreams.

Life is rarely dumber

than the fucking shit I live.

I want it all to end sometimes

and this is where I change the rhymes

because that’s what I want.

I am the queen in this,

my dream, and you the debutante.

So suck it up, you little bitch

because I run this show,

and if there’s info that you need

I’ll tell you when I know.

Until then eat a bag of dicks

and buy my fucking books,

and live your life your own damn way

and something something -ooks.

I could have spent time on a rhyme

that made that line work out

But this is off the top my head

my brains’s a running spout

of useless facts and funny shit

it never must make sense,

And Iron Maiden taught me well

to rhyme the word ‘vengeance.’

So go away, fuck off, begone,

because I’m off to bed, with fuzzy head

and hair of red and aching legs of lead

from running all the LIVE LONG day

I’m tired, cold, and dead. Night.


Take me to read more incredible SMUTPUNK by Callie Press

Excerpt from Triangulum Stain 2 by Moctezuma Johnson

Excerpt from THE BATTLE FOR ALIEN RELISH – Triangulum Stain 2 by Moctezuma Johnson

Chloe was on the couch with her curly hair exploding on the back cushions. Her back was flat against the seat cushion, sticking to the leather, and her neck craned forward. Her mouth was stuffed with a ball gag and her wrists were cuffed with police cuffs.

Her mouth was stuffed with a big red ball gag with breathing holes pierced into it. Her legs were cuffed to her hands so her pussy’s thick meaty lips were on display. She was clean shaven. She was gorgeous. Her eyes were dark and wide open. She blinked. She wanted so badly to be aroused.

Man after man had left her. She knew this was the reason. They got bored or scared of her. They felt like they couldn’t own her like they wanted. Sure they could stuff her mouth, stretch her cunt, blast her ass with their dicks. They could get her to say she loved it, or even loved them, but deep down there was a gaping hole and it wasn’t just her anus. It was deeper than that!

Deeper than anus, Chloe thought. That was a funny thought. What was deeper than anus? Was there some micro-infinity? Worlds and worlds of imperceptible infinity up her ass. Was she the goddess of ass?

Lefty knew that she just wasn’t excited enough about him. Some infinity up her ass was reckless and needed to be sated. It was like there was a bad teenager up her ass. She needed to tame it. She tried it all. She tried rough sex, group sex, filmed sex, paid sex, charity sex, bdsm sex, lesbian sex, and none of it scratched her itch. Lefty knew and left her. The rest had left her.

Now she just picked up the same old losers at the High Dive Bar on High Street in Beaver Lick, Arizona. She picked them up and had them carry out their fetishes on her. Since the first attack of the Triangulum Stain she had been peed on, shit on, slapped, caged, written on, and spit on. Of course she’d been cum on copious amounts. Today she was tied up, her legs tied to her arms which were cuffed above her head. She was waiting, hoping, dying to get gushingly wet, but instead it was nothing but red rock pussy, as dry as the desert rock.

Officer Rick, the latest dreg that she had peeled off a bar stool and brought to her house, was pounding her ass. Ever since she saw sentient dildos she knew that the great Arizona expanse was but a comma in a book, one book of many crammed onto the bookshelf of life, one infinitesimal small pin prick of the entire dusty library of the universe. Ever since she knew that, she lost all feeling. The connection from cerebral cortex to cunt had been cut. Cleaved straight off. As Officer Rick unleashed his semen onto her cold, flapping pussy lips, he grunted and she sighed. It was as if the streams of sexuality were all dried up. The pleasures that Chloe had experienced as Princess Chuckhole had been too much. No earthling should ever touch, taste, and feel such ecstasy. It was too much for the mind. It was sanity-bending. Now as she found herself bound and being used hard, she was devoid of any feeling. Her body heaved and tears rolled down her cheeks and landed in the bruised nape of her neck.PrettyMoctezumaQuote

“What? Why are you crying?” Officer Rick said. The tears had sobered him up a bit and he quit drooling on her breast and picked himself up. He stroked a strand of curly hair out of the salty river of her tears. “Don’t cry, baby. I’ll take care of you.”

The last sentence sent her crying into hyperventilation. All hope was lost. Chloe wanted to be Princess Chuckhole again but all the sentient alien dildos were long dead, and long gone. She turned and looked out the skylight. She could see the stars up above. She sniffed, and she wished to the stars that she would be reconnected to herself.

She could have sworn she saw the cosmos momentarily churn.

On Planet M69, Alien Relish, in the years after the sentient dildos were destroyed the speakers were off, the cum-waters were still, and the scene was silence. It was like someone had turned off the faucet. All that wonderful protein was immobile.

Since the planet had stopped moving. The lusty feelings of humankind had likewise been cut off. All over Earth, people were losing their sex lives, overrun by apathy and insensitivity.


 Continue Reading The Battle For Alien Relish (Futa, Transgender, Sci-Fi, Humor) 



Clipping from the UFO Chronicler | Excerpt from Triangulum Stain 2 | #EARTG #LPRTG #MrBrtg


The Excerpt is a clipping from the beginning of the book Triangulum Stain 2 – Alien Relish. It sets the stage for what the book is going to be. TriStain 1 had lots of print outs from an old diode computer set up in the bowels of the Secret Government Facility known as Cunter Labs. TriStain 2 has a few clippings because it has to cover billions of years. Let me include a clipping or two to make it happen. It’s the story of creation and extinction told from the sexual perspective. Enough blab, let’s get to the story…

Clipping from the UFO Chronicler (THE UFOCHRO – /yoo-FOW-krow/)

by Dean Dibblewitz (more about him later)

On the Alien Planet M69, circa 3,717,879,873 light years before (give our take a few million years)

The planet was like the surface of the moon, all craggly and nooks and crannies. They say the moon was once filled with a yogurt and Planet M69 in the Pinwheel Formation was definitely one of those types with some kind of viscous white and clear cream running through the tunnels, formations, and falls. Imagine a cum river, a cum waterfall, a cum lake. That’s what you have. There were no humans on M69, aka Alien Relish, all the life forms were in this liquid, oozing from craters, hissing down cumfalls, cascading down ravines. It was a bizarre site and one that Doc Rock and company had been studying. It was, of course, free of humans but certainly not free of life. It was life. It was life incarnate. The spring.

The cummy planet was a DNA garden. It was the source from which life spurted. Scientists and Philosophers on Earth complained that English had no good work for this concept, the idea of going from nothing to something. Creation. Spring. Spew. Spurt. Jizz. Splooge. Start. Call it what you may it was the essential element in the universe, the moment when nothing becomes something. Some think the world is death filled by life. Some think the world is life interrupted by death. Either which way, there were two states: alive and dead. The movement between them emerged from this Alien Relish. The relish was programmed to procreate. It flew through the universe, what the scientists call panspermia. The whole mantra is to procreate. It hopped rides on comets, stuck to rings of planets, kissed little particles of ice, got sucked into black holes, and in this case jumped inside the cockpit of the Martian Mindwalker, the latest capsule sent from Earth to discover if there was life on Mars. Somehow the Martian Mindwalker wandered way off course into the Pinwheel Formation and the spores of M69, the Alien Relish itself, had hijacked a ride to Earth. Nobody who knew knew.

This chemical agent from M69 hitching a ride to Earth led to a massive sentient Alien Dildo Invasion that was secretly thwarted by a secret group of women tasked with protecting life here on Earth. They are spooks. If you say their name you will disappear. If you look at them in the shadows they will vanish. If you see one on the television your memory will be erased. If you read about them in a book you will orgasm and forget they ever existed. BUT THEY ARE HERE, among us. THEY ARE THE FUCK FORCE FIVE.

And I will uncover them for you.

But what I have uncovered is terrible news. Our pleasure center is drying up. The pools of sexual desire are far from infinite. They are almost all gone.

One last thing, and perhaps the scariest. Until Replicating Dildo Day (RDD – See TriStain1 if you need more info), there was a word in our minds that we knew for the concept I mentioned above. The word was the verb that meant to become something from nothing. Something like to jizz, to spring, to become, but the exact right word. That word was removed from our minds at the same time that the cummy planet and all that lifeforce dried up.



The U-Fo-Krow was a little independent paper. They tracked Alien Life on Earth and abroad. They stumbled on quite a few facts and Dean Dibblewitz was their lead investigative journalist. He was wildly unknown but extremely famous. He monitored those who monitored others and was thus monitored himself. He was that little tingle in the back of your neck that lets you know something is out there. He was deja vu.

The Fuck Force Five was located in the Brooklyn Armory. They were underground in an office that was decorated with the old streamlined white furniture of the air terminal at JFK circa 1960.*


Character Bio:

Dean DibblewitzAka DD – Alien. Photographic memory specialized in human history, immortal. If he doesn’t dibble himself, he forgets his entire memory. The moment he gets fucked and ejaculates the whole of human history rushes back to him. This can be very useful. This can also lead to a quick fuck necessary at the most inopportune moments. DD used a poster of Tabitha from Fuck Force Five (secret identity: Destiny Girl) hung on his ceiling to help him manage his memory. Why was Tabitha on a poster? Cause her secret identity was Destiny’s Girl from the mega-platinum super-band Destiny’s Pussydolls.

PRE-ORDER Triangulum Stain 2 for FREE – Only a few days left!



*one reader pointed out that JFK wasn’t called that until 1963, which is true. Before that we called it Idlewild but it was really called New York International Some Shit. It looked something like this:

Idlewild Airport

How to Really Convince your girlfriend to take a Facial | #LPRTG #EARTG #HowToFuck


 Another Installment from the Instructional Series

“The Facial”

The Wonderful Climax that lands on a Face

Stocks can be quite persuasive!

Stocks can be quite persuasive!

Giving your girlfriend/wife/one-night-stand-whore a facial is a very important and complex ritual that any true man must master. Every couple goes through this same routine: The guy isn’t happy until the girlfriend routinely takes his nut every morning, or evening, or whatever hour they agree upon, but many men let their girlfriends dictate. This is, of course, a big mistake. Some people go through all kinds of trouble to make their loved one, slave, or sex toy take nut-butter (see images). This is a waste of time and energy and it really shouldn’t be. Your efforts are needed elsewhere and a facial is your privileged that you should be tapping into. It really shouldn’t be too terribly long before your cum is hitting her nose and eyes if you follow some simple steps, such as coercing her with lore of moisturized skin, tempting her to conform with the regularity of which it’s done in all the popular porn movies, telling her she’ll be your princess, and if necessary (or if you just want) by telling her that you love her dearly.

The first thing is to remind her that choad is in fact very good for her skin and that she’s already putting it on her face after every shower when she uses all those haute couture products that she uses. Haute Couture cum is great! The next thing to remind her is that all the porn girls do it. You can easily show her a blowjob and cumshot compilation videos in abundance at slutload.com, or youjizz.com, or stupidwhoreseatmoctezumacum.com. She will probably enjoy watching the porn. If she doesn’t, you may have a lot of work to do convincing her and should probably consider buying some stocks (see images). If you do buy stocks, simply lock her in and go to work–end of story. After you come on her bound face, tell her what a dumb slut she is and photograph her and send to this blog. They love the humiliation; that will make her day. If none of these tips help, you’re going to have to ask her if she wants to be your princess. “Of course,” she’ll say and then you put a tiara on her head and jizz all over it and her hair and her face. Also, you probably need to tell her that you love her and be very gentle with her. She may not be ready for a facial for whatever reason. Don’t feel too shy to beg her to take your load. If begging gets her to kneel and be your cum target you should feel like a stud. Also, if she begrudgingly kneels and lets the semen splatter her then you must either photograph it for posterity–because it will be a long time till the next one, if there is ever a next one–or you should immediately call her a stupid cum dump just to see the horror on her face.

Part of the Instructional Series by Moctezuma Johnson

Remember that no slut, err girl, is born ready to take a facial but they are all willing to learn to love it. The onus is on you, dudes. You have to work her into becoming your personal cumpig little by little. That said, you can surely convince her and feel like a real man. Girls will do all kinds of kinky shit for the man they love. Don’t worry. Remember the death of the Alpha Man in modern society is leading to his resurgence.

Post your experiences below and ask me if there’s any other how-to that you need. Happy cum-shooting!

Why is the facial so important?
Marking your lover with your seed is quite empowering for a number of reasons. Tantamount is that the visual side of sex is really important to men (as Callie Press says in Give Great Head). Seeing the cum on my girl’s face turns me on. Also, knowing that there’s no chance of pregnancy and the session is focused on pleasure and nothing more is hot. It gives a nasty feel to the encounter. And, as George Clinton says, “All that is good is nasty!”