A Thing of Beauty: The Sir Henry March Mysteries (Volume 1) by Bianca M. Schwarz
Book Review by Moctezuma Johnson
I had never read a historical romance before and found it to be a daunting task. It took me a while to get accustomed to the pacing of the novel but luckily Bianca can really write well. The grammar is sound and the writing is highly polished. Little by little she pulled me into her world. The book starts off somewhere in England before the invention of the telegraph and slowly builds around a rich gent and a pretty woman he finds beaten at the curb. The tone is way more suited to literature than genre fiction, at least in the beginning. The tone is slow and meaningful, not the fast paced superficial prose of much contemporary Erotica. Bianca has done her homework and has the sound of the English spoken in that time period with detail paid to the different accents of the different classes. The first half of the book follows as a period piece giving you the feel of the day with a love story of Henry and Eliza. The second half has a plot about an old enemy that they try to catch in the act of torturing young girls. One demerit for me was the attitude of the novel toward which sexual deviances are acceptable and which are evil wasn’t made clear to me. It was assumed the reader would consider some men good and others bad, but I am not so easily convinced. I wished there was more discussion on the subject.
Also worth thinking about and discussing is the style of prose. It’s slow and languid. My guess is that fans of historical fiction will really enjoy the attention to detail and appreciate that Bianca took the time to install a thorough plot. Personally I wish the plot came into prevalence a bit earlier but do applaud the overall structure. Admittedly I don’t usually read historical romance fiction, so i suspect this probably means this was built smarter than I’ve even realized. Overall, The dialogue was quite well done even though Henry didn’t always speak like a man. Still, the dialogue was true to its time with a smattering of old words like phaeton, serviette, and curricle. The ending was really well done. I don’t usually like when plots are neatly tied up but in this case it was like a 1000 piece puzzle had slipped into place. Pretty cool.
Dick Rating: I can’t really give it too many dicks up because I’m not sure it’s even erotica. It’s a historical romance with an erotic element between two characters and some sexual deviations used to create villains not sexual satisfaction for the reader. I guess I’d give it one dick of two dicks up.
Literary Value: A Tale of Two Titties and Some Dicks out of a Tale of Two Cities.
Overall Score: 4.5 out of 5 stars. The story is well worth reading!
Futaberry Slutcake: Welcome to Futaberry Patch: A futa-on-futa, genderswap, lactation futanari erotica (Corrupted Cartoonz: Futaberry Patch Book 1)
I saw Bryce Calderwood (Michael Maritine) posting on the Nu Romantics and was impressed by his wit and intelligence. I downloaded two of his books, the [amazon text=Demon’s Embrace: Futanari Apocalypse 1&asin=B00XTH3S3C] and Futaberry Slutcake: Welcome to the Futaberry Patch. I read them in that order and enjoyed the first thoroughly. However, the second one really hit a button on me. First off, it was so sexy. All the futanari are drippy, horny, sexy, tasty, and bulging all over the place. He really takes his time explaining each character and his/her needs and wants and fears and tastes. It makes each sex scene quite powerful.
Major Spoiler Alert
The premise is that the narrator goes into some freaky kind of pawn shop and ends up with a magic drawing pad that turns his futanari drawings into real life. Best of all from this transformation ( that even Dr. Engle would be proud of) is that the narrator himself becomes a sexy, curvy, drippy, horny futanari himself. He becomes Futaberry Slutcake. And when others eat Futaberry’s cum,
what do you think it would taste like? Futaberry, right? Nope. Mr. Calderwood is too smart for that. I mean, there’s no such fucking thing as a futaberry for fuck’s sake. It tastes like apple, silly. The way the story is told with it’s nostalgia creeping into things from the pawn shop to the old drawing tablet and Bryce’s subtle humor lying in the squirting dildo’d weeds makes this a quick, enjoyable, sexy read.
Dick Rating: Two dicks up!
Literary Value: Steven Queen out of Steven King. Fantastic dialogue. Humor. FUTAs. ‘Nuff said.
Overall Score: 5 out of 5 stars
Please Take a Moment and Answer a few of these Book Club Questions regarding Sarchasmo V. Mr. Whiteprick:
- Is the bleak outlook on Indie Writers accurate?
- Is Sarchasmo too mean to Whiteprick?
- Not that there is anyone in real life as ridiculous as this “Whiteprick” character, but let’s suspend disbelief and assume he is real, do you know who Mr. Whiteprick is in real life?
- Does Whiteprick get what he deserves? Why or why not?
- Do you know who the Obsessive Cherry Blossom is?
- What’s your biggest pet peeve in indie publishing?
- Now that you know that Sarchasmo is for hire, would you like to employ him to take on your major issues?
(please answer below — discuss)
Review of R.B. O’Brien’s Thorne: Rose’s Dark Contract
Review by Moctezuma Johnson
Where to start with this emo-tornado of a book. I felt like I was again dating a twenty-year old. In fact, it felt like dating a few at once. Thorne’s Dark Cuntract, as I have nicknamed R.B.’s book affectionately, is an absolute whirlwind of heavy and dark emotion penned by the slightly mad R.B. O’Brien (not to be confused with any B.R. Yo’Lyin or B.A. Ro’lyin from my books. Any similarities are purely coincidental). The plot is bizarre. On one hand it’s a dark romantic tale about a young women falling for an older man in a suit. She agrees to be enslaved by him as a secretary-whore, a great job title by the way (seeking applicants. Inquire within. Apply online.) Simultaneously, it’s a plot about a man with a past that threatens to reignite and burn him up in an inglorious blaze. These two disparate elements combine. They combust.
For me Rose is a pretty well thought out character. I’m on the fence with Thorne. At times, he seemed to wishy washy to bathe himself successfully let alone run a company threatening the livelihoods of the fat cats from the tobacco industry. Then I remembered that I’m a twelve year old at heart and I function (kind of), so I’m not sure what to make of the dude.
The book features a pretty close character study of young Victoria Rose. The emotions swing from west to north and then some directions that even Cthulhu himself probably couldn’t name. R.B. knows how to write. Her students are lucky to have her as a professor. R.B. also writes characters who are an emotional mess. Her students might be lucky to have her but her boyfriends are in for a heap of crazy. As James Brown says, “I don’t know karate but I do know crazy.” If I ever dated R.B. I think all the volcanoes on Planet Earth would erupt as the tumultuous crazy encircled and enlaced the planet. Thorne is filled with push, pull, deny, encourage, deny, push, pull, tease, withhold, give in, deny in an endless barrage of tantric sexual repression that made me crazy. I kept yelling at the book, “Alright, just assfuck the bitch already!” sincerely hoping Rose would grow a futanari pair, bend the dude in suit over his own desk, and drive into him with all her futanari cock mayhem, but that’s not the kind of book this is, sadly (for me). It’s more the ‘classic’ romance you’d find next to the fake flowers in a suburban ‘super’-market with some hunky, light-skinned Latino on the cover pretending to be a white man. R.B. has studied her audience well and gives romance readers what they want. Rose is very conscious of wearing nice clothes on the outside while wearing the sexy clothes that Mr. William Thorne has made her wear. She’s under his control. She’s painfully self-conscious of every move like an adolescent and this is precisely what’s so captivating about the prose. It’s a very complex push-pull of emotions. R.B. writes a character who sums up the adolescent female mind trapped in all of us adults.
If you’re a fan of romance or erotica this is a good book for you. Smutpunks may like it if they can stand the emotional turbulence without the madcap mayhem that they are used to. The story here is someone banal but the way in which it is told and the character study is extraordinary. Literally. All in all, I give it a dick and a half up.
Dick Rating: A Dick and a Half Up out of Two Dicks (a little too vanilla for me, babes)
Literary Value: William Skankespeare out of William Shakespeare
Overall Score: 4.5 out of 5 stars
Upcumming Reviews (Check Back Soon!)
Thing of Beauty by Bianca Schwarz (cumming soon)
Rigger by Mystk Knight (cumming soon)
Kella Z Driel’s Bunker 69 (cumming soon)
Linzi Basset’s Book of Poems (cumming soon)
New Tabbed Smutpunk Bookshelf
All the madcap cyberpunk, splatterpunk, genre-blending, gender-bending S. Punk you’ve come to expect from MJ, aka King SMUTPUNK
Click the tabs to see what books lie in that category. Start with Futanari and work your way all the way to Sci-Fi.
- Sarchasmo (Erotic Pulp)
- Alpha Male Spoof / Asian Erotica
- Steak and BJ
- Erotic Poems
- Non-Fiction (Sex Tips)
- Choose Your Own Kink SEXcapade
- T. Ronald Dump (Political Satire)
- Big Beautiful Woman by Red Pesca
- Smutpunk on Skates by Emme Hor
- Triangulum Stain / Sci-Fi
Futa Dicksickle Stand (Cumming May 29th) — Join the Mailing List to Get Notifications of Release Dates and Sales/Freebies!
Chronicles of a Humiliation Backfired (Season Two) — Cumming Soon — Join the Mailing List to Get Notifications of Release Dates and Sales/Freebies!
Smutpunk Poetry (coming soon) Join the Mailing List to Get Notifications of Release Dates and Sales/Freebies!
The Black Book (coming soon) Join the Mailing List to Get Notifications of Release Dates and Sales/Freebies!
A story all about YOU in which YOU make all the decisions!
The TriStain Universe Episodes:
Pop & Lollie (Teabagged by the Sentient Lollipop aka the Candy Cunt Saga)
Am I missing something? Let me know. Please share this ever-updating bookshelf with your followers, too. Thank you.
Book Review: Rubber Space Academy by Roxy Katt
I read this book ages ago but only left my review on Amazon
My rating: 5 of 5 stars
I read this ages ago and loved every minute of it. I hadn’t known before reading that I just love these tight rubber suits so much that I go smutpunkedly batty reading Roxy’s books. She can write latex right off supple space skin! And the plots are convoluted (in a good way) with lots of backfiring humiliation, always one of my favorites, and lots of role reversals. This smutpunk approves mightily! If you like smutpunk and/or uniforms and/or find space pretty cool then this is a MUST-fukcing-READ to get down on it.
Keep in mind I have two accounts on GR, one under new FB aquamarine legs MJ and one under old sexy abs MJ. Great Googly Moogly! Friend both of us or I’ll kick your ass, twice. Anybody hear Bob George? Weird.
Moctezuma Johnson’s Review: Red Sky at Morning by Made in DNA
My rating: 5 of 5 stars
This is another great read by Made In DNA. The story is well researched, which is a regular occurrence with this author, and smells like Japan although the English is crisp and cooked to perfection. This tale blends an urban narrative with local superstition and a dose of Cthulhu demon for good measure. It’s an imaginative and inspirational story. If you like fantasy fiction you will enjoy this immensely. I sure did!
Book Review: Erotic Pulp 2 by Callie Press
Well, as always Callie has outdone herself. She outdoes herself so often it’s remarkable that she hasn’t come undone. Maybe she has. I know her hair, buttons, and blouses have.
This edition of Erotic Pulp has all the pulpy trimmings of smutpunk. It features a bad review of the text in the text with a sorrowful response of the mock-review that’s so real it’s hyper-real. There’s the story of BrendaLee Elkins, and then Fit Man and Burpee Girl are back to face off against the horrible Teen Abstiwench. There’s a rythmic Cowboy Poem, always needed, and a batter-dipped Asian Lechón. So as you can see you’ll get more turkey than Thanksgiving with a lot less ethnic holocaust.
This book, like the first Erotic Pulp (see Book Review here) is a ton of fun, very well written, and jumps all over the place in a pulpie b-movie I’m kind of high—or am I just tired?—surreal kind of gravity pull that leaves me holding my balls in my hand not sure how committed I am to jerking it. It’s erotica but it’s not really aimed at your libido any more than it is at your brain. It’s like getting a synaptic hand job. Sign me up for more, Callie. I’m an unabashed fan, so maybe my reviews are losing their pop at the perimeter of the circumference from ground zero: the point of erotic detonation in the Callieverse. They shouldn’t. These pulpy books will keep coming out and they should. Pick yours up now so you could say you were reading them before they made the movie.
First things first, I’m a big fan of Shelby Kent-Stewart (see interview to see our chemistry) so this review is part review part blurb. If you don’t like it, you can bug off and finger your own mangina. Now if you’re willing to listen, I have a great bit to tell you.
I read Blessing by Shelby recently and finally I am getting a few words down about it. This book rocked my world. It’s about Abigail Blessing, a hot little intelligent submissive who hasn’t allowed herself to be in love. In short, it’s a sexual and emotional awakening at the hands of an ebony and ivory dom duo. Where’s the chilango, Shelby? That minor beef aside, the chemistry for the trio is well developed and ready to burn as whistling kettle being ignored while lovers play in the sack. Although the characters were great, the thing about the book that really blew my smutpunk’d mind was that the whole thing is told in a trio of perspectives. Shelby is very artful in her way of using these multiple perspectives. She made me realize that some of my own stories (which indulge in texts, videos, and voyeurism as methods to tell the “other” story more intimately) would have been well served to use a similar method but I wasn’t as imaginative as Miss Stewart. By using three perspectives, Shelby is able to get deep into the love story between the three characters. The reader fully explores Abigail’s thoughts, which you may expect, but readers also get deep into the minds of Luc and Julian, the two Doms that she finds herself falling in love with. Delving into three minds makes what could be a pretty entertaining one-dimensional story quite deep and emotional. It really stokes the fire.
In addition to the perspective trick, Shelby has a wonderful way with words putting one wonderful, detailed description after another. Shelby’s writing has “the light,” that element that makes you want to get to know her more. I will call “the light” charm. In my opinion, all good artwork has the light, whether it’s a book, a coronet riff, or a dog barking to psychedelic rock, the light is what makes us perk up our ears and listen. Shelby makes you listen. And you are rewarded for listening to what she has to say.
Oh yeah, it’s erotica, to boot. I forgot to mention, the book is hot as hell. If you’re a male, you’ll find your hard-on getting in the way of the kindle screen cause Abigail is just so damn spunky! If you’re female, you’ll find your kindle freezing because it doesn’t like to get that wet.
If you haven’t given Shelby Kent-Stewart a read, get yourself a copy of Blessing right this moment and see what I’m talking about for yourself.
Review Request: Please leave a few words about any and all of my books
Thank you for supporting me and my brand of SMUTPUNK. You’ve probably heard that I have crawled
out from under a rock to pen a Choose Your Own Kink SEXcapade. I’m looking to gather reviews for this book since, it seems, that reviews really do help the Zon feature a book more prominently. If you’ve read it, please leave a review. Any short review will suffice; even “It wasn’t bad” or “I really liked it” will be enough. If you want to go into more depth, that’s awesome. I’m told that the more reviews the better, so please help. Thanks so much. Let me know if you would like a free review copy of the Choose Your Own Kink or any other book. If you have KU you can read Choose Your Own Kink free.
ps: I bare my soul to you, so I thought the GIF was appropriate!