Book Review: Futanari Moans

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Book Review: Futanari Moans and the Mummy’s Hand (Job)

Book Review by Moctezuma Johnson futanari-moans-smutpunk-book-review

As soon as I saw the cover for Sally Bend’s new book I knew I would love it. The cover had the sexy, pulp look that I love in a futanari tale. Sally Bend is an intelligent writer who sets the standard with the transgender community, so between cover and writer I felt this book was a must-read. My first impression was correct. Futanari Moans comes as advertised. The writing is really tip-top and the cover art is stupendous. Author Sally Bend, an authority in the Transgender community, does an awesome job blending a story taking place deep in an ancient tomb rigged with booby traps that our heroine, Futanari Moans, must pass. The main character has the sexy elements of Tomb Raider plus a giant glistening dick that won’t stop spewing into a condom (for cleanliness, I presume). The plot mixes the action adventure of Raiders of the Lost Ark and Black Collossus with the main character’s flashbacks of painful lab memories with disaster looming in the recesses of her mind. There are hints of Futanari Moan’s troubled past sprinkled in as she takes on the sudden dangers of flying spears, drowning by sand, and poisonous dart attack, which she must conquer, evade, and survive to rob this tomb. As the story progresses the drama gets freakier and yuckier but in a weirdly satisfying sexual way. I’m not going to spoil the payoff at the end by clumsily telling you what phantasmagoric nastiness befalls Futanari Moans but I guarantee you that if you’re a fan of futa fiction and hot action your mouth will be wide open and you’ll need that box of nearby tissues.

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Looking For Reviewers to read a 40 page Futalicious Novelette about the Futa Boxing Gym called 1948 and post a review about it on Amazon.

Use this review request form to sign up to read. I’ll respond with an email including the ARC to 1948.

 

 

4-star review of Futadelic by Jordan Jones

4-star review of Futadelic by Jordan Jones

on August 26, 2015
Format: Kindle Edition

Book Review: A Thing of Beauty by Bianca M. Schwarz

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A Thing of Beauty: The Sir Henry March Mysteries (Volume 1) by Bianca M. Schwarz

Book Review by Moctezuma Johnson

I had never read a historical romance before and found it to be a daunting task. It took me a while to get accustomed to the pacing of the novel but luckily Bianca can really write well. The grammar is sound and the writing is highly polished. Little by little she pulled me into her world. The book starts off somewhere in England before the invention of the telegraph and slowly builds around a rich gent and a pretty woman he finds beaten at the curb. The tone is way more suited to literature than genre fiction, at least in the beginning. The tone is slow and meaningful, not the fast paced superficial prose of much contemporary Erotica. Bianca has done her homework and has the sound of the English spoken in that time period with detail paid to the different accents of the different classes. The first half of the book follows as a period piece giving you the feel of the day with a love story of Henry and Eliza. The second half has a plot about an old enemy that they try to catch in the act of torturing young girls. One demerit for me was the attitude of the novel toward which sexual deviances are acceptable and which are evil wasn’t made clear to me. It was assumed the reader would consider some men good and others bad, but I am not so easily convinced. I wished there was more discussion on the subject.

Also worth thinking about and discussing is the style of prose. It’s slow and languid. My guess is that fans of historical fiction will really enjoy the attention to detail and appreciate that Bianca took the time to install a thorough plot. Personally I wish the plot came into prevalence a bit earlier but do applaud the overall structure. Admittedly I don’t usually read historical romance fiction, so i suspect this probably means this was built smarter than I’ve even realized. Overall, The dialogue was quite well done even though Henry didn’t always speak like a man. Still, the dialogue was true to its time with a smattering of old words like phaeton, serviette, and curricle. The ending was really well done. I don’t usually like when plots are neatly tied up but in this case it was like a 1000 piece puzzle had slipped into place. Pretty cool.


Dick Rating:
 I can’t really give it too many dicks up because I’m not sure it’s even erotica. It’s a historical romance with an erotic element between two characters and some sexual deviations used to create villains not sexual satisfaction for the reader. I guess I’d give it one dick of two dicks up.

Literary Value: A Tale of Two Titties and Some Dicks out of a Tale of Two Cities.

Overall Score: 4.5 out of 5 stars. The story is well worth reading!

 

 

Learn More about Bianca | Book Review: A Thing of Beauty by Bianca M. Schwarz | Find other Reviews by MJ | Learn More about MJ

Book Review of FB Slutcake – FutaBerry Slutcake by Bryce Calderwood

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Futaberry Slutcake: Welcome to Futaberry Patch: A futa-on-futa, genderswap, lactation futanari erotica (Corrupted Cartoonz: Futaberry Patch Book 1)

I saw Bryce Calderwood (Michael Maritine) posting on the Nu Romantics and was impressed by his wit and intelligence. I downloaded two of his books, the [ambryce-calderwood-futaberryazon text=Demon’s Embrace: Futanari Apocalypse 1&asin=B00XTH3S3C] and Futaberry Slutcake: Welcome to the Futaberry Patch. I read them in that order and enjoyed the first thoroughly. However, the second one really hit a button on me. First off, it was so sexy. All the futanari are drippy, horny, sexy, tasty, and bulging all over the place. He really takes his time explaining each character and his/her needs and wants and fears and tastes. It makes each sex scene quite powerful.

Major Spoiler Alert

The premise is that the narrator goes into some freaky kind of pawn shop and ends up with a magic drawing pad that turns his futanari drawings into real life. Best of all from this transformation ( that even Dr. Engle would be proud of) is that the narrator himself becomes a sexy, curvy, drippy, horny futanari himself. He becomes Futaberry Slutcake. And when others eat Futaberry’s cum,

what do you think it would taste like? Futaberry, right? Nope. Mr. Calderwood is too smart for that. I mean, there’s no such fucking thing as a futaberry for fuck’s sake. It tastes like apple, silly. The way the story is told with it’s nostalgia creeping into things from the pawn shop to the old drawing tablet and Bryce’s subtle humor lying in the squirting dildo’d weeds makes this a quick, enjoyable, sexy read.

Two Dicks Up / Two Cocks Up

That’s the hardest rating to get, incidentally.

Dick Rating: Two dicks up!

Literary Value: Steven Queen out of Steven King. Fantastic dialogue. Humor. FUTAs. ‘Nuff said.

Overall Score: 5 out of 5 stars

Sarchasmo (2) Book Club Questions

Please Take a Moment and Answer a few of these Book Club Questions regarding Sarchasmo V. Mr. Whiteprick:book discussion questions

  1. Is the bleak outlook on Indie Writers accurate?
  2. Is Sarchasmo too mean to Whiteprick?
  3. Not that there is anyone in real life as ridiculous as this “Whiteprick” character, but let’s suspend disbelief and assume he is real, do you know who Mr. Whiteprick is in real life?
  4. Does Whiteprick get what he deserves? Why or why not?
  5. Do you know who the Obsessive Cherry Blossom is?
  6. What’s your biggest pet peeve in indie publishing?
  7. Now that you know that Sarchasmo is for hire, would you like to employ him to take on your major issues?

(please answer below — discuss)

Book Review: R.B. O’Brien’s “Thorne: Rose’s Dark Contract” #NRRTG #LPRTG

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Review of R.B. O’Brien’s Thorne: Rose’s Dark Contract

Review by Moctezuma Johnson 

Where to start with this emo-tornado of a book. I felt like I was again dating a twenty-year old. In fact, it felt like dating a few at once. Thorne’s Dark Cuntract, as I have nicknamed R.B.’s book affectionately, is an absolute whirlwind of heavy and dark emotion penned by the slightly mad R.B. O’Brien (not to be confused with any B.R. Yo’Lyin or B.A. Ro’lyin from my books. Any similarities are purely coincidental). The plot is bizarre. On one hand it’s a dark romantic tale about a young women falling for an older man in a suit. She agrees to be enslaved by him as a secretary-whore, a great job title by the way (seeking applicants. Inquire within. Apply online.) Simultaneously, it’s a plot about a man with a past that threatens to reignite and burn him up in an inglorious blaze. These two disparate elements combine. They combust.

For me Rose is a pretty well thought out character. I’m on the fence with Thorne. At times, he seemed to wishy washy to bathe himself successfully let alone run a company threatening the livelihoods of the fat cats from the tobacco industry. Then I remembered that I’m a twelve year old at heart and I function (kind of), so I’m not sure what to make of the dude.

The book features a pretty close character study of young Victoria Rose. The emotions swing from west to north and then some directions that even Cthulhu himself probably couldn’t name. R.B. knows how to write. Her students are lucky to have her as a professor. R.B. also writes characters who are an emotional mess. Her students might be lucky to have her but her boyfriends are in for a heap of crazy. As James Brown says, “I don’t know karate but I do know crazy.” If I ever dated R.B. I think all the volcanoes on Planet Earth would erupt as the tumultuous crazy encircled and enlaced the planet. Thorne is filled with push, pull, deny, encourage, deny, push, pull, tease, withhold, give in, deny in an endless barrage of tantric sexual repression that made me crazy. I kept yelling at the book, “Alright, just assfuck the bitch already!” sincerely hoping Rose would grow a futanari pair, bend the dude in suit over his own desk, and drive into him with all her futanari cock mayhem, but that’s not the kind of book this is, sadly (for me). It’s more the ‘classic’ romance you’d find next to the fake flowers in a suburban ‘super’-market with some hunky, light-skinned Latino on the cover pretending to be a white man. R.B. has studied her audience well and gives romance readers what they want. Rose is very conscious of wearing nice clothes on the outside while wearing the sexy clothes that Mr. William Thorne has made her wear. She’s under his control. She’s painfully self-conscious of every move like an adolescent and this is precisely what’s so captivating about the prose. It’s a very complex push-pull of emotions. R.B. writes a character who sums up the adolescent female mind trapped in all of us adults.

If you’re a fan of romance or erotica this is a good book for you. Smutpunks may like it if they can stand the emotional turbulence without the madcap mayhem that they are used to. The story here is someone banal but the way in which it is told and the character study is extraordinary. Literally. One-and-a-half-smutpunk-Dicks-Up-Erotica-Rating-System-BY_MJ-2All in all, I give it a dick and a half up.

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Dick Rating: A Dick and a Half Up out of Two Dicks (a little too vanilla for me, babes)

Literary Value: William Skankespeare out of William Shakespeare

Overall Score: 4.5 out of 5 stars

 

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Upcumming Reviews (Check Back Soon!) penis

Thing of Beauty by Bianca Schwarz (cumming soon)

Rigger by Mystk Knight (cumming soon)

Kella Z Driel’s Bunker 69 (cumming soon)

Linzi Basset’s Book of Poems (cumming soon)

 

New Tabbed Smutpunk Bookshelf

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New Tabbed Smutpunk Bookshelf

All the madcap cyberpunk, splatterpunk, genre-blending, gender-bending S. Punk you’ve come to expect from MJ, aka King SMUTPUNK

Click the tabs to see what books lie in that category. Start with Futanari and work your way all the way to Sci-Fi. 

Futadelic (see review

Romancing the Hot Stone (see review

Futa Dicksickle Stand (Cumming May 29th) — Join the Mailing List to Get Notifications of Release Dates and Sales/Freebies!

Chronicles of a Humiliation Backfired (Season One)

Chronicles of a Humiliation Backfired (Season Two) — Cumming Soon — Join the Mailing List to Get Notifications of Release Dates and Sales/Freebies!

Messy Blowjob Gunge Pie Steak Pi Day

Promotional Poster for the Steak and BJ Bundle

Jane’s Steak and BJ Night Surprise (see review

The Nose (see review

The Steak and BJ Bundle (see review

Real and Imaginary

Poisonous Apples

Smutpunk Poetry (coming soon) Join the Mailing List to Get Notifications of Release Dates and Sales/Freebies!

The Black Book (coming soon) Join the Mailing List to Get Notifications of Release Dates and Sales/Freebies!

Click the Tongue for Fun

Choose Your Own Kink SEXcapade

A story all about YOU in which YOU make all the decisions!

Pop-n-Lollie--Pulp

Triangulum Stain – Attack of the Replicating Alien Dildos

Triangulum Stain 2 – Battle for Alien Relish

The TriStain Universe Episodes:

Pop & Lollie (Teabagged by the Sentient Lollipop aka the Candy Cunt Saga)

 

 

 

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