Bulletin #2 – The Smutpunk Blues | #EARTG #LPRTG #SSRTG #MrBrtg Any others?

The Smutpunk Blues –  Bullshit Bulletin #2

by San Esperma de Desgracia

Well, we had very few sales and then a ton and then very few again this period so I guess even Smutpunks get the Blues. Oh well.

Emme’s working on Part 2 of her Confessions of a Whore Series. Yay! Also, she has the beginning and ending written for Buttplug Blues. Lot’s of folks singin’ the blues these days. Times are hard. Hard as cock. Buttplug Blues is the sequel to That Fucker, who shows up to torture our heroine again. This time she’s ready and has a few surprises of her own.

Saharah Shae has a new blurb out about Fun with the First Sergeant. You can read an excerpt at Mr. Blackthorne. Mouse over the link to the book to visit Amazon shops from all over the globe. Isn’t that handy, gals and pals?

Callie Press (aka Queen Kegel) is up at the plate to knock some Yeti’s out of the park. There’s this bit about Cunt Punting that some people may find offensive. (See deliciously offensive artwork)

Slut Punting

The Yeti isn’t only one interested in Slut Punting

I wrote Book 3. Looks like I forgot to write the sex, well except for some tit-fucking an unconscious ex-wife in her hospital bed while hijacking her milk. Callie says that’s dubcon. I think that’s a pretty fine line.

Don’t forget to stay up to date with Milked by the Yeti at literaryporn.net

You haven’t heard of MILKED BY THE YETI? Do you live under a rock? Well, get yourself a quick one-minute taste at xvideos.com’s trailer of Natasha and Lena in Milked by the Yeti. Please give it a thumbs up if you enjoyed it. Thank you. I made it, so I could really use the encouragement.

Is anybody doing a blog tour or anything because I’m up for hosting a stop. I don’t really even know what that means, but I’d like to try being a host and finding out.

In Twitter news, authors keep blastin out tweets lauding their own books. I do it too, but man I’m getting bored of it. Also, Sarcashmo was able to cockslap fools until he was able to catch Christiano Kale, the clone of the sexy, talented Christian Bale (with or without beard).

In other Twitter news, dudes keep sending me photos of their junk. I’m pretty much as obviously male as Big John Slade, so clearly half of India is gay although they will not admit they are (consider this when marketing toward the sub-continent). I’m going with something alone the lines of “My White Co-Worker Made me a Bollywood Cuckold” or something to that effect.

I had something else to say, but it’s gone.

My new TriStain is coming alone. Those of you who have pre-ordered, please hang loose a little longer. I was flying along but with the holidays and all, I am trudging through molasses now. However, the idea sounds good to me. See the clippings by Dean Diddlewitz (aka DD) if you’d like to see what’s up with “The Stain.”

Remember to take advantage of this great service:

Poet for hire is always a good thing, right? I suggest you buy the ever-popular hate poem. The poem is emailed anonymously to anyone you choose and features nasty, MJ-style abuse. Great for ex-husbands, bosses, cunt family members, and nemeses. Buy today, guaranteed delivery by Valentine’s Day (plan ahead)!

Sarchashmo is the poet for hire. He’ll cockslap any fools into submission. If he cannot, he’ll employ the help of his “friend”, Queen Kegel the Sextacular

Got something important to add?

Let me know.

I’m always around. Email, comment, tweet, or stop me on the street (grabbing me by the balls is the best way to get my wandering attention).

‘Nuff said, says San Esperma di Desgracia


Clipping from the UFO Chronicler | Excerpt from Triangulum Stain 2 | #EARTG #LPRTG #MrBrtg


The Excerpt is a clipping from the beginning of the book Triangulum Stain 2 – Alien Relish. It sets the stage for what the book is going to be. TriStain 1 had lots of print outs from an old diode computer set up in the bowels of the Secret Government Facility known as Cunter Labs. TriStain 2 has a few clippings because it has to cover billions of years. Let me include a clipping or two to make it happen. It’s the story of creation and extinction told from the sexual perspective. Enough blab, let’s get to the story…

Clipping from the UFO Chronicler (THE UFOCHRO – /yoo-FOW-krow/)

by Dean Dibblewitz (more about him later)

On the Alien Planet M69, circa 3,717,879,873 light years before (give our take a few million years)

The planet was like the surface of the moon, all craggly and nooks and crannies. They say the moon was once filled with a yogurt and Planet M69 in the Pinwheel Formation was definitely one of those types with some kind of viscous white and clear cream running through the tunnels, formations, and falls. Imagine a cum river, a cum waterfall, a cum lake. That’s what you have. There were no humans on M69, aka Alien Relish, all the life forms were in this liquid, oozing from craters, hissing down cumfalls, cascading down ravines. It was a bizarre site and one that Doc Rock and company had been studying. It was, of course, free of humans but certainly not free of life. It was life. It was life incarnate. The spring.

The cummy planet was a DNA garden. It was the source from which life spurted. Scientists and Philosophers on Earth complained that English had no good work for this concept, the idea of going from nothing to something. Creation. Spring. Spew. Spurt. Jizz. Splooge. Start. Call it what you may it was the essential element in the universe, the moment when nothing becomes something. Some think the world is death filled by life. Some think the world is life interrupted by death. Either which way, there were two states: alive and dead. The movement between them emerged from this Alien Relish. The relish was programmed to procreate. It flew through the universe, what the scientists call panspermia. The whole mantra is to procreate. It hopped rides on comets, stuck to rings of planets, kissed little particles of ice, got sucked into black holes, and in this case jumped inside the cockpit of the Martian Mindwalker, the latest capsule sent from Earth to discover if there was life on Mars. Somehow the Martian Mindwalker wandered way off course into the Pinwheel Formation and the spores of M69, the Alien Relish itself, had hijacked a ride to Earth. Nobody who knew knew.

This chemical agent from M69 hitching a ride to Earth led to a massive sentient Alien Dildo Invasion that was secretly thwarted by a secret group of women tasked with protecting life here on Earth. They are spooks. If you say their name you will disappear. If you look at them in the shadows they will vanish. If you see one on the television your memory will be erased. If you read about them in a book you will orgasm and forget they ever existed. BUT THEY ARE HERE, among us. THEY ARE THE FUCK FORCE FIVE.

And I will uncover them for you.

But what I have uncovered is terrible news. Our pleasure center is drying up. The pools of sexual desire are far from infinite. They are almost all gone.

One last thing, and perhaps the scariest. Until Replicating Dildo Day (RDD – See TriStain1 if you need more info), there was a word in our minds that we knew for the concept I mentioned above. The word was the verb that meant to become something from nothing. Something like to jizz, to spring, to become, but the exact right word. That word was removed from our minds at the same time that the cummy planet and all that lifeforce dried up.



The U-Fo-Krow was a little independent paper. They tracked Alien Life on Earth and abroad. They stumbled on quite a few facts and Dean Dibblewitz was their lead investigative journalist. He was wildly unknown but extremely famous. He monitored those who monitored others and was thus monitored himself. He was that little tingle in the back of your neck that lets you know something is out there. He was deja vu.

The Fuck Force Five was located in the Brooklyn Armory. They were underground in an office that was decorated with the old streamlined white furniture of the air terminal at JFK circa 1960.*


Character Bio:

Dean DibblewitzAka DD – Alien. Photographic memory specialized in human history, immortal. If he doesn’t dibble himself, he forgets his entire memory. The moment he gets fucked and ejaculates the whole of human history rushes back to him. This can be very useful. This can also lead to a quick fuck necessary at the most inopportune moments. DD used a poster of Tabitha from Fuck Force Five (secret identity: Destiny Girl) hung on his ceiling to help him manage his memory. Why was Tabitha on a poster? Cause her secret identity was Destiny’s Girl from the mega-platinum super-band Destiny’s Pussydolls.

PRE-ORDER Triangulum Stain 2 for FREE – Only a few days left!



*one reader pointed out that JFK wasn’t called that until 1963, which is true. Before that we called it Idlewild but it was really called New York International Some Shit. It looked something like this:

Idlewild Airport

Bullpen Bulletin #1 by Sarchasmo | Aka San Esperma ||

Bullpen Bulletin #1

Squirt-a-mouse Girl is awesome. She’s quite helpful and teaching me to un-dungeon some of my books that have been chained to the bench for a while.  You may know her as July Cumming during the day, but at night she squirts from Canada to Kazakhstan. When you use your mouse her liquid permeates your skin. Go ahead, click. See!? Here, have a wet tissue to clean off with. There.

Queen Kegel has released three installments of MILKED BY THE YETI. One more is on its way soon. Stay tuned. They are at literaryporn.net.

Poet for hire is always a good thing, right? I suggest you buy the ever-popular hate poem. The poem is emailed anonymously to anyone you choose and features nasty, MJ-style abuse . Great for ex-husbands, bosses, cunt family members, and nemeses. Buy today, will deliver by Christmas!

Sarchashmo is the poet for hire. He’ll cockslap any fools into submission. If he cannot, he’ll employ the help of his “friend”, Queen Kegel the Sextacular

Got something important to add?

Let me know.

I’m always around. Email, comment, tweet, or stop me on the street (grabbing me by the balls is the best way to get my wandering attention).FreeTesticleExam-MJ-cares

Holy Sperm that’s Great Copy, isn’t it?


Aside from Kegel/Sarcashmo:

You were Jackie Lee! Little Jackie Lee, the barnacle-boy from underground Asian porn movies!”

“No no,” he said nervously. “My name is not Jack Lee, it’s Jack Li. A common mistake.”*

“Ohhhhh,” Natasha said.

“Didn’t you just say the same name twice?” Vlad asked.

“Little Jackie Lee had a two-foot cock,” Natasha said. “I was always very, very curious about him.”

“I thought you were Brut Lee?”

“Like champagne? I not champagne.”

“No, Brunch Lee. A very tasty treat,” Vlad said.

“Yes, all two feet of him,” said Natasha. Mmmnn mmnnn. Like a subway two footer.”

“No, no. It’s Brooos Leee,” Vlad said. “That’s what I heard.”


*The name must be different in the intonation


How to Really Convince your girlfriend to take a Facial | #LPRTG #EARTG #HowToFuck


 Another Installment from the Instructional Series

“The Facial”

The Wonderful Climax that lands on a Face

Stocks can be quite persuasive!

Stocks can be quite persuasive!

Giving your girlfriend/wife/one-night-stand-whore a facial is a very important and complex ritual that any true man must master. Every couple goes through this same routine: The guy isn’t happy until the girlfriend routinely takes his nut every morning, or evening, or whatever hour they agree upon, but many men let their girlfriends dictate. This is, of course, a big mistake. Some people go through all kinds of trouble to make their loved one, slave, or sex toy take nut-butter (see images). This is a waste of time and energy and it really shouldn’t be. Your efforts are needed elsewhere and a facial is your privileged that you should be tapping into. It really shouldn’t be too terribly long before your cum is hitting her nose and eyes if you follow some simple steps, such as coercing her with lore of moisturized skin, tempting her to conform with the regularity of which it’s done in all the popular porn movies, telling her she’ll be your princess, and if necessary (or if you just want) by telling her that you love her dearly.

The first thing is to remind her that choad is in fact very good for her skin and that she’s already putting it on her face after every shower when she uses all those haute couture products that she uses. Haute Couture cum is great! The next thing to remind her is that all the porn girls do it. You can easily show her a blowjob and cumshot compilation videos in abundance at slutload.com, or youjizz.com, or stupidwhoreseatmoctezumacum.com. She will probably enjoy watching the porn. If she doesn’t, you may have a lot of work to do convincing her and should probably consider buying some stocks (see images). If you do buy stocks, simply lock her in and go to work–end of story. After you come on her bound face, tell her what a dumb slut she is and photograph her and send to this blog. They love the humiliation; that will make her day. If none of these tips help, you’re going to have to ask her if she wants to be your princess. “Of course,” she’ll say and then you put a tiara on her head and jizz all over it and her hair and her face. Also, you probably need to tell her that you love her and be very gentle with her. She may not be ready for a facial for whatever reason. Don’t feel too shy to beg her to take your load. If begging gets her to kneel and be your cum target you should feel like a stud. Also, if she begrudgingly kneels and lets the semen splatter her then you must either photograph it for posterity–because it will be a long time till the next one, if there is ever a next one–or you should immediately call her a stupid cum dump just to see the horror on her face.

Part of the Instructional Series by Moctezuma Johnson

Remember that no slut, err girl, is born ready to take a facial but they are all willing to learn to love it. The onus is on you, dudes. You have to work her into becoming your personal cumpig little by little. That said, you can surely convince her and feel like a real man. Girls will do all kinds of kinky shit for the man they love. Don’t worry. Remember the death of the Alpha Man in modern society is leading to his resurgence.

Post your experiences below and ask me if there’s any other how-to that you need. Happy cum-shooting!

Why is the facial so important?
Marking your lover with your seed is quite empowering for a number of reasons. Tantamount is that the visual side of sex is really important to men (as Callie Press says in Give Great Head). Seeing the cum on my girl’s face turns me on. Also, knowing that there’s no chance of pregnancy and the session is focused on pleasure and nothing more is hot. It gives a nasty feel to the encounter. And, as George Clinton says, “All that is good is nasty!”


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Moctezuma Johnson’s Erotic Smutpunk Bulletin #0 (The Pilot) | The Bullshit Bulletin


Moctezuma Johnson wants to get the word out: The Erotic Smutpunk Bulletin

Ever heard of Marvel’s Bulletin Board? [[insert image here]]

We should be doing that too. We have T. Queef and some other saps to take the piss out of a bit. There are the one wank wonders, the cunts and dicks who’ve never learnt no grammer, and the tweetathoners. Then there’s Mr. B’s crew. They are nice so I won’t fuck with them even though I wish I could tell you from cunt to black & white cocksucker where the line of “tasteful” gets drawn, in what color, and by whom, but that’s not the issue here. No, no, they don’t say tasteful, they say “classy.” I say assy but the fact that the Mr. B group has a pulse, a libido, and N angle makes me want to have a thousand arms to finger the nymphs and jerk the duke. The nymphettes are nice. They are awesome to me one-on-one and have retweeted the shit out of me. Oh, and my wife, the jynxy mynx named Emme “Cocksucking” Hor is one of them, for fucks sake. How can Moctezuma Johnson not join?

If you can’t beat ‘em, join em.

Me? No. Like Groucho Marx said, “I don’t want to be part of any group that would have me for a member.” Not that they would have me as a member. But I still consider them part of the bullpen, especially Jenny, Linzi, July, and Callie. There are a bunch of other fuckers and page eroti-suckers who I want to fold into the mix like blueberries into hot muff(in) batter. There’s Reed James and the Naught Book Snitch with her GIFtopia. One day at a time, like a good AA member.

Get Your Spider-Man Shirt

Get Your Spider-Man Shirt

A literary porn erotic smutpunk bulletin

A place to get important upcoming news in the literary erotica universe. We don’t have a bullpen where we all sit and one table and crank out mad creativity cause we all sit all by our lonesomes in our underwear with coffee, wine, joints, or all three, and do our bidding with our bots and one-handed typing. I guess twitter is our ‘pen but that’s pure chaos. Bulls are way more organized than we are on twitter. We are out of fucking control with all the tweets (thanks tweetathoners, I’m so sick of seeing repeat lines and repeat images), all the dick picks (it’s mostly dudes from the subcontinent – guys, I’m a dude. Do you want this Latino-Italian guy looking at your dick? You do? Then read my FUTA shit!), and all the book link BUY MY BOOK links, you can have a nervous breakdown in five minutes. Luckily I mostly ignore DMs so they can send cocks ’til the cows come home. My point is that authors could use a little bulletin that boils down the news so we can see what’s going on. We need an easy to manage quick news rather than scrolling through noise. In Seoul, busy streets have neon signs in every spot imaginable advertising stuff. The neon-barrage is so strong that I feel like I’m walking in the dark. I’ve unconsciously mentally turned off every buzzing colorful light. In real life these electric color-boards tell me to shop, eat, and drink at their establishments. In my mind I see a quiet black sky and hot Asian chicks in short skirts. These stores should start sending me dick pictures, they’d be better off. We could have a bulletin.

Why was Marvel’s Bulletin so Amazing?

Cause comics rule! I loved those Marvel chats with Stan the Man. Stan’s Soapbox. Sexy. I loved wrestling and metallica too, but I outgrew the latter two things. Comics still fucking rule!

I go to comic book stores regularly because flipping through a bunch of comic books jumpstarts my mind in a way that nothing else can. The creativity within these pages is off the charts. It was Callie Press who said some erotic smutpunk bulletin magic words to me the other night by DM that really knocked my socks deep up my anal cavity. She said, “Excelsior!” out of nowhere or some of the other weird ass words Stan “The Man” Lee would throw out there. It made me look up why the fuck he did that and I found out it was because he thought his competition (the fuckers that would copy everything) wouldn’t be able to copy it because they wouldn’t know how to spell it after he said it. Lol. That just cracks me up and I’m pretty sure some of my haters can’t spell abominable snowman nor the Philippines. I take pleasure in that. And in saying, Fuck you to the haters. I’ve watched most of them drop off like flies (see T. Queef) and disappear back into the narrow-minded fetters from whence they came. You know what I say, Can’t a Husband Suck His Wife’s Cock Anymore? Western culture has become too Politically Cum-rect(al). Asia is still a much rawer place.

Thankfully I can hide my head in the cum-stained sand and write about the destruction of the universe by the Sluts of the Oblong-Dong Table and the drying up of The Streams of Sementopia and the ismywifeaFUTAvolcanic Mt. Ejaculi going dormant. I can write about Yeti’s taking big-titted Russian whores as slaves and then getting sick of them and kicking them down the side of a mountain. I can read about a Halloween Spook being all too real and using virgin sperm and menstrual blood to erase and create universes. This is the fun of what I’ve termed Literary Porn Erotica. Kat Crimson calls it smart smut or cerebral smut, which is another kick ass term. I’m stoked to be a part of this fucked up wave of eWriters who can self-publish their stuff and tweet with their readers and have a jolly old time. Just the way these Marvel Bulletins were a cool way to feel a part of the comic crowd, we get excited about new work thanks to blogs, tweets, posts, and other sharers. I’m going to boil it down every bulletin board. That’s my pledge. Feel free to send me shit that you know has to be out there. I feel free to ignore shit that has no place.

Hey, Queen Kegel, Excelsior! Let’s start putting EROTIC PULP of Heroes and Villians! into all our eBooks (natch!)

Literary Porn Club, baby! SAN ESPERMA cockslapping fools left and right for Candy Cane Kegel and the SUPERhung superHUNK SPaCe GlaDIatorS

Bullpen Bulletin #o (The Pilot Cerebral Erotic Smutpunk Bulletin):

The Milked by the Yeti Series has begun. Book 1 by Moctezuma is out on the literaryporn.net site and Callie Press is writing Book 2 as I write this. She’s released the first installment, introducing Vivek and bring the milking fucking Yeti back for more scary, sexy fun.

‘Nuff said!


GUYS! Follow Moctezuma’s Site and Get Your Free Testicle Exam from Kitchen COWgirl!

For Linz, Lilah, and Kat whose minds eternally crawl in the gutter | THANK YOU^^

Literary Porn Smutpunk



The Facebook Post that started the trouble.

Two Poems by Emme Hor | #EARTG #MrBrtg #LPRTG |

A Literary Porn Poem

Two Poems about Rothko and Rosenvasser

by Emme Hor

I was the meat
Rothko and Rosenvasser were the bread
I sauced, creamy dressing
mustard-honey vinaigrette on lunch-meatsexy (6)
they were lightly toasted
and soggy in the middle


Rothko and Rosenvasser
hate each other
each spits when he
hears the name of the other



Author bio:

Emme Hor was born in Malaysia. She has a degree in Law and in Ass-kicking. She looks like a smoking hot supermodel, standing over six feet tall. She was once offered 10,000 dollars to take a Bukkake. Whether or not she accepted can be neither confirmed nor denied. If you compliment her on her poetry she may sign a picture of her ass for you as a souvenir. Get yourself ready for the Confessions of a Whore Series.