Bullshit Bulletin #11 – Smutpunk Collab and on Skates y en espanol #LPRTG

the-bullshit-bulletin-#11-No.11

 

Bullshit Bulletin #11

 

SMUTPUNK ON SKATES is LIVE!

 

Smutpunk on Skates by Emme Hor Book Description

Heather is a lovely young lady.

No, not really.

Heather is a hot Asian chick who has a thing for roller-skates and yoga pants. She’s also obsessed with white, err, sticks and dominant men. All she wants is the ‘one that got away, but not everything is as it seems. Some kinky smutpunkery is underfoot. Games are being played. Heather will have to wage a new kink-warfare to empower her inner Queen Bitch.

Who’s the player? And who’s being played? That remains to be seen.

Get a ring-side view of Heather’s heart panties and her spinning glittery roller-skates.

Let the games begin.

NOTE: This book has all the taboo fun you’ve come to expect from smutpunk erotica. It features humiliation, cuckolding, roller-skates, exercise, diet and fitness, menage, raceplay, MILFs, and roleplay.

No Cliffhanger, No Bullshit — Nothing but mothafuckin’ smutpunk! 

SMUTPUNK-on-Skates-roller-emme-hor7

smutpunk-boom-box-skates-hot-chick

In other SMUTPUNK News: Word around the campfire is that MJ’s Chronicles 5 is almost finished

Also, Pop and Lollie (aka Teabagged by the Sentient Lollipop) is done. There will be a few ways to buy this, including getting a Subscription to all the naughtiest Moctezuma can throw at you. Wait, err, what? That’s right, fuckers! MJ by Subscription. For a few pennies, you can get access to an endless stream of MJ. All the newest, naughtiest—fuck naughty!—filthiest smutpunk on the planet.

Learn More about Getting a Subscription to MJ

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Check out the Smutpunk Erotica Collab

It features Six Smutpunks Telling Stories:

Get punked!

the-smutpunk-erotic-collab-final1

The world’s first ever anthology of smutpunk erotica collects six sexy stories from half a dozen twisted authors and slaps them into your hot little hands, absolutely free!

What is smutpunk? Think cyberpunk, add a dollop of spunk, a bit of punk, and a squirt of love potion sixty-nine—and you get the idea! It’s filthy, no-holds barred, all-out erotic wrestling contest—and you’ve got front-row seats:

Feast on the following free sexy beasts:

Agent Joystick by Bella Shadows: An old man laments his initiation as a government assassin, a protein-stealing lady-mech does her nasty deeds, and History is to thank for it all. Agent Joystick details his sextale, from baited hook to sinker.

(Not Quite) Milked by the Yeti by Callie Press: Brendalee Elkins finds that some nekkid pictures of her hawt body have been leakin’ all over the internets. She come right to get them and restore her honor but a Yeti gets in her way.

Futanari Roommate Situation by Kella Z. Driel: Alistair is your typical, diffident British chap, studying at Neo-Tokyo University. Uh-oh! He’s been assigned a futanari roommate! She’s gorgeous, throbbing and keeps undressing in front of him! How long can he keep a stiff upper lip?

The Return of Roo by Lucian Carter: You don’t really belong here. This is a dangerous place. A scary place. Predators lurk here, eager for new prey. This… is #coverthypnotism! Witness the cyber trances of HypnoDom Lucian Carter, and feed your fetish, or find a new one.

Dino-sore by Moctezuma Johnson: Miss Park is a Korean scientist trapped as a housewife until she braves flying to a small island in Latin America where she unearths something big, warm, and throbbing. Magic on the island is making everything bigger. Will she be able to handle it?

Driving Stick by Roxy Katt: In a diesel punk world, one sedate housewife inexplicably grows male genitals. What does she do? Squeeze into a shiny, black rubber uniform and become a chauffeuse of course. But sometimes those without the gear shift do the driving.

What are you waiting for? IT’S FREE SMUT! 

 

Oye, Mexicanos, Espanolos, Latinos! Ciencia ficción erótica Smutpunk moctezuma-johnson-en-espanol-no-puedo-creerlo-smutpunk69b-mexico

Ya tenemos los consejos seminales del sexo en espanol para mi gente que prefiere leer en espanol.

Gracias a Luis y Daverba por su ayuda! 

Voy a traducir mi libro “Choose Your Own SEXcapades”. Te voy a decir cuando esta listo. Si me quiere ayudar como un equipo del calle, cuentame. Necesito gente que habla espanol para mandar tweets, compartir en FB, y leer y revisar en Amazon y Goodreads. Así que únete a mí en smutpunk4lyf! Gracias.

Bullshit Bulletin for SMUTPUNKs #10 – Return of the Callie

Bullshit-Bulletin-for-SMUTPUNKs

Bullshit Bulletin for SMUTPUNKs – Bulletin No. 10

Callie Press is back with a vengeance!  She’s written like 45 books in the last hour and started blogging and making movies and doing all kinds of awesome stuff. Awesome. She’s on youtube (links and embedded video below) doing incredible work when not writing amazing stuff at her Queen of Smutpunk blog. She’s been writing these very useful posts for self-published authors covering grammatical points, how to use editors and beta readers correctly, and more.

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I’m also back but with less vengeance than Callie. My day job takes over my life every November and December, and now I’m kind of returning to normal. I have a few books in the pipeline, including Chronicles of a Humiliation Season Two (yippee ki yay ki yo), Dino-sore, and something about the Deji’i Order tentatively titled STAR WHORES (say that in your head in the voice of James Earl Jones, of course).

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I need your help

I need you to press this link (while signed in to your twitter) and invite your people to join the LPRTG mailing list

Press this link to invite your followers to join the LPRTG fun! There are Freebies from SMUTPUNKs and shit, there are sex tips, there are poems, there are photos, and there may be some finance and hairstyling tips. So give us your email in exchange for Literary PULP Raw Talented Groupie fun! In case you didn’t catch it the LPRTG abbreviation is staying but the Literary Porn tag has been updated. Maybe it will mutate again one day. SMUTPUNK doesn’t rest on its laurels [[tkttkt fact check]]. It rather suck a futa dick.erotic-smutpunk

 

MJ’s next book should be a good one

Chronicles 5! It’s being written right now, finally. I know. I rested on my laurels because I’m a dumb shit. I would apologize but it’s like telling you to be taller or something. Dumb shit is just my way. Resting is another thing I like to do, especially after head.

 

Smutpunk on Skates

Emme’s series has gotten a makeover and a bundle. The bundle is called SMUTPUNK on SKATES (you can see the cover in the header up top). Check out all the NEW PULPY COVERS right fucking here.

Also check out the NEW SMUTPUNK ON SKATES VIDEO PROMO. This is must-see BoobTube.Cum TV.

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Quick-Fire Interviews with HL37 (a recent smutpunk addition) and Patrick Khayler.

Click their names with the superheroes to see what they said.

HL37-smutpunk-PatrickKayler1

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You need a Callie Press Joint, they knock the SMUTPUNK loose from your eyelashes.

Join her by subscribing and watching her playlist or watch one here:

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A Moctezuma Johnson Movie:

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Follow MJ’s movies by following Miss Punk E. Schmooster (as he was banned from youtube and uploading movies years ago). If you want to find his channels you’re going to have get him on xvideos. However, for now follow Punk E. instead. She’s the head PA (right, a PA who gives head to all of us — male and female and everything in between) promoting the S.PUNK.

Have you gotten your introduction letter from MJ?

Get your introduction letter from MJ?

 

erotic-smutpunk

What’s your SMUTPUNK name?

If you don’t know GET ONE ASAP.

 

What is SMUTPUNK?

Answer: This is smutpunk.

 

Link to Callie’s Essential Publishing Tips

If you’re an indie writer these are posts that you NEED to read. Callie’s releasing a new one every Sunday and the indie-writer community is incredibly grateful. She makes us all better.

Final thoughts and mailing list info

What you’re not on the most exciting mailing list of 2017! It’s got sex tips, games, freebies, giveaways, contests, and one-on-one banter with the King of SMUTPUNK. What more could you ask for from a mailing list? No really? You have more? Then let me know, but by all means, get your ass stuffed by my throbbing and vibrant outbox.

the kama sutra

Got something important to add?

Let me know.

I’m always around. Email, comment, tweet, or stop me on the street (grabbing me by the balls is the best way to get my wandering attention).

‘Nuff said, said San Esperma di Desgracia

Excelsior!

 

 

Mailing List: Subscribe to Moctezuma Johnson’s SMUTPUNK Site by Email

mailing-list

Mailing List Sign-Ups: Never miss a post again!

Please follow both steps, thanks^^

1. Get email notifications of new posts:

Enter your email address:

Delivered by FeedBurner

2. Join the LPRTG Mailing List for freebies (including free books and swag), events, discounts, bundles, reviews, and other news.

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Let me know in the comments below if you’d like me to offer any other ways to follow this blog.

 

Bullpen Bulletin #9: Smutpunk Raining Down On Us

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Bullpen Bulletin No. 9 (no. 9, no. 9, do you hear the Beatles? You should!)

Where erotic smutpunk lands on your tongue

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Let’s start with Zak Hardacre

He has fallen on some hard times on FB. These hard times have really opened him up good for a rough eReaming. He’s now all gaped and sore. Luckily, the poor fecker has “hired” a sexy PA by the name of Darcy Dickens to help him post his stuff and keep getting the word out. I say “hired” but really he lured her with his big grammar and long sentence stamina. She’s been kind enough to post some of my work as well, since I’m a big fan of Zak and his sexbomb PA. They seem to like me a bit, too, so I’m including this dude in the bullpen bulletin. His exposure sucks.

Anyways, FB incarceration and trolls are pretty common. Shit, Dr. S. Punk got shut down but Trump (Troll #1) is still up and running. I won’t get into the hypocrisy of social media in depth, but basic point is it sucks the dicks of anyone famous and shits in the eyes of regular people. Yet, we window lickers keep using wiping the shit away and post one more time cause this time it will be different. It won’t. It will always suck. I digress.

Zak and I have had some pretty good chats so I wanted to share one with you. I asked Mr. Hardacre, social media user extraordinaire, a few questions and these are the super private answers [I’m in purple, Zak’s in orange (yes, themed for his incarceration, good catch!)].

So, Guinness or Kilkenny?

Guinness.

Somersby or Magners?

Magners.

Whisky or Rum?

Whisky.

And finally, White, Black, or Asian.

White.

And there you have it. Everything you need to know about this dude. Now be sure to read Male Escort Book 1 “Innocence”

Next is a word about Ashley Shades

I have some little known info about the Contemporary Romance and Erotica writer whom I call Miss Hades. Here are 5 Secrets that Miss Shades shared with me out of her own mouth:

  1. I rarely ever watch porn, but if I do I hate straight porn
  2. I hate my own writing. I’m not really that good, even though I love writing anyway.
  3. When I was younger I wanted to be a lawyer who fought for the rights and equal treatment of the underpriviledged.
  4. I was a cheerleader for many years and dream of becoming a choreographer one day
  5. I haven’t even tried half of the things I write about in my stories.
  6. I wear pants a lot, or long skirts (even in 100-degree summer heat) because I hate my legs.
  7. I have a two books that need to be edited, and four more that I am writing.

 

 The Sex Manual

Just in case you haven’t seen it yet, the Sex Manual is out and selling pretty steadily. I don’t think my rude and crude mouth will ever have a bestseller but I do currently have a the-sex-manualhandful of books all selling so I’m thankful for my guerilla warrior sense of success. Thank you for all the dirty fuckers who bought it. And super-rockstar-thank-yous to all the naughty folks who reviewed it! I’m utterly grateful. If you are interested in a little excerpt of the humorous yet useful fun that readers find in this book of sex tips please click How To Suck Dick for a spurt of online pre-cum taste.

When not begging people to read and review the Sex Manual, I have been trying to get people who liked my old locked page to like my new active page. I’m holding a MJ69 (the currentl me on FB) takes over the Old MJ Event. Come see what mayhem we are up to. Thanks.

Posted by Moctezuma Johnson on Monday, November 7, 2016

 

The Viking’s Conquest

Felicity Brandon is tearing up the charts with her top 5 Bestseller hit The Viking’s Conquest. Give it a read and review! At the time of writing this it’s the #1 Viking Book in the US and Canada. Pretty astounding! She just had to make the bullpen bulletin.

 

Shelby Kent-Stewart

Please like the Shelby Kent-Stewart Author Page:

‘BLESSING’

If all your fantasies came true, would it be a blessing or a curse?

https://shelbykentstewart.com/blessing/

Posted by Shelby Kent-Stewart on Saturday, November 5, 2016

 

Hey, Queen Kegel, Excelsior! Let’s start putting EROTIC PULP of Heroes and Villians! into all our eBooks (natch!) and each bullpen bulletin.

Literary Porn Club, baby! SMUTPUNK for years, big ears! SAN ESPERMA cockslapping fools left and right for Candy Cane–SMOOCH right in your face!–Kegel (Highlight For Your Surprise) and the SUPERhung superHUNK SPaCe GlaDIatorS led by CockSlappicus

Err, I’ve been working on a Deji’i Order with main sidekick Obi-2-Kenobi and his young Wadapan Kenhe Starcrawler that I hope sees the light of day and doesn’t die in “My Drive” on Google Docs. I also have some Dino Porn and Episode Five of Chronicles almost done but it’s the season where my day job makes me a bit nuts for 6-8 weeks so it all may come to a giant jack rabbit of jackshit. Please encourage me to finish before my job finishes me. Pep talks and donations are always welcome. Reviews don’t hurt, eh, either. The best way to keep the smutpunk motor running is by writing reviews. That’s right, reviews. Thanks, subjects of CockSlappicus. ‘Nuff said, your Lord San Esperma.

bullpen-bulletin

CLICK the CHICK’s Pasties or the blue legs to visit the Triangulum Stain Universe. You will never be the same and you will be inoculated from Dildogeddon.

 
Subscribe to Moctezuma Johnson by Email
 

BB-8: Erotic Smutpunk Bulletin

Erotic-SMUTPUNK-Bulletin

 Well here’s your Erotic Smutpunk Bulletin, kiddies!

Well, you’ve Chosen Your Own Kink already with my last book. What about this time? Would you like some sexual instruction compiled over 29 years of fucking ravenously? Behold, the Sex Manual by MJ. A veritable how to fuck, con, convince, coerce, and cohabitate. All you need to know from “Getting Your Girl to Give you Deepthroat” to “Ways to Be Slutty for your Man” to “What’s the best chemical compound to make copious amounts of FAKE CUM” found in this tidy little bedroom companion book. It’s a must have if you have a penis, pussy, or both. 

 

Smutpunk on Skates by Emme Hor – Print Book coming 2017.

The book will be a combination of all four short books that were penned by Emme and edited by me. I am working on the cover now and it’s pretty damn hot. Want a look? Of course you do because you know that there’s a mosque, yoga pants, a hot asian chick in pink glittery roller-skates, and a butt plug. I commissioned my Italian buddy to truly paint the fucker so it came great. Want a look? Of course you do so be sure you’re on the LPRTG mailing list to get notified when it leaves “My Documents” and enters the public space.

 

Instruction Manual for Sex tentatively titled THE SEX MANUAL

It’s not quite out, but you can see the SEX MANUAL home page (I’m banned from Pre-Order on the Zon. Why? Because I’m banned from nearly everything. Thus I have my own website and my own erotic smutpunk bulletin!) It will be out soon and be sure to be on the LPRTG mailing list so you get notified of the release. Or just comment below, saying, “I want to be part of your Review Team” and I’ll get a Free Copy into your hands. Oh yeah! SMUTPUNK4LYF, baby! This book is really a lot of fun but it also happens to contain some good ideas (says who? says me? oh, and my editor said so!). It guarantees safe, fun, useful sexual sessions for you and your partner(s). I so guarantee it that I stand by a 100% Money Back Guarantee if you don’t have at least one awesome session thanks to reading.

Quick Marketing Tip: Promo some other people. Feel free to promote MJ or Emme. Good Karma rewarded freely!

You have to be part of the SMUTPUNK MOVEMENT. I mean, you have #smutpunkforchange #smutpunkeloquence #smutpunkelegance #smutpunk4lyf all at your disposal (and of course the uber-popular LPRTG hashtag). When you hang with me and my SMUTPUNK CREW you get free books from me and Emme, you get the always informative and low-calorie Bullshit Bulletins, you get poems, artwork, and sex tips. What else do you need to be hot and bothered from meaty morning to nipple night?

 

Dr S. Punk asks

why am I such a sucker for watching young chicks in their twenties with shaved bush and perky ass tits get fucked in the ass? I don’t know, doctor, I just don’t know.

I thought I’d share the flyer from the Match of the Century, [[insert]] which will be an entry in the upcoming SMUTPUNK LEXICON. Be sure to get on the LPRTG mailing list to get your important information. There’s weekly sex tips (always useful), free books, special events, and now vocabulary building lexicon entries.

 

Promo Section

Mystk Knight’s website (Aka Mystk Ghoti)

Ashlee Shades’ blog

smutpunk.com wiki

 

#SexManual #MensHealth #Impotence #Men #Fitness #Diet #Health — these are some of the hashtags that I’ll be pitching my new book to. Wish me luck and help me out. All ideas welcome. Feel free to post on FB for me since I no longer use. #FA – FacebookersAnonymous – Oh, shit, wait! That’s not true. I am so all up in The Facebook again under my wife’s name and now even my fucking own.

 

Find me on FB at…

Moctezuma Johnson

Emme Hor

Smutpunk and Literary Erotica (which is essentially the erotic smutpunk bulletin on Facebook & quite useful)

Bored to Tears with…

Smutpunk

The Sex Manual

Smutpunk on Skates

Trump Parody Book Basket

LPRTG

and Jynx

Fuck it, just click them all and open up little windows and like the whole lot of them. Type “Stalked” into the comments and get yourself a free book filled with sex tips and humor.

 

Interview with Sexy and Spectacular Shelby Kent-Stewart

Shelby was nice enough to withstand my asinine questions and put her grace and class all over my smutpunk. She sometimes calls me the #SmutpunkScholar and ClassI call her #SmutpunkElegance. Everything she touches exudes class and style. I think even if she was injecting me with an HIV-laced syringe, she would inject it gracefully, like a St. Petersburg ballerina.

 

New SMUTPUNK Poem: Ana

She calls herself Pussy

that’s her name

I call my baby, Pussy

P-U-S-S-Y

I met her in go-go bar

on her knees

making great eye contact

like wormholes led to her irises

like butter could be freid on her butt crack

like shows were filmed in her cleavage

I met her in a go-go bar

where GIs once roamed

who had long retreated into the hillsides

with the terrorists

I met her in a go-go bar

had her lick my balls

right there from where I sat

on the bar stool

bottle of spiced rum in my hand

more in my gut

my hair afroing out like gluttony

she tongued my asshole

while i admired the tits on the go-go dancer

on the stage

while my buddy lit another Marlboro Red

while a second girl put her hand around my cock

You take it up the ass? I asked the ass-licker

Her eyes were wide open and pretty. She nodded

Great. Let’s go to my room. What’s your name?

Ana.

 

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Use the comments below for “Stalked” or “I want to be part of your REVIEW TEAM” (see above for more info). You can also use the comments section to berate me with all the curse words your vocabulary contains. Other uses are looked at with suspicion. Thanks for reading. ‘Nuff said.
–The Management of the Desgracia

Note:

When linking back to this page please put the word “smutpunk” in the link. For example, “MJ’s Smutpunk” or “Smutpunk Site

Please note that BB-8 stands for Bullshit Bulletin, which I’d like to expand to the Bullshit Bullpen Erotic Smutpunk Bulletin

Bullsh*t Bulletin #6

Smutpunk’d by the Alpha FUTA –  Bullshit Bulletin #6

by San Esperma de Desgracia

 

Is it already the Bullshit Bulletin No. 6? That can’t be fucking right, can it? Six? It feels like yesterday that I decided to start writing these. Huh!

 

 

Emme’s singin’ the Buttplug Blues agian. <Robert Plant riffing while stoned out of his mind singing Blazed & Cum-fused by MoJo> Lot’s of asses plugged, but few of them know that the butt of a woman was created below.

Times are hard. Hard as cock. SMUTPUNKED ON SKATES is the sequel to sequel to That Fucker, who gets skated by again and again and is ready with a trophy mantel of   B _ T T   _ L _ G S (would you like to buy a vowel from Vanha? Yes, a “U”. There are two “U”s). Heather’s mother is here to help this time. And everyone knows there’s no lovin’ like the lovin’ of yo mama! There’s also nothing better to muck everything up way worse than it was mucked up in the first place. The Buttplug Blues becomes Mama’s Blues.

Have you met the women of Fuck Force Five, the Five Hive, yet? If you haven’t please introduce yourself here.

 

Subscribe to the SMUTPUNK Mailer, please — Free Sex and/or Lip Balm is promised†

Put your email address in the box to the right to subscribe to the SMUTPUNK mailer. Thank you.

Put your email address in the box to the right to subscribe to the SMUTPUNK mailer. Thank you.

LOOK TO YOUR RIGHT (if you’re on a computer, no idea where if you’re on another device, somewhere) and subscribe to this site to get notifications of new blog posts. If you’re a writer I’ll be sure to promote your shit, if you’re a reader it means you’ll get free promoted shit. Who wants a FREE SMUTPUNKED ON SKATES? Let me know by email, cute little puppies)

[[INSERT CUTE ARROWY IMAGE HERE >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>]]

It’s called iPick-Up. It’s where you SUBSCRIBE to this website to get your SMUTPUNK fix. Everybody needs her smutpunk or your cunt will go dry. Them’s the breaks. It cures bad breath, alien virus, and asthma. So type in your email thingy and let me stuff your box full of s.punk.

 

Some Friends Doing Great Things:

Callie Press (aka Queen Kegel) has gotten some really good reviews for her SMASH HIT  Erotic Pulp #1 – The SMUTPUNK Reader. See her interview with Brixton Atwood.

I want to introduce a new friend and awesome tweeter and writer. Find more about this genius brain at @MzPatchouli. She has one of the best websites I’ve seen from a writer. It’s elegant by design and thoughtful by, well, design. Just do yourself a favor and check it out.

 

MILKING TITTIES

MILKED BY THE YETI. Looks like Callie and I have forgotten to write a new piece, between Sarchasmo and FitMan and BurpeeGirl it’s hard to find time between sets of rough BJ Burpees to see what Milky Russian tits are up to. The old titties are still completely free. They won’t be free for long as Assazon wants to charge for all titties, whether Russian or Not. Milked by a Yeti or Not. I don’t set the rules. I just obediently play by them.

Anyway, don’t forget to stay up to date with Milked by the Yeti at literaryporn.net. Big hairy changes are around the Himalayan corner. 

You haven’t heard of MILKED BY THE YETI? Do you live under a rock? Well, get yourself a quick one-minute taste at xvideos.com’s trailer of Natasha and Lena in Milked by the Yeti. Please give it a thumbs up if you enjoyed it. Thank you. I made it, so I could really use the encouragement.

 

Blog Tours & Twitter

Is anybody doing a blog tour or anything because I’m up for hosting a stop. I don’t really even know what that means, but I’d like to try being a host and finding out.

In Twitter news, authors keep blastin out tweets lauding their own books. I do it too, but man I’m getting bored of it. It kind of feels like all of twitter has become bot-territory.

In other Twitter news, dudes keep sending photos of their dicks. I don’t really get that much, but hear from the WPW Nymphettes that it’s pretty rampant. They pretty much think that because you’re a writer of erotica you’re a whore. I’m pretty much as obviously male as Big John Slade, so the ones that send to me with love from India are clearly gay (Mental Note: consider this when marketing toward the sub-continent). I’m going with something alone the lines of “My White Co-Worker Made me a Bollywood Cuckold by Whoring Out My Wife” or something to that effect.

I had something else to say, but it’s gone. I think it was a rant. I have that feeling in my gut. The rant feeling. Ah yes, this business from FaceBook:

Moctezuma Johnson I got into a pretty pretty pretty interesting discussion with Ashlee Shades and others on Naya’s post.

There has been lots of criticism (from me) about the fact that a lot of indie writing is fully baked. Sometimes the editing is bad, the plots aren’t well-, well, plotted, and the covers are crappy and even contain errors. I’ve been pretty lenient on the review end of things but the truth is the Zon makes anybody who can type with their thumb on a phone feel like an epicurean capable of doling out Michelin stars to the world’s greatest bistros. They’re not. The first and most essential thing they miss is basic common courtesy. Professional reviewrs have etiquette, even when they loathe something. If they don’t, they don’t last in the industry. A lot of my fellow writers are asking Zon to stop allowing people to read a whole book and then return it. Personally, I don’t care about those clergy members who get riddled with guilt after my sentient dildos made them cum and have to wash away the guilt by returning the book before another clergy member sees it, reads it, and—GASP!—enjoys it.  If you want your $0.35 back, go for it you cheap guilty bastard.

The thing that absolutely bakes my noodle is how someone will read 3% of my book and then say they don’t like it. That’s like smelling a bowl of pasta and saying, “I hate Italian cooking.” That’s not a review. I don’t think that should be allowed. Reviews help/hurt sales. But let’s not get me into a rant. I know lots of us have this phenomenon. You work for weeks or months on your baby and then get a one word “awful” with one star from someone who didn’t even have the etiquette to read the thing they are trashing. WTF? How is that allowed? I’m pasting a strangely burnt version of said review. It appears this rocket scientist’s review has suffered in a raging attack of SMUTPUNK arson. No idea how that happened. Callie Press? any ideas? <whistles “Forgot About Dre” while strolling away peacefully> Basically my overall, main arc of a point is that I’m more saying STOP THE BULLSH*T, but I think it’s kind of case by case, so overall I say let these brain surgeons do what they like to do, whether it’s buy and return not read yet review, etc. All of their shenanigans lead to sales movement, publicity, and are ultimately good for the author. I’ve seen theft in my day job, I’m talking hundreds of thousands of dollars, so forgive me but $0.35 isn’t really on my radar as theft. It’s more bad etiquette. The cops callcar robbery “Grand Theft Auto” because the numbers (in most states) are higher than a grand, otherwise, the police say, “f*ck it!, go read the new one by 1- and 5-star king Moctezuma Johnson” 

 

Shitty Reviewer

Was this review burned? How did that happen? There’s been a lot of criticism about indie authors. Well, the indie reviewers ain’t so damn great either. Take the lovely “Miss Sha Sha” bet she’d do book reports without reading the book while flunking grade school. I’m glad this type of person doesn’t “get” my books. Good riddance!

See what’s new at Mr. Blackthorne’s Classy Castle

Some recent posts from mrblackthorne.com:

 

Poet for Hire

Moctezuma's SMUTPUNK'd abs is a poet for hire
Click the abs to hire today^^

Poet for hire is always a good thing, right? I suggest you click below and buy. You can request the ever-popular hate poem. The poem is emailed anonymously to anyone you choose and features nasty, MJ-style abuse. Great for ex-husbands, bosses, cunt family members, and nemeses. Great for holidays! Comes with or without images! Get your own personalized SMUTPUNK poem.

Sarchashmo is the poet for hire. He’ll cockslap any fools into submission. If he cannot, he’ll employ the help of his “friend”, Queen Kegel the Sextacular

 

Got something important to add?

Let me know.

I’m always around. Email, comment, tweet, or stop me on the street (grabbing me by the balls is the best way to get my wandering attention).

‘Nuff said, says San Esperma di Desgracia

 

 

 

Get a quick Poem:

“I’ve sprung

your frankfurter from

its bun”

Notes:
†To those over 357 years old

Bullshit Bulletin #5 – Censorship licks erotica’s hairy pie-hole

Well, I was going to put an image of Sherri Clark’s Smutpunk Yeti here with some links to articles by Jamie and Sherri (see notes below) about SMUTPUNK but I am taking a hiatus from writing so I figure why bother. It’s kind of like that Dr. Dre line, which you’ll see below, you all can have erotica because I don’t want it. I’m taking a break, retooling, and coming back in another incarnation.

If it was up to me, you motherfuckers would stop coming up to me
With your hands out looking up to me, like you want something free
When my last CD was out, you wasn’t bumping me
But now that I got this little company
Everybody wanna come to me like it was some disease
But you won’t get a crumb from me
Cause I’m from the streets of Compton
I told ’em all, all them little gangstas
Who you think helped mold ’em all
Now you wanna run around talking bout guns like I ain’t got none
What you think I sold ’em all, cause I stay well off
Now all I get is hate mail all day saying Dre fell off
What cause I been in the lab with a pen and a pad
Tryin’ to get this damn label off
I ain’t havin’ that, this is the millennium of Aftermath
It ain’t gonna be nothin’ after that
So give me one more platinum plaque and fuck rap, you can have it back
So where’s all the Mad Rappers at
It’s like a jungle in this habitat
But all you savage cats
Know that I was strapped with gats
While you were cuddling a Cabbage Patch

Read more: Dr. Dre – Forget About Dre Lyrics | MetroLyrics

Watch Listen to the Whole Thing Here:

[[NOTE TO MAD SEXY SELF: insert image for yeti sherri clark smutpunk, then link to the two smutpunk artilces out, jamie and sherri, what else is the new stuff going on? Not much really! Lol.]]

They say poets should always come in the door talking. How am I doing?

Shit, just cause I’m fucked off of the game doesn’t mean I shouldn’t bust my nutty load full of sexy redheaded cohort praise all over your outstretched kindle. Download Erotic Pulp #1 by Callie Press. Read my advanced review of the genius contained within its virtual pages, too.

 

Strange Sex

Read this strange crazy shit! I’m telling you. Don’t think, just download Erotic Pulp and this and read. If you don’t, guys, your dicks will turn green and then fall off.

Also, read the Made in DNA translation The Vet

This reminds me…

New Doctor-Proven Way to STAVE OFF MENOPAUSE!

StayWetForever"TheFountain"ofYouth

Stave off menopause, ladies, by Reading MJ’s Smutpunk. If you don’t, your vagina my dry right up. Play it safe and read. CLICK the man in suit (if you click his dick you’ll REALLY get a surprise!)

Got to get some porn in the post or what fucking good is having your own site free of censorship?

Intense office lady gangbang

share this Hot Stone Shit i made, please!

And watch my spliced together MJ Video Montage Mash-up

 

Oh and finally, here’s a link to…

what Jamie said about Smutpunk

what Kat Crimson rocked out about Smutpunk

and Sherri’s SMUTPUNK filled Yeti (yep, soft as goose-down wrapped in alpaca)

Woman-with-Steak

Oops that’s a Steak and BJ kind of meat rare and blowjob well done. Click the plate to read the Steak and BJ Bundle

 

Here’s the SMUTPUNK-filled Yeti, I hope…

Censorship sucks and it's WAY more pervasive than you may realize

Censorship sucks and it’s WAY more pervasive than you may realize

 

NO CENSORSHIP HERE. FUCKITY FUCK CUNTFACE

Click the Cream-Filled Filling for a SMUTPUNK-cream Surprise filling drilling.

Click the Cream-Filled Filling for a SMUTPUNK-cream filming of a willing Surprise filling at the power spilling hands of the drilling KING of MOTHERFUCKING thrilling SMUTPUNK ritual killing EROTICA

MJ on Amazon **Multiple Countries**

 

Slip on my swag, lol. If you know me well, you know I’m not a huge Emimem fan although I think the dude’s supremely talented and funny, but I’m more of a Masta Ace guy cause i’m more of a fan of witty inversions, but that’s not the point. This vid is fucking immense. Marshall is a legend.

The SMUTPUNK lexicon is being edited now as you read. That promises to be noteworthy. If you have any words to add, please let me know.

Emme Hor put out a new book a few weeks back with my crappy editing and Callie Press left it a 5-star, glorious review. The book’s called Romance on Rollerskates and I’m supposed to edit the newest part of it now. If you love butt plugs then these “Women’s Adventures Series” books are a MUST-READ. You should read it even if you don’t like butt plugs but you’re simply interested in Malaysian (sex) culture. There are mosques, roller skates, and kopi tarik (stretched Malay-style coffee, yum). There’s an alpha male, I think he’s a billionaire, I forget, and a hot little Chindian-Malay sex pot. There’s always a sex pot, isn’t there? It features a facial, anal, and rollerskating. What’s not to love?

SMUTPUNK spilled all over me this morning and I haven’t yet washed it off. Guess I’ll be giving more loads to my washing machine. 

Take advantage of this great service:

Poet for hire is always a good thing, right? I suggest you buy the ever-popular hate poem. The poem is emailed anonymously to anyone you choose and features nasty, MJ-style abuse. Great for ex-husbands, bosses, cunt family members, and nemeses. Buy today, guaranteed delivery on Valentine’s Day (plan ahead)! THIS IS A REAL SERVICE. My blog readers have been using it since the days of deep classics on blogger. I’m written poems on naked pictures of wives, poems for couples, poems for asshole bosses, etc. Dream it up and give me an ass-crack at it.

Sarchashmo is the poet for hire. He’ll cockslap any fools into submission. If he cannot, he’ll employ the help of his “friend”, Queen Kegel the Sextacular

Lastly, last, last, Emme Hor’s book I Am Not a Whore, At Least Not Yet! got it’s first review as well, so check that shit out, will ya?

Got something important to add?

Let me know.

I’m always around. Email, comment, tweet, or stop me on the street (grabbing me by the balls is the best way to get my wandering attention).

‘Nuff said, says San Esperma di Desgracia

The Bullshit Bulletin #4 – #LPRTG #SSRTG #NSFW – Please #RETWEET @EroticAuthorsRTG @Smutpunk_Author

Well, it’s already been a weird month. Tuesday I released three books in a day, Dump The Futa President (Making America Great Again, Ese), Romancing the Hot Stone, and The Nose. I’m also about to drop a Steak and BJ Day Bundle. I had to get in on the Trump Parody craze but ended up writing an attack of American Politics in general, not specifically against Trump. I guess I relate to Trump supporters in the sense that they, like Sanders supporters, think the system is so fucked up it needs a jolt. We just don’t remotely agree what the jolt should be. Anyway, I don’t want to get into a political debate, I just had to hop on the bandwagon and smutpunk the shit out of the presidential parody.

Callie Press, who also dropped a presidential parody called Tonguing Tromp, is on the verge of completing her very creative Erotic Pulp, which I can’t wait to read.

Regarding the names, Callie went with Domald Tromp. I went with Tronald Dump. She went with Clitin. I stole Kat Crimson’s Clitskin.

SmutpunkButtonR.B. O’Brien was a guest on the Blog Tour Bus Stop. It’s was always going to be hard to top Linzi Basset’s interview, the Nabokov of Erotica but RB did a great job and got a lot of comments, which is cool. R.B. was also a good sport about answering questions such as what’s your stance on getting dick pics and do you write naked on a dildo’d chair.

Check out lots of great writing at mrblackthorne.com

Mr. Blackthorne hit 25,000 followers. If you’re not following him, I really don’t know what you’re waiting for to do so. This is your invitation.

Don’t forget to stay up to date with Milked by the Yeti at literaryporn.net

You haven’t heard of MILKED BY THE YETI? Do you live under a rock? Well, get yourself a quick one-minute taste at xvideos.com’s trailer of Natasha and Lena in Milked by the Yeti.Please give it a thumbs up if you enjoyed it. Thank you. I made it, so I could really use the encouragement.
buttplugblues

Click the Butt Plug to Visit the Book Page

The SMUTPUNK lexicon is being edited now as you read. That promises to be noteworthy. If you have any words to add, please let me know.

Emme Hor put out a new book with my crappy editing. It’s called Romance on Rollerskates. If you love butt plugs then this is a MUST-READ. You should read it even if you don’t like butt plugs but you’re simply interested in Malaysian (sex) culture. There are mosques, roller skates, and kopi tarik (stretched Malay-style coffee, yum). There’s an alpha male, I think he’s a billionaire, I forget, and a hot little Chindian-Malay sex pot. There’s always a sex pot, isn’t there? It features a facial, anal, and rollerskating. What’s not to love?

SMUTPUNK is new but gaining a bit of steam. Hopefully, we will get some more traction going forward.

Remember to notice that the HEART SHAPED ASS is just an ass upside down (see right if in doubt).

Happy Valentine’s Day, Everyone!

Of course you already know that July Cumming (the dungeon doctor) is awesome. If you need a reminder or have been living under a dirty rock, then check out her exxxcerpts on the MJ site.

It’s your last chance to get a Valentine’s Day Poem written for you. I wrote two poems for Sherri Clark, who you may know as the Ardent Rose. Click the link to her name to have a look. If you want one, hire me now before it’s too late!

Take advantage of this great service:

Poet for hire is always a good thing, right? I suggest you buy the ever-popular hate poem. The poem is emailed anonymously to anyone you choose and features nasty, MJ-style abuse. Great for ex-husbands, bosses, cunt family members, and nemeses. Buy today, guaranteed delivery on Valentine’s Day (plan ahead)!

Sarchashmo is the poet for hire. He’ll cockslap any fools into submission. If he cannot, he’ll employ the help of his “friend”, Queen Kegel the Sextacular

Got something important to add?

Let me know.

I’m always around. Email, comment, tweet, or stop me on the street (grabbing me by the balls is the best way to get my wandering attention).

‘Nuff said, says San Esperma di Desgracia