What’s the best way to humiliate your girl? Big Ass Eating.
Cheating is always good – you know, eat out another girl’s ass right in front of your girl. Then kiss her. When she can’t resist and her tongue tastes the metallic taste of ass from your tongue, she’ll know she’s totally your whore and feel the humiliation overtake her like she’s bathing in warm milk.
Having her film while you fuck her throat in public is always a winner — it’s hard for her not to feel humiliated when she sees herself getting used. No amount of luxury makeup or accessories can de-whore her enough
Post her riding your dick as the ringtone to your phone, like mine below, and then show it to your friends whenever she calls you. Make sure to have her give you a ring on the blower while you’re sitting together so she knows what you and your friends see.
there she is surprised
that i’ve entered
there she is, big tits
with hard nipples
in see-through shirt
there she is
dropped to her knees
smile gone, brow wrinkled
she turns around
offers her back as a canvas
I Jackson Pollock
her with poetry
The Nitty Gritty: How to Suck Dick Well
Women all profess their amazing skills at sucking dick. Ask one why they think they are good and you hear answers like “I’ve never heard any complaints” or something to that effect. That is hardly roaring support, ladies. Kid yourself no more!
Men know the truth: less than 2% of women can really suck a dick like a pro. Chances are the girl with whom you’re speaking is a shit cocksucker and doesn’t even know it.
Here are some tips for women to learn to suck dick well, from a guys perspective. Print them out and post them on the refrigerator.
- Kneel, whore – position is key for ease and depth of cock-sucking, and for the visual pleasure of the dude. Also, you need to know that you’re here to swallow dick. So, understand this one unalienable fact: you’re a fucking whore. It’s not debatable. You’re here to suck dick. And dick you will suck. If you aren’t in the mood, then don’t bother.
- Wipe your ass with what Cosmo said – your sole aim to please and serve cock, so cut out all this kissing the tip, flicking your tongue over it, and nibbling and caressing. Get down to swallowing his big, hard, veiny meat.
- Lick the under the balls – lift those balls up with your hands and find the space between his asshole and where his dangling balls are attached to his body, bullseye. Now push into it with your tongue. If you don’t mind ass, lick that too (that will earn you BONUS points) and soon he will be bragging about how good in bed you are to his buddies and all of them will be hitting on you. Note: if they are not hitting on you, he’s not bragging.
- Swallow his dick – imagine you are French kissing him, but not on the mouth, on the dick. Enjoy it and let him ride your tongue straight down your throat.
- Nose to pubes & balls to lips – don’t just kneel there, swallow that dick. Get your nose to his pubes and your chin to his balls!
- Relax your throat – This is your mantra: swallow that dick. Repeat it to yourself. When the tip reaches the back of your throat, swallow. Don’t tense up or you’ll start gagging. Relax. Swallow. It will go down smoothly. Then let it up and breathe. Repeat.
- Alternate Position – Lay on the bed (or couch) and let your head hang off – this position allows him to face fuck you. You just concentrate on swallowing his dick while he goes to work.
Depth is everything – If you swallow his whole cock, he will be obsessed with your mouth (and even the rest of you).
Those are the basics, which most women don’t possess. Just by reading this you’re ahead of the curve. Pat yourself on the back. Now, kneel in front of him and get to work. No more bullshit messing around with the head, scratching it with your teeth, sucking it like you’re vacuuming, and other nonsense that really doesn’t feel very good. Swallow that dick!
Feel free to post comments and ideas below. Thanks.
This has been the “How To Suck Dick” excerpt from The Sex Manual. If you’ve been following me for years, you know this series of blog posts was so popular that a lot of people implored me to make it into a book. Being the weak-minded sheep follower that I am, I acquiesced. Please buy your copy and show some support.
Poem written for Divine Metamorphoses, a genius and a goddess
She’s this gorgeous woman
in a slip
riding a bike
not a TREK or some shit
a real bike
a front wheel the size of Earth
the back wheel its satellite Moon
She’s trailing a dolphin and a clipper ship
attached by an umbilical cord
attached to her clit ring
she’s all dark and goth and trannys line up
in the background jerking off like a great
while the free hand of each tranny touches the free breast
of the tranny besides him/her
and they jizz stardust that sizzles as it splatters
like bacon frying and popping like Syd Barrett singing
like Milos Raonic serving
his one greased strand of hair cascading onto his forehead
this divine creature peddles through the sky.
her legs go on forever
not a few feet or meters
forever like the difference
between the size of a pebble on a lake’s shore
and the size of the sun
she peddles with urgency
her brain is there enticing the trans-bukkake
to shoot ropes of interstellar jism
that spin with gravity and gravity
and like that
this cycling sky-nymph
onto the never before known black canvas
the empty pin cushions
that come into unbeing and thus are
her slip is billowing
her black hair is a tornado behind her
smudging frigid errors
into blurry wet goodness
men, women, transgender
all point at this cycling goddess
all kneeling to her
the torso of a man
floats in front of her
waiting with a ballroom
in front of a great disco ball sun
that shines fuckadelic
she hops off her cosmic bike
and the trannies’ sizzling celestial semen colors in his legs
DNA strands twirl in double helix dances
until she has made
hands her the gown
she strips off her slip
pale against the sky
her giant tits
her vast navel
her unbounded pussy
her juicy sidereal ass
he bites the umbilical cord
and frees her
from the dolphin and clipper ship
she puts on the gown
interlocks his fingers
and they dance
a perennial jig
her black hair a tornado
his blonde hair a whirlpool
his fit abs twitch
when she runs a finger at his neck
her nipples bloom
and flowers sprout underneath
their naked feet
he holds her neck
and they kiss
stardust swirls in their mouths
this is not drunk motel sex
this god and goddess
this is Eros and Aphrodite
this is Xochiquetzal and Bes
this is Enzo and Rati
her blowjob is eternal deep throat
this is not a bad-smelling purple jelly
this a red giant
parting her labia
his cock is lightyears
their simultaneous orgasm
is a Karmen vortex street
that shakes and swirls
they continue their ballroom dance
and suck each other’s essence
out of their lips and
and their lips’ throats
until she gives way again
and bends her cosmic asshole
this sodomy gives the Khajuraho
her delicate forms
gives Chennakesava its sensuality
his boundless cock
impales her as roughly as tenderly
she gives into him
and he melts into her
her immeasurable hole
takes every lightyear of him
they rip a chasm into the
light of a new universe
the holes in this current universe’s background
and something that wasn’t suddenly is
and in that new something they collapse
and have a post-coital nap
in each other’s arms
a new temple is being built
to house this new image
this divine metamorphoses
Visit Divine Metamorphoses on Twitter to see incredible erotica
What’s in a Twitter Hashtag? Which one is the best?
Phuket — 2014 I was originally blown away by the smarts of Tony Queef and his Erotic Hashtag until I realized he was a hashtag nazi and didn’t want your tag mixing with his tag. He couldn’t stand mine and yours tagging together or else his panties would get stained with too much hot sticky hash-(tag) and then you know what? He’d be impregnated. And that he just couldn’t have, which I respect.
His idea is good, even great, but he’s not a visionary. He’s more of a hater, an egomaniac, and a credit-, attention-, and genre-whore. All those things are good in their place, but when I am trying to sell erotica I’d prefer to do so without the nazi DM-YELLING, in a high-pitched 144 character frenzy, to take down artwork of spread ass or posts about psychedelic mind control allusions before he…whatever, dude. He made me nervous with his rants so I long ago tuned him out. I recently found I’d been booted from his blog, blocked from his hashtag, but I didn’t really give a fuck because I had better plans already anyway.
I had replaced the “other” hashtag with ours: #LPRTG. Using a tag for all erotica work (whether tame or brashly uncensored, whether fine art, literature, or pulp fiction) is a solid idea because it makes google and amazon and the other creators of bots and algorithms aware of our hard work as independent erotic writers and artists, and it helps us form a web of interrelation. This helps us get noticed in various mediums. Nothing wrong with being noticed when you’re trying to get readers.
In my opinion, nothing replaces the success of simply sitting down to write but some retweeting, sharing on FB, and the employment of bots like crowdfire and roundteam, can help us all reach more potential readers and easily spread the word about each other and ourselves. So please use a few characters of your 144 character to add #LPRTG (or @LiteraryPornRTG) and let us (and our followers — which will be growing) share for you. It has already gotten some traction and this is just the beginning. We would like to get 5 times larger to really help out. That starts with people adding the #LPRTG tag to their erotica books, their dirty poems, their sexual artwork, and more.
Also, feel free to combine the hashtag with any other hashtags you so desire. I couldn’t care less how you choose to use it and will support your posts unconditionally. I’ll suggest combinations that seem to do the best periodically.
The Erotic Lineup will have to wait for Literary Porn Writer Moctezuma Johnson
Triangulum Stain was briefly included in Christina Harding’s Erotic Lineup on Random House’s Romance and Random but the gods of censorship weren’t having it. I’ve become accustomed to that dis-inclusion at the hands of my raging, uncut naughtiness. I would have enjoyed the exposure, but I am meant to be a well kept secret, a counter-culture karmic cunt, and that’s the way I plan to stay. Still, I want to thank Christina Harding for her awesomeness. She’s constantly promoting erotic writers from those who dabble in red-cheeked romance to XXX hardcore literary porn and I thank her for all the love she’s given to me and other writers. If she’s not already your friend, she should be, so read Underneath the Gargoyles and Underneath the Gargoyles Part II ASAP.
This is the Series that Has Everyone Wondering Where to Find a More Depraved Bunch
The Chronicles of a Humiliation Backfired Book Trailer
This video had text (not one pornographic image). Thanks for censoring it, google. Thanks a lot.
Please share and spread the word. Use hashtag #FuckCensorshipUpTheAss please. Thank you! You will be rewarded with contact with nirvana.