News so Absurdly False it’s True (well, nearly true. What’s the kids call Bullshit Truth)
MIT professor confirms meritocracy long dead in America
CAMBRIDGE, MA — Election of Trump, MIT Professor Nomme d’Chumsky states from his eRanch in Honolulu, proves people at the top can now be filled by people at the bottom. Education, skill sets, and language ability are all demerits in today’s new Bullshit Society. In fact, the professor warns, education and skills, especially foreign language skills, can get you in a heap of trouble reminiscent of Pol Pot’s Cambodia. He suggests the average American just shut her mouth, eat her fast food, and pay her part of America’s enormous taxes for governments new weapons to monitor, scare, and control.
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Bad President: I think it’s safe to say that the president of the US is a total dick
And he’s not too bright either
If you read President Trump’s tweets you find they are littered with poor grammatical agreement, incorrect spelling, and incomplete sentences. I’ve always feared people with fragmented sentences as it betrays their disjointed thinking. A fragment here and there is little cause for concern, but the way Trump does it is alarming to any smart person. Dumb sheep won’t notice, but if you’re switched on you just get the sense that this man is fraud and a total moron. No wonder he’s getting ridden like a camel by Putin, Bannon, Conway, and a lot of others with two syllable names. I never thought it would be necessary, but I think the US needs presidents to pass a minimum skills test: basic grammar, basic logic, basic math. We need to be sure the leader of the free world can handle basic tasks. A lot of people have doubts about this guy running the show right now. It’s possible he’s just simply average (I often mistake average for stupid, sorry. I never said I’m not a dick), but it’s likely he’s below average or even criminally stupid. We really don’t know. The fact that we are not sure is alarming to me. I didn’t love many other presidents, including Obama who I found to be a pussy in the face of these conservative nuts. I just wanted Obama to stand up and bitch slap the racist religious right fuckers but he was too kind. However, I never doubted the first African-American president’s brains. If Trump is really average and not a moron, then we can all be sure of one unalienable fact: Trump’s a total dick.
Let’s have a little checklist and see how Trump fares.
He’s totally at war with science. Dick. He is at war with the media. Dick. He wants a Holy War with Islam. Dick. He hates women. Dick. He can’t spell. Dick. He lied about playing golf because he knew he’s be criticized. Dick. He lies regularly about everything. Dick. He thinks white supremacists Alex Jones and Steve Bannon are “his kind of guys.” Double Dick.
Wow. He has top marks for being a dick. Bet his SAT and GRE scores weren’t nearly that impressive.
Now, the fact that Americans voted for this cunt shows you that the rule of the US is coming to a close. When the average person, liberal or conservative, isn’t smart enough to see a dick dictator for what he really is, that country can no longer call itself a superpower. The only way in which the US remains a superpower is in Military Strength. The military is a superpower but the country and its citizens are not super. Its elected officials certainly are not super. In fact, our government officials aren’t even decent. Most of them bought their way into their position and lack the basic skill sets to do the job. For example, American Ambassador’s rarely speak the language of the host nation. What a disgrace! When it comes to sciences, education, art, literature, music, language skill (chuckle chuckle) to be American is to have a disadvantage.
Check out these tweets! This is your US President (cringe), nickname “Leader of the Free World.”
I call my own shots, largely based on an accumulation of data, and everyone knows it. Some FAKE NEWS media, in order to marginalize, lies!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) February 6, 2017
Any negative polls are fake news, just like the CNN, ABC, NBC polls in the election. Sorry, people want border security and extreme vetting.
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) February 6, 2017
Morning rant in the face of changes in the Doomsday Clock and the most dangerous long-term consequences of a first week by an America president in history
These nutbags like my father who is a complete asshole and sports a crappy personality similar to the new US president rather see the country go up in nuclear fallout than hand over power to young, smart, educated minorities and women. It’s really nuts when you think about it. The educated slice of the population is getting browner and browner yet the rulers are getting whiter and whiter. How the fuck is that possible? Riddle me that. Also, how the fuck can these people be “pro-life” there’s your ultimate doublespeak. It’s pro-control but not pro-life. As soon as the fetus is alive these conservatives want to offer no aid, no educations, no help, until that fetus is old enough to fight in their wars. They are pro-soldier to send into death. Pro nuclear weapons with 100 miles 3rd degree burn radiuses in addition to the utter destruction at and near ground zero thanks to x-rays, thermonuclear-heated air, and hundred mile per hour winds. And then there’s climate change. The amazing pyramids in what was MesoAmerica were home to an incredible civilization that saw the climate change in a way that eliminated the civilization. Again, we are on the brink of a cataclysmic shift and this time we have the technology to predict it and stave it off, but the conservatives don’t believe science because they believe alternative facts (in other words complete and utter bullshit designed for morons) and some little book written thousands of years ago in another language, and one that they couldn’t read. They read a translation of the translation of an old book and think they have wisdom. Every play telephone? When now your World Leaders are getting equally solid facts. For example:
Marsha went down to get some tea from shop.
Marshal Law killed your dog and shot pee in your toupee.
We need to fix NAFTA to help the indigenous and reel in the divide between rich and poor.
Mexicans rape and pillage don’t kid yourself so divide them and kill anyone brown and poor.
They are fucking around with democracy and it’s disgusting. I hold anyone who voted for Trump responsible for the coming pain the world will endure from climate change, war, and economic bullying. This is a disgrace of a government. Conservative regimes all over the world are despicable. I sincerely hope that this is rock bottom and leads to a new age of reason and communication with faith in education and science and finally a divorce from religion. America was supposed to contain a division between church and state. Does anybody remember that? I hope a reasonable day is coming, but I fear we are entering a second dark age and this time with climate change breathing down our necks with the hot foul breath of extinct dinosaurs and weapons of mass destruction that can easily obliterate us all many times over.
Bullshit is Truth
Inspired by the genius of Callie Miss O’Press (aka Fishfy Glittercheeks) in her post Alternative Facts, I have written a few of my own to keep me from feeling insane. Remember I am an American who has spent over 20 years in Latin America and Asia working for the betterment of human beings.
Two wrongs don’t make a right, but three do
Racism is for whining poor people with dicks smaller than yours, hopefully
Putin loves hairless cats
There’s no such thing as war
it is a fallacy created by the liberal media
same as the falsified documents that claim Obama is a real american
Drones don’t kill children, governments do
Brown people are encouraged to gather in public in great numbers
America still has a soul
and will easily stand up to tyranny and throw it’s slimy egg shell off its back
Hitler and Trump come from the same lineage
The smaller the penis the meaner the man
America was better now then it is in the past
Mayan Worry Dolls under your pillow at night can stomp Trump and all Tyranny
George Washington was a futanari
Revisionist history changed the name of the Boston Teabagging Party
Saudi Arabia trains Mexicans in Rape Arts
Islam never conquered Southern Europe
The Moors weren’t blonde, blue-eyed, and sporting beards
like Vikings or WWE champions
GMOs make your penis shrink
The controls for the heart of the sun are lodged neatly in Trump’s toupee
The average Amazon factory has 45,000 robots for every 5 human employees
but Trump can fix that because old white men are awesome on computers
and have been programming algorithms for eons
Dead Mexicans can be turned into Oil
Growing rice in Mexico and bringing it to the US tax free to be sold back to hungry Mexicans wasn’t enough for greedy American Capitalists
NAFTA fucked Mexicans way harder than Americans
The EZLN attacked the Municipal buildings in Chiapas to stop NAFTA from forcing indegenous coffee growers to pay tax to the US even though they were on cooperative land with direct deals to Northern European contries
The EZLN army dresses in basically the same costume as Mayan Worry Dolls
Race relations in America have never been better
Abortion kills humans not guns
American has exponentially more gun deaths than any other country on Planet Earth
Nuclear weapons don’t kill
Nuclear weapons don’t turn your skin invisible during the blast and let you see your organs working even if you are far away and have your eyes shut
Nuclear weapons just shoot whipped cream
Nuclear targets get gunged playfull not viciously obliterated
Bin Laden was more of a Black Market Banker than a Terrorist
He actually funded many grassroots projects that built roads, seeded once barren farmland, and built schools for millions of marginalized people in many different 3rd world countries
The CIA stole Che Guevara’s asthma medication
He was shot without a trial
The CIA destabilized Iran in the 1950s when they had a peaceful, non-religious democracy that nationalized oil productions and took it away from British Petroleum’s control and Western military usage which was running rampant during World War II
The US-CIA fought clandestine wars up and down Latin America in the 80s
Guatemala had a fifty-year civil war
This war was started because the United Fruit Company didn’t like the democratically elected government nationalizing Banana production (remember Iran and the oil?)
In the 1950s…
…The CIA caused a coup in Guatemala
…The CIA caused a coup in Iran
…The CIA caused a coup in North Vietnam
…The CIA caused one coup per year in Laos
The US has supported Fascists, Drug Lords, and Terrorists in at least thirty-five countries
Latin American wars called for massive ethnic cleansing usually of indigenous peoples, who were already being massacred by malnutrition thanks to the Wall Street vice-grip on agriculture
Scientists, those liars only interested in their own profit, say Holocausts happen from lack of critical thought
When the population cannot decipher real news from fake news we know that critical thought is dormant
Independent Body Asserts
Electoral College More Dangerous
To Democracy than Russian Hacking
Washington D.C. 2016 — Republicans are grappling with the fact that their surprise victory giving them full control of the Unpresidented States of America was due in large part due to their new Lord and Master Vladimir Putin. However, those headlines have quickly been eclipsed by a more startling and sinister plot: the Electoral College. In a corresponding move by an independent committee, the CIA, the FBI, and the DMV, it has been concluded beyond reasonable doubt (even to those nutbags crazy enough to deny climate change) that the Electoral College in fact is 100% incongruous with democracy as it allows government leaders to ignore the will of the people as seen by the candidate winning the popular vote not becoming president and the Electoral Delegates of Arizona voting vowing to vote for Trump amid mass outcry not to “be so crazy.” The independent council found that, in fact, the Electoral College helps only rich, white, male
slave-owning land owners control the masses.
Also, progressive lawmakers in New York State have already dumped the “Electoral College” in favor of a name more appropriate to the education level of the masses: The Electoral G.E.D. When Mayor of NYC Bill DeBlingBlingio was asked why he said eloquently, “We want each citizen to feel include no matter how illiterate, confused, tired, ass-backwards, or Mexican.” The President-elects Trump was also posed the same question to which he said articulately while pointing his tiny fingers, “Journalist are scum. My G.E.D. accomplished unpresidented yugeness! I’m precedent of the World.”
by Moctezuma Johnson
In the original scene, you were a dude licking ass but then it occurred to me thanks to the popular searches for “lesbian rimming” and “lesbian gunge play” that land you wonderful folk onto my page daily that I owed it to you fans to alter the gender.
Lesbian Rimming: Get up in there and bury your nose in her ass and inhale
You’ve have arrived at this wonderful, weird little Choose Your Own Kink story having already chosen Option A (<<Go Back)
It’s such a gorgeous ass that you just get up in there. You love licking ass. Your not one of these anal (phrasing!) types who minds getting dirty. You’ll get up in there tongue first and enter ass. You have loved licking ass for many years. The first time was drunk and the girl looked good and you just dove in and ever since you love it. It’s not quite a fetish but it turns you on. It makes your stomach churn, in a good way. It makes the hairs on your neck stand up. It makes your pores open, your heart beat faster, and your palms sweat when your tongue touches anus and presses forward. You hold each ass cheek in each hand and the chocolatey butty cheeks press against your face cheeks. Your nose is buried up her crack and you like it. You want to take a nap while up her asshole. You’ve napped during sex before so there’s no judgement here. It’s just comfy. Your spine is in a really natural position and her anus is opening like a flower blooming. She’s opening up to you, to your tongue, to your fetish. Well, not fetish but near-fetish. Nobody would call you an ass-licker but here you are face down in an ass licking it while the girl attached to the ass is face down having her ass licked. By you. I’m not sure what else to call you. Look at you! You’re dripping wet and you’re not even fingering yourself. Your juices are busting past your panties like a levee broke. Your hard nipples are trembling with desire. You stop licking G-strung’s ass and inhale! Deeply. It smells divine.
You have another choice to make. Now you can…
If you love funny porno erotica and lesbian rimming then you will love Moctezuma Johnson’s writing. See all of his works listed at the SMUTPUNK BIBLIOGRAPHY.
PUBLIC CUM TITS: “Mad For Jizz” — An excerpt fromfrom Bored To Tears by My Asian Husband
This excerpt is from Chapter Four
“Mad for Jizz” – The Public Cum on Tits Story about an Asian MILF and a virile Latino with a big cock
I was riding the subway across Seoul when I noticed this strait-laced older woman across the train sitting upright with her back arched and chin up. She was middle-aged and prim. Her blouse collar went all the way to the neck, like she was a 1660 Puritan. Her mind had to be all hopped up on Confucianism. She sat upright even as the subway car shook. Me? I was slouched like a teenager. She never slouched. She kept her head and neck up. She could be a posture-double for the Queen of England. She looked at me as I checked her out. She had a banging body. Big, I mean big tits, and shapely waist. She wore a beige pencil skirt and white blouse with high collar. She had long legs. Her purse was on her lap, expertly blocking any view into her private area. When I looked up to make eye contact, she looked away. Hot. The subway stopped and I took out my Korean Language Learning book. She looked up at it and stood up. She sat beside me and said, “You’ll never learn with that book. It’s no good.”
I was taking class to learn the local language, something few expats do around here.
We got out of the subway on the next stop and sat on a wood bench and chatted. Trains passed occasionally. She was pretty uptight. She didn’t have social grace as much as she was simply cautious. She never slouched for the entire talk that must have been half an hour. It seemed to me her nature was cautious, like she didn’t totally trust herself, felt she needed to curtail her inner dialogue, needed to respect the person she was with by not saying much. She must have been treated badly by somebody.
We made a date and met at a posh area in the Seoul. She wore a blue dress that showed off her big fake tits and augmented ass. This area had a department store nearby and a park outside. It was a part of Seoul that had been redeveloped after the prosperity. The stairwell we took to the shops was clean. We were going to a chain restaurant called Mad for Garlic. Koreans love this kind of restaurant. I think of it as a glorified McDonald’s.
“Are you hungry?”
“No? Then why are we going to eat?” I saw the top flesh of her tits and wanted to grab it, to suck on it.
“I thought you would want to. Americans always eat.”
“We do other things sometimes,” I said. My cock was getting hard in my pants. I was imagining pumping it through those tits.
“Then how do you keep your belly?”
“Do you know the expression to put your foot in your mouth?”
“Does it mean hungry?” she asked.
“Do you want a lesson?”
“Kneel down and I’ll show you.” I had yet to even touch this woman on the hand and now I was pushing her down to her knees by her shoulder. She kneeled and looked up at me. She still held one hand out so her purse would dangle from her elbow primly.
This was the fun of dating a prim Asian woman. I would be getting nowhere and then suddenly get my dick sucked. Other days, I would just learn a Korean word and go home and jerk it. It was a total crapshoot.
I put my hand into her curly hair at the back of her head and hooked onto her head. I pushed my body against her so my cock, still in the pants, pushed against her. I saw her eyes go wide. That’s when I whipped it out. She let out a little scream of surprise. I shoved her to it with both my hands pushing the back of her head degradingly toward my balls. I pushed until her lipsticked lips hit my ball sack. We made eye contact. I saw the humiliation and hunger in her eyes. I ripped her dress down and one fake massive tit jumped out over her the folded down fabric that clung to her midriff. I ravaged her mouth. I defiled her tonsils. I disgraced her throat. Then I tenderly kissed her lips with my clean-shaven, white balls. I pulled my smoking gun out of her mouth. She gasped for breath. “Oh my god, you’re so big and rough.”
I pawed at her big fake tit. “You’re so big and fake.”
I molested her big titties, one inside the dress and the other hanging out. The nipple hardened and she looked down at it. “Feel good?” I said as I flicked her nipple. Her face was red as a radish. “Yes, and I’m shameful,” she said. “I shouldn’t let you do anything to me like this.” She leaned her head back in pleasure as I continued to tease her nipple. “Am I your girlfriend?”
I overwhelmed her mouth by dipping my balls into it, debasing her image in front of my eyes, tainting her prim MILF purity. This Korean bitch thought a lot of herself which meant she thought nothing of herself and was now acting out that insecurity-complex by kneeling on the landing before me and nibbling the testicles dipped into her mouth with her tits out. She turned away and I grabbed her head in one hand and rubbed my meaty dick on her face with the other. I tarnished her well-done hair and made clumps stick to her forehead and strands go into her eye. I looked down at her and spit on her face. She closed her mouth tightly. I pushed my cockhead against her lips but she wouldn’t open. I kept rubbing my cock on her face, ruining her mascara, dripping precum and spit onto the tip of her flat nose. I stopped and admired her. She was a disheveled mess. “You look really pretty, Hyeon Mi.”
She looked mortified. She looked up at me with a strange look. I saw her mouth open a bit and jammed my hard cock into her mouth. I heard something behind me and turned to see another couple in the stairway. The girl was staring at Hyeon Mi and I. The guy was trying to pull her back, but she was mesmerized. She was staring. Hyeon Me went red. Even her chest was red, not just her cheeks. I took advantage by fucking her throat. She was protesting, I think, and emitting that mphhhhhhhhhhhh mphhhhhh humming sound with each thrust.
The woman looked from behind and above me at my cock facefucking my Korean MILF. She was a voyeur. She got closer and watched, leading her man by the hand.
She wasn’t bad looking. She was in short shorts flaunting great legs. She wore a backpack and was likely a Chinese tourist from Hong Kong, Singapore, or Malaysia because she spoke in a beautiful English accent: “Mind if I have a watch?”
Hyeon Mi had frozen and was now putty in my hands. I used her throat as a pizza maker uses dough, as an alcoholic uses whisky, as a diabetic uses sugar, as a white, big-dicked, sex addict uses a divorced, lonely, over-forty Korean MILF. I felt Hyeon Mi’s throat around my cockhead, and her lips squeeze the root of my dick. “Please do,” I said politely to the Chinese tourist and then let Hyeon Mi breathe again.
The tourist took my words to heart. She unbuttoned her shorts. Her hand was now in her panties rubbing away at her clit as my dick towered over the kneeling MILF.
“You have a great dick,” the tourist said to me. “You’re lucky.”
I played with Hyeon Mi’s big tit as she caught her breath.
“Ok, baby, that’s enough,” the tourist’s husband said to her. “Let’s go.”
“I want to watch them finish. Will you shoot it on her face or tits?” she asked me.
I grabbed Hyeon Mi by the neck and pushed her down onto the root of my dick again. Her arms flailed as she got gagged again. “Where would you like?” I said to the tourist.
She smiled. She was pretty. Her husband was looking all around like a nervous nellie.
“On her big tits.” Her hips writhed as she said it like sexual energy was controlling her now.
Hyeon Mi’s throat muscles were all around my cock. I pushed it deeper into her, until I was out of cock. She had taken it all. “You’ve totally deepthroated me, you dirty slut!” I said to the cocksucking, red-faced MILF. I was ready to cum. My balls tightened. I wanted to just hold Hyeon M down and let her throat milk out my jizz but this girl wanted to see a cum party and I wasn’t about to disappoint this cute little hard-up tourist. I pulled my cock out of that glorious, tormented throat. Her big fake tit was flopping over her dress, the other tit was still in the blue fabric. Being watched and deepthroated had my balls working overtime, so the cumshot was an absolute deluge. Thick, globule shots dripped out of my dick and onto her fake tits. It looked like ice cream sliding down her breast. Then my next shots were uncontrollable rockets that landed in the nape of Hyeon Mi’s neck, on her tit, in her cleavage, and into the blue fabric of her dress. I always cum a lot but this was insane. It was a total onslaught, a cum-blitz right in front of two strangers, one of whom was now moaning as she rubbed herself. “Cover those tits,” she said in between two loud orgasmic moans.
My last shots were quite watery and really completed the staining of the MILF’s dress. She was a total cum-swamp. I pushed her big tits together and all the cum pooled in her cleavage. Then I pulled her tits apart and watched the webby cum stretch between them. I noticed that the horny pussy-rubbing tourist’s husband had a camera. “Take a picture of those cum webs,” I instructed.
The female tourist said something to the male tourist in Chinese and sure enough he came over and snapped a few photos. “Get up close. Get her nipples. Get one with her tits and her face, too.” He clicked a last photo and walked back to his wife, who was done finishing herself off. “Get his email so you can send them,” she admonished her man.
Hyeon Mi was a cascade of cum. It was like a cum-cloudburst had erupted onto her. She was still totally red in the face. I don’t think I ever noticed that a woman could stay embarrassed for so long. The funny thing was, the humiliation had just begun.
After trading emails, while some of my cum-spate trickled off Hyeon Mi and onto the ground, I lifted the blue flap of dress over her cum-drenched tit and tried to fix her up the best I could. Her hair was stuck to her forehead, glued with spit and pre-cum. Her bust was totally stained with cumshots. The tit that was out was now making her dress dark as the dress soaked up the semen avalanche that was released from her tits.
“I cannot go in there like this,” Hyeon Mi said.
“You have to. I’m hungry. Don’t you remember, Americans are always hungry?
I grabbed her hand and led her forward. “Don’t you want a boyfriend, Hyeon Mi?”
Her hand was sweaty. I opened the door to the restaurant. Luckily for her, it was dark inside. The hostess looked right at her bust and gave a wry smile. She led us to a table. We walked past many tables with people. There were lots of glances, chuckles, and whispering. The hostess wisely seated us in a private nook in the corner. I couldn’t tell what Hyeon Mi was feeling, she was stoic. I reached under her dress and found that she wasn’t wearing any underwear, and her pussy was sopping wet from her own avalanche of pussy juice. “Hyeon Mi, you little slut!”
She smiled at me. “Come on, let’s order, we need to feed that massive appetite.”
Read “Mad For Jizz” and other short stories from the full book Bored To Tears by My Asian Husband