Smutpunk is its own language | #SMUTPUNK #LPRTG #EROTICA

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Smutpunk is its own language

smutpunk is its own language

Cafe con leche — porque gatos…

You may have seen that I’m publishing more books and sex tips in Spanish. I speak Spanish poorly, but I do speak, so that’s been an advantage as I can work with my translators to find phrasings and styles that I like. What other languages would you like to see smuptunk translated into?

Into which languages would you like to see smutpunk books translated? (Choose up to three)

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Sarchasmo (2) Book Club Questions

Please Take a Moment and Answer a few of these Book Club Questions regarding Sarchasmo V. Mr. Whiteprick:book discussion questions

  1. Is the bleak outlook on Indie Writers accurate?
  2. Is Sarchasmo too mean to Whiteprick?
  3. Not that there is anyone in real life as ridiculous as this “Whiteprick” character, but let’s suspend disbelief and assume he is real, do you know who Mr. Whiteprick is in real life?
  4. Does Whiteprick get what he deserves? Why or why not?
  5. Do you know who the Obsessive Cherry Blossom is?
  6. What’s your biggest pet peeve in indie publishing?
  7. Now that you know that Sarchasmo is for hire, would you like to employ him to take on your major issues?

(please answer below — discuss)

Which title do you like better for this book? | a poll

Questionnaire by MJ Smutpunk dude

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Ladies, or men, tell me what you think please.

Which title do you like best for this book?

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JOIN THE AMAZING SMUTPUNK RAFFLE

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JOIN THE AMAZING SMUTPUNK RAFFLE

A Smutpunk Erotica Giveaway

You can win…

  1. A free Kindle stuffed with smutpunk

  2. Sex Toys for him and her

  3. Gift Cards

  4. A Site Shopping Spree

  5. Cock Flavored Cocktails

  6. I mean, Cocktail Flavored Dicksickles

  7. and More!

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You can win a Kindle Fire Tablet with Alexa, $50 in the form of a Gift Card, an Adult Toy from Cinnamoan Sex Toy Shop, an incredible SMUTPUNK Mug, a $35 SMUTPUNK BOOK SHOP Shopping Spree, and, of course, the Kindle Fire comes stuffed with books from participating authors!
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Contest Rules & Disclaimer

You need to register for the LPRTG Mailing List to join. (bit.ly/EmailLPRTG)

The Kindle Fire can only be won by residents of the continental USA, sorry. All other prizes are available to all.

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Be Useful and Nice by sharing this Staggering Smutpunk Raffle with your friends and followers.

While you’re here, check out Moctezuma’s New Releases

Book Review: R.B. O’Brien’s “Thorne: Rose’s Dark Contract” #NRRTG #LPRTG

book-review

Review of R.B. O’Brien’s Thorne: Rose’s Dark Contract

Review by Moctezuma Johnson 

Where to start with this emo-tornado of a book. I felt like I was again dating a twenty-year old. In fact, it felt like dating a few at once. Thorne’s Dark Cuntract, as I have nicknamed R.B.’s book affectionately, is an absolute whirlwind of heavy and dark emotion penned by the slightly mad R.B. O’Brien (not to be confused with any B.R. Yo’Lyin or B.A. Ro’lyin from my books. Any similarities are purely coincidental). The plot is bizarre. On one hand it’s a dark romantic tale about a young women falling for an older man in a suit. She agrees to be enslaved by him as a secretary-whore, a great job title by the way (seeking applicants. Inquire within. Apply online.) Simultaneously, it’s a plot about a man with a past that threatens to reignite and burn him up in an inglorious blaze. These two disparate elements combine. They combust.

For me Rose is a pretty well thought out character. I’m on the fence with Thorne. At times, he seemed to wishy washy to bathe himself successfully let alone run a company threatening the livelihoods of the fat cats from the tobacco industry. Then I remembered that I’m a twelve year old at heart and I function (kind of), so I’m not sure what to make of the dude.

The book features a pretty close character study of young Victoria Rose. The emotions swing from west to north and then some directions that even Cthulhu himself probably couldn’t name. R.B. knows how to write. Her students are lucky to have her as a professor. R.B. also writes characters who are an emotional mess. Her students might be lucky to have her but her boyfriends are in for a heap of crazy. As James Brown says, “I don’t know karate but I do know crazy.” If I ever dated R.B. I think all the volcanoes on Planet Earth would erupt as the tumultuous crazy encircled and enlaced the planet. Thorne is filled with push, pull, deny, encourage, deny, push, pull, tease, withhold, give in, deny in an endless barrage of tantric sexual repression that made me crazy. I kept yelling at the book, “Alright, just assfuck the bitch already!” sincerely hoping Rose would grow a futanari pair, bend the dude in suit over his own desk, and drive into him with all her futanari cock mayhem, but that’s not the kind of book this is, sadly (for me). It’s more the ‘classic’ romance you’d find next to the fake flowers in a suburban ‘super’-market with some hunky, light-skinned Latino on the cover pretending to be a white man. R.B. has studied her audience well and gives romance readers what they want. Rose is very conscious of wearing nice clothes on the outside while wearing the sexy clothes that Mr. William Thorne has made her wear. She’s under his control. She’s painfully self-conscious of every move like an adolescent and this is precisely what’s so captivating about the prose. It’s a very complex push-pull of emotions. R.B. writes a character who sums up the adolescent female mind trapped in all of us adults.

If you’re a fan of romance or erotica this is a good book for you. Smutpunks may like it if they can stand the emotional turbulence without the madcap mayhem that they are used to. The story here is someone banal but the way in which it is told and the character study is extraordinary. Literally. One-and-a-half-smutpunk-Dicks-Up-Erotica-Rating-System-BY_MJ-2All in all, I give it a dick and a half up.

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Dick Rating: A Dick and a Half Up out of Two Dicks (a little too vanilla for me, babes)

Literary Value: William Skankespeare out of William Shakespeare

Overall Score: 4.5 out of 5 stars

 

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Upcumming Reviews (Check Back Soon!) penis

Thing of Beauty by Bianca Schwarz (cumming soon)

Rigger by Mystk Knight (cumming soon)

Kella Z Driel’s Bunker 69 (cumming soon)

Linzi Basset’s Book of Poems (cumming soon)

 

New Tabbed Smutpunk Bookshelf

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New Tabbed Smutpunk Bookshelf

All the madcap cyberpunk, splatterpunk, genre-blending, gender-bending S. Punk you’ve come to expect from MJ, aka King SMUTPUNK

Click the tabs to see what books lie in that category. Start with Futanari and work your way all the way to Sci-Fi. 

Futadelic (see review

Romancing the Hot Stone (see review

Futa Dicksickle Stand (Cumming May 29th) — Join the Mailing List to Get Notifications of Release Dates and Sales/Freebies!

Chronicles of a Humiliation Backfired (Season One)

Chronicles of a Humiliation Backfired (Season Two) — Cumming Soon — Join the Mailing List to Get Notifications of Release Dates and Sales/Freebies!

Messy Blowjob Gunge Pie Steak Pi Day

Promotional Poster for the Steak and BJ Bundle

Jane’s Steak and BJ Night Surprise (see review

The Nose (see review

The Steak and BJ Bundle (see review

Real and Imaginary

Poisonous Apples

Smutpunk Poetry (coming soon) Join the Mailing List to Get Notifications of Release Dates and Sales/Freebies!

The Black Book (coming soon) Join the Mailing List to Get Notifications of Release Dates and Sales/Freebies!

Click the Tongue for Fun

Choose Your Own Kink SEXcapade

A story all about YOU in which YOU make all the decisions!

Pop-n-Lollie--Pulp

Triangulum Stain – Attack of the Replicating Alien Dildos

Triangulum Stain 2 – Battle for Alien Relish

The TriStain Universe Episodes:

Pop & Lollie (Teabagged by the Sentient Lollipop aka the Candy Cunt Saga)

 

 

 

Am I missing something? Let me know. Please share this ever-updating bookshelf with your followers, too. Thank you.

Guest Post by Bella Shadows, Smutpunk | #smutpunk #LPRTG

Guest Post by Bella Shadows

I would like all you smutpunk muhfuckas to welcome the juicy and sexy Bella Shadows to the blog. She’s going to teach you how to go and fuck yourself. Smutpunk: Seriously? Yep. And you’d best listen and learn well because there’s going to be a test later. Your life just may depend on it, okay? She’s got the skills to teach and rumor has it that you ain’t doin’ it right, so you’d better put that thinking cap on your head. The other head, you naughty little pig. Rimmies, MJ

Bella Shadow's Poll: Which of these answers most closely resembles your attitude? Sex is . . .

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Guest Post by Bella Shadows – Click the Cover to Learn More

 

 

THEE GUEST POST OF HONOR
Go Fuck Yourself (Then Go Fuck Others, Too) by Bella Shadows
Okay. Let’s get a couple things straight.
1) Fucking yourself is not just about releasing pent-up stress and repressed sexual desires by jacking-off to one’s favorite porn clip.
2) Yelling, “Go Fuck Yourself!” at another person is actually a blessing, not a curse. It’s closer to “peace be with you” than any derogatory innuendo. (Think about it… Some fanatical Christian moron actually believed that masturbation was a sin and that if you fucked yourself you were a sinner, hence the beginning of that idiotic “curse” statement. Hey, a good Christian only forces their genitalia on their wife/husband, right? Yeah, right.)
Now that we got those two points out of the way, let’s get positive, my people!
Self-love is an art. It’s a chance to reconnect with oneself in a way that no other body can. It’s an opportunity to give back to oneself all the love-energy that one gave away over the course of the day.
Yes, the DAY.
You should fuck yourself daily. Not just once in a while, or when you go home lonely from the club so your hand is the only answer for relief. Not just because you have no partner at the moment. Not only when the job has become too much bullshit to handle so you take out your frustration on your tender bits.
C’mon. This is 2017. I know we can do better than that as a bunch of magically sexual human beings.
Do you know how amazing masturbating is? Really? Maybe you think you know, but do you really, really know? Well, lemme tell you…
FUCK YOU = TREAT YOU RIGHT
Playing with oneself is the only way to tap into pure, singular, creative energy. You can generate more energy from one self-love session than you ever could by just getting your rocks off, whether that be with your own hands or with a partner (or partners).
Lemme ‘xplain somethin’.
There are ancient methods of fucking oneself which can provide your body with more heat than you’ve ever experienced. Let’s discuss this, really, because in general, the sexually repressed and sexually misunderstood culture of the western world has been led to believe that sex is:
A-only for makin’ babies
B-the way one expresses love to a partner
C-taboo and forbidden
D-nasty and disgusting
E-dangerous and powerful
The only one of those options I agree with is the P word–powerful. Sex is power. It is one of the everyday magical talents that every human has the ability to do. Sex is powerful magic.
Close your eyes (after reading this, of course) and recall the last monumental orgasm you felt. Breathe deeply and rhythmically. See the fantasy that took you to the edge of explosion vividly replaying in your mind. Recall how you let yourself go over the edge and feel the deliciousness coursing through your cock and/or pussy. Can you feel that? Yep. You can produce orgasmic energy with your thoughts alone.
That’s fucking creation, my people.
When you choose to take time out of your day to love yourself–please yourself, take yourself to the edge and over, tease yourself, hold yourself back only to let yourself go–you bring honor to your beautiful body. You appreciate it more than any bubble bath ever could.
Calgon taking you away…HA! That shit’s nothing but mostly baking soda and stinky chemicals. But I can’t hate. What that manipulative marketing campaign did in the 1970s is promote the solitary act of honoring one’s body to the demographic of lonely and depressed housewives and mothers. Once in the bath (wickedly resembling a witch’s cauldron, I might add, all bubbling and conjuring magical powers), her sensual hands could take over. Witches are fucking sexy.
Okay, back to the point at hand…
Go Fuck Yourself!
FUCK YOU = HEAL YOU RIGHT
Kitty-cats, if you haven’t heard of Sexual Taoism or Mantak Chia, you need to read up and get yourself a yoni egg. Hot-cocks, if you haven’t mastered holding back your ejaculation and circulating your sexual energy through your body using Microcosmic breathing, you simply must start training. That shit is intense!
These are ancient Chinese methods for harnessing the power of ones orgasm, channeling it back into the body, and using it to heal physical ailments.
Seriously. It works. I practice, so I know first hand.
Our organs are not just there to produce piss and shit from our food and drink or make babies. We are so much more than that! Western medicine has purposefully reduced the self-healing powers of our bodies to keep us sick and unsatisfied so that we will pay the medical system our hard-earned cash in an attempt to “feel normal” again, when in fact, each of us is 100% health-unique and there is no such thing as “normal” especially when it comes to our sexual health.
Fuck the medical system!
No two pussies or cocks look alike, do they? No two bodies respond to sexual climax the same, do they? That’s right, they don’t.
Only you can know how to get you off in the most powerful manner possible. Only you can heal your own physical body. Stop depending on any medical practitioner to make you well! Spending more intimate time with you is the only way to make you feel better. Make YOU a priority over all else and over time you WILL see positive results.
The power is at your fingertips. When you rub yourself just right, you create healing energy. This isn’t some frilly New Age concept, folks. This is as old as time. Rubbing, aka massaging, is all we really do to jack-off anyhow. Why does a body massage feel so good? It circulates stuck energy within the body.
Rubbing your breasts in a certain way gets the juices flowing through many organs, not just our fuck-parts. That’s why we rub tits and suck nipples (and that goes for all sexes). Not just because it’s sexy as hell and delicious beyond belief, but because it warms us up, literally, and releases energy stored in those glands, readying our amazing bodies for the cultivation of energy.
The orgasm is like harvesting ripe crops as food from the fields. It is a gathering of the cultivated creation energy, and if we store this orgasmic energy within our bodies then we can use it when we need it most, just like preserving food to get through winter.
Why do you think we can actually make another human being with our sexual energy? Huh? You think that shit is just coincidental? Just an egg and some spermies colliding, like they told us in junior high science class? No. It is pure creation energy, like fire, that generates a new human body. A vessel for a soul. What-the-fuck-amazing, right!
 
FUCK ‘EM ALL = GIVE A LIL, TAKE A LIL
Once you master fucking yourself right, only then can you move on to fucking others right. Sure, we all fuck. We fuck the way we see it done in the pornos, right? Well, maybe–just maybe–there’s a better way to drum up the heat in a hot encounter. Hint: there is.
Ever heard of Sex Magick? Tantra? Again, ancient stuff here, but there are many methods which have been documented that manifest some seriously intense sexual energy, and really, that’s why we fuck. We want to feel that energy flowing faster than ever. That rush. That high. There are documented practices from solo to orgy which not only produce the maximum orgasmic effect, they heal your body, mind, and soul.
But first things first–if you don’t know how to fuck yourself right, then how can you expect another human being to fuck you better? It is you who controls your orgasm. It doesn’t come from the other person. You know how to get so excited from sucking cock that you cum in your panties, sans penetration. You know how to squeeze that dick tight and rub that one spot, ensuring a mind-blowing explosion.
Only you can fuck you right.
Now, you can train a partner (or partners) to hit those spots for you, but it takes time. You can luck upon the most amazing sexual partners who magically know how to please you like nobody else has, but that sentiment is always comparative–they are “better than” those partners who have come before.
Again, the power is in your hands. Don’t depend on any partner to get you off. You gotta get you off, even when you are with them–especially when you are with them.
Sexual energy can transfer between partners without even touching. Evidence of this is felt when you get a twinge ‘tween your legs when you first make eye contact, or when you are both thinking sexually about the other, even when miles apart. So, imagine what kind of sexual energy transfer happens when you actually physically connect! Fucking WOW! Talk about BIG BANG!
You have both male and female sexual energy within you, regardless of your external sexual preferences. You hold the key to your own lock.
You are your best sexual partner, no matter what, and there’s nothing conceited or self-centered about believing this notion. It’s called self-love, and if you haven’t focused on loving yourself lately, there’s no time like the present to get started. Everyone deserves more love, not less, and when you love yourself to the point of overflowing, you will naturally be able to love others effortlessly.
Go fuck yourself right tonight.
Then go fuck others right, too.