Please Take a Moment and Answer a few of these Book Club Questions regarding Sarchasmo V. Mr. Whiteprick:
- Is the bleak outlook on Indie Writers accurate?
- Is Sarchasmo too mean to Whiteprick?
- Not that there is anyone in real life as ridiculous as this “Whiteprick” character, but let’s suspend disbelief and assume he is real, do you know who Mr. Whiteprick is in real life?
- Does Whiteprick get what he deserves? Why or why not?
- Do you know who the Obsessive Cherry Blossom is?
- What’s your biggest pet peeve in indie publishing?
- Now that you know that Sarchasmo is for hire, would you like to employ him to take on your major issues?
(please answer below — discuss)
Review of R.B. O’Brien’s Thorne: Rose’s Dark Contract
Review by Moctezuma Johnson
Where to start with this emo-tornado of a book. I felt like I was again dating a twenty-year old. In fact, it felt like dating a few at once. Thorne’s Dark Cuntract, as I have nicknamed R.B.’s book affectionately, is an absolute whirlwind of heavy and dark emotion penned by the slightly mad R.B. O’Brien (not to be confused with any B.R. Yo’Lyin or B.A. Ro’lyin from my books. Any similarities are purely coincidental). The plot is bizarre. On one hand it’s a dark romantic tale about a young women falling for an older man in a suit. She agrees to be enslaved by him as a secretary-whore, a great job title by the way (seeking applicants. Inquire within. Apply online.) Simultaneously, it’s a plot about a man with a past that threatens to reignite and burn him up in an inglorious blaze. These two disparate elements combine. They combust.
For me Rose is a pretty well thought out character. I’m on the fence with Thorne. At times, he seemed to wishy washy to bathe himself successfully let alone run a company threatening the livelihoods of the fat cats from the tobacco industry. Then I remembered that I’m a twelve year old at heart and I function (kind of), so I’m not sure what to make of the dude.
The book features a pretty close character study of young Victoria Rose. The emotions swing from west to north and then some directions that even Cthulhu himself probably couldn’t name. R.B. knows how to write. Her students are lucky to have her as a professor. R.B. also writes characters who are an emotional mess. Her students might be lucky to have her but her boyfriends are in for a heap of crazy. As James Brown says, “I don’t know karate but I do know crazy.” If I ever dated R.B. I think all the volcanoes on Planet Earth would erupt as the tumultuous crazy encircled and enlaced the planet. Thorne is filled with push, pull, deny, encourage, deny, push, pull, tease, withhold, give in, deny in an endless barrage of tantric sexual repression that made me crazy. I kept yelling at the book, “Alright, just assfuck the bitch already!” sincerely hoping Rose would grow a futanari pair, bend the dude in suit over his own desk, and drive into him with all her futanari cock mayhem, but that’s not the kind of book this is, sadly (for me). It’s more the ‘classic’ romance you’d find next to the fake flowers in a suburban ‘super’-market with some hunky, light-skinned Latino on the cover pretending to be a white man. R.B. has studied her audience well and gives romance readers what they want. Rose is very conscious of wearing nice clothes on the outside while wearing the sexy clothes that Mr. William Thorne has made her wear. She’s under his control. She’s painfully self-conscious of every move like an adolescent and this is precisely what’s so captivating about the prose. It’s a very complex push-pull of emotions. R.B. writes a character who sums up the adolescent female mind trapped in all of us adults.
If you’re a fan of romance or erotica this is a good book for you. Smutpunks may like it if they can stand the emotional turbulence without the madcap mayhem that they are used to. The story here is someone banal but the way in which it is told and the character study is extraordinary. Literally. All in all, I give it a dick and a half up.
Dick Rating: A Dick and a Half Up out of Two Dicks (a little too vanilla for me, babes)
Literary Value: William Skankespeare out of William Shakespeare
Overall Score: 4.5 out of 5 stars
Upcumming Reviews (Check Back Soon!)
Thing of Beauty by Bianca Schwarz (cumming soon)
Rigger by Mystk Knight (cumming soon)
Kella Z Driel’s Bunker 69 (cumming soon)
Linzi Basset’s Book of Poems (cumming soon)
New Tabbed Smutpunk Bookshelf
All the madcap cyberpunk, splatterpunk, genre-blending, gender-bending S. Punk you’ve come to expect from MJ, aka King SMUTPUNK
Click the tabs to see what books lie in that category. Start with Futanari and work your way all the way to Sci-Fi.
- Sarchasmo (Erotic Pulp)
- Alpha Male Spoof / Asian Erotica
- Steak and BJ
- Erotic Poems
- Non-Fiction (Sex Tips)
- Choose Your Own Kink SEXcapade
- T. Ronald Dump (Political Satire)
- Big Beautiful Woman by Red Pesca
- Smutpunk on Skates by Emme Hor
- Triangulum Stain / Sci-Fi
Futa Dicksickle Stand (Cumming May 29th) — Join the Mailing List to Get Notifications of Release Dates and Sales/Freebies!
Chronicles of a Humiliation Backfired (Season Two) — Cumming Soon — Join the Mailing List to Get Notifications of Release Dates and Sales/Freebies!
Smutpunk Poetry (coming soon) Join the Mailing List to Get Notifications of Release Dates and Sales/Freebies!
The Black Book (coming soon) Join the Mailing List to Get Notifications of Release Dates and Sales/Freebies!
A story all about YOU in which YOU make all the decisions!
The TriStain Universe Episodes:
Pop & Lollie (Teabagged by the Sentient Lollipop aka the Candy Cunt Saga)
Am I missing something? Let me know. Please share this ever-updating bookshelf with your followers, too. Thank you.
Book Review: Rubber Space Academy by Roxy Katt
I read this book ages ago but only left my review on Amazon
My rating: 5 of 5 stars
I read this ages ago and loved every minute of it. I hadn’t known before reading that I just love these tight rubber suits so much that I go smutpunkedly batty reading Roxy’s books. She can write latex right off supple space skin! And the plots are convoluted (in a good way) with lots of backfiring humiliation, always one of my favorites, and lots of role reversals. This smutpunk approves mightily! If you like smutpunk and/or uniforms and/or find space pretty cool then this is a MUST-fukcing-READ to get down on it.
Keep in mind I have two accounts on GR, one under new FB aquamarine legs MJ and one under old sexy abs MJ. Great Googly Moogly! Friend both of us or I’ll kick your ass, twice. Anybody hear Bob George? Weird.
Moctezuma Johnson’s Review: Red Sky at Morning by Made in DNA
My rating: 5 of 5 stars
This is another great read by Made In DNA. The story is well researched, which is a regular occurrence with this author, and smells like Japan although the English is crisp and cooked to perfection. This tale blends an urban narrative with local superstition and a dose of Cthulhu demon for good measure. It’s an imaginative and inspirational story. If you like fantasy fiction you will enjoy this immensely. I sure did!
Book Review: Erotic Pulp 2 by Callie Press
Well, as always Callie has outdone herself. She outdoes herself so often it’s remarkable that she hasn’t come undone. Maybe she has. I know her hair, buttons, and blouses have.
This edition of Erotic Pulp has all the pulpy trimmings of smutpunk. It features a bad review of the text in the text with a sorrowful response of the mock-review that’s so real it’s hyper-real. There’s the story of BrendaLee Elkins, and then Fit Man and Burpee Girl are back to face off against the horrible Teen Abstiwench. There’s a rythmic Cowboy Poem, always needed, and a batter-dipped Asian Lechón. So as you can see you’ll get more turkey than Thanksgiving with a lot less ethnic holocaust.
This book, like the first Erotic Pulp (see Book Review here) is a ton of fun, very well written, and jumps all over the place in a pulpie b-movie I’m kind of high—or am I just tired?—surreal kind of gravity pull that leaves me holding my balls in my hand not sure how committed I am to jerking it. It’s erotica but it’s not really aimed at your libido any more than it is at your brain. It’s like getting a synaptic hand job. Sign me up for more, Callie. I’m an unabashed fan, so maybe my reviews are losing their pop at the perimeter of the circumference from ground zero: the point of erotic detonation in the Callieverse. They shouldn’t. These pulpy books will keep coming out and they should. Pick yours up now so you could say you were reading them before they made the movie.
First things first, I’m a big fan of Shelby Kent-Stewart (see interview to see our chemistry) so this review is part review part blurb. If you don’t like it, you can bug off and finger your own mangina. Now if you’re willing to listen, I have a great bit to tell you.
I read Blessing by Shelby recently and finally I am getting a few words down about it. This book rocked my world. It’s about Abigail Blessing, a hot little intelligent submissive who hasn’t allowed herself to be in love. In short, it’s a sexual and emotional awakening at the hands of an ebony and ivory dom duo. Where’s the chilango, Shelby? That minor beef aside, the chemistry for the trio is well developed and ready to burn as whistling kettle being ignored while lovers play in the sack. Although the characters were great, the thing about the book that really blew my smutpunk’d mind was that the whole thing is told in a trio of perspectives. Shelby is very artful in her way of using these multiple perspectives. She made me realize that some of my own stories (which indulge in texts, videos, and voyeurism as methods to tell the “other” story more intimately) would have been well served to use a similar method but I wasn’t as imaginative as Miss Stewart. By using three perspectives, Shelby is able to get deep into the love story between the three characters. The reader fully explores Abigail’s thoughts, which you may expect, but readers also get deep into the minds of Luc and Julian, the two Doms that she finds herself falling in love with. Delving into three minds makes what could be a pretty entertaining one-dimensional story quite deep and emotional. It really stokes the fire.
In addition to the perspective trick, Shelby has a wonderful way with words putting one wonderful, detailed description after another. Shelby’s writing has “the light,” that element that makes you want to get to know her more. I will call “the light” charm. In my opinion, all good artwork has the light, whether it’s a book, a coronet riff, or a dog barking to psychedelic rock, the light is what makes us perk up our ears and listen. Shelby makes you listen. And you are rewarded for listening to what she has to say.
Oh yeah, it’s erotica, to boot. I forgot to mention, the book is hot as hell. If you’re a male, you’ll find your hard-on getting in the way of the kindle screen cause Abigail is just so damn spunky! If you’re female, you’ll find your kindle freezing because it doesn’t like to get that wet.
If you haven’t given Shelby Kent-Stewart a read, get yourself a copy of Blessing right this moment and see what I’m talking about for yourself.
Review Request: Please leave a few words about any and all of my books
Thank you for supporting me and my brand of SMUTPUNK. You’ve probably heard that I have crawled
out from under a rock to pen a Choose Your Own Kink SEXcapade. I’m looking to gather reviews for this book since, it seems, that reviews really do help the Zon feature a book more prominently. If you’ve read it, please leave a review. Any short review will suffice; even “It wasn’t bad” or “I really liked it” will be enough. If you want to go into more depth, that’s awesome. I’m told that the more reviews the better, so please help. Thanks so much. Let me know if you would like a free review copy of the Choose Your Own Kink or any other book. If you have KU you can read Choose Your Own Kink free.
ps: I bare my soul to you, so I thought the GIF was appropriate!
Now, True Believers, coming to the Amazon shelfies is a Pulpadelic Comic Book without the drawings by the illustrious Callie Press. I was lucky enough to see this work form and have just had the enormous pleasure (and I mean enormous! Wink wink) of reading Erotic Pulp #1 and wanted to leave a review on the ZON but it’s not possible on Pre-Order so I’ll put it here. Be Forewarned: SPOILERS GALORE!
These stories share that Stan Lee quality of focusing on really wholesome ordinary characters who are then plagued, blessed, beaten by exceptional circumcisions, err, circumstances. I mean, you have Fit Man and Burpee Girl succumbing to Street Thug and you have Barnacle Man cocksplitting a captain. As Sea Captain of Facebook Brazil I really vibed off that one. I mean, peoples, when’s the last time you saw a cockslap lead to entrails all over sails? Am I right? Read that one outloud: entrails all over sails. Oh yeah! Then you have the sweet, sumptuous Candy, and the running maniac Danny running, pounding, hurdling, bumping cockhead to cervix in a very Bizarre Olympic Tune-up. This is one of the best climactic sex scenes I’ve ever read. From COCKSLAP to ROMANTIC HURDLE, this is Callie Press in a delicately painted nutshell. Her work is brash and subtle at the same time. She has an outstanding gift for dialogue. Have you ever seen those amazing Chinese painted bottles? They are these tiny bottles that the artist paints carefully from the inside. They have highly acute detail. That’s Callie. From word choice to sentence structure to characterization to dialogue to plot arc you are ensconced in the soft velvet of Callie’s genius.
Pre-Order it! And on release day, read it first thing. Then share your reviews. I can’t wait to hear what others think of this piece. It’s getting my early vote for Moctezuma’s Golden Cunt Award (best book of the year).
From the Callie Press:
- Fit Man and Burpee Girl in … Street Justice!
- Barnacle Man stars in … (censored) Your Boat! (See? Continuity already!)
- Candy and Danny in … A Romantic Hurdle!
- Untitled Smutpoem by your own sweet Callie!
- An introduction to the Intraworld in … Last Day On Earth!
- And the main event this ish is San Esperma in … Queen Kegel’s CASTLE!
Moctezuma Johnson wants to get the word out: The Erotic Smutpunk Bulletin
Ever heard of Marvel’s Bulletin Board? [[insert image here]]
We should be doing that too. We have T. Queef and some other saps to take the piss out of a bit. There are the one wank wonders, the cunts and dicks who’ve never learnt no grammer, and the tweetathoners. Then there’s Mr. B’s crew. They are nice so I won’t fuck with them even though I wish I could tell you from cunt to black & white cocksucker where the line of “tasteful” gets drawn, in what color, and by whom, but that’s not the issue here. No, no, they don’t say tasteful, they say “classy.” I say assy but the fact that the Mr. B group has a pulse, a libido, and N angle makes me want to have a thousand arms to finger the nymphs and jerk the duke. The nymphettes are nice. They are awesome to me one-on-one and have retweeted the shit out of me. Oh, and my wife, the jynxy mynx named Emme “Cocksucking” Hor is one of them, for fucks sake. How can Moctezuma Johnson not join?
If you can’t beat ’em, join em.
Me? No. Like Groucho Marx said, “I don’t want to be part of any group that would have me for a member.” Not that they would have me as a member. But I still consider them part of the bullpen, especially Jenny, Linzi, July, and Callie. There are a bunch of other fuckers and page eroti-suckers who I want to fold into the mix like blueberries into hot muff(in) batter. There’s Reed James and the Naught Book Snitch with her GIFtopia. One day at a time, like a good AA member.
A literary porn erotic smutpunk bulletin
A place to get important upcoming news in the literary erotica universe. We don’t have a bullpen where we all sit and one table and crank out mad creativity cause we all sit all by our lonesomes in our underwear with coffee, wine, joints, or all three, and do our bidding with our bots and one-handed typing. I guess twitter is our ‘pen but that’s pure chaos. Bulls are way more organized than we are on twitter. We are out of fucking control with all the tweets (thanks tweetathoners, I’m so sick of seeing repeat lines and repeat images), all the dick picks (it’s mostly dudes from the subcontinent – guys, I’m a dude. Do you want this Latino-Italian guy looking at your dick? You do? Then read my FUTA shit!), and all the book link BUY MY BOOK links, you can have a nervous breakdown in five minutes. Luckily I mostly ignore DMs so they can send cocks ’til the cows come home. My point is that authors could use a little bulletin that boils down the news so we can see what’s going on. We need an easy to manage quick news rather than scrolling through noise. In Seoul, busy streets have neon signs in every spot imaginable advertising stuff. The neon-barrage is so strong that I feel like I’m walking in the dark. I’ve unconsciously mentally turned off every buzzing colorful light. In real life these electric color-boards tell me to shop, eat, and drink at their establishments. In my mind I see a quiet black sky and hot Asian chicks in short skirts. These stores should start sending me dick pictures, they’d be better off. We could have a bulletin.
Why was Marvel’s Bulletin so Amazing?
Cause comics rule! I loved those Marvel chats with Stan the Man. Stan’s Soapbox. Sexy. I loved wrestling and metallica too, but I outgrew the latter two things. Comics still fucking rule!
I go to comic book stores regularly because flipping through a bunch of comic books jumpstarts my mind in a way that nothing else can. The creativity within these pages is off the charts. It was Callie Press who said some erotic smutpunk bulletin magic words to me the other night by DM that really knocked my socks deep up my anal cavity. She said, “Excelsior!” out of nowhere or some of the other weird ass words Stan “The Man” Lee would throw out there. It made me look up why the fuck he did that and I found out it was because he thought his competition (the fuckers that would copy everything) wouldn’t be able to copy it because they wouldn’t know how to spell it after he said it. Lol. That just cracks me up and I’m pretty sure some of my haters can’t spell abominable snowman nor the Philippines. I take pleasure in that. And in saying, Fuck you to the haters. I’ve watched most of them drop off like flies (see T. Queef) and disappear back into the narrow-minded fetters from whence they came. You know what I say, Can’t a Husband Suck His Wife’s Cock Anymore? Western culture has become too Politically Cum-rect(al). Asia is still a much rawer place.
Thankfully I can hide my head in the cum-stained sand and write about the destruction of the universe by the Sluts of the Oblong-Dong Table and the drying up of The Streams of Sementopia and the volcanic Mt. Ejaculi going dormant. I can write about Yeti’s taking big-titted Russian whores as slaves and then getting sick of them and kicking them down the side of a mountain. I can read about a Halloween Spook being all too real and using virgin sperm and menstrual blood to erase and create universes. This is the fun of what I’ve termed Literary Porn Erotica. Kat Crimson calls it smart smut or cerebral smut, which is another kick ass term. I’m stoked to be a part of this fucked up wave of eWriters who can self-publish their stuff and tweet with their readers and have a jolly old time. Just the way these Marvel Bulletins were a cool way to feel a part of the comic crowd, we get excited about new work thanks to blogs, tweets, posts, and other sharers. I’m going to boil it down every bulletin board. That’s my pledge. Feel free to send me shit that you know has to be out there. I feel free to ignore shit that has no place.
Hey, Queen Kegel, Excelsior! Let’s start putting EROTIC PULP of Heroes and Villians! into all our eBooks (natch!)
Literary Porn Club, baby! SAN ESPERMA cockslapping fools left and right for Candy Cane Kegel and the SUPERhung superHUNK SPaCe GlaDIatorS
Bullpen Bulletin #o (The Pilot Cerebral Erotic Smutpunk Bulletin):
The Milked by the Yeti Series has begun. Book 1 by Moctezuma is out on the literaryporn.net site and Callie Press is writing Book 2 as I write this. She’s released the first installment, introducing Vivek and bring the milking fucking Yeti back for more scary, sexy fun.