The Adult Filter – The Kiss of Death for Sales of Flagged Books
My books and writing career are both getting killed by amazon’s anti-appearance-of-pornography laws. I mean, I accept that my work is nasty, dirty, smut but my colleagues in the erotica arena are being labeled as “Not-Adult” according to Sales Rank Express while having bukkake gangbangs and werewolves fucking pigs against their will. Something’s up. All I wanted to do was put the hilarious cover of a women in a latex police suit rappelling down a dildo in the desert. It seems to me that humor is more banned than nasty, sex acts. The reason being, in my jackass, ADHD-infested opinion, is that humor calls attention to itself, where titles such as Transgender Anal Plumbers Storm Hucow University—as long as the cover is innocuous and there are no fucking F words embedded in the product description—seem to slip by un-noticed. I guess the days of having fun with my covers and copy are over. All the fun will be inside the book. The outsides will be pretty straightforward.
I’ll be changing the title of Jane’s Steak and Blowjob Night Surprise to, Jane’s Steak and Math Homework Completed on Time Surprise. Yep. It has a nice ring to it!
Hotel Bukkake Party could become Waigoren Hotel Party or Gulp Gulp Hotel Party. That would be Gulmok Gulmok in Korean. What’s it in Japanese? Gokkun Gokkun. (Japanese is often more well-known to Westerners than Korean, but that’s a topic for another day).
Subtitle: The Great PornApocalypse
That’s a great title for my next book of poems. Better than My Whore Bag or Real and Imaginary Girlfriends #2.
The artist in me that wants to be creative fights the self-respecting author in me that wants my books to come up in searches, and “Customer Also Bought” lists. It’s not only a case of sour grapes, although, damn, them grapes be sour! I’m, thankfully, aware that if you could remove the Adult Ban I’d be on those searches and lists—and that’s something. I get to see my sales. I’m no bestseller but strangely or not, I get some really cool, very smart, very professional, very loyal fans from all walks of life. I interact with anybody who is brave enough to email me and therefore have a good sense of what’s being bought. The problem is I’m not getting the amazon marketing machine—which is formidable—to back me thanks to these adult tags. I guess, in some ways I’m ultra-cool because I just won’t be tamed!
I see some great writers dealing with similar issues. I’ve noticed that Bella Swann, has chosen to list her books on multiple platforms. This is a great way to combat some of these arbitrary filters and makes sure your readers to get to see all your books.
If you are not sure if your books have adult bans on them visit Sales Rank Express and type in the author’s name and see all their books. You will see a red, ADULT, label if a book has been flagged (see image to the right).
Other writers have told me that you can remove “bad” words in the product description, remove any “fleshy bits” on your covers, and then email Amazon and ask them to review your updated book and consider removing the adult ban. While that works for some people, I wouldn’t keep your fingers crossed for too long. I’ve had no luck with that system. I’ve also had no luck with the perma-free pricing either (but that’s another story for another day, too).
Moctezuma Repents for his Porn Peddling Ways, but seriously can’t a Husband Suck His Wife’s Cock Anymore?
I probably have overdone it here and there with all these dildos in deserts and women with massive, animated cocks but the truth is the world is too censored. Maybe I’m all jacked up. I mean I did run a bar for the last 5 years. I’ve been basically the bailiff of a medieval dungeon. My brain cannot be normal, can it?
That said, I’m a good citizen. Very. I hold doors for women, compliment people when they’re polite and kind. I’ve broken up fights repeatedly, stopped guys from murdering other guys, and I’m on the shy side, ultimately. Anyways.
This is the last piece to cause the ruckus:
Originally Called “Body Forms”
a poem for #WorldPoetryDay | When is #EroticPoetryDay? I nominate 6/9
before getting pregnant,
or when she first got pregnant,
she had a massive ass
two watermelons held by a harness:
her tiny waist
that cowered in the shadow of
her two big juggs.
now her whole body
was a kind of a big pear
not the American kind—
that juice-less apple rip-off—
the big, juicy, wet Korean Pear.
I slip a pig mask over her head
my cock is deep in her and I hold it there
her nails are in my ass cheeks
this pig-masked thing is about to orgasm
“Oink,” I say.
she oinks like a pig and the orgasm fades
just momentarily until I start to pound into her hard
and she grinds furiously, oinking oinking oinking
If you like Futanari, you should enjoy this video:
Read Futanari Erotica
Since you liked this Futanari Video, you may find yourself in the mood to read some futanari, gunge erotica by Moctezuma Johnson. Please check out Jane’s Steak & Blowjob Night Surprise. (Remember to Mouse-Over the link to pull up the link for different countries)
Those of you who know me and my writing know that this was the original book of poems (See link below). I’m editing a new book of poems. The funny thing is that over the years, this book sold pretty well and got to the Top 100 Bestsellers List for “Love Poems” which is a funny, dubious distinction if you know my writing. I most certainly did not set out to write love poems. This book is a private eye into unspeakable sex addicts. What holds it together well is the palpable longing for sex and love (thus the gif on the right!).
If anyone is interested in reviewing the original Book of Real & Imaginary Girlfriends, or the new one, please let me know. Thanks
A Steak & Blowjob Tale by Moctezuma Johnson
I wanted to get this ready for Steak & Blowjob 2015 but like usual I am way too late. Better to be late as a writer than as a jazz musician, so I’ll take it. At least this short story about a married couple having some strap-on and gunge fun is ready. Does gunge and strap-on play match? I really don’t know. But that’s how it’s written.
Jane and David have been married for a while and have a yearly ritual in which Jane cooks the steak and gives the blowjob. This year, a role reversal is about to occur.
The onions smelled delicious. She had one hand on the bulb and one on the big dildo, she aimed it at the frying pan and thought about shooting a vanilla cum load onto their steaks. Should she? It could taste good. Vanilla. She heard keys at the door. She shoved the big dildo into her jeans, just like she was a guy who was caught masturbating. The debate whether shooting cum on their steaks was a good idea would have to be postponed until later. David came in and walked right to her. He was a robot. A titty-stalking robot. When tits were out he went right to them like the Frankenstein’s monster and reached for them. He felt the hard nipples while he rubbed her big tits like he was trying to polish them with the balls of his hands. She moaned and they kissed each other deeply. He kissed down her neck and then started to kiss her tits until he pulled up and said, “It smells great. Nothing like steaks and blowjobs.”
“Blowjobs?” she questioned, emphasizing the plural.
“Who knows? Maybe you’ll be up for multiples.”
She went back to the frying pan and flipped the steaks onto dishes. She had also made custard which was simmering in a pot behind the steaks. Maybe that’s why it smelled so good: grease, onions, and custard. Or maybe it was the vanilla jizz she was wearing in a dildo hidden in her jeans. She wondered if David could see her bulge. She looked down. She could see it.
David, her loving husband, poured two glasses of wine. Two UFOs could have passed through the kitchen and flown into the bedroom making chromatic whining noises and he wouldn’t have noticed. That was David. So focused that it was scary. Fixated now on wine and her tits. Fixated on the day and its imminent oral pleasure.
She put the steaks on the table. She was nervous. Her hands were sweaty. How was she going to break the ice that she was wearing a big cock? This was a mistake. She wanted to take it off.
He stood there unbuckling his belt, lowering his slacks, and pulling out his big cock. It was big. It was beautiful. David was still a young man. Technically he was middle aged, but as she looked at his strong abs like the underside of a crab, his sculpted hips, his barrel chest she felt like he was still a gorgeous young man. He kept himself fit. He wore his black hair neat and parted down the side. He had a strong chin. His cock was out and he was expecting that Jane get right to it.
The nerves melted away as she realized the audacity he had to not worry about how to break the ice. She suddenly found herself very cocky. She picked up a slab of the meat she’d just cooked with her bare hands and ripped it apart. She was surprised at her strength. She crammed a massive piece, more than five neatly cut mouthfuls, into her mouth.
David watched her with wide eyes. He was smiling. He saw this enthusiasm as transferrable to his meat. But he was wrong.
Jane swallowed the entire piece and then reached down and…
…now now, we interrupt these proceedings for a little finances. Please click on over to Amazon and put your quarters in the slot to find out what Jane’s really up to in her naughty little world. Thanks^^
Love Messy Blowjobs and Pies in Faces?
The you may like the photos below or the SMUTPUNK Classic the Steak and BJ Bundle by Moctezuma Johnson
Is it Steak & Blowjob Day Again Already?
Jane gets ready for her annual Steak & Blowjob Day by cooking her husband a steak per their ritual. Normally she’d then be on her knees sucking her good man off showing her total wifey appreciation. But this year she’s got something up her, well, wet, well-lubed, sleeve. Okay, that’s not a sleeve.
Check out some hot futanari, pegging, strap on, role reversal fun. Who’s getting the steak and who is getting the blowjob. Oh, and why is there custard on the stove? Isn’t it Pi Day too? Can there be gunge too in this awesome, very adult-themed short short?
Jane waits for David to get home just like every other Steak & Blowjob Day but this one will either be a total disaster or more fun than ever. See what happens!